in honor of the simplicity of "ham on rye"
PART 1
I wash the dishes at a cafe in brooklyn on the weekend. While working in this new field, I took an empty plate from an attractive, black, pregnant, thirty something woman, to take back and wash real good. after
taking her plate she stood and addressed our counter girls.
"Excuse me" she said, "if an actor comes in here, you might recognize him, he's a famous actor, his name is ryan gosling. If he comes in here tell him I waited for an hour."
She was upset too. This guy didn't sound too dependable. I was mortified.
PART 2
"Don't worry ma'am. I'll let him know if he comes
in." I said.
"Thank you."
She left in a huff, a broken hearted huff.
I went back to my office, which is what I like to call
the sink. I began washing dishes. The dishes were
dirty with cream cheese and onion peices. I cleaned
them with dedication. Along with washing the dishes I
kept an eye on the front door to see if the famous
actor would come in.
I went on washing the dishes. It was a slow day. I
stood at the sink and thought about my job. It was
nice. I went out to the garden and smoked a
cigarette. When I had finished I came inside and
washed some more of the dirty dishes. Not many people
were coming in, until, of course, this famous actor
came in named ryan gosling. I recognized him from the
notebook. I wiped my hands on my apron and met him
before he got to the counter. I spoke with him.
"She's gone."
"What's that?"
"The blacl girl, she's already left."
"Oh. Shit."
He looked at his watch, and then at the door.
"She waited an hour ryan gosling."
He looked at me funny for saying his whole name. But
I thought that famous actors only went by their whole
name. I decided I'd just call him ryan from now on so
he wouldn't give me such looks.
"Not very dependable ryan."
"Huh?"
"Did you knock her up?"
"No. Why would you ask me that? I don't know you.
Thanks for the message, but don't, don't get into my
business."
"I've seen the notebook." I told him. He nodded then
looked back at his watch.
"knocked it up too, in a way."
"Excuse me?"
"Was that a method beard in that movie?"
"Dude." He took a break from his sentence for a
moment to try to figure out why I talked the way I
did. I seemed hostile to him.
"Is this how you talk to all the costumers?"
"You haven't bought anything."
"That's true. Well look if she comes back tell her to
call me, ok."
"She's not coming back, she told me to tell you 'fuck
you' and to tell you the baby is retarded and you have
a small penis and are only famous cause you got lucky
in an indie."
"What the fuck man? Fuck you."
"Now you want to knock me up. You can't, I haven't
eggs inside me."
"Jesus Christ."
He mumbled a bit as he turned and left the cafe. I
wiped my hands on my apron and went back to my office.
I had stood up for that poor pregnant lady, I
thought. God will remember me like he did nehemiah.
I rinsed a plate with hot water. It burns your hands
but the hotter the water the easier it is to clean off
the cream cheese. I wondered how this person had
enjoyed their bagel. If they came in often. I
continued to wash dishes, but had stopped watching the
front door.
only part 1 is true. part 2 is make believe.
I wash the dishes at a cafe in brooklyn on the weekend. While working in this new field, I took an empty plate from an attractive, black, pregnant, thirty something woman, to take back and wash real good. after
taking her plate she stood and addressed our counter girls.
"Excuse me" she said, "if an actor comes in here, you might recognize him, he's a famous actor, his name is ryan gosling. If he comes in here tell him I waited for an hour."
She was upset too. This guy didn't sound too dependable. I was mortified.
PART 2
"Don't worry ma'am. I'll let him know if he comes
in." I said.
"Thank you."
She left in a huff, a broken hearted huff.
I went back to my office, which is what I like to call
the sink. I began washing dishes. The dishes were
dirty with cream cheese and onion peices. I cleaned
them with dedication. Along with washing the dishes I
kept an eye on the front door to see if the famous
actor would come in.
I went on washing the dishes. It was a slow day. I
stood at the sink and thought about my job. It was
nice. I went out to the garden and smoked a
cigarette. When I had finished I came inside and
washed some more of the dirty dishes. Not many people
were coming in, until, of course, this famous actor
came in named ryan gosling. I recognized him from the
notebook. I wiped my hands on my apron and met him
before he got to the counter. I spoke with him.
"She's gone."
"What's that?"
"The blacl girl, she's already left."
"Oh. Shit."
He looked at his watch, and then at the door.
"She waited an hour ryan gosling."
He looked at me funny for saying his whole name. But
I thought that famous actors only went by their whole
name. I decided I'd just call him ryan from now on so
he wouldn't give me such looks.
"Not very dependable ryan."
"Huh?"
"Did you knock her up?"
"No. Why would you ask me that? I don't know you.
Thanks for the message, but don't, don't get into my
business."
"I've seen the notebook." I told him. He nodded then
looked back at his watch.
"knocked it up too, in a way."
"Excuse me?"
"Was that a method beard in that movie?"
"Dude." He took a break from his sentence for a
moment to try to figure out why I talked the way I
did. I seemed hostile to him.
"Is this how you talk to all the costumers?"
"You haven't bought anything."
"That's true. Well look if she comes back tell her to
call me, ok."
"She's not coming back, she told me to tell you 'fuck
you' and to tell you the baby is retarded and you have
a small penis and are only famous cause you got lucky
in an indie."
"What the fuck man? Fuck you."
"Now you want to knock me up. You can't, I haven't
eggs inside me."
"Jesus Christ."
He mumbled a bit as he turned and left the cafe. I
wiped my hands on my apron and went back to my office.
I had stood up for that poor pregnant lady, I
thought. God will remember me like he did nehemiah.
I rinsed a plate with hot water. It burns your hands
but the hotter the water the easier it is to clean off
the cream cheese. I wondered how this person had
enjoyed their bagel. If they came in often. I
continued to wash dishes, but had stopped watching the
front door.
only part 1 is true. part 2 is make believe.