[ST] Lt. Keeble -- 2/2

[castofone]

Back to Part I

It could have been a very long three years for the two of them. The ship was big, but it wasn’t that big and there were only so many officers on board. In the end it was probably for everyone that they were able to quickly settle into some sort of friendship. And really once he was no longer her commanding officer, Winona was able to meet George Kirk, the person and he wasn’t as much of an ass as the flight instructor.

The two of them made a good team. They seemed to balance each other. Winona was able to force George to think differently when it came to tactics and having some sort of outlet meant that Winona wasn’t threatened to be thrown in the brig for her mouth as often.

It was really only a matter of time before the partnership went to the next level.

Although to their credit, probably George’s more than Winona’s, they flirted with the line between friends and something more for a solid nine months until the scales were tipped just a little.

There was nothing extraordinary about the night it changed. It was just like any other. The pair had commandeered a table in the back corner of the officer’s recreation room and they were engaged in an always way too intense game of weiqi.

“Looks like I win again, Kirk,” she said, beaming as the score displayed between them. “You know maybe they should transfer me to tactical.”

George shook his head. “You have to cheating, there is no way you can keep beating me this consistently.” No other officer had been able to go on such lengthy wining streaks against him. Her current was eight games and surely the law of averages meant he had to have won at least one before that. So, that meant the only logical explanation was that she was cheating.

“If I was, I would hope that after three months of this you would know if I was cheating or not.” Winona made a face and powered down the game application. “You know, rather than transfer me into tactical, maybe we needed to get you out. I’m sure I could have your XO on the horn in a few minutes.” She pulled out her communicator. With the curve of her lips and the device in her hands, she dared him to try to stop her.

“You wouldn’t.”

She laughed, carefree and catching the attention of the three other wearily looking officers still hanging around the recreation room this late. “Oh, but you totally know that I would.”

They locked gazes, waiting to see who would make the first move. As much as she wanted it to be George, he was no Han Solo. And for now that was okay. She flipped open her communicator and pulled up her contacts, sure that he could see the display.

That was all it took. He lunged forward to snatch the communicator from her, which only served to have them fall into a pseudo-wrestling match better suited for five year olds than 20-something Starfleet officers. But that was something else they gave each other, permission to occasionally act their shoe size.

After a pitifully short struggle interrupted by an officer clearing his throat loudly, they pulled apart. George came out victorious, big grin on his face. Winona would later claim she let him win. Or maybe that in the end she won anyway, it just took for her to reap the reward.

Although right now, seeing George looking like he just rolled out of bed in the morning was pretty rewarding. His normally perfect regulation length hair was sticking up in all different directions and she liked it. At the same time, she didn’t want anyone else to see George Kirk like this. No, this should be hers and hers alone. So, she moved just a little closer and flattened his hair down for him.

What she got for her effort was a charming blush right behind his ears. There was a hesitant look that only half asked the question where the answer would be a resounding yes - if she gave him for words at all. Sometimes they were overrated.

“You do know, that according to the regs that this wouldn’t be fraternization.”

That was apparently enough to make him laugh, although a bit nervously. “Just so you know, that is like the worst pick up line ever.”

Winona could have pretended to be hurt, but then again he hadn’t moved away. If anything he was just a little bit closer to her now. It wouldn’t even take much effort for them to close the distance and kiss.

“Well, then you do one better.”

“Alright.”

“All right?” She repeated, squinting her eyes at him because maybe she had missed something.

His nervousness gave way to a side of George Kirk she hadn’t seen yet. And she couldn’t help but wonder how many other sides of him there were and she wanted to find out, wanted to see each one and maybe even bring out a few more. “That’s what I said.”

“And what? That’s it? That’s your better line?”

“Oh no,” he said, finally pulling away to start up a new match. “You’ll know when my better line comes. Trust me.”

###
The better line was a long time coming. And it wasn’t even that good, but it was so entirely George Kirk all Winona could do was laughing ask, “Permission to kiss the lieutenant?”

