(no subject)
Today has been full of WTF?!?! It started out with me getting a HUGE metal piece stuck in my finger. I have a high threshold for pain and it brought me to tears and swearing as I was trying to dig the fucking thing out. My poor finger is still all sore. The damn piece of metal came off the tap in the shower, so now I'm worried about the kids getting maimed. I'm hoping we can get new ones this week. As long as you don't touch the back of it your fine, so they should be safe till we can replace it. I'm just a dolt and grabbed the back and slid my hand down it on accident. I was feeling horrible and just trying to get my hair washed before I put pjs on and crawled back into bed.
So fade to a few hours later when I'm half asleep trying to sew sitting on the couch chatting with my best friend about how crap we both feel when I get a text from B. His text said, "I'm going to OC tomorrow to pick up a check for $10,000." At first I was like why is he driving an hour to pick up a check for ten dollars? Then I'm thinking oh he probably meant $100 that someone owes him. What a pain, but okay. So I text him back about it and cue me flipping out when he says no that he meant TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! HOLY SHITBALLS! So we had to go back and forth a bit with me saying things like, "TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! REAL DOLLARS! WTF!" I finally got the story that his grandma wants to give us an inheritence now rather then after she's passed away. So she's giving all the grandkids 10 Grand!
We could so blow the money on lots of stuff in a heartbeat, but instead we're going to open a savings account and start a nice savings for our retirement. I feel like why blow it on stuff that we won't even remember in a few months when we could make our future better. We are going to spend a little of it to fix my car finally and stock up our pantry with canned goods and dry goods. I think extra food for a rainy day is an okay splurge and I figure what's a couple hundred that I can put back soon. B has a lot of overtime coming soon, so I'm hoping we can put some of that in savings too.
So while I was riding the high of that my mom posts a note on my facebook page that we need to talk. I called her and she told me a lot of things that are going on. My dad is really ill and not doing well. I'm really concerned that he has pnuemonia and it's not getting better. He's been sick for a month now. My mom is calling the doctor tomorrow to have them see him again as he is having trouble breathing well enough so he can sleep well. Then we talked about my middle brother and my mom got so sad and said, "People don't get that he is like having a retarded child. He's a child in an adult body. And he's suicidal all the time. You have to watch every little thing you say to him. I never get a moments peace." I told her that I had been thinking about that a lot lately too and it's been hard for me, because I know he's not doing well, but it makes me feel like I'm drowning when I deal with him. He sets off my paranoia and freaks me out. He always wants to touch me. He's like the child who doesn't get why you don't want to be hugged and kissed all the time. They think they are being nice when in reality they are just all up in your face driving you crazy. My mom said his paranoia and hypocondria is worse too. He always wants to talk to me about being sick and it's like hello I don't want to discuss it, because I don't enjoy being ill. But he wants to discuss every little thing because he's probably dying of something and you just need to know all about it. I know he's mentally ill and I think he's mentally handicapped from his brain damage when he tried to kill himself, but there is only so much one person can take.
I hate to say it too, but he thinks his life is so hard. He lives in a house owned by my parents. A very nice safe comfortable house. He lives on disability so he doesn't have to work. He doesn't worry about paying a mortgage. My mother pays all his bills and then gives him any remaining disability money he has for the month. And if he needs something like toilet paper or food and he's out of money he just hits up mom and dad for it. He doesn't have to worry about feeding his kids. Or paying a mortgage. Or any of the adult things that I do. So sometimes it just makes me want to scream at him, you have no idea how good you have it! But in his mind life is not fair, because he doesn't have the latest video game his friends have. Or he hasn't seen this movie yet. He sees tons of movies, because my parents take him. I see one or two a YEAR in the theatre. But he really is a child and you can't explain things and reason with him, because his brain doesn't compute things like others do. And eventually he gets this look on his face of utter sadness, because he knows he isn't understanding something and he feels bad. A tiny part of him knows he isn't like other adults and he doesn't understand why. And then I just feel shitty, because I made him sad. And part of me morns for the brother that I lost when he never grew up and became my adult friend.
So fade to a few hours later when I'm half asleep trying to sew sitting on the couch chatting with my best friend about how crap we both feel when I get a text from B. His text said, "I'm going to OC tomorrow to pick up a check for $10,000." At first I was like why is he driving an hour to pick up a check for ten dollars? Then I'm thinking oh he probably meant $100 that someone owes him. What a pain, but okay. So I text him back about it and cue me flipping out when he says no that he meant TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! HOLY SHITBALLS! So we had to go back and forth a bit with me saying things like, "TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! REAL DOLLARS! WTF!" I finally got the story that his grandma wants to give us an inheritence now rather then after she's passed away. So she's giving all the grandkids 10 Grand!
We could so blow the money on lots of stuff in a heartbeat, but instead we're going to open a savings account and start a nice savings for our retirement. I feel like why blow it on stuff that we won't even remember in a few months when we could make our future better. We are going to spend a little of it to fix my car finally and stock up our pantry with canned goods and dry goods. I think extra food for a rainy day is an okay splurge and I figure what's a couple hundred that I can put back soon. B has a lot of overtime coming soon, so I'm hoping we can put some of that in savings too.
So while I was riding the high of that my mom posts a note on my facebook page that we need to talk. I called her and she told me a lot of things that are going on. My dad is really ill and not doing well. I'm really concerned that he has pnuemonia and it's not getting better. He's been sick for a month now. My mom is calling the doctor tomorrow to have them see him again as he is having trouble breathing well enough so he can sleep well. Then we talked about my middle brother and my mom got so sad and said, "People don't get that he is like having a retarded child. He's a child in an adult body. And he's suicidal all the time. You have to watch every little thing you say to him. I never get a moments peace." I told her that I had been thinking about that a lot lately too and it's been hard for me, because I know he's not doing well, but it makes me feel like I'm drowning when I deal with him. He sets off my paranoia and freaks me out. He always wants to touch me. He's like the child who doesn't get why you don't want to be hugged and kissed all the time. They think they are being nice when in reality they are just all up in your face driving you crazy. My mom said his paranoia and hypocondria is worse too. He always wants to talk to me about being sick and it's like hello I don't want to discuss it, because I don't enjoy being ill. But he wants to discuss every little thing because he's probably dying of something and you just need to know all about it. I know he's mentally ill and I think he's mentally handicapped from his brain damage when he tried to kill himself, but there is only so much one person can take.
I hate to say it too, but he thinks his life is so hard. He lives in a house owned by my parents. A very nice safe comfortable house. He lives on disability so he doesn't have to work. He doesn't worry about paying a mortgage. My mother pays all his bills and then gives him any remaining disability money he has for the month. And if he needs something like toilet paper or food and he's out of money he just hits up mom and dad for it. He doesn't have to worry about feeding his kids. Or paying a mortgage. Or any of the adult things that I do. So sometimes it just makes me want to scream at him, you have no idea how good you have it! But in his mind life is not fair, because he doesn't have the latest video game his friends have. Or he hasn't seen this movie yet. He sees tons of movies, because my parents take him. I see one or two a YEAR in the theatre. But he really is a child and you can't explain things and reason with him, because his brain doesn't compute things like others do. And eventually he gets this look on his face of utter sadness, because he knows he isn't understanding something and he feels bad. A tiny part of him knows he isn't like other adults and he doesn't understand why. And then I just feel shitty, because I made him sad. And part of me morns for the brother that I lost when he never grew up and became my adult friend.