Tangled Up In Blue - Stupid HP Fanfic
So Fandom_Wank serves up yet more delicious Snapefen wank, and in my dark little Snape-pitying heart, I ache because they are all DOIN IT RAWNG and I feel that because of their Wrongness of the Internet, I have to write more fanfiction. This spiral will never END, will it?
Title: Tangled Up In Blue (LOOK AT MY ORIGINAL TITLE that actually has nothing to do with the story at all other than general mood)
Genre: Does "The best ever tragic and doomed to never happen relationship EVER" count as a genre?
Pairings: James/Lily, and of course that delicious staple of unrequited Snape/Lily.
Summary: Lily and Snape settle some things. Kind of.
Disclaimer: If I had a long enough attention span to write the actual Harry Potter books, the whole thing would have been this sad little doomed romance. Who cares about Harry? XD
Lily Potter pulled back her curtains and narrowed her eyes at it, for what must have been the tenth time that morning.
“What should we do about it?” she asked James in a serious tone. “We can’t very well leave it there, can we?”
“It’s like a sign that says, ‘This is where the Potters live.’ Look, I’ll go get it.”
“But what if it’s a trick?” Lily responded, turning away from the window with a dramatic sweeping gesture.
“I’ll just use the-,”
“Dumbledore still has it, remember?”
“Right,” James frowned. Taken with an idea, Lily made a grab for her wand and opened the window. She spent a good thirty seconds scanning the area for watchers before finally whispering a delicate, “Accio rock.” Of course, it only then occurred to her that she had just sent a rather large stone flying toward herself. She dove away from the window. James was foolhardy enough to actually catch the thing.
“Ow! Augh, it’s like taking a bludger to the hand!”
“Why on Earth would you do something so completely idiotic?” Lily asked in an exasperated tone.
“Because now that Harry broke that hideous vase your sister sent you, we live in a house full of things we don’t want smashed with bloody great stones,” James replied, cradling his right hand.
“Yeah, you know your hand is among the things I’d rather not see smashed with bloody great stones, right?”
“That’d be why I don’t play Quidditch anymore,” James said with a smirk. Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“You are such a twit sometimes,” she smiled back. “Cute, though. What’s the note say?” James picked up the stone and rotated it to read the note tied to it with string.
“’Meet me where we met.’ This is the vaguest note I have ever seen in my life. Is this even for us?”
“Let me see it,” Lily said, reaching for it the rock. After merely a split second of looking, she gasped loudly. “It’s…it’s not for us. It’s for me.” James took it back to look again.
“How can you even tell?” He looked at it sideways, as if searching for a hidden code.
“I’d recognize that handwriting anywhere,” she replied, looking as if she’d just seen a ghost. “It’s from Severus.” James furrowed his brow in disbelief.
“…Snape?” He ran a hand through his hair and looked around the room. “It’s a trap.”
“Obviously,” Lily agreed. “He wants me to meet him in the playground where we first met as kids. That is…profoundly personal, isn’t it? What purpose could it serve to…,” she trailed off, not wanting to say any of the possibilities aloud.
“Maybe,” James stammered slightly, “maybe they want to get you alone with someone you trust.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense; I haven’t exactly trusted Severus for years. I mean, I’d think they would know that I cut off contact with him because he was becoming one of them….” She chewed her thumbnail nervously. “D’you think maybe they’re trying to fool me into thinking he wants to make amends?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” James shrugged. Lily found herself unable to stop her mind from flirting with the idea that perhaps it wasn’t a trap; but that Severus genuinely wanted to see her. She shook her head rapidly, as if doing so would shake the thought from her head. She couldn’t afford naïve optimism now. She’d given him a chance to prove himself an adult when she’d invited him to her wedding, and he hadn’t taken it.
“Should I go?” she asked James softly.
“Are you insane? Not a chance. …Not without me, anyway.”
“And who’ll be with Harry? Are we going to bring him with us and make ourselves easy targets?” Lily asked, frowning deeply. James shook his head.