As first kisses went it was easy. Sure his day old stubble rubbed at her lips the wrong way and they were still figuring out who went where, but it worked. And with just under two years left on their tour, there was plenty of time for other, better kisses.

There was even time aplenty to navigate the complications of wanting to share a bed that was too small or how to make their leave line up or overlap so they could get off-ship time together.

Winona Keeble was a woman with a ship, a boy and the universe.

For perhaps the first time in her life she was in love. And she was terrified.

Even seeing how well it worked for her parents, she had never considered that love, real serious, life changing, want to marry you someday and have many fat babies with you love would be something she might spot on her horizon.

There was still so much of the universe to see. So, much more she hadn’t done yet and Love almost felt like the end. It would consume her. It was already happening. So, she had to do the one thing she knew how to do best - run.

At least Starfleet made that running a little less obvious. They weren’t married so they couldn’t file to be posted together and have it be honored. Sure, they could try to line up their requests, but she was barely a lieutenant and Kirk was highly sought after officer.

Just like their first kiss, their first goodbye was easy. Or at least as easy as goodbyes could ever be.

Winona was off to a deep space station for some cutting edge science and George was off on another thrilling round of heroics around the quadrant aboard Exeter under Captain Robert April.

As sad as those last days together were, she knew it was for the best. She couldn’t be held back, not now.

And time went on as it often did.

They were two different people with wildly different lives connected across the vast darkness of space with knowledge that somewhere out there each night would look up to the black toward the galactic center saying hello and goodbye all at once.

Of course there were video chats and letters, little messages every couple of weeks checking in, but the distance gave her a chance to breathe. To no longer feel like she was drowning in something far bigger than her.

In many ways it made them closer. They found they could work at other ends of the galaxy just as they could work aboard the same starship, stumbling over each other half of the time. With the distance to buffer them Winona was willing to be more open. To indulge some of his curiosity about her parents, where she grew up.

He wanted to know more of Winona Keeble, but never more than she was willing to give him.

Their regular correspondence and subspace games of chess (because it was too difficult to try to play weiqi at those distances) were supplemented with twice-yearly adventures. They saved up as much leave as they could and then just went to go see some far pieces of the galaxy.

She saw triple sunsets, cliff jumped into lakes that looked like they were made of crystals, and watched beautiful ice worlds melting slowly under alien suns. At every step along the way was George Kirk. It felt right. To have these brief bursts where she could be consumed entirely before ultimately going back to who she was most of the time.

For almost two years, it was perfect. It was exactly she needed. Winona knew that George Kirk was what she wanted in the long run. She just didn’t know if she was ready to take it.

So, this was their unspoken compromise - a way to have both lives for both of them until they were sure what came next. Or at least she thought that was the case because as her two-year assignment was approaching its end, George started pushing for her to apply to the science department onboard Exeter.

The research station might not have been the same as traveling through the stars, but it was a better fit than any of the openings on board Exeter, not that he really wanted to hear that. Not only would it be a step down career wise, but also abandoning her research that no one else wanted to continue in her absence.

So, she made a choice to extend her two-year contract to three. George Kirk made a choice too. And his was to cancel their upcoming trip.

And that hurt her more than she anticipated.

###
Winona Keeble might have made her decision, but sometimes the universe had other plans in store. She had considered going on the trip without Kirk. In the end she decided that it wouldn’t be the same, besides when he came around he would want to go there with her.

Rather than be someplace exciting, as 2227 became 2228, she was on sitting in the bar at a starbase within shuttle range of her station. Winona didn’t believe that a new year meant a clean start.

Hopefully 2228 would be better than the one before with good health and more adventures. And if in a hazy after thought she wished that Kirk would stop being unreasonable and they could be together again, well, no one was going to hold it against her. She wasn’t going to tell anyone what she wished for. She would just wish it out to the galaxy as it was.

She passed out sometime around three a.m. not sure how she made it back to the room she was renting, but grateful for someplace soft to rest her head.

