Perfect Blue Buildings

Feb 03, 2010 21:08

About...oh...nine years or so ago, I was living with my dad in Colorado. There's a 15 mile walking trail behind his house that travels through the hills and has a spectacularly marvelous view of the city and the mountain. One wintry evening my Dad said something to me that upset me. He'd been upsetting me for the better part of 18 years, and at ( Read more... )

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mj_automatic February 5 2010, 00:28:43 UTC
Funny, how one of the strongest marks of growing up is learning to ask for help, to be dependent on others, to admit that we need.

On the other hand, sometimes it takes extremes to illuminate your own feelings and irrational behaviors. Maybe you needed to be lonely and abandoned in the freezing rain for a while to prove something to yourself that on a deeper level, you already knew.

Also, some things are much too difficult and complex to be stated verbally. Sure, we can break things down into serious conversations, but that's only bits and pieces of it, and to communicate your frustration and elicit change from another person takes time. Maybe by setting up this elaborate tableau you were communicating in a way that was more intuitive and more pure, if less effective, than using words and direct confrontation.

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rurouni82 February 5 2010, 04:09:20 UTC
Or maybe I'm an emotionally manipulative bastard. :)

I'd never thought of an admission of dependence as a mark of adulthood, but perhaps it fits. Or perhaps it only fits for those who subjugate themselves passively, never admitting to anyone what they really want because they feel that it's rude to impose and take that mindset to an unhealthy extreme.

As for the limitations of words, I'm all too familiar with that as well. English (language) is nothing but a system of tools used to express other things. It is not the other thing, and it is not the speaker, simply an adapter that doesn't always correctly fit into the socket needed. Speaking is easy, but expression is much more difficult.

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mj_automatic February 5 2010, 00:28:57 UTC
It's nice to see you writing more. :)

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rurouni82 February 5 2010, 04:10:33 UTC
Thank you. Someone told me I should write more. To be honest, it's nice to get comments on what I write.

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