“No, you’re right. Do you want to go?” he asked, looking very puzzled.
“I…no. I don’t know.” Lily stared at the floor. “I’ve heard rumors about him recently. It might be genuine.” A look of knowing crossed over James’ face.
“Lily, he’s not going to be your best friend again. I know you want him to-,”
“I don’t want him to, not unless he’s grown up enough to-,”
“Then why did you invite him to our wedding?”
“That…that was a peace offering. I thought that if he could get over his juvenile hatred…,” Lily sighed.
“Lily,” James said gently, putting his arm around her, “I know you miss him. I do. But to assume that a Death Eater would want to be your friend again, now, of all times, isn’t something we can do.”
“I know. I’m not assuming.” Lily said, glancing at her husband before resuming her gaze at the floor. “I’ve just heard some rumors that they’re starting to doubt his…faith in the cause, as it were.” She pursed her lips determinedly. “And if I do go, I’m not about to let him think I trust him. Not for a second. If he’s actually trustworthy, he’ll prove it.”
“Look,” James sighed, “I just don’t want you to get hurt, alright?”
“He obviously has an idea of where we live already, or else the sneak wouldn’t have been able to put the note out there last night. For whatever reason, he just wants me.” Lily blinked at the linoleum before continuing. “So I’ll go. Alone.” She lifted her head to look James in the eye purposefully. “Take Harry out. Someplace they won’t expect.”
“Lily,” James started.
“No, if this is a ruse to pick me off and distract you from protecting Harry, I am not going to let them have an easy time of it. I won’t take my hand off of my wand for a second, and I won’t let my guard down just because of nostalgia for days gone by with Severus sodding Snape.”
“Lily,” James said again, this time more sadly. He pulled her into a tight hug. “Be careful, alright? Come back to me in one piece.”
“I will.” Lily kissed her husband and went to find her shoes.
Severus Snape was sitting on a bench in the park, gazing distantly at the swing set against the gray sky. A gust of wind moved the empty swings to move, the sound of their creaking utterly devoid of rhythm. He wondered bitterly when his life had become a particularly miserable Bob Dylan song. It was probably around when he ruined everything with Lily, he thought. Which was why he was so surprised when he saw that head of bright red hair come into his view. At first he was sure it must have been someone else, but no. There was no mistaking Lily Evans. No, not Lily Evans anymore, he recalled. She was Lily Potter now. He stood up as she approached, a scowl etched on her face.
“You came,” he said in surprise, trying to hide his joy. “I knew it wasn’t likely, but I have to-.” He was silenced by Lily’s wand at his throat.
“You’re not getting my son, Severus, is that understood?” she snarled in a low voice. Even with her wand jabbing him threateningly, Severus couldn’t help staring longingly into her eyes. “If this is a trap, I’ll kindly ask that anyone here with you reveal themselves now.” Severus raised his hands calmly in surrender, never moving his gaze.
“There’s no one. I came alone and of my own accord. No one knows where I am except for you.”
“Give me your wand. Slowly,” Lily demanded. Severus complied unquestioningly. “How did you know where we were? There is a Fidelius-,”
“I remembered the street from your wedding invitation,” he replied calmly. “No one else has the information. I’ve burned the invitation and buried the ash.”
“Was this immediately after receiving it, or only after I actually married the man you still hold a grudge against?” Lily asked coldly. Severus finally tore his eyes away from hers, ashamed. “Why are you here? I’m not about to give you any sort of information, you realize.”
“I’m not here for information. I just wanted to speak to you,” Severus said, gazing at the empty swings once more.
“I’m not a fool, Severus.”
“I know you aren’t. I don’t expect you to trust me. There are just things that need saying.” He looked at her once more, and her eyes narrowed slightly.
“Sit down,” she commanded, indicating the bench. Severus did as he was told, and Lily pocketed his wand. She removed her own wand from his throat, but her grip on it didn’t loosen at all. She sat down next to him and looked at the swings herself. “So what do you want?” It sounded almost like another command, rather than a question.