Five hours later she woke up to her PADD blaring at her over the amount of missed messages she had. Not ready to be alive, let alone awake, she threw her pillow over her head trying to block out all of the noise and just go back to sleep.

The PADD didn’t let up.

After five unsuccessful minutes trying to prove to the universe that she was going back to sleep, thank you very much, she decided that maybe it was time to be awake. Scrubbing her face she reached blindly for the device on the nightstand. Winona squeezed her eyes trying to blink away the dryness so that she might be able to read the messages that clearly had to be end of the world important.

Sitting up in the bed, she opened the first flagged message:
From: April, Sarah LCDR
Sent: 1.1.2228 13:38FST
To: Keeble, Winona LTJG
Subject: Lt. Kirk medical status update

And if there had been anything in her stomach, it wouldn’t have stayed down. She was also suddenly very much awake.

Without even pausing to think about, she had already pulled up the transport schedule to figure out how she could get out to Exeter as quickly as possible. There were plenty of supply ships running and really she only needed to get inside transport range.

She found a series of shuttles that brought her four starbases closer, which was a good enough place to start. Winona jumped out of bed and threw her few belongings into her bag and raced out the door to catch the first shuttle.

###
She docked with Exeter twenty-two hours later and all her body wanted to do was sleep. However, she needed to see George first. She didn’t to see how bad it was for herself.

The idiot had shattered both of femurs, suffered organ damage after he went without oxygen for five minutes. Really, there was a reason they got their adrenaline fixes on their holidays together, it meant not stupid heroics when they were apart. Although he had saved 50 other people and Starfleet would give him some stupid award only further encouraging him to think the right thing was to ignore his own limitations to save others.

It was going to get him killed one day.

And she really should be having those thoughts as she walked into the sickbay, praying to the universe that he wasn’t dead or about to die anytime soon. She didn’t even really know what George was to her, or what she was to him, other than obviously listed as an emergency contact and their relationship was on file with Starfleet, but that was just paperwork.

“Lieutenant Keeble?”

“Winona is fine, I’m not on duty,” she said trying to pretend this wasn’t getting to her.

“I’m Doctor Sarah April.” They shook hands, but rather than feel relieved, it made Winona feel like she didn’t know what to do with her hands anymore. “It is nice to finally meet you in person. I imagine you’d like to see him?”

“Please.”

Doctor April led Winona into the sick bay, toward a bed at the back where a privacy screen was active. “Before you see him, it’s important to remember that a lot of the damage right now is just surface so he looks a lot worse than he is. I was able to lower his dose of sedatives safely a few hours ago, so he’s just sleeping on his own now and he’ll wake up when his body is ready.”

Winona braced herself for the worst. She might have been a scientist, but she wasn’t a biologist and really hospital settings made her nervous. This wasn’t any different.

She gasped as the wall was deactivated to reveal George Kirk looking smaller than she had ever seen him before. He looked so fragile. Her eyes kept flipping up to the monitors to reassure herself that he was still breathing, that he was stable. George was a mess and she didn’t even know where to start or what to do. She had never sat at someone’s bedside. She never really had a reason to, but Doctor April seemed to take the cues.

“I can set up a chair for you, if you’d like stay for a while.” Winona nodded able to do much else. She would be here when he woke up and then she was going to tell him how much of an idiot he was.

As exhausted as she was, she didn’t sleep. She dozed off for a few minutes here and there, only to be jolted awake by something happening in the bay. For as uncomfortable the chair was, being at his side when he floated back into consciousness was worth it. The moment when he opened his eyes, looking right at her - she was sure that was why loved ones sat anxiously aside hospital beds.

She reached forward, taking his hand in her and giving him a gentle squeeze.

“Winona?” His voice was hoarse, his constants slurred, sounding nothing like him. “What are you doing here? I’m dead, aren’t I?”

