MEMORABLE QUOTES FROM FRIENDS
MEMORABLE QUOTES FROM FRIENDS
(found these at some site)
Phoebe: I'm not sure about buying a mattress from Janice's ex-husband. It's like cheating on Chandler
Monica: Not at these prices.
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Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
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Chandler: All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.
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Ross: You know how at the end of the day, you throw your jacket over a chair?
Joey: Yeah?
Ross: Well at her place, instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived.
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Chandler: Oh, yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last... twelve hundred times.
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Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?
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Mike Hanigan: Aren't you going to introduce me?
Phoebe: This is my husband... Crap Bag.
Mike Hanigan: If you need help remembering, just think of a bag of crap.
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[Will gives a cake to Monica]
Will: It's no fat, no sugar, no dairy... It's no good, throw it out.
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Monica: This is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Chandler: Hey, I'd shake your hand but I'm into the game, plus I think it would be better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other.
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Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole."
Joey: Okay.
[He gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave]
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair.
Joey: THAT'S RIGHT. I'm taking the ESSENCE.
Chandler: Oh-ho, he'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
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Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.
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Ross: Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Chandler: Du-ude!
Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?
Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God.
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
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Ross: [Rachel has just met Ross's Asian girlfriend] Rachel, this is Julie. I met her in China.
[notices Rachel has brought flowers]
Ross: What are those?
Rachel: Oh, these?
[begins speaking slowly and distinctly to Julie]
Rachel: These are for you; welcome to our country.
Julie: [slowly and distinctly] Thank you; I'm from New York.
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[Erica has just given bith to a baby boy]
Monica: Oh my God, he's beautiful. Thank you so much.
Erica: I'm really happy for you guys.
Chandler: How do you feel?
Erica: I'm tired.
Dr. Harad: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
[Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just freezes and turns around slowly]
Monica: I... I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Dr. Harad: The next baby should be along in a minute.
Monica: We only ordered one!
Dr. Harad: You know it's twins, right?
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
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Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.
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Ross: Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine.
Chandler: Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.
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Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
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Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
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Chandler: I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, you know what, I just did!
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
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[Playing Football]
Monica: Okay, Phoebs, you know what you're doing right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch the ball and you and I are gonna block.
Phoebe: What's block?
Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you knew what you're doing.
Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.
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Joey : [upon hearing Ross doesn't want to go to the movies with him] Come on, man! Tom Hanks! Meg Ryan! They get mail!
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Joey: Here it is, buddy boy. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh, my God, that is so not the opposite of taking someone's underwear.
Joey: Look at me, I'm Chandler, could I *be* wearing any more clothes?
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Reporter: I like that. what's your name?
[pointing tape recorder at Pheobe]
Phoebe: Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in... Ello there mate.
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Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up.
Monica: No. Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?
Phoebe: [pauses] Because I'm normal.
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Chandler: [to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey's Apple.
Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.
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Joey: [Ross, Chandler and Joey are discussing the best man for Ross and Emily's wedding] Wait, Wait! Why does Chandler get to be best man? He was yours last time!
Ross: Well, I've known Chandler a long time.
Joey: Wait a minute! C'mon Ross, I don't have any brothers; I'll never get to be a best man!
Chandler: Joey, you can be best man at my wedding.
Joey: [looks at Chandler and then back at Ross] I'll never get to be a best man!
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[Rachelle is crawling on the floor behind the couch secretly looking for Monica's lost ear-ring]
Monica: Rach? What are you doing?
Rachel: Oh, I just can't watch. It's too scary.
Monica: It's a Pampers commercial.
[Rachel looks up at the screen then goes back down... ]
Rachel: Oh, you know me - babies, responsibilities, ahhh.
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[Rachel is nervous about leaving Emma alone in the apartment for a few minutes]
Rachel: What if she jumped out the basinet?
Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jump out.
Rachel: Oh my God, I left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?
Rachel: Ah, did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there.
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think... listen, listen.
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: If that happens now, you're going to feel SO bad.
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[Chandler's key broke in Monica's door]
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: I love you too.
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now?
Monica: Um... no?
Chandler: Uh... yeah, yeah, me neither
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Chandler: [dancing and singing] She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back.
Monica: Don't you still have to pee?
Chandler: That's why I'm dancing.
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Ross: So, uh, what did the insurance company say?
Chandler: Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us."
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[Flipping a coin to choose between "ducks" and "clowns."]
Joey: "Heads" should be ducks, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday parties?
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[Peering out the window]
Phoebe: Hey. It looks like Ugly Naked Guy is moving.
