(no subject)
...I just found out that the program I received my bachelor's degree in is, in fact, NOT accredited...four and a half years and not one faculty member said anything. A non-accredited degree is just useless.
...I was not considered for any of the internships I applied for.
...Graduate school is slow and mundane. I don't know how much this is going to help me.
...Work is just horrible. I try my hardest to go in with a good attitude, but all I find is disappointment. I hate my job.
...I don't think I will ever see her again. Maybe it's my own fault. Things that I said recently. Was it too much? Too soon? Maybe it's fate. No, I don't believe in fate. Maybe it is because she has a life now where she is happy and successful and there is no room in it for me.
...I'm in debt. I never wanted to be. I didn't want to fall into the same trouble as so many others.
...My best friend is about to start a very successful career with the Air Force. I dreamed that would be me, too, one day. It was not to be.
...Another good friend of mine just started dating a great girl. And, he just accepted a very generous position as a systems engineer with Lockheed Martin. He will be so successful...he always has been. I look up to him. I wish I could be like him.
I just don't know why I keep getting up every morning to continue on. What drives me? I'm walking through a hurricane. It's dark. The rain stings my eyes. It soaks my clothes making them burdensome. There's nothing. Just me. Moving towards a fog. Will I get lost in it? Or will I find something unexpected? Regardless I move forward. No reason to go back. I know what is there. No sounds but my footsteps on the pavement and the howling of the wind. The wind pushes against me trying to hold me back. But back from where? I don't know what my destination is. I don't even know if I have one. I just want to walk. Just keep walking. Walk on. Despite all this, it is more comforting than walking under a clear blue sky. Sadly, or possibly ironically, it is where I feel more at home. The rain on my skin is soothing. The wind's music calms my soul. The night brings peace and stillness. Like a person who sleeps better during a thunderstorm.
What gives me strength? Family? Friends? The search for the life I've dreamed of?
What weakens me? Naivety? Failure? Wanting what I can't have?
I must learn patience. I must learn understanding. I must learn control. I must learn humility.
I must...continue on.
...I was not considered for any of the internships I applied for.
...Graduate school is slow and mundane. I don't know how much this is going to help me.
...Work is just horrible. I try my hardest to go in with a good attitude, but all I find is disappointment. I hate my job.
...I don't think I will ever see her again. Maybe it's my own fault. Things that I said recently. Was it too much? Too soon? Maybe it's fate. No, I don't believe in fate. Maybe it is because she has a life now where she is happy and successful and there is no room in it for me.
...I'm in debt. I never wanted to be. I didn't want to fall into the same trouble as so many others.
...My best friend is about to start a very successful career with the Air Force. I dreamed that would be me, too, one day. It was not to be.
...Another good friend of mine just started dating a great girl. And, he just accepted a very generous position as a systems engineer with Lockheed Martin. He will be so successful...he always has been. I look up to him. I wish I could be like him.
I just don't know why I keep getting up every morning to continue on. What drives me? I'm walking through a hurricane. It's dark. The rain stings my eyes. It soaks my clothes making them burdensome. There's nothing. Just me. Moving towards a fog. Will I get lost in it? Or will I find something unexpected? Regardless I move forward. No reason to go back. I know what is there. No sounds but my footsteps on the pavement and the howling of the wind. The wind pushes against me trying to hold me back. But back from where? I don't know what my destination is. I don't even know if I have one. I just want to walk. Just keep walking. Walk on. Despite all this, it is more comforting than walking under a clear blue sky. Sadly, or possibly ironically, it is where I feel more at home. The rain on my skin is soothing. The wind's music calms my soul. The night brings peace and stillness. Like a person who sleeps better during a thunderstorm.
What gives me strength? Family? Friends? The search for the life I've dreamed of?
What weakens me? Naivety? Failure? Wanting what I can't have?
I must learn patience. I must learn understanding. I must learn control. I must learn humility.
I must...continue on.