She shook her head, trying to brush off the twist in her gut at the statement about him being dead. He was very much alive, but just a little rough for the wear. “I heard some idiot lieutenant nearly got himself killed and I thought since I had some time off, I might see if he could use some company.”

Even with modern technology it was going to take time for him to come back form this. She wouldn’t be able to be around for the whole thing, but she could be there for the worst part.

“But we’re halfway across the quadrant.”

“The infamous Kirk brain at work,” she said because it was easier to joke about that sort of thing. Even if brain damage wasn’t an issue, it was still a relief to know that his memory okay. “But yeah, I traveled a long way to get here, so you’re going to owe me at least a dozen for this.”

“Sure, sure, anything you want.” George patted her hand, lolling his head on the pillow, fighting off sleep for just a little longer. “Just stay?”

Winona wondered how much of this he would remember when the pain medication was dialed down more, but they could cross that bridge when they got there. If they got there. Right now, he just needed to be reassured he wasn’t alone.

She pressed a kiss to his tender knuckles and let go as he fell back to the sleep. “Sure, for a while.”

###
George didn’t remember their first or even their second conversation in between sleep cycles. She had cried the fourth time when he woke up with a groggy, “I didn’t think you’d still be here.”

It was confusing as hell, but it meant he was making progress. It also meant that she didn’t have to bound to medical bay - not that there was much else for her to do around the ship. Even as a Starfleet officer, she was a guest on board and didn’t really want to get in anyone’s way. Not that it stopped her from wandering the decks and sneaking into labs when she could. Winona Keeble might have gotten older, but she never grew out of that curiosity.

Winona might have come to be with George, but with as much as he slept she really didn’t need or want to sit around medical bay and later his quarters just watching him sleep.

So while he rested, she found things to keep herself busy, to be useful, and more than once she was invited to dinner with the Aprils. They were an interesting pair - married 20 years, all of those and more had spent in service to Starfleet. Robert and April married young and it hadn’t held them back, not when they were Captain and CMO respectively.

It made her look again at her tremulous relationship with George, drawing the similarities between them. However, at the end of the day Winona and George came from different realities and wanted different things. He wanted the cookie cutter life with a proper wife and family. All Winona ever wanted was somewhere she fit and someone to share it with.

Even knowing that George was who she wanted at this point in her life she wouldn’t have been enough to keep him happy.

So, this was a sort of adventure for her, a chance to see if she could be like the Aprils. It was perferable to the alternative, which was sitting at some starbase halfway across the galaxy unsure of how he was doing or what he was going through. She needed to be here and he was grateful for her company and most of the ways were good.

Only today wasn’t one of those days.

George had his first session of physical therapy and he had been in a mood about it most of the morning before he went to his session. She had just been helping him get dressed when he snapped.

“Why are you even here?” He pushed her away, falling back onto to the bed to wrestle himself into his boots. “God, Winona, just leave me alone!”

She put her hands up in a silent surrender and stepped back. “Is that what you really want?” He didn’t answer. He just kept fighting needlessly with his boots. “Fine, I’ll call someone to come get you.”

Winona still had almost a week before she had to be back on duty out in deep space and while two of those days would be lost in transit, she had hoped that now he was getting better they might be able to better enjoy the rest of their time. Apparently she had crossed some unknown boundary this morning. And she knew he wasn’t really angry at her, that he was just frustrated with his situation, but that didn’t mean she had to take it.

So, as he went to his physical therapy session, she went down to the gym to log from PT time and just get her mind off of everything for a little while.

Dinner that night had been a tense affair, neither willing to speak first. Eye contact was out of the question. Winona had experienced a host of tense meal times, but this ranked in the top ten. Unlike the one she suffered through with her father, being here was entirely by her election.

“You know,” she said, setting down her fork. “If you’re going to be like this, I can just leave early and really get out of your way.”

George looked across the table at her. “It’s not…I just hate this. And then you’re here, but you won’t put in to transfer, but you’ll travel halfway across the galaxy to watch me sleep?”