Ross: Ironically, most of the boxes are labeled "clothes."
Rachel: Oh, I'm gonna miss that big, fat, squishy butt.
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[Chandler and Joey emerge from the bathroom after hiding from a fight between Ross and Monica]
Chandler: That was pretty intense, huh?
Joey: Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here.
Chandler: I hope he did.
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Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y'know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man, " they'll shout!
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Monica: What is going on with you?
Joey: Nothing.
Chandler: Oh, come on! You've been acting strange all day.
Joey: All right... There is something. I... I kind of had a dream. But I don't wanna talk about it.
Chandler: What if Martin Luther King had said that. "I kind of have a dream... I don't wanna talk about it."
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Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.
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Janice: Goodnight my Bing-a-ling
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[Referring to Janice]
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler: Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush.
[Janice enters Central Perk]
Janice: [to Chandler] Hello Funny Valentine.
Chandler: Hello, Just Janice.
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Ross: [while moving a sofa with Rachel and Chandler] Pivot. Pi-vot. PI-VOT.
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Joey: Where's my underwear?
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You took his underwear?
Chandler: He took my essence.
Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Ross: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay? I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
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Joey: [drinking a beer on the boat] Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.
[yelling]
Joey: Get out of the way jackass.
[to Rachel]
Joey: Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
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Chandler: You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers.
Ross: All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won.
Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried.
Ross: Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm.
Chandler: That was you.
Ross: Whatever dude. You kissed a guy.
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[Ross and Rachel are trying to decide a name for their baby]
Ross: OK, how about Ruth?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?
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[Phoebe has been hitting on Chandler]
Monica: Oh my God. She knows about us.
Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: Phoebe knows about us and she's just trying to freak us out. That's the only explanation for it.
Chandler: OK. But what about my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps... SHE KNOWS.
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Joey: [to Ross] Forget about Rachel. Go to China, eat Chinese food.
Chandler: Of course there they'd just call it food.\
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Rachel: Joey... Why is there a book in the freezer?
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Monica: We're supposed to be having a romantic weekend together. What's wrong with you?
Chandler: I just wanted to watch a little TV. OK relax, mom.
Monica: What did you just say?
Chandler: I said relax, Monnn.
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Phoebe: My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird.
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Joey: You didn't cry when Bambi's mum died?
Chandler: Yes, it was so sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.
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Rachel: Hey Ben, you know what? When you were a baby, you and I used to do all sorts of stuff together, coz I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore.
Rachel: No, no we're not.
Ben: Coz you and dad were on a break.
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Chandler: Look, when Monica comes in, mention fire trucks.
Joey: Why?
Chandler: There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met.
Joey: How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing.
Chandler: I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in.
Joey: I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines.
Chandler: [sarcastically] It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living.
Joey: I know.
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Ross: Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture.
Joey: Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans.
[winks at Ross]
Ross: Why'd you wink at me?
Joey: Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much
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Phoebe: Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.
Ross: Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.
Rachel: Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.
Ross: That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.
Rachel: Ok, you got a better one?
Ross: Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.
Rachel: Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: By Sandrine.
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[Rachel approaches a woman, who she thinks is Chandler's dad]
Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel. And you are?
Woman: Amanda.
Rachel: Oh... I get it. A-man-duh.
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Eddie: Ok. You want me to move out? Fine. I just want to hear you say it.
Chandler: Fine. Eddie I would like you to move out.
Eddie: No, that's no good. I want you to say it with your mouth.
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[Jack knows that Richard is dating a younger woman, but doesn't know that it's actually Monica]
Jack Geller: Come on, tell us.
Jack's friend: Yeah. Is she really 20?
Richard: I'm not telling you guys anything.
Jack Geller: Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Ross: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
Jack Geller: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard: Jack, would you let it go?
Jack Geller: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
Richard: Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Jack Geller: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
Ross: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
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Phoebe: What happens to the old Christmas trees?
Joey: They go into the chipper.
Phoebe: Why do I get the feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?
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[Ross and Chandler have been arm wrestling for a long time]
Ross's Date: Wow. They must both be very strong.
Joey: Or equally weak.
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Phoebe: You still love Rachel.
Ross: No, I don't.
Phoebe: You got married to her.
Ross: In Vegas. I was so drunk, I could've married Joey.
Phoebe: [angry] Hey. You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribianni.
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[Chandler is walking down the aisle with both his parents]
Chandler: You look beautiful mom.
Nora Bing: Thanks, dear.
Charles Bing: Ahem.
Chandler: You... look beautiful too, dad.
