(no subject)
Okay, so I never vent in this thing. Right? Ha.
This is supposed to be my last summer before I'm out of high school. But I haven't done anything yet. Well, except for going to Disney. Don't get me wrong, it was amazing, and I'm so happy and greatful that I got to go when I know we don't really have all the money to be going there. We should be using it on other stuff, but oh well. It's only gonna take us, what...6 years to pay it off? Ha. Yuh. I don't know. I guess I just feel like I should be doing more. Going out, having fun. But all I've really done is sit/ lay around/read/watch tv/go online. And it's getting very old extremely fast. And on top of that I still don't have my license, so it's not like I can just go out and do whatever...go to the movies or mall or anything. Or even just hang out with friends.
But that's another thing. I don't want to be friends with people who are going to be nice to my face, and then never talk to me outside of school. I want those real friends. The ones you can always hang out with. The ones you can do anything with and tell anything and everything. Instead most of the time I'm just doubting people. What do they say about me when im not around? Why doesn't it feel like we're as good of friends as they say? I guess I've just always had to blame the reason for people not liking me on some "flaw" that I have. Some "flaw" that I've never thought of until I realized these people weren't as sincere in a friendship as I thought. Until I've just about picked apart every single piece of me, just looking for this "flaw". I just want to meet some new people, new faces, who won't judge me, who won't talk about me, who are honest, and sincere, and actually hang out when they say they want to make plans. But maybe I am just asking too much?
The one good thing that has come out of this summer so far is being able to see Stephen. <3 But now he has to work, so it's a little trickier to make plans at times. But oh well. I Love You.
So I've been sitting at home, alone, all day. Doing nothing. I might as well get back to nothing. I wish I could see Stephen again. After a perfect night lastnight. But work calls. lol.
xo.