someone's got an interesting evening ahead
whilst standing in line for the self-checkout at the grocery store earlier, i noticed that the girl in front of me had a case of beer in one hand and what looked like an empty handbasket in the other. upon subtly shuffling closer to her, i was rather amused to see that the handbasket contained nothing but two pregnancy tests and a huge piece of squash. [huge as in big enough that i probably couldn't have gotten my hand around it.]
this of course leads me to ask: in which order, or in which combinations, if any, will these items be used? i think the pregnancy test and the beer are obvious: upon passage or failure of the first, drink the second in celebration or panic. but where does the squash come in? does she then bludgeon whoever knocked her up with it? does she bludgeon him for not having sperm powerful enough to do the job? does she bludgeon herself with it after a few of those beers? does she use it as a... well, okay, not going there? i refuse to entertain the possibility that she's doing something as pedestrian as slicing it up, cooking it, and snacking on it with the beer. if you're going to go purchasing a vegetable of that magnitude, you clearly have a plans for its fate quite different from what mother nature intended.
this post has been brought to you by grad school reading that is boring me senseless...
this of course leads me to ask: in which order, or in which combinations, if any, will these items be used? i think the pregnancy test and the beer are obvious: upon passage or failure of the first, drink the second in celebration or panic. but where does the squash come in? does she then bludgeon whoever knocked her up with it? does she bludgeon him for not having sperm powerful enough to do the job? does she bludgeon herself with it after a few of those beers? does she use it as a... well, okay, not going there? i refuse to entertain the possibility that she's doing something as pedestrian as slicing it up, cooking it, and snacking on it with the beer. if you're going to go purchasing a vegetable of that magnitude, you clearly have a plans for its fate quite different from what mother nature intended.
this post has been brought to you by grad school reading that is boring me senseless...