Whiteout - Chapter 06
Title : Whiteout
Author : Russian Torque
Team/Pairing : Washington Capitals - Ovechkin/Semin, Semin/Varlamov
Words : 3,512
Chapter Six : In Which There is Much Tension of Many Sorts
The dull colored lights and fluorescent strobes of the dance floor made Sasha dizzy. He had attempted to mingle and socialize to partake in the post-victory partying, but a mixture of unfortunate circumstances was keeping him from really enjoying himself.
First of all, English was not his strong suit. It was one thing to yell things at other players during games or practice, or even at team dinners, but to have an intoxicated dance partner trying to tell him the story of their life was too much. That added to his own inebriation made the entire situation rather confusing at best and Sasha found himself, as usual, attached to the bar like a fly on a glue strip.
It was from there that he’d seen Alex with some hot puck bunny, tall, blonde, probably not Russian, but Alex didn’t even care about that anymore. She seemed familiar and it wasn’t until Nicky and Mike stumbled over to refill their own drinks that Sasha learned he two were actually dating.
“I forget her name,” Nicky shouted into his ear, “I think it’s Jen.”
And then the memories came rushing back like a kick to the stomach and Sasha found himself ordering another two amaretto sours just to get some semblance of apathy back in his system. He still found himself looking over at the other Russian occasionally and he couldn’t help the waves of disgust that rose into his throat.
Alex wasn’t even trying to hide his philandering anymore and Sasha wasn’t really surprised as much as he was wounded that Alex hadn’t even tried to mend their relationship. The captain had even gone as far as catching Sasha’s gaze and lifting his drink in a toast.
But Sasha wasn’t upset. He was much too hardened to this sort of behavior to be too deeply affected by it, or so he tried to tell himself.
The air was getting stifling- too much body heat mixed with the loud music was adding a nausea to his dizziness and Sasha excused himself from his teammates to find a less populated area. It was easy enough to avoid Alex on the way out, happily bumping and grinding with the new love of his life and Sasha willed himself to take a deep breath and ignore it as he went straight out the back door to the smoker’s alley.
A few half formed English sentences and some silly arm gestures later, Sasha was leaning back against the club building, a lit cigarette resting between his lips and an extra tucked behind his ear. It was cold, even for a native Russian, but he’d imbibed just enough alcohol to be numb to it.
The smoke burned going down, felt like it was stretching and scorching his lungs until he exhaled slowly, sending wisps of blue into the dimly lit night. He watched the smoke for a while, puffing out long, thick clouds and then thin hisses of it. Anything to keep his mind off of reality- he just wanted to let time pass with as little thought as possible.
A slam made him jump and Sasha found himself face to face with the very disappointed Semyon crinkling his nose at the smell of burning tobacco.
“That’s really bad for you,” the goalie said, reaching over and plucking the cigarette from Sasha’s mouth with speed that only a goalie could manage, “What the hell are you doing out here in a t-shirt? Do you want to get sick or something?”
The defiant glint in Sasha’s eye as he raised one eyebrow and pulled the second cigarette from behind his ear made Semyon grind his teeth, jaw tightening.
“I just don’t want to be inside with Sanja,” he replied, tucking the wrapped tobacco between his lips, “Why are you out here anyway?”
Things between them had grown tense as of late and Sasha couldn’t understand why, but he’d been clinging to the goalie like a second wind. When he wasn’t at his own house or at practice or shopping, he was nearly always at Semyon’s and although the goalie hadn’t objected to the time they’d spent together, Sasha had caught Dasha’s occasional bitter gaze.
“Keeping you from doing something stupid,” Semyon snapped, taking the second cigarette just as effectively.
Sasha grunted in irritation and pushed himself from the wall, “You’d better think of a way to distract me then.”
Before Semyon had a chance to figure out what Sasha meant, the goalie found himself very swiftly pressed against the wall of the alley, his wrists pinned at his sides and Sasha mere inches away from grinding their bodies together.
Maybe it was the alcohol, though it was more likely loneliness, but Sasha had wanted to do this for days. He wanted to feel Semyon struggling against him, wanted to make Semyon feel as uncomfortable as he did when he was around the goalie.
“Stop messing around,” Semyon fumbled, panic in his voice, “Are you drunk?”
“Yeah, I am.”
Something about the other man created a small spark in Sasha’s belly. It was a feeling he hadn’t experienced with anyone but Alex for a long while and he couldn’t just ignore it. He felt Semyon stiffen beneath him when his lips ghosted over his neck and Sasha’s slow, warm breaths sent an unconscious shudder though his body.
And then Sasha pulled back, still holding the goalie’s wrists to the wall, but no longer pressed up against him.
“It isn’t fair, Senya,” Sasha whispered between them, alcohol loosening his tongue, “I’m not ugly, am I? I’m not... bad or anything. Why doesn’t anyone want me-”
He was cut off by Semyon’s mouth on his own and Sasha couldn’t even react, didn’t even close his eyes.