“To apologize,” Severus replied in a melancholy tone. “I…I’ve done many things that I am going to regret for the rest of my life.” Lily only rolled her eyes. “I wish I had never lost your friendship.”
“You do realize it was your own fault, don’t you?” Lily sneered.
“Of course I do. That’s why it hurts so much.” He looked at the ground in front of him. “You were completely right, and I’ve been a fool. I’ve been a fool for a long time.”
“Yes. You have.” Lily agreed coolly. “How has that mistake been treating you?” Severus took a deep breath and continued staring at the ground, like a child being called out for bad behavior. Lily looked at him with contempt. “Why didn’t you come to my wedding, then, if you miss me so much?”
“I couldn’t,” Severus replied. “I couldn’t watch you get married to…to him.” Lily rolled her eyes again.
“You’re such a child, Severus. James is a lot like you, you know. Except that when he realized that either he could continue to be a cruel bully, or be in my good graces, he chose the latter.” Severus winced. “We’re not going to be friends again any time soon,” she added. Severus winced again before responding.
“I know. I’m…trying to make it up to you.”
“You’re still a Death Eater!” Lily spat.
“That’s true,” Severus said shamefully, “but, in my defense, it’s not an easy organization to leave. Not with one’s life, at any rate.” Lily’s expression softened slightly at this; it wasn’t something she had considered. She bit her lip and looked at her feet for a moment before remembering to keep her guard up. She tightened her grip on her wand so her knuckles turned white, and sat up straighter than she had been.
“I’m not-,”
“I don’t expect you to believe me,” Severus mumbled before she could finish. “I know you have every reason in the world not to listen to a word that comes out of my mouth. I wouldn’t trust myself in this situation, either.” He hunched a bit, looking miserable. “But I need to tell you this, to clear my conscience.”
“Oh, it’ll clear your conscience to sneak around my neighborhood in the middle of the night and make me fear for my life and the lives of my husband and child, will it?” Severus flinched as if she had hit him.
“Th- that was a poor choice of words,” he stammered. “Nothing will ever clear my conscience completely. Nothing.” He clenched his hands into fists, as if trying to hold something back. “But I can’t live with myself anymore without telling you. I’m sorry for everything. I know you won’t forgive me, but I’m sorry.” He inhaled deeply before looking into her eyes again. “I am. And if we both survive all of this, I’d like to try to prove it to you. And I’d like…,” he swallowed hard, “I’d like to be friends again. Eventually.” Lily’s contemptuous expression softened again, and there was a tinge of pity in her eyes.
“If you’re telling me the truth, and you can prove it to me, I wouldn’t mind that either. I do miss the person you used to be.” Severus made a strange choking noise at this. “I still don’t really believe you, or trust you, but if you really do mean it, it’ll be apparent. I just hope, for your own sake, that you can prove it.” She glanced away. “I’d like for you to meet my son, without there being a threat of his death involved.” Severus responded only with a stilted nod. Storm clouds rumbled on the horizon. Lily glanced around and stowed her wand hand into the same pocket she was holding Severus’ wand in. Lily tightly hugged him with her left arm, unsure if it was a good idea, and yet not caring. Severus returned the hug with vigor, biting his lip so hard it nearly bled. Pulling away from the embrace, Lily stood up and returned Severus’ wand to him.
“Thank you so much,” Severus said in a strained voice. “For coming, I mean. And for listening.” He gazed into her green eyes again, though they showed him no emotion.
“Goodbye, Severus,” Lily said in reply. She apparated away just as it began to rain.
“Goodbye, Lily.”
Lily arrived home to find her husband and her child were safe and sound. James told her that they had gone with Sirius to visit his cousin, Andromeda, who had regretted that her daughter was at a friend’s house, and couldn’t meet the baby. When James asked her what had gone on in the playground, Lily told him what Severus had said, but she didn’t let on to him how much she hoped he meant it, or how much she actually believed it. She was sure saying out loud would doom it. Two weeks later, Voldemort would arrive at their door and offer to spare Lily’s life. Lily knew then that Severus had been telling the truth. She also knew that they could never be friends again.
