(no subject)
Some days you wake up and life seems okay. I figured I'd work on a doll, maybe do a bit of painting, some laundry. Just another day. Then about 11am my phone rings and it's my mom. In an instant life changed. I could hear in her voice that something was wrong. She could barely speak and said in a really quiet voice,"I-I have some bad news." I knew someone had died. I honestly expected her to say my grandfather had died last night as he is very ill and nearing the end of his life.
I was completely unprepared for what she did say. "I'm so sorry...but keith...Keith committed suicide last night." I was trying to stay calm, because the kids were inside and B was outside, but as soon as I opened my mouth I started wailing, "Oh GOD! OH GOD!" And I couldn't stop. My mom started just sobbing and I could hear my dad in the background trying to be comforting. Ariel brought me a hankie and some water. Keith was my oldest cousin. He leaves behind three kids and a wife.
Apparently he called my brother last night drunk and my brother kind of brushed it off. He had no idea that he was suicidal. After everyone else went to bed he went out to their barn and hung himself. It fucking breaks my heart to know he died scared and alone. No one should ever have to go that way. He's struggled with drugs and alcohol his whole life and is mentally ill. He had been separated from his wife, but they had recently gotten back together. I can't even imagine how she must feel today.
I honestly haven't seen that side of our family in probably a year or more. They live about two hours away from us. And I kept thinking I really needed to go see them, but being someone who is batshit crazy and pretty much stuck in the house most of the time I could just never make it happen. I hate that we will be getting together now because someone has died. It shouldn't be that way.
I am in an art show this weekend down in San Diego, but I sent the coordinator a note that I won't be there because of what happened. He was very understanding and is going to take photos of everything for me. I want to go be with my family to help deal with this. But on the other hand I don't want to, because I know it will be so fucking hard. His oldest son whose in his early 20's has had a hard time with drugs for the last few years and had a rocky relationship with his dad. He posted on his dad's facebook page a bit ago that he would always love him. It got me to crying again. I can't imagine being the child of someone who kills themselves. The never ending questions that won't ever be answered.
My mom said she could understand in a way how her sister feels after dealing with my brother trying to kill himself, but she's never woke up to her child just being gone. I can't even imagine loosing one of my girls. It would break my fucking heart. It was bad enough loosing our son and that wasn't anyones fault. The girls are gone to a friends for the night, so the house is way to quiet. I'm just so tired of crying and have a horrible headache.
I was completely unprepared for what she did say. "I'm so sorry...but keith...Keith committed suicide last night." I was trying to stay calm, because the kids were inside and B was outside, but as soon as I opened my mouth I started wailing, "Oh GOD! OH GOD!" And I couldn't stop. My mom started just sobbing and I could hear my dad in the background trying to be comforting. Ariel brought me a hankie and some water. Keith was my oldest cousin. He leaves behind three kids and a wife.
Apparently he called my brother last night drunk and my brother kind of brushed it off. He had no idea that he was suicidal. After everyone else went to bed he went out to their barn and hung himself. It fucking breaks my heart to know he died scared and alone. No one should ever have to go that way. He's struggled with drugs and alcohol his whole life and is mentally ill. He had been separated from his wife, but they had recently gotten back together. I can't even imagine how she must feel today.
I honestly haven't seen that side of our family in probably a year or more. They live about two hours away from us. And I kept thinking I really needed to go see them, but being someone who is batshit crazy and pretty much stuck in the house most of the time I could just never make it happen. I hate that we will be getting together now because someone has died. It shouldn't be that way.
I am in an art show this weekend down in San Diego, but I sent the coordinator a note that I won't be there because of what happened. He was very understanding and is going to take photos of everything for me. I want to go be with my family to help deal with this. But on the other hand I don't want to, because I know it will be so fucking hard. His oldest son whose in his early 20's has had a hard time with drugs for the last few years and had a rocky relationship with his dad. He posted on his dad's facebook page a bit ago that he would always love him. It got me to crying again. I can't imagine being the child of someone who kills themselves. The never ending questions that won't ever be answered.
My mom said she could understand in a way how her sister feels after dealing with my brother trying to kill himself, but she's never woke up to her child just being gone. I can't even imagine loosing one of my girls. It would break my fucking heart. It was bad enough loosing our son and that wasn't anyones fault. The girls are gone to a friends for the night, so the house is way to quiet. I'm just so tired of crying and have a horrible headache.