(no subject)
You know when music makes you want to draw something? Music flooding into my ears and it just creates something so beautiful in my mind... and these hands of mine aren't really capable of creating what I think. It's sad when that happens. In some way I want to make it, just create it as beautiful as it starts and ends...
Deep inside me, I think the world is in the hands of artists and creative people. Not people that control, but people that create. I aren't really sure into what cathegory I fit... not yet. But this is why I value Kyra so much. Even tho' I haven't heard of her in ages. It makes me sad to be such a social retard... an intelect like Sariel's, or like Kyra's, is just way beyond my league. Squishy's intelect is, my brother's is. Nat's too. All that these hands of mine create is mostly rotten... and it confuses me as to who am I. I don't know how to control, I don't know how to create. Big words come out of my mouth, huge words are typed by my fingers. But if I should take these words and make them images, how will I do it?
*
My knees hurt a lot. I am in between what mom says about me and Squishy says. Mom says I should go down a couple of kilos and take care of my knees, as if I haven't been doing that forever. Squishy, studying Sports Medicine, says that if I should continue like this, there'll come the time when I'll need braces for my knees. It almost makes me want to cry. I mean, without further medical advice, how do I know they won't get better if I exercise them for a while? Or even with that, maybe I'll do the most absolut ridicule at a tournament? I swear I've tried to lose weight. Mom says it like it's so easily done. I just wish she'd snap out of her perfect thin world and realize that my knees and ankle aren't about to snap because I'm 5 pounds overweight, thing that I'm not even sure I am anymore. It truly doesn't help... But I don't think that's the sole reason. This school I am in has select groups for exhibition at tournaments. They make special selective divisions. And even if I go down those 5 pounds, I'll never make the select teams. Even if I try, I've become so goddarn slow... and I can't stand the blows I get. My old school had kicking restrictions... we never did hit so hard. And I made the mistake of re-entering a tough school when I wasn't used to it, at one of the hardest belts. I wonder if I deserve it, for real.
Deep inside me, I think the world is in the hands of artists and creative people. Not people that control, but people that create. I aren't really sure into what cathegory I fit... not yet. But this is why I value Kyra so much. Even tho' I haven't heard of her in ages. It makes me sad to be such a social retard... an intelect like Sariel's, or like Kyra's, is just way beyond my league. Squishy's intelect is, my brother's is. Nat's too. All that these hands of mine create is mostly rotten... and it confuses me as to who am I. I don't know how to control, I don't know how to create. Big words come out of my mouth, huge words are typed by my fingers. But if I should take these words and make them images, how will I do it?
*
My knees hurt a lot. I am in between what mom says about me and Squishy says. Mom says I should go down a couple of kilos and take care of my knees, as if I haven't been doing that forever. Squishy, studying Sports Medicine, says that if I should continue like this, there'll come the time when I'll need braces for my knees. It almost makes me want to cry. I mean, without further medical advice, how do I know they won't get better if I exercise them for a while? Or even with that, maybe I'll do the most absolut ridicule at a tournament? I swear I've tried to lose weight. Mom says it like it's so easily done. I just wish she'd snap out of her perfect thin world and realize that my knees and ankle aren't about to snap because I'm 5 pounds overweight, thing that I'm not even sure I am anymore. It truly doesn't help... But I don't think that's the sole reason. This school I am in has select groups for exhibition at tournaments. They make special selective divisions. And even if I go down those 5 pounds, I'll never make the select teams. Even if I try, I've become so goddarn slow... and I can't stand the blows I get. My old school had kicking restrictions... we never did hit so hard. And I made the mistake of re-entering a tough school when I wasn't used to it, at one of the hardest belts. I wonder if I deserve it, for real.