Title: Tangled Up In Blue (LOOK AT MY ORIGINAL TITLE that actually has nothing to do with the story at all other than general mood)
Genre: Does "The best ever tragic and doomed to never happen relationship EVER" count as a genre?
Pairings: James/Lily, and of course that delicious staple of unrequited Snape/Lily.
Summary: Lily and Snape settle some things. Kind of.
Disclaimer: If I had a long enough attention span to write the actual Harry Potter books, the whole thing would have been this sad little doomed romance. Who cares about Harry? XD
Lily Potter pulled back her curtains and narrowed her eyes at it, for what must have been the tenth time that morning.
“What should we do about it?” she asked James in a serious tone. “We can’t very well leave it there, can we?”
“It’s like a sign that says, ‘This is where the Potters live.’ Look, I’ll go get it.”
“But what if it’s a trick?” Lily responded, turning away from the window with a dramatic sweeping gesture.
“I’ll just use the-,”
“Dumbledore still has it, remember?”
“Right,” James frowned. Taken with an idea, Lily made a grab for her wand and opened the window. She spent a good thirty seconds scanning the area for watchers before finally whispering a delicate, “Accio rock.” Of course, it only then occurred to her that she had just sent a rather large stone flying toward herself. She dove away from the window. James was foolhardy enough to actually catch the thing.
“Ow! Augh, it’s like taking a bludger to the hand!”
“Why on Earth would you do something so completely idiotic?” Lily asked in an exasperated tone.
“Because now that Harry broke that hideous vase your sister sent you, we live in a house full of things we don’t want smashed with bloody great stones,” James replied, cradling his right hand.
“Yeah, you know your hand is among the things I’d rather not see smashed with bloody great stones, right?”
“That’d be why I don’t play Quidditch anymore,” James said with a smirk. Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“You are such a twit sometimes,” she smiled back. “Cute, though. What’s the note say?” James picked up the stone and rotated it to read the note tied to it with string.
“’Meet me where we met.’ This is the vaguest note I have ever seen in my life. Is this even for us?”
“Let me see it,” Lily said, reaching for it the rock. After merely a split second of looking, she gasped loudly. “It’s…it’s not for us. It’s for me.” James took it back to look again.
“How can you even tell?” He looked at it sideways, as if searching for a hidden code.
“I’d recognize that handwriting anywhere,” she replied, looking as if she’d just seen a ghost. “It’s from Severus.” James furrowed his brow in disbelief.
“…Snape?” He ran a hand through his hair and looked around the room. “It’s a trap.”
“Obviously,” Lily agreed. “He wants me to meet him in the playground where we first met as kids. That is…profoundly personal, isn’t it? What purpose could it serve to…,” she trailed off, not wanting to say any of the possibilities aloud.
“Maybe,” James stammered slightly, “maybe they want to get you alone with someone you trust.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense; I haven’t exactly trusted Severus for years. I mean, I’d think they would know that I cut off contact with him because he was becoming one of them….” She chewed her thumbnail nervously. “D’you think maybe they’re trying to fool me into thinking he wants to make amends?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” James shrugged. Lily found herself unable to stop her mind from flirting with the idea that perhaps it wasn’t a trap; but that Severus genuinely wanted to see her. She shook her head rapidly, as if doing so would shake the thought from her head. She couldn’t afford naïve optimism now. She’d given him a chance to prove himself an adult when she’d invited him to her wedding, and he hadn’t taken it.
“Should I go?” she asked James softly.
“Are you insane? Not a chance. …Not without me, anyway.”
“And who’ll be with Harry? Are we going to bring him with us and make ourselves easy targets?” Lily asked, frowning deeply. James shook his head.
“No, you’re right. Do you want to go?” he asked, looking very puzzled.
