An open letter
Dear idiot lawnmowing guy,
I am not your friend. 9 times out of 10 I can't remember your name, in fact, and I don't have your phone number, which has kept you from getting a little extra cash once or twice. Every two weeks... or sometimes three... or maybe a little less than two... you show up, either pushing your mower or riding your riding mower, and you chop the weeds down to levels that keep my house looking presentable. That isn't even your main job, it's just something you do to earn some money on the side on afternoons and weekends. You're trying your best to provide a decent living for your family, and I'm quite happy to help you do that as long as you do a decent job in return.
That said, I do not like it when you only do the job halfway, because your brother borrowed your weedeate, and leave it in said halfway state for the next two weeks. By the time you came back - this time with the weedeater - it needed mowing again.
I do not like it when you show up, looking for a $10 loan so that you can fix your equipment, wash your clothes, or do pretty much anything else that does not involve you first doing some kind of work for me. I may be a fairly nice woman, but I am not a sucker, and given your figure, I suspect at least part of any money I give you is going to beer. Even if you weren't drinking, though, I still am not a charity.
Nor am I a bailbondsman. If you show up on my doorstep at 10:30 at night and say that your son is in jail and you're trying to raise his bail to get him out, I will not be in the least bit sympathetic. In fact, even if I have the money - and usually I don't - I will lie and tell you I'm broke. Which as far as cash goes, is usually true. I don't keep much cash on my person or in my house. That's what banks are for. And most of what's in the bank is going to keeping the roof over my head and food in my belly, and is not available for handouts. But even if I had it on hand, I am not going to give you money to save your son from his own stupidity, especially since
a) I have never met him, much less seen him lift a hand to help you with your lawn care service,
b) I have a suspicion that he's one of the young thugs that shows up at the library and behaves just barely well enough to keep him from getting his ass kicked off the computer and therefore be unable to talk trash with his buddies on bebo and check out the hotties on myspace, and
c) I am of the firm opinion that if you are so used to the concept of coming to a relative stranger and begging for money to bail him out that you do so twice to me... in a year... that said son needs to stay in jail. Either he really did what he was accused of doing, in which case he's a criminal, or he's criminally stupid and needs to learn not to hang around with the crowd that will draw police attention to him any more than it's already going to be on him as a young black man in the rural south.
U kan not haz munny. So don't bother asking. It only annoys me and wastes your time, so quit it.
I need to find a good lawn care service.*
[*NOTE: This is not a rant based on events within the last few days, just came to mind when I was looking for something to post so that I could encourage the clicky-clicky on my dragon eggs below. Don't you want to help them hatch and grow up healthy and strong?]
I am not your friend. 9 times out of 10 I can't remember your name, in fact, and I don't have your phone number, which has kept you from getting a little extra cash once or twice. Every two weeks... or sometimes three... or maybe a little less than two... you show up, either pushing your mower or riding your riding mower, and you chop the weeds down to levels that keep my house looking presentable. That isn't even your main job, it's just something you do to earn some money on the side on afternoons and weekends. You're trying your best to provide a decent living for your family, and I'm quite happy to help you do that as long as you do a decent job in return.
That said, I do not like it when you only do the job halfway, because your brother borrowed your weedeate, and leave it in said halfway state for the next two weeks. By the time you came back - this time with the weedeater - it needed mowing again.
I do not like it when you show up, looking for a $10 loan so that you can fix your equipment, wash your clothes, or do pretty much anything else that does not involve you first doing some kind of work for me. I may be a fairly nice woman, but I am not a sucker, and given your figure, I suspect at least part of any money I give you is going to beer. Even if you weren't drinking, though, I still am not a charity.
Nor am I a bailbondsman. If you show up on my doorstep at 10:30 at night and say that your son is in jail and you're trying to raise his bail to get him out, I will not be in the least bit sympathetic. In fact, even if I have the money - and usually I don't - I will lie and tell you I'm broke. Which as far as cash goes, is usually true. I don't keep much cash on my person or in my house. That's what banks are for. And most of what's in the bank is going to keeping the roof over my head and food in my belly, and is not available for handouts. But even if I had it on hand, I am not going to give you money to save your son from his own stupidity, especially since
a) I have never met him, much less seen him lift a hand to help you with your lawn care service,
b) I have a suspicion that he's one of the young thugs that shows up at the library and behaves just barely well enough to keep him from getting his ass kicked off the computer and therefore be unable to talk trash with his buddies on bebo and check out the hotties on myspace, and
c) I am of the firm opinion that if you are so used to the concept of coming to a relative stranger and begging for money to bail him out that you do so twice to me... in a year... that said son needs to stay in jail. Either he really did what he was accused of doing, in which case he's a criminal, or he's criminally stupid and needs to learn not to hang around with the crowd that will draw police attention to him any more than it's already going to be on him as a young black man in the rural south.
U kan not haz munny. So don't bother asking. It only annoys me and wastes your time, so quit it.
I need to find a good lawn care service.*
[*NOTE: This is not a rant based on events within the last few days, just came to mind when I was looking for something to post so that I could encourage the clicky-clicky on my dragon eggs below. Don't you want to help them hatch and grow up healthy and strong?]