Semyon used the distraction to worm out of Sasha’s grip and before the forward could even register what had transpired, the door back into the club was slamming closed and he was alone.
Half a dozen drinks and a taxi-cab ride later, Sasha was stumbling into his house and kicking off his shoes with a few choice mumbled curses. He didn’t even bother loosening his tie before he fell into bed, unwilling to let his rampant thoughts keep him from finding peace any longer.
X x X x X
The shrill ringing of his cell phone woke Sasha up bright and early, sending a piercing pain to his head and stomach that couldn’t only be explained away by alcohol. A glance over the caller ID made the feeling worse, but he reserved himself to taking a blow and hit ‘accept.’
“What do you want?” Sasha glowered, throwing an arm over his eyes to keep the light out.
Alex chuckled on the other side of the line, “We’re not fucking anymore, but we’re still friends right? Buddies? I can’t call to see how you’re doing?”
Sasha bit back the first urge he felt- to tell the other man to fuck off and hang up the phone.
“I’m great, Sanja,” he opted to say, allbeit quite sarcastically, “And how are you?”
“Pretty good, could be better. Senya was pretty pissed last night. What’d you do to him?”
Semyon. Sasha had forgotten all about that.
It’s true he’d baited the goalie and Semyon hadn’t disappointed, even if he hadn’t reacted in quite the way Sasha had been expecting.
“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?” Sasha grumbled, “I’m sure he’d love a call at seven in the morning. Wake up Dasha while you’re at it.”
Alex fell silent and for a moment, Sasha thought he might have hung up. A look at the screen revealed the time meter was still moving.
“Don’t play games, Sasha,” Alex suddenly said, tone low and warning, “I know what you’re thinking.”
A beep in his ear made Sasha glance at the phone once again- incoming text. And in the process of reading it, he accidentally hung up on Alex.
“Oops,” he mumbled, not sounding sorry at all.
U disappeared last nite, where did u go?
- Nicky -
Sasha texted back a quick response and tossed his phone on his bed as he slid out slowly, head still throbbing. Halfway to the master bathroom, the cursed thing buzzed again and Sasha growled as he retrieved it.
Greenie says Varly’s mad at u.
Didn’t hear it from me.
- Nicky -
A wave of guilt washed over him for a moment before a sudden irritation kicked in. Semyon was an adult fully capable of taking responsibility for his own actions. Sasha hadn’t forced him into anything the night before- Semyon had followed him outside by his own volition. He could get over it.
Sasha didn’t bother texting back, choosing to drag himself into the shower instead. The cool water served to wake him up a bit, alleviating his headache and grounding him a little. After dressing he wandered into the kitchen, scowling at his nearly empty refrigerator as his stomach grumbled. He couldn’t even remember the last time he went grocery shopping and he slammed the door shut on a mountain of condiments and a stale loaf of bread.
A low grumble from his abdomen forced him into action. He grabbed a bottle of water along with his keys, phone and wallet and went out the door.
It was too nice of a day to be driving anywhere- especially after the most recent bout of snow. And finding parking in this area wasn’t worth the trouble anyway. A brisk walk brought him to the nearest supermarket and gave him a chance to clear his head and for a brief moment, Sasha almost managed to forget he’d been so miserable for the past few weeks.
But the simple, pleasurable things in life had a way of fading into the background and as he worked his way through the produce section, his phone rang.
It took Sasha a second to answer the call. Talking to Alex on the phone was one thing- he usually knew what to expect when he called. But Semyon was still a wild card in his book and the fear of being pushed away was constantly lingering in the back of his mind.
He took the call.
“Hey,” he murmured into the phone, trying not to imagine all the worst possible reasons Semyon would be calling as he tossed a bag of tangerines into his basket.
“We need to talk.”
Sasha swallowed hard and tried to keep the panic from his voice, “I thought you might say that.”
“You can’t keep hanging around,” Semyon’s voice had an edge to it and Sasha could feel his angry stare even through the phone, “No one can relax around you. Even Dasha noticed. She told me she can’t even laugh when you’re here because you’re acting like someone fucking died.”
A snarl formed on Sasha’s lips and he gripped the phone so hard he could feel it straining under his fingers.
“So that’s why she hasn’t been around?” he shot back, “I was starting to think you’d sent her away.”
The cold silence that followed gave Sasha a second to realize just how catty he was being, but he’d already crossed the line and it was too late to take it back.
“I love Dasha,” Semyon grit through the phone, “Don’t even start saying-”
“You love her?” Sasha interrupted, “Is that why you kissed me?”
The words blurted out of his mouth before Sasha could stop himself. He felt his heart stop beating in his chest and his blood turned to ice.
“That happened because I felt sorry for you,” came the growling response, “And it isn’t going to happen again, Sasha.”
It sounded more like Semyon was trying to convince himself than anyone else, but Sasha kept his mouth shut and let the goalie continue.