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Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?
Chandler: It's an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!
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(found these at some site)
Phoebe: I'm not sure about buying a mattress from Janice's ex-husband. It's like cheating on Chandler
Monica: Not at these prices.
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Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
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Chandler: All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.
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Ross: You know how at the end of the day, you throw your jacket over a chair?
Joey: Yeah?
Ross: Well at her place, instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived.
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Chandler: Oh, yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last... twelve hundred times.
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Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?
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Mike Hanigan: Aren't you going to introduce me?
Phoebe: This is my husband... Crap Bag.
Mike Hanigan: If you need help remembering, just think of a bag of crap.
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[Will gives a cake to Monica]
Will: It's no fat, no sugar, no dairy... It's no good, throw it out.
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Monica: This is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Chandler: Hey, I'd shake your hand but I'm into the game, plus I think it would be better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other.
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Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole."
Joey: Okay.
[He gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave]
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair.
Joey: THAT'S RIGHT. I'm taking the ESSENCE.
Chandler: Oh-ho, he'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
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Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.
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Ross: Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Chandler: Du-ude!
Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?
Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God.
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
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Ross: [Rachel has just met Ross's Asian girlfriend] Rachel, this is Julie. I met her in China.
[notices Rachel has brought flowers]
Ross: What are those?
Rachel: Oh, these?
[begins speaking slowly and distinctly to Julie]
Rachel: These are for you; welcome to our country.
Julie: [slowly and distinctly] Thank you; I'm from New York.
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[Erica has just given bith to a baby boy]
Monica: Oh my God, he's beautiful. Thank you so much.
Erica: I'm really happy for you guys.
Chandler: How do you feel?
Erica: I'm tired.
Dr. Harad: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
[Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just freezes and turns around slowly]
Monica: I... I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Dr. Harad: The next baby should be along in a minute.
Monica: We only ordered one!
Dr. Harad: You know it's twins, right?
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
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Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.
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Ross: Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine.
Chandler: Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.
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Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
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Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
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Chandler: I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, you know what, I just did!
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
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[Playing Football]
Monica: Okay, Phoebs, you know what you're doing right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch the ball and you and I are gonna block.
Phoebe: What's block?
Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you knew what you're doing.
Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.
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Joey : [upon hearing Ross doesn't want to go to the movies with him] Come on, man! Tom Hanks! Meg Ryan! They get mail!
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Joey: Here it is, buddy boy. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh, my God, that is so not the opposite of taking someone's underwear.
Joey: Look at me, I'm Chandler, could I *be* wearing any more clothes?
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Reporter: I like that. what's your name?
[pointing tape recorder at Pheobe]
Phoebe: Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in... Ello there mate.
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Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up.
Monica: No. Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?
Phoebe: [pauses] Because I'm normal.
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Chandler: [to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey's Apple.
Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.
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Joey: [Ross, Chandler and Joey are discussing the best man for Ross and Emily's wedding] Wait, Wait! Why does Chandler get to be best man? He was yours last time!
Ross: Well, I've known Chandler a long time.
Joey: Wait a minute! C'mon Ross, I don't have any brothers; I'll never get to be a best man!
Chandler: Joey, you can be best man at my wedding.
Joey: [looks at Chandler and then back at Ross] I'll never get to be a best man!
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[Rachelle is crawling on the floor behind the couch secretly looking for Monica's lost ear-ring]
Monica: Rach? What are you doing?
Rachel: Oh, I just can't watch. It's too scary.
Monica: It's a Pampers commercial.
[Rachel looks up at the screen then goes back down... ]
Rachel: Oh, you know me - babies, responsibilities, ahhh.
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[Rachel is nervous about leaving Emma alone in the apartment for a few minutes]
Rachel: What if she jumped out the basinet?
Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jump out.
Rachel: Oh my God, I left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?
Rachel: Ah, did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there.
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think... listen, listen.
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: If that happens now, you're going to feel SO bad.
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[Chandler's key broke in Monica's door]
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: I love you too.
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now?
Monica: Um... no?
Chandler: Uh... yeah, yeah, me neither
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Chandler: [dancing and singing] She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back.
Monica: Don't you still have to pee?
Chandler: That's why I'm dancing.
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Ross: So, uh, what did the insurance company say?
Chandler: Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us."
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[Flipping a coin to choose between "ducks" and "clowns."]
Joey: "Heads" should be ducks, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday parties?
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[Peering out the window]
Phoebe: Hey. It looks like Ugly Naked Guy is moving.
Ross: Ironically, most of the boxes are labeled "clothes."