Winona shook her head. For all that George Kirk wanted to know of her, he still didn’t get the most important pieces. “You know, you weren’t always this much of an idiotic, so this must be what happens when you almost die for some Starfleet medal of honor.”

“I didn’t-“

She held up her hand to cut him off. “I’m talking now. And those two aren’t the same, not even close. I would have been bored out of my skull with any of the openings on Exeter.” Winona had thought she had explained that much the last time they made an attempt at this conversation. “I mean, I love and you’re great, but you being here doesn’t magically make a shitty position better. But I can’t help but wonder if you considered the head of security position at the station?”

“That’s ridic-”

Winona glared at him. “Oh, so it’s okay for me to take a posting I don’t want for you, but not for you to even consider doing the same to be closer to me?”

George set down his utensils and slumped a little in his chair. “That’s not what I meant.” He shook his head and ultimately decided that the best course of action was to rise from the table and retreat into the bedroom.

He might not have wanted to fight, but she needed an answer this time. “What did you mean, George?” She said following after him.

“I just…I miss you sometimes, most of the time, and we talk, but it’s not the same.” He scratched the back of his head, falling back to sit on the bed. “And I just know we could be amazing, Winona.”

She wanted to tell him that they could be amazing apart too, but he just looked so earnest staring up at her like she held the universe in her hands. Only try as she might, she didn’t even hold a small piece of it. But maybe she could hold him. Sighing, she crossed the room to sit next to him on the bed.

“Well, I’m here now.” And each moment that passed was one less they would have together until they could manage a meet up again. She turned to face him, almost basketing him with her legs. “And if you can wait for me just a little longer, I promise we’ll figure the rest of eventually.”

It couldn’t truly be enough, but it was all she could offer and she offered it freely to him.

He traced her cheek with his fingertips. She had always been surprised at how gentle he could be. As she kissed those fingers, a small smile pulled at his face. “I could learn to wait for you.”

Then they closed the distance and kissed. She could feel his heart beat steady under her hands reassuring her that he was still here as the kiss carefully progressed into something more. Winona pressed back a little more eagerly, needing to be able to lose herself in him again. She guided him back down against the bed, moving over him to that steady rhythm, slowly speeding up as they found new ways for their limbs to tangle together.

They were falling deeper and deeper. And she wasn’t going to look back.

###
Leaving him was harder that time. As she kissed him goodbye she was filled with a different sort of fear than all those years ago. She had realized his mortality and she didn’t know how to cope with it. His job wasn’t harmless and he wasn’t one to be safe anymore. How she wished that wasn’t a lesson she taught him.

It was selfish, but maybe it was also a sign she was growing up a little, setting down roots with someone else. Someone else who she worried about enough to make her nauseated the whole journey back to the station.

It was absolutely miserable, especially in the ways it was just a little bit wonderful.

He would wait for her.

Maybe they had a future somewhere down the way.

Although worrying over it to the point of nausea almost every day was a bit much. She had too much work to be sick through most of her shift, but Winona pushed through. There wasn’t any other viable option. And her powers of ignorance were just as strong as anyone else’s.

Except that she couldn’t exactly ignore throwing up in her lab - even if she had missed the equipment. It was getting ridiculous. She hadn’t had a full meal in the week she had been back. The hunger pains were better than feeling like she was going to be sick all over the place. So, she was going to have to get over herself and head down to medical.

Nothing could have prepared for the news she received.

Winona was expecting some strange bug from someone on Exeter, a new allergy, or even some weird form of food poisoning. Nurse Jane congratulating her for being pregnant was not how this was supposed to end.

“No, that can’t be right,” she said trying to laugh through it because this had to be some horrible joke that forgot to be funny. “I can’t be pregnant.”

“The tricorder and the blood test we ran confirm that you are pregnant.” Nurse Jane pulled up the results on the closest monitor, so that Winona could see for herself. It was too soon to see anything more than increased hormone levels, but that was a pretty good indicator.

“And you’re sure it’s not some space tumor just messing with my hormone levels instead?” She was grasping at straws, but stranger things had happened.

