rant
Dear Oprah,
For the love of God, shut your goddamned mouth before I, and every other bookseller in the United States, each take a turn punching your face until you no longer have the ability to speak.
You see, Oprah, you have great sway over a majority of people in this nation. As much as I hate to admit that so many women in our population are mindless cows, they are. You know it, and I know it. You know if you were to say tomorrow "I endorse Barrack Obama for the Democratic ticket for the 2008 presidential race," he would be the front runner tomorrow evening and every day until the Democratic Party nominated him as their candidate. Furthermore, if, after his nomination, you said, "I'm going to vote for Barrack Obama for president", then his win would be assured--even if Jesus came back and ran on the Republican ticket (which he wouldn't but for argument's sake). Don't act coy with me. YOU KNOW IT.
And yet, you still act coy. You still pretend, "Hey, I'm just a woman (or an African-American woman) trying to make a difference in the world." Uh-huh. Sure. And so, like every other woman, you casually say, "Oh, btw, I just read this book and it's pretty good." Yanno, when normal women say this, their friends go, "Oh really?" and they might or might not check out that book. Among women with a large group of friends, that recommendation might pass on to as many as 50 people. But see, Oprah, you are not a normal woman. When you say, "Golly gee, Anna Karenin is a swell book," MILLIONS of women and their hen-pecked husbands say, "By God, if Oprah likes it, I do too!" And then they swarm bookstores, demanding a copy of the "Oprah book". Of course, since you, oh Goddess of the airwaves, have failed to notify bookstores that you will be mentioning this book on your show, we are unprepared. We have not stocked 200 copies of Anna Karenin. In fact, our records show we have 10 on hand, and that's lucky, b/c it's considered a classic and many schools require it for reading. So, 190 people show up, demanding copies of Leo Tolstoy's classic (I'm personally not a fan but we'll go beyond that) and leave disappointed and/or angry. It's usually the latter b/c your fans cannot seem to understand why we haven't read your mind and gone ahead and stocked your latest book. And why are they mad at us? B/c of you, Oprah. B/c you have 'inspired' them to pick up a copy of book they probably won't like and/or understand and when 'Oprah says it' then, by God, half of America has to do it. Hell, a day ago, they'd never heard of Anna Karenin and maybe 10% of them knew who Leo Tolstoy was.
You argue this is the upside. You are exposing more people to literature and re-introducing them to reading, the way JK Rowling did with kids and Harry Potter. You know what? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows comes out on 7/21/2007. That's five months from now. We have plenty of time to prepare and heck, take advantage of the opportunity. But no. You cannot be bothered. You cannot be bothered to say "Oh, btw, I'm going to be endorsing this book at the end of the week. You might want to stock up on it." Oh, no. That would be beneath the Empress of Talk. You wanna talk about exposing people to literature? How about the James Frey debacle? Only, it's not. You publicly chastised him on your show and yet all people can remember is, "Gee, Oprah recommended this book and, even better, it's got her seal on it!" His work of fiction (which, for some reason I cannot fathom, is still classified in non-fiction psychology) is still a best-seller even though he FUCKING LIED when he wrote it and sold it to his publisher. Congrats, Oprah. Way to go. Your symbol on his book continues to support his habit. So much for re-hab.
Basically, Oprah, shut up about books. If you like a book, that's fine, I don't want to stop you from reading. But if you really want to come across as 'just another person', you'll tell your friends and only your friends. Several million viewers do not count as friends. The only time I tell strangers about books is when I'm working in a bookstore. Even then, they listen to you more than they listen to me. B/c you have a talk show and I don't. You have money and I don't. You have power and I don't. These are the things you rail against so often for the poor and mistreated. So why is it different when it comes to you? Why not leave the books to the people who work with them and concentrate more on the 'trying to make a difference thing'? B/c I know a lot of neighborhoods in the US could use more schools like the one you built in South Africa.