“I…no. I don’t know.” Lily stared at the floor. “I’ve heard rumors about him recently. It might be genuine.” A look of knowing crossed over James’ face.
“Lily, he’s not going to be your best friend again. I know you want him to-,”
“I don’t want him to, not unless he’s grown up enough to-,”
“Then why did you invite him to our wedding?”
“That…that was a peace offering. I thought that if he could get over his juvenile hatred…,” Lily sighed.
“Lily,” James said gently, putting his arm around her, “I know you miss him. I do. But to assume that a Death Eater would want to be your friend again, now, of all times, isn’t something we can do.”
“I know. I’m not assuming.” Lily said, glancing at her husband before resuming her gaze at the floor. “I’ve just heard some rumors that they’re starting to doubt his…faith in the cause, as it were.” She pursed her lips determinedly. “And if I do go, I’m not about to let him think I trust him. Not for a second. If he’s actually trustworthy, he’ll prove it.”
“Look,” James sighed, “I just don’t want you to get hurt, alright?”
“He obviously has an idea of where we live already, or else the sneak wouldn’t have been able to put the note out there last night. For whatever reason, he just wants me.” Lily blinked at the linoleum before continuing. “So I’ll go. Alone.” She lifted her head to look James in the eye purposefully. “Take Harry out. Someplace they won’t expect.”
“Lily,” James started.
“No, if this is a ruse to pick me off and distract you from protecting Harry, I am not going to let them have an easy time of it. I won’t take my hand off of my wand for a second, and I won’t let my guard down just because of nostalgia for days gone by with Severus sodding Snape.”
“Lily,” James said again, this time more sadly. He pulled her into a tight hug. “Be careful, alright? Come back to me in one piece.”
“I will.” Lily kissed her husband and went to find her shoes.
Severus Snape was sitting on a bench in the park, gazing distantly at the swing set against the gray sky. A gust of wind moved the empty swings to move, the sound of their creaking utterly devoid of rhythm. He wondered bitterly when his life had become a particularly miserable Bob Dylan song. It was probably around when he ruined everything with Lily, he thought. Which was why he was so surprised when he saw that head of bright red hair come into his view. At first he was sure it must have been someone else, but no. There was no mistaking Lily Evans. No, not Lily Evans anymore, he recalled. She was Lily Potter now. He stood up as she approached, a scowl etched on her face.
“You came,” he said in surprise, trying to hide his joy. “I knew it wasn’t likely, but I have to-.” He was silenced by Lily’s wand at his throat.
“You’re not getting my son, Severus, is that understood?” she snarled in a low voice. Even with her wand jabbing him threateningly, Severus couldn’t help staring longingly into her eyes. “If this is a trap, I’ll kindly ask that anyone here with you reveal themselves now.” Severus raised his hands calmly in surrender, never moving his gaze.
“There’s no one. I came alone and of my own accord. No one knows where I am except for you.”
“Give me your wand. Slowly,” Lily demanded. Severus complied unquestioningly. “How did you know where we were? There is a Fidelius-,”
“I remembered the street from your wedding invitation,” he replied calmly. “No one else has the information. I’ve burned the invitation and buried the ash.”
“Was this immediately after receiving it, or only after I actually married the man you still hold a grudge against?” Lily asked coldly. Severus finally tore his eyes away from hers, ashamed. “Why are you here? I’m not about to give you any sort of information, you realize.”
“I’m not here for information. I just wanted to speak to you,” Severus said, gazing at the empty swings once more.
“I’m not a fool, Severus.”
“I know you aren’t. I don’t expect you to trust me. There are just things that need saying.” He looked at her once more, and her eyes narrowed slightly.
“Sit down,” she commanded, indicating the bench. Severus did as he was told, and Lily pocketed his wand. She removed her own wand from his throat, but her grip on it didn’t loosen at all. She sat down next to him and looked at the swings herself. “So what do you want?” It sounded almost like another command, rather than a question.
“To apologize,” Severus replied in a melancholy tone. “I…I’ve done many things that I am going to regret for the rest of my life.” Lily only rolled her eyes. “I wish I had never lost your friendship.”
