Moments- Andante
title : andante
author : russian torque
team / pairing : washington capitals - braden holtby / michal neuvirth
rating : pg-13
words : ~700
Braden loses his first two games.
He loses, and Michal won’t talk to him. Won’t even look at him. He doesn’t know how they manage to sleep in the same bed night after night because neither of them have said a word to each other in nearly a week. They co-exist as parallels, never touching.
It’s worse after the Jets game because Michal watches him get out of his gear. Braden’s pulling off his pads, thinking about every save he could have made and didn’t- and Michal doesn’t say a single word. Disappointment heavier than any he’s ever felt just crashes down on him like a block of goddamned ice- pressing unbearably on his shoulders.
At that moment, Braden kind of wishes he could just crawl under the bench and stop breathing. Just end it.
They play the Candiens on home ice and Braden watches Michal for the first time since they’ve been back. Really watches him. He’s rock solid in the first period, stopping puck after puck and Braden knows he should be at least this good and when they’re on intermission, he slides a little closer to Michal on the bench and tells him he’s beautiful.
He doesn’t get a response.
Michal falls to pieces in the second period and Braden doesn’t say a word during that intermission. That same ugly silence just falls over them and he prays to whatever god might be listening- begs for some kind of miracle because he doesn’t want Michal to lose this. He can’t, but he does.
The Devils game is even worse. Michal works so hard to keep them tied and one overtime destroys them. This time, the silence belongs to Braden. He knows he should lean over and tell Michal he did his best, that it isn’t his fault, that it’s the entire team that needs to do better, but he knows that Michal won’t accept it.
Driving home together hurts and Braden still wants to offer comfort, but keeping his mouth shut seems like the better option. He’s pulling into the parking lot when Michal finally speaks and it’s enough to make Braden’s heart jump to his throat.
“I’m sorry,” Michal pushes out the words like they’re burning him. “I didn’t-”
“Not your fault.” Braden cuts him off roughly and he gets out of the car before Michal has a chance to respond.
Michal follows three steps behind him all the way to their apartment and Braden knows he should be supportive, but he doesn’t know how to be when they’re both ready to fall apart like this.
Braden thinks- this is one of those situations they’re supposed to keep out of the bedroom, separate business and home and find a way to make things all right regardless or their failings. It doesn’t really work that way in the real world though, and they just end up laying on different sides of the bed again and Braden’s so close to the edge he can’t even remember what Michal’s warmth feels like.
Neither of them are asleep by midnight, and then one o’clock rolls by, and two. Braden turns his head and looks over at Michal, still staring blankly at the ceiling and for the first time since arriving back in Washington, he feels the emptiness in his chest like a slow burn- consuming him.
“I miss you,” he whispers.
Michal turns on his side, and they’re looking at each other- watching each other breathe, dark eyes meeting.
“I miss you too.”
They don’t touch, don’t kiss and hug the way couples are supposed to. Braden doesn’t even know if whatever they have can be considered as a relationship anymore. It’s too convoluted and distant after so much time apart.
In that moment, when he’s letting himself get lost in Michal’s eyes, he knows things are going to work out. He doesn’t know if it’ll be for the better or worse, but he feels the beginnings of the silence being broken.
---
author : russian torque
team / pairing : washington capitals - braden holtby / michal neuvirth
rating : pg-13
words : ~700
Braden loses his first two games.
He loses, and Michal won’t talk to him. Won’t even look at him. He doesn’t know how they manage to sleep in the same bed night after night because neither of them have said a word to each other in nearly a week. They co-exist as parallels, never touching.
It’s worse after the Jets game because Michal watches him get out of his gear. Braden’s pulling off his pads, thinking about every save he could have made and didn’t- and Michal doesn’t say a single word. Disappointment heavier than any he’s ever felt just crashes down on him like a block of goddamned ice- pressing unbearably on his shoulders.
At that moment, Braden kind of wishes he could just crawl under the bench and stop breathing. Just end it.
They play the Candiens on home ice and Braden watches Michal for the first time since they’ve been back. Really watches him. He’s rock solid in the first period, stopping puck after puck and Braden knows he should be at least this good and when they’re on intermission, he slides a little closer to Michal on the bench and tells him he’s beautiful.
He doesn’t get a response.
Michal falls to pieces in the second period and Braden doesn’t say a word during that intermission. That same ugly silence just falls over them and he prays to whatever god might be listening- begs for some kind of miracle because he doesn’t want Michal to lose this. He can’t, but he does.
The Devils game is even worse. Michal works so hard to keep them tied and one overtime destroys them. This time, the silence belongs to Braden. He knows he should lean over and tell Michal he did his best, that it isn’t his fault, that it’s the entire team that needs to do better, but he knows that Michal won’t accept it.
Driving home together hurts and Braden still wants to offer comfort, but keeping his mouth shut seems like the better option. He’s pulling into the parking lot when Michal finally speaks and it’s enough to make Braden’s heart jump to his throat.
“I’m sorry,” Michal pushes out the words like they’re burning him. “I didn’t-”
“Not your fault.” Braden cuts him off roughly and he gets out of the car before Michal has a chance to respond.
Michal follows three steps behind him all the way to their apartment and Braden knows he should be supportive, but he doesn’t know how to be when they’re both ready to fall apart like this.
Braden thinks- this is one of those situations they’re supposed to keep out of the bedroom, separate business and home and find a way to make things all right regardless or their failings. It doesn’t really work that way in the real world though, and they just end up laying on different sides of the bed again and Braden’s so close to the edge he can’t even remember what Michal’s warmth feels like.
Neither of them are asleep by midnight, and then one o’clock rolls by, and two. Braden turns his head and looks over at Michal, still staring blankly at the ceiling and for the first time since arriving back in Washington, he feels the emptiness in his chest like a slow burn- consuming him.
“I miss you,” he whispers.
Michal turns on his side, and they’re looking at each other- watching each other breathe, dark eyes meeting.
“I miss you too.”
They don’t touch, don’t kiss and hug the way couples are supposed to. Braden doesn’t even know if whatever they have can be considered as a relationship anymore. It’s too convoluted and distant after so much time apart.
In that moment, when he’s letting himself get lost in Michal’s eyes, he knows things are going to work out. He doesn’t know if it’ll be for the better or worse, but he feels the beginnings of the silence being broken.
---