burning again
Ahhh! I miss Aubrey so much and I saw him yesterday. I am so lame. There's this hurt that comes along with caring for someone so much. I'm not sure quite how to explain it. You like hurt because you want to be a better person, you just want to do so much more right. Something strange occurred to me while I was waiting for Aubrey yesterday holding these flowers. It reminded me of the time my sisters, my dad and I all went to the hospital to visit my mom when I was about four years old. My dad had bought so many flowers, like more than one bouquet. And we were so excited to go and see her. But that was the day she died. Like on our way over, she died. And that was it. And I understood from how sad my dad was that we would never see her again. And it was weird and so cold. And the flowers were there and it was so weird she was alive seconds ago. And she like never saw the flowers.
The worst part of it was when talking to her old best friend, her friend told me that my mom had asked why none of her siblings visited her in the hospital. And that's the worst part, is that we tried, and she might never know. And it just occurred to me all of a sudden that Aubrey might not show up yesterday. That all of a sudden I would have to have these flowers in my hand and just hope that he knew that he is my world. For some reason just thinking about this hurts, like to walk away alone with these flowers and just hope that the person you love more than anything knew your intention to love them. Like I hope that my mom knew that we were coming to see her. I really hope that she didn't give up.
The worst part of it was when talking to her old best friend, her friend told me that my mom had asked why none of her siblings visited her in the hospital. And that's the worst part, is that we tried, and she might never know. And it just occurred to me all of a sudden that Aubrey might not show up yesterday. That all of a sudden I would have to have these flowers in my hand and just hope that he knew that he is my world. For some reason just thinking about this hurts, like to walk away alone with these flowers and just hope that the person you love more than anything knew your intention to love them. Like I hope that my mom knew that we were coming to see her. I really hope that she didn't give up.