“You do realize it was your own fault, don’t you?” Lily sneered.
“Of course I do. That’s why it hurts so much.” He looked at the ground in front of him. “You were completely right, and I’ve been a fool. I’ve been a fool for a long time.”
“Yes. You have.” Lily agreed coolly. “How has that mistake been treating you?” Severus took a deep breath and continued staring at the ground, like a child being called out for bad behavior. Lily looked at him with contempt. “Why didn’t you come to my wedding, then, if you miss me so much?”
“I couldn’t,” Severus replied. “I couldn’t watch you get married to…to him.” Lily rolled her eyes again.
“You’re such a child, Severus. James is a lot like you, you know. Except that when he realized that either he could continue to be a cruel bully, or be in my good graces, he chose the latter.” Severus winced. “We’re not going to be friends again any time soon,” she added. Severus winced again before responding.
“I know. I’m…trying to make it up to you.”
“You’re still a Death Eater!” Lily spat.
“That’s true,” Severus said shamefully, “but, in my defense, it’s not an easy organization to leave. Not with one’s life, at any rate.” Lily’s expression softened slightly at this; it wasn’t something she had considered. She bit her lip and looked at her feet for a moment before remembering to keep her guard up. She tightened her grip on her wand so her knuckles turned white, and sat up straighter than she had been.
“I’m not-,”
“I don’t expect you to believe me,” Severus mumbled before she could finish. “I know you have every reason in the world not to listen to a word that comes out of my mouth. I wouldn’t trust myself in this situation, either.” He hunched a bit, looking miserable. “But I need to tell you this, to clear my conscience.”
“Oh, it’ll clear your conscience to sneak around my neighborhood in the middle of the night and make me fear for my life and the lives of my husband and child, will it?” Severus flinched as if she had hit him.
“Th- that was a poor choice of words,” he stammered. “Nothing will ever clear my conscience completely. Nothing.” He clenched his hands into fists, as if trying to hold something back. “But I can’t live with myself anymore without telling you. I’m sorry for everything. I know you won’t forgive me, but I’m sorry.” He inhaled deeply before looking into her eyes again. “I am. And if we both survive all of this, I’d like to try to prove it to you. And I’d like…,” he swallowed hard, “I’d like to be friends again. Eventually.” Lily’s contemptuous expression softened again, and there was a tinge of pity in her eyes.
“If you’re telling me the truth, and you can prove it to me, I wouldn’t mind that either. I do miss the person you used to be.” Severus made a strange choking noise at this. “I still don’t really believe you, or trust you, but if you really do mean it, it’ll be apparent. I just hope, for your own sake, that you can prove it.” She glanced away. “I’d like for you to meet my son, without there being a threat of his death involved.” Severus responded only with a stilted nod. Storm clouds rumbled on the horizon. Lily glanced around and stowed her wand hand into the same pocket she was holding Severus’ wand in. Lily tightly hugged him with her left arm, unsure if it was a good idea, and yet not caring. Severus returned the hug with vigor, biting his lip so hard it nearly bled. Pulling away from the embrace, Lily stood up and returned Severus’ wand to him.
“Thank you so much,” Severus said in a strained voice. “For coming, I mean. And for listening.” He gazed into her green eyes again, though they showed him no emotion.
“Goodbye, Severus,” Lily said in reply. She apparated away just as it began to rain.
“Goodbye, Lily.”
Lily arrived home to find her husband and her child were safe and sound. James told her that they had gone with Sirius to visit his cousin, Andromeda, who had regretted that her daughter was at a friend’s house, and couldn’t meet the baby. When James asked her what had gone on in the playground, Lily told him what Severus had said, but she didn’t let on to him how much she hoped he meant it, or how much she actually believed it. She was sure saying out loud would doom it. Two weeks later, Voldemort would arrive at their door and offer to spare Lily’s life. Lily knew then that Severus had been telling the truth. She also knew that they could never be friends again.