“I’m fucking serious. It never happened.”
A quick and familiar pain in Sasha’s chest made him clamp his teeth down on the inside of his lip as he struggled to keep from saying anything else he might regret.
“If that’s what you want, then fine,” he reserved himself to saying, trying to school his tone into one of apathy, “I’ll talk to you later.”
Sasha hung up his phone and shut it off without another word. His mind was reeling through the events of last night, his entire last week. He hadn’t been making everyone around him miserable, had he?
He somehow finished his shopping without positively exploding in the middle of the store and ended up picking up a bottle of cheap vodka at the liquor store against his better senses on the way back home. There was no pain to great that vodka couldn’t numb, not for a Russian and not for someone in the process of being completely destroyed from the inside out.
X x X x X
Getting up the next day was thrilling. With two straight nights of irresponsible drinking under his belt and a hangover to match, Sasha somehow accomplished the task of packing his overnight bags for the upcoming away games between frantic texts from his teammates asking where the hell he’d been for the last two practices.
And then meeting them all at the airport turned out to be an even bigger joy- especially when he realized that he would not only be sitting next to Alex on the plane, but they were still set up as roommates.
Varlamov was very pointedly avoiding Sasha and Sasha in turn ignored Alex the best he could. The latter feat was made relatively easy with the aid of a potent muscle relaxant and a lumpy pillow in his cramped seat. It wasn’t until they actually arrived at the hotel that things took a turn for the more sketchy.
Sasha went straight to the bar for a nightcap with Mike and Nicklas and he kept up his stony silence through the Swede’s attempts to prod him into conversation. After a while, Mike and Nicky fell into some sort of heated debate regarding the use of firearms as a valid means of discouraging overly enthusiastic fans and even though Sasha only caught part what they were saying, it was ridiculous enough to send him on his way.
The ride in the elevator was blessedly devoid of anyone else and Sasha twiddled with his room key until the doors opened. And then he stood in front of the door to his room, dreading what would be waiting for him on the other side.
He opened the door as quietly as he could, just in case Alex was asleep, and he was instantly assaulted by a bout of rather pitiful English.
“I call you as soon as game over,” Alex announced into the phone, “We can get dinner when I come back, yeah?”
There was silence as whoever he was talking to probably agreed to his suggestion and Alex ended the call with an exaggerated, “I miss you.”
Sasha told himself it didn’t matter, trying to convince himself it was just some girl that Alex was going to sleep with a few times and get bored with just like he did with every other girl. Just like he’d done to him.
“Glad to see you haven’t lost your charm,” Sasha said dryly, dropping his bags on the floor and kicking off his shoes. The double martini he’d indulged in had probably been a bad idea now that he heard the slight slur in his own voice and just that thought had a sobering effect.
Alex chuckled and shook his head, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“Jen doesn’t think I have either,” he replied nonchalantly. There was a moment of pause, and then, “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Senya.”
“It’s none of your business,” Sasha bit back, peeling off his shirt and going to work on his belt. He tried to ignore Alex’s eyes on him, but it was a difficult thing to do when he was used to that gaze having a completely different effect on him than the one he was trying to achieve.
He wanted to hate Alex- truly hate him with every fiber of his being. But all he could manage was a weak rage and a mountain of frustration and self-loathing. And Alex seemed to sense it because he was on Sasha in an instant, pressing his chest to his bare back and reaching around to undo the older Russian’s pants for him.
Sasha froze at the feel of Alex’s hands on him- at the gentle way Alex brushed his fingers along the flat of his stomach and pressed his lips to his shoulder. The stubble on his cheek rubbed up against his neck and send shivers down his spine.
He could give in right then and pretend nothing had ever even happened between them. He could give up on pretending and just let go of the pain he’d been trying so hard to bury. That’s what he really wanted to do more than anything- just forget that waking up alone every single morning was the hardest thing and that he wasn’t being completely torn apart with the knowledge that Alex was perfectly fine without him.
But that was an option he’d already given up.
“Stop it,” Sasha didn’t recognize his own voice as he brushed Alex’s hands off and turned to face him, “I’m over it, Sanja.”
The flash of surprise and hurt he caught across the bigger Russian’s features actually came as a shock. Alex obviously hadn’t been expecting that sort of reaction and had an astounding visible effect on him for the quickest of seconds. It was replaced with the darkness Sasha grown more accustomed to too fast to create any sort of sympathy though.
“Suit yourself.”
Alex may have been able to hide his emotions from his face, but those two words were all Sasha really needed to hear and he was struck with the distinct impression that he may not actually be the only one suffering.
The idea was proved laughable almost immediately when Alex got into bed with his phone, texting his latest conquest and chuckling to himself as if nothing had even happened. Sasha took the jealousy he felt watching Alex and let it fade into muted depression as he drifted off to sleep in the opposite bed.
to be continued...
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