“Why don’t I give you a few minutes to take all this in and then I’ll come back to discuss prenatal care?”

Although it was presented as a question, Nurse Jane didn’t wait around for an answer. Instead she just activated the privacy wall so Winona could come crashing down without an audience.

She slumped on the biobed, wanting to swear in every language she knew. On the big list of things she wanted, having something growing inside her hadn’t quite made the list. It was one the other list called ‘things to consider,’ but right now she was in no position to be a mother. She had only just put a stopper in the George wants more form me case.

Throwing her hand over her face as she leaned back she imagined this was the sort of thing that prompted a nice boy like Kirk to propose because it was The Right Thing. Winona groaned. This was not happening to her.

###
If she could have willed the baby away with the sheer power of her mind, she wouldn’t be sitting through her second of four sessions with Doctor Sanders. It was standard procedure that when a woman was considering termination that she went through a few psych session to make sure it was what she really wanted because even if it help like it at the moment, on the other side, it wasn’t always the easiest decision to live with.

But Winona was sure. She wanted to get back on a Constitution class ship after she was done out here, to go travel the stars for five years and Starfleet didn’t allow kids on starships. So, no, a pregnancy was not in her life plan right now and she didn’t see that changing just because George Kirk had super sperm.

“Have you told the father yet?”

“What?” Winona asked, snapped out of her serene misery that made these sessions bearable.

“Have you told the father that you’re pregnant?” repeated Doctor Sanders. “You said you would after our first session.”

Winona oscillated between not telling George and yelling at him for being a fertile bastard who despite being able to continuously make her life more difficult she liked too much to just leave. George was barely back on his feet from his injury, even if he might be more equipped to deal with the idea of being a father, she wasn’t ready to tell him.

Normally it wouldn’t be on the checklist of things she had to do, but the struggle with her situation was clear and if she wasn’t talking to Doctor Sanders, she had to find someone to talk to and apparently talking to George was the angle they were trying to approach.

“No, not exactly. I mean he’s on a ship, darting around the galaxy and he’s not always the easiest person to get a hold of.” They both knew that wasn’t quite the truth, but Doctor Sanders knew better than to put Winona on the defensive because then she just shut down all together.

“Have you considered writing him a letter?”

She laughed at that. “What am I supposed to say? Thanks for your sperm’s awesome fertilization skills?” So, no, there was not going to be any letters. “Look, we can sit here for two more session or you can save us both the time and just clear me.”

“If it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll take the first option.”

Winona sat back in the chair, wondering what the doctor’s damage was. She just wanted this to be over, to be able to go back to being excited about she and George had, happening on a timeline she could cope with.

She wanted their little bubble on board Exter back. And short of that, she wanted to go back and make sure she didn’t miss her birth control booster hypo.

###
For once the universe agreed with her. Winona Keeble would get what she wanted, but in the worst way possible.

She collapsed in the mess two hours before her third session, gripping her stomach as the world went black.

So, in the end she didn’t tell George, but she lost the zygote and a fallopian tube in the process.

And then she stopped writing him as often as she did. The whole thing became a black cloud heavy over her head that she refused to deal with. It was dragging her down and she didn’t have the strength to fix it.

Winona hadn’t realized how much she might have wanted something until she could no longer have it.

###
Four months of near radio silence between them was more than enough for George to decide that a surprise visit to see her was in store. He did owe her one or a dozen as the case might be. And he had plans to make good on his debt with this visit.

It took a bit of work to arrange a transport out without her being aware of it, but it was worth the uneasy journey there. Seeing Winona was always worth it. After reporting to the station’s XO as a formality, he made his way to Winona’s quarters.

He rang the buzzer and waited patiently for her to come answer the door. She never her came, but her voice did spring out of the little box by the buzzer. “Go away, I’m sleeping.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re sleeping,” he said. That smile in his voice was instantly deflated as she said his name in an exhale and opened the door for him.