Rachel: Oh, I'm gonna miss that big, fat, squishy butt.
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[Chandler and Joey emerge from the bathroom after hiding from a fight between Ross and Monica]
Chandler: That was pretty intense, huh?
Joey: Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here.
Chandler: I hope he did.
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Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y'know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man, " they'll shout!
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Monica: What is going on with you?
Joey: Nothing.
Chandler: Oh, come on! You've been acting strange all day.
Joey: All right... There is something. I... I kind of had a dream. But I don't wanna talk about it.
Chandler: What if Martin Luther King had said that. "I kind of have a dream... I don't wanna talk about it."
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Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.
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Janice: Goodnight my Bing-a-ling
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[Referring to Janice]
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler: Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush.
[Janice enters Central Perk]
Janice: [to Chandler] Hello Funny Valentine.
Chandler: Hello, Just Janice.
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Ross: [while moving a sofa with Rachel and Chandler] Pivot. Pi-vot. PI-VOT.
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Joey: Where's my underwear?
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You took his underwear?
Chandler: He took my essence.
Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Ross: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay? I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
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Joey: [drinking a beer on the boat] Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.
[yelling]
Joey: Get out of the way jackass.
[to Rachel]
Joey: Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
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Chandler: You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers.
Ross: All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won.
Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried.
Ross: Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm.
Chandler: That was you.
Ross: Whatever dude. You kissed a guy.
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[Ross and Rachel are trying to decide a name for their baby]
Ross: OK, how about Ruth?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?
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[Phoebe has been hitting on Chandler]
Monica: Oh my God. She knows about us.
Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: Phoebe knows about us and she's just trying to freak us out. That's the only explanation for it.
Chandler: OK. But what about my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps... SHE KNOWS.
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Joey: [to Ross] Forget about Rachel. Go to China, eat Chinese food.
Chandler: Of course there they'd just call it food.\
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Rachel: Joey... Why is there a book in the freezer?
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Monica: We're supposed to be having a romantic weekend together. What's wrong with you?
Chandler: I just wanted to watch a little TV. OK relax, mom.
Monica: What did you just say?
Chandler: I said relax, Monnn.
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Phoebe: My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird.
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Joey: You didn't cry when Bambi's mum died?
Chandler: Yes, it was so sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.
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Rachel: Hey Ben, you know what? When you were a baby, you and I used to do all sorts of stuff together, coz I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore.
Rachel: No, no we're not.
Ben: Coz you and dad were on a break.
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Chandler: Look, when Monica comes in, mention fire trucks.
Joey: Why?
Chandler: There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met.
Joey: How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing.
Chandler: I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in.
Joey: I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines.
Chandler: [sarcastically] It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living.
Joey: I know.
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Ross: Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture.
Joey: Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans.
[winks at Ross]
Ross: Why'd you wink at me?
Joey: Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much
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Phoebe: Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.
Ross: Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.
Rachel: Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.
Ross: That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.
Rachel: Ok, you got a better one?
Ross: Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.
Rachel: Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: By Sandrine.
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[Rachel approaches a woman, who she thinks is Chandler's dad]
Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel. And you are?
Woman: Amanda.
Rachel: Oh... I get it. A-man-duh.
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Eddie: Ok. You want me to move out? Fine. I just want to hear you say it.
Chandler: Fine. Eddie I would like you to move out.
Eddie: No, that's no good. I want you to say it with your mouth.
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[Jack knows that Richard is dating a younger woman, but doesn't know that it's actually Monica]
Jack Geller: Come on, tell us.
Jack's friend: Yeah. Is she really 20?
Richard: I'm not telling you guys anything.
Jack Geller: Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Ross: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
Jack Geller: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard: Jack, would you let it go?
Jack Geller: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
Richard: Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Jack Geller: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
Ross: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
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Phoebe: What happens to the old Christmas trees?
Joey: They go into the chipper.
Phoebe: Why do I get the feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?
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[Ross and Chandler have been arm wrestling for a long time]
Ross's Date: Wow. They must both be very strong.
Joey: Or equally weak.
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Phoebe: You still love Rachel.
Ross: No, I don't.
Phoebe: You got married to her.
Ross: In Vegas. I was so drunk, I could've married Joey.
Phoebe: [angry] Hey. You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribianni.
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[Chandler is walking down the aisle with both his parents]
Chandler: You look beautiful mom.
Nora Bing: Thanks, dear.
Charles Bing: Ahem.
Chandler: You... look beautiful too, dad.
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Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?
Chandler: It's an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!
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