No love,
Me, and a lot of other bookstore employees across the nation
For the love of God, shut your goddamned mouth before I, and every other bookseller in the United States, each take a turn punching your face until you no longer have the ability to speak.
You see, Oprah, you have great sway over a majority of people in this nation. As much as I hate to admit that so many women in our population are mindless cows, they are. You know it, and I know it. You know if you were to say tomorrow "I endorse Barrack Obama for the Democratic ticket for the 2008 presidential race," he would be the front runner tomorrow evening and every day until the Democratic Party nominated him as their candidate. Furthermore, if, after his nomination, you said, "I'm going to vote for Barrack Obama for president", then his win would be assured--even if Jesus came back and ran on the Republican ticket (which he wouldn't but for argument's sake). Don't act coy with me. YOU KNOW IT.
And yet, you still act coy. You still pretend, "Hey, I'm just a woman (or an African-American woman) trying to make a difference in the world." Uh-huh. Sure. And so, like every other woman, you casually say, "Oh, btw, I just read this book and it's pretty good." Yanno, when normal women say this, their friends go, "Oh really?" and they might or might not check out that book. Among women with a large group of friends, that recommendation might pass on to as many as 50 people. But see, Oprah, you are not a normal woman. When you say, "Golly gee, Anna Karenin is a swell book," MILLIONS of women and their hen-pecked husbands say, "By God, if Oprah likes it, I do too!" And then they swarm bookstores, demanding a copy of the "Oprah book". Of course, since you, oh Goddess of the airwaves, have failed to notify bookstores that you will be mentioning this book on your show, we are unprepared. We have not stocked 200 copies of Anna Karenin. In fact, our records show we have 10 on hand, and that's lucky, b/c it's considered a classic and many schools require it for reading. So, 190 people show up, demanding copies of Leo Tolstoy's classic (I'm personally not a fan but we'll go beyond that) and leave disappointed and/or angry. It's usually the latter b/c your fans cannot seem to understand why we haven't read your mind and gone ahead and stocked your latest book. And why are they mad at us? B/c of you, Oprah. B/c you have 'inspired' them to pick up a copy of book they probably won't like and/or understand and when 'Oprah says it' then, by God, half of America has to do it. Hell, a day ago, they'd never heard of Anna Karenin and maybe 10% of them knew who Leo Tolstoy was.
You argue this is the upside. You are exposing more people to literature and re-introducing them to reading, the way JK Rowling did with kids and Harry Potter. You know what? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows comes out on 7/21/2007. That's five months from now. We have plenty of time to prepare and heck, take advantage of the opportunity. But no. You cannot be bothered. You cannot be bothered to say "Oh, btw, I'm going to be endorsing this book at the end of the week. You might want to stock up on it." Oh, no. That would be beneath the Empress of Talk. You wanna talk about exposing people to literature? How about the James Frey debacle? Only, it's not. You publicly chastised him on your show and yet all people can remember is, "Gee, Oprah recommended this book and, even better, it's got her seal on it!" His work of fiction (which, for some reason I cannot fathom, is still classified in non-fiction psychology) is still a best-seller even though he FUCKING LIED when he wrote it and sold it to his publisher. Congrats, Oprah. Way to go. Your symbol on his book continues to support his habit. So much for re-hab.
Basically, Oprah, shut up about books. If you like a book, that's fine, I don't want to stop you from reading. But if you really want to come across as 'just another person', you'll tell your friends and only your friends. Several million viewers do not count as friends. The only time I tell strangers about books is when I'm working in a bookstore. Even then, they listen to you more than they listen to me. B/c you have a talk show and I don't. You have money and I don't. You have power and I don't. These are the things you rail against so often for the poor and mistreated. So why is it different when it comes to you? Why not leave the books to the people who work with them and concentrate more on the 'trying to make a difference thing'? B/c I know a lot of neighborhoods in the US could use more schools like the one you built in South Africa.
No love,
Me, and a lot of other bookstore employees across the nation