God, get with it!
I really need to be updated on the whole youtube video thing. My favorites are SNL's Jizz in my Pants and the Justin and Beyonce snl video. Haha. Gets me through life.
Last night I had the weirdest dream. Ok. So it was a weird day because I got stuck in bloody Halifax (Canada) during my layover from visiting Khudejha in London. I was like, is this hell? The whole plane ride I was thinking is this hell? I was at the Quality Inn last night and this morning the entire town had it's power cut at 3am and by some miracle I am back in Massachusetts. Right before boarding on the flight to Boston the airport lost its power for the second time this morning.
In my dream everyone in my life who I've had gripes with and fought with and just had weird tensions with wanted to sit with me and talk about our issues at a table. It was just strange. Everyone was crying. They said I was mean and tough and they didn't know why I hated them. And this made me feel bad. And I wanted to continue the dream so we could all work our issues out but I had to leave bloody Halifax haha. Even this guy I used to have a major crush on was in tears (and he's the one who hurt me!!) It felt like no one understood where I was coming from. No one wanted to listen. Why sit at this table? What is the purpose? I'm not bullheaded, I am rational. I can be hurtful. And I am embarassed for that impact I have on others. I am sorry for that.
And so I've realized, that I am the only one who has forgiven anyone because I'd like to move on and this room full of disgruntled people are all the people who I've somehow lost that I will never be close to again.
Which of course is sad. But sadness causes stress, loss of energy, waste of air. And I think of these people from time to time and they would be lying if they said the same wasn't true on their part.
There is no room in my heart for people who are going to bring me down. So I apologize to you only if you want to make things better. Otherwise I am not sorry. Because you are breaking my heart. And you are the reason that people cannot recover from war and pain. And at the end of the day you are only making yourself miserable by not forgetting and letting go.
There is no way my children will have the relationship my sisters and I have at the moment-tense, exlusive, belittling. They will love each other and I will make sure of it. They will never go to bed angry at each other and never waste years with stress. My house will never encounter jealousy and pride. I promise. To my children in the future: you will always have a true friend in the world.
Last night I had the weirdest dream. Ok. So it was a weird day because I got stuck in bloody Halifax (Canada) during my layover from visiting Khudejha in London. I was like, is this hell? The whole plane ride I was thinking is this hell? I was at the Quality Inn last night and this morning the entire town had it's power cut at 3am and by some miracle I am back in Massachusetts. Right before boarding on the flight to Boston the airport lost its power for the second time this morning.
In my dream everyone in my life who I've had gripes with and fought with and just had weird tensions with wanted to sit with me and talk about our issues at a table. It was just strange. Everyone was crying. They said I was mean and tough and they didn't know why I hated them. And this made me feel bad. And I wanted to continue the dream so we could all work our issues out but I had to leave bloody Halifax haha. Even this guy I used to have a major crush on was in tears (and he's the one who hurt me!!) It felt like no one understood where I was coming from. No one wanted to listen. Why sit at this table? What is the purpose? I'm not bullheaded, I am rational. I can be hurtful. And I am embarassed for that impact I have on others. I am sorry for that.
And so I've realized, that I am the only one who has forgiven anyone because I'd like to move on and this room full of disgruntled people are all the people who I've somehow lost that I will never be close to again.
Which of course is sad. But sadness causes stress, loss of energy, waste of air. And I think of these people from time to time and they would be lying if they said the same wasn't true on their part.
There is no room in my heart for people who are going to bring me down. So I apologize to you only if you want to make things better. Otherwise I am not sorry. Because you are breaking my heart. And you are the reason that people cannot recover from war and pain. And at the end of the day you are only making yourself miserable by not forgetting and letting go.
There is no way my children will have the relationship my sisters and I have at the moment-tense, exlusive, belittling. They will love each other and I will make sure of it. They will never go to bed angry at each other and never waste years with stress. My house will never encounter jealousy and pride. I promise. To my children in the future: you will always have a true friend in the world.