The room was dark with a faint light coming from by her bed. Even never being here before, the room was like any other junior officer quarters so he could make his way in the dark.

“Winona? Is everything all right?”

George wasn’t sure why he asked the question when he already knew the answer. Nothing felt right. He found her curled up on top of her sheets, arms wrapped around the second pillow, holding it close. So, he took off his shoes and laid on the bed with her, pulling her into his chest.

And that was when she broke, tears bursting from her in uncontrollable sobs.

“Hey, it’s alright. Whatever it is, I promise you it’s going to be okay.” If was particularly bad he would have known about it by now and without more context all he could do was hold her as she let it all come out.

They stayed like that for a long time before she had calmed down a little. Then puffy-eyed and still unsteady she rolled onto her other side so she was facing him and she almost lost it again at the expression on his face. George Kirk was far too good of a man for her.

“Oh George, I’m so sorry.” And then the words just came all at once and with no particular order. “I should have told you, because it was yours and I didn’t even want it until I couldn’t have it anymore, but it was you and me and I was terrified because I’m not a mom, even if you’d be a great dad, I’m just not. Not now, maybe not ever…and I’m just sorry, sorry, sorry.”

He kissed the space between eyebrows absolving her of any guilt and hoping to end her constantly litany of an apology he didn’t understand. “Okay, Winona, you need to breathe. And then you’re going to tell what happened because none of that made any sense.” George wrapped himself further up in her, wanting her to know he would help carry whatever burden she could not and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Winona nodded. She didn’t really want to explain, but he deserved the full story and while the details didn’t paint her in the best light she wouldn’t spare him. He needed to know, what happened and what sort of person that might make her in his eyes.

Even as she saw the tremble in his face and the teary eyes he kept trying to blink away, she expected him to yell, to be disappointed or upset over what happened. And maybe that would happen later on, but this was George Kirk and he always did The Right Thing.

“Winona, tell me what you need.”

His words were nothing but a whisper, but it held so much strength for her. “I need to you take me somewhere you feel safe.” She didn’t care. Right now she just needed to get away because burying herself in lab work and reports wasn’t working. She needed a place to start putting the pieces back together.

“I have the perfect place in mind.”

###
Iowa was nothing like she expected. It was miles of flat land, peppered with tiny towns that were stuck decades in the past. It should have sent her running because it felt a lot like where she had grown up.

Except maybe that was what she needed right now. Some mirror version of home, while she could figure out everything in her head that was making her go sideways. And George was here. She needed him and she needed to feel safe, to find new ways to draw strength, so she could go back out there and take on the stars once more.

He hadn’t once let go of her hand. Together they walked up the crooked path to the big creaky house. "My parents left me the place when they moved off world," he explained. "I always like coming out here and just getting away from Starfleet for a while.”

He was being strong for her, but she knew that he was hurting too. This was as much about him making peace with what happened as it was about her. And even then it was about them. They both needed someplace to unwind and become something new.

"You must be thrilled Starfleet opened the shipyards across town,” she said.

George shrugged. "There are worse things." It was exactly sort of comment she wanted to follow up with a question or six, because she couldn't quite hear the words he wasn’t saying. Only there wasn’t time for that as he opened the front door and ushered her inside. "And it doesn't change that this is home, it's not much, but..."

No one lived in the house all year long and the family hired hands to work the farm, and yet inside it was a home in every sense of the word. There were polished real wood floors, ugly rugs, pictures of the George and his family decorating the walls and all sorts of details to imbue meaning.

It was something she hadn’t recognized anywhere else since she left her home behind.

###
They fell into an easy routine over the next couple of days. George and Winona, split the household chores, traded off cooking, helped out on the farm where they could be of use and really just found a few way to exist together.

And if all that wasn’t enough, there were thousands of stars lighting up the night sky.

One night after dinner while George was putting away the dishes, Winona wandered out onto the back porch. She had been exploring all sort of different vantage points over the past week, to find the place with the best view of the night sky the moment the sun went down. It was all wonderful and exactly what she wanted as a child, but now it was better because she had been out there too.

