(no subject)
So here it is December 26, Christmas has come and gone, and I feel a little sad. It just went so quickly, and this year I've been swept up in so much other stuff, that I feel like I haven't really given myself permission to enjoy myself. I've been entirely too stressed about work, and I probably ought to talk to my boss about it, just to gauge what's a healthy amount of panic on the job, and what's going to land me a perforated ulcer.
Oh, forget that. Let's talk about Christmas.
I did have a good year this year. I feel like I didn't spend nearly enough time with my family, but my brother and sister-in-law went to Chicago, and I worked Friday, Jack worked Sunday, so really Friday night and Saturday was our only time together. But we made it work. Mom cooked up a storm like she always does, with the legendary prime rib. Though we should've turned the TV off during dinner, we're such media gluts. Even if it was the Doctor Who Christmas special. Oh well. There were surprised for everyone, but I think Dad won with his last minute impulse gift for my little brother. Jack was amazed at his new Cowboys jersey, and of course wore it the rest of the day. Mom spoiled me with little things, pretty purple gloves, a Grace Kelly calendar, gift cards for places I love, and the willingness to let me spend my own money on frivolous grownup things. Yes, I now have a ridiculous smartphone, which is probably too smart for me, but there it is. Hopefully I won't drop it or let it guilt me into not using it properly.
I'm not sure I like being a grownup, such as I am, I still live at home and let my parents treat me like a kid. Mostly. Especially around Christmas, it just doesn't have as much charm and magic as it did when I was little. It certainly doesn't now that we're out of the old house and things have changed so much. No Grandma and Grandpa visit to spoil us rotten. No big brother. No hiding presents in the attic. No laying out all the Christmas ornaments on the table to decorate while we listen to the Muppet Christmas Carol. No shopping day with Mom in all our favorite places. Christmas feels so much more corporate and intense these days. It's on a schedule, so get your warm and fuzzy moments in a timely fashion. Move it!
Wow, I so relate to Charlie Brown right now.
Perhaps I'm secretly mourning my loss of childlike innocence. It's something that I cannot deny is happening. People seem to want the innocent version of me as well as the grownup version, and it's hard for me to be both of those things. This year has been a big step for me in many areas, my job, my friends, my parents, my independence, my views on love, my abilities. Some days I feel like I'm being torn apart, some days I'm absolutely brilliant. Usually somewhere in between. I just miss the days of going to bed so excited for Santa to come that it was hard to sleep, and then waking up to such wonderful surprises. I have such vivid memories brought on by Christmas, and it seems like they're so long ago.
And then Jack says something so stupidly funny that I can't stop laughing, and everything's okay. Maybe I don't have to remember every Christmas, but hold on to the ones I can, and be open to the ones to come. Everything moves and shakes, but as long as there are a few bright spots left from the old days, and new ones to replace the ones that have gone dark, I think I shall always have hope and faith and love for the world around me, and every soul in it.
And I don't care if it's the day after Christmas, I need a Charlie Brown fix. Here's to you all out there.
Oh, forget that. Let's talk about Christmas.
I did have a good year this year. I feel like I didn't spend nearly enough time with my family, but my brother and sister-in-law went to Chicago, and I worked Friday, Jack worked Sunday, so really Friday night and Saturday was our only time together. But we made it work. Mom cooked up a storm like she always does, with the legendary prime rib. Though we should've turned the TV off during dinner, we're such media gluts. Even if it was the Doctor Who Christmas special. Oh well. There were surprised for everyone, but I think Dad won with his last minute impulse gift for my little brother. Jack was amazed at his new Cowboys jersey, and of course wore it the rest of the day. Mom spoiled me with little things, pretty purple gloves, a Grace Kelly calendar, gift cards for places I love, and the willingness to let me spend my own money on frivolous grownup things. Yes, I now have a ridiculous smartphone, which is probably too smart for me, but there it is. Hopefully I won't drop it or let it guilt me into not using it properly.
I'm not sure I like being a grownup, such as I am, I still live at home and let my parents treat me like a kid. Mostly. Especially around Christmas, it just doesn't have as much charm and magic as it did when I was little. It certainly doesn't now that we're out of the old house and things have changed so much. No Grandma and Grandpa visit to spoil us rotten. No big brother. No hiding presents in the attic. No laying out all the Christmas ornaments on the table to decorate while we listen to the Muppet Christmas Carol. No shopping day with Mom in all our favorite places. Christmas feels so much more corporate and intense these days. It's on a schedule, so get your warm and fuzzy moments in a timely fashion. Move it!
Wow, I so relate to Charlie Brown right now.
Perhaps I'm secretly mourning my loss of childlike innocence. It's something that I cannot deny is happening. People seem to want the innocent version of me as well as the grownup version, and it's hard for me to be both of those things. This year has been a big step for me in many areas, my job, my friends, my parents, my independence, my views on love, my abilities. Some days I feel like I'm being torn apart, some days I'm absolutely brilliant. Usually somewhere in between. I just miss the days of going to bed so excited for Santa to come that it was hard to sleep, and then waking up to such wonderful surprises. I have such vivid memories brought on by Christmas, and it seems like they're so long ago.
And then Jack says something so stupidly funny that I can't stop laughing, and everything's okay. Maybe I don't have to remember every Christmas, but hold on to the ones I can, and be open to the ones to come. Everything moves and shakes, but as long as there are a few bright spots left from the old days, and new ones to replace the ones that have gone dark, I think I shall always have hope and faith and love for the world around me, and every soul in it.
And I don't care if it's the day after Christmas, I need a Charlie Brown fix. Here's to you all out there.