Winona leaned against the banister and breathed in deeply.

Everything about this place completed the picture of who George Kirk was to her - the man, the officer and now the son. She could imagine he and his brothers running around the backyard playing football or officers and Klingons. Those boys might have been grown now, but the place still felt like them an even his parents who bounced from Earth colony to Earth colony every year or two. And among those memories, it was easy to find a place for her here. Not as his, but as someone this place might belong to some day.

Their relationship was strange at best, but this seemed to complete the puzzle. If felt good, like she could keep doing this, keep coming back here with him, as long as she could go out there too. As much as she needed the wander, she needed a place to settle down her roots because she was tired of searching, tired of being scared of what came next.

There was absolutely no reason to be scared, not with George. It didn’t undo or rewrite what they lost, but it was the step forward they needed.

“Credit for your thoughts?”

She smiled, looking back at him standing the doorway with a mug of tea in his hands for them to share. He too had changed into his pajamas - a pair of sweats and the t-shirt of his that she had borrowed last night. Apparently the nights in Iowa were cooler than she expected, but that was as good an excuse as any to constantly steal one of his shirts to wear to bed.

“I was looking for that shirt.”

George shook his head. “I’ll trade you for it later.”

It was a few steps to close the distance between them. George set the mug of tea down on the bench so he wouldn’t spill it as he wrapped his arms around her. He breathed in the scent of her shampoo, which was technically his shampoo, but it smelled better on her. And they stood there holding each other for a long moment, relishing in holding someone up as they held you up.

“Hey, I have good news for you,” he said.

She pulled away and looked up at him, trying not to let her hesitation show, but he just smiled and directed her toward the bench. George took a sip from the mug before handing it to her - she always complained about cold fingers.

Winona looped her hands around it and sat, legs crossed facing him. “Alright, let’s have it.”

He mirrored, but chose to bend his knees to his chest, hiding his hands behind his knees. “I’ve been talking a lot with Captain Robau lately. He wants me on as first officer when the Kelvin departs for a five year tour out near an unmapped part of the Neutral Zone.”

“George, that’s fantastic, I mean that's what you've always wanted." And suddenly the distance between them felt a little too far.

George shifted, fiddling with something in his lap out of her line of sight. “I mean I still have to finish my tour on Exeter, but I was thinking afterward I might take some time off while Robau assembles his crew, and live here. And maybe could live here with me and then you could come with me on the Kelvin because I won’t go without you.”

He set a small black velvet case between his toes and looked over at her, trying to remain calm about what he's asking without saying the words.

It was amazing how quickly her world could change, especially in terms of what she wanted and what she thought she could handle.

Here she was sitting across form cookie cutter Kirk who has grown into something else since aviation training. He fit in Starfleet, in this picturesque little farm with a family to come home to. Even when they were both falling apart a little, he could have enough of his shit together for her. He was only still awkward and flustered around her, but he had taken all of her best parts (and some of her not so great ones) and become a better officer - really, a better man.

While she was still the girl who refused to wear her hair in braids, knew Sioux and used it mostly to swear. She didn’t call her mother enough and was still working on a rebuilding a relationship with her father. Winona was the girl who broke the stupid regs, but then did it anyway. She never tested the waters because wherever she went, it was never just right.

She spent her whole life up to this point looking for something that she could call hers and when she thought she had found she ran away. And now she was getting another chance she didn’t know if she deserved.

As proposals went, it wasn’t suave or particularly smooth, but it was honest and simple and Winona Keeble had never been into big gestures.

She could have the stars, the boy and a home all at the same time. And they would be greater than that sum of their parts together.

“C’mon, you can do better than that.”

Then he laughed and it was still one of the best sounds she ever heard, twinkling through out the night sky. He pulled the ring from the box and slipped it onto her left finger as they leaned in for a kiss, the stars shining bright above them.

Check out that art again!