Goodbye to 2009
So I’m sort of copying Dani and Van on this one -she wrote the more influential things of the decade. So me and my non-creative mind decided that I want to write the “big” moments of 2009, since it is New Year’s Eve and I’m about to start the next year with a clean slate and aspirations for the future. But tonight is a night of reflections before I go party the roller coaster of a year away. These are in no particular order.
Prom
This may just sound stupid because it’s something as petty as prom, but it really meant a lot to me and was one of the best nights of the year. Everything just fell into place, despite the fact that “the boy” left me high and dry months before, though I understand his situation and that he needed to be with her at the time. Not the point though. My date came completely randomly, but it was completely fine because no matter what, I was with my friends and living instead of sitting on the sidelines as usual. Plus, who doesn’t love dressing up like a princess? It was just a fun night.
Madison
I know I’ve had an entire entry on this, but I’m so ridiculously excited to go to college next year. I’m ready, yet I’m scared. But the moment I saw I was accepted online… I was stunned. It’s so unbelievably amazing that I’m going to such a good school, plus it’s going to be a lot of diverse people who love to have a good time. It’s my first step into the future, my first foot down into what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Plus, I can finally wear Wildcat colors -Madison’s red and white. It’s going to be an adjustment, but I’m ready and I can’t wait.
State
State was one of a kind. Again, I’ve already discussed this in one of my other entries, but I can’t believe how perfect it was. It was just unreal because I was the unexpected daughter to do something great. With the people I love and a team that bonded into a family, it was a great way to kiss my competitive running career goodbye. I’ll never forget that weekend, not the cold or the lights going off in the restaurant on Halloween.
“The Boy”
The attraction had been building for two years. He was the boy who sat behind me in Crime and Law -I was the girl who was always on his mind despite his girlfriend. We had been playing with hearts and restraint for so long that something had to happen. There was too much tension between us for nothing to come about. He called me up to go get lunch with him, the Fourth of July never burned so brightly or tasted so sweet. I can still taste his kiss even after this time -mint with a faint taste of tobacco, though he promised never to do it in front of me. I had been scared I finally had him, and pushed him away. He didn’t give up though. I’ll never be able to watch The Haunting in Connecticut without thinking of the night and the way he felt against me.
I don’t know if I loved him. He was my best friend, I’d like to say that in some twisted way I did, but it wasn’t enough. If anything good came from our fall out, it gave me the strength to move on. If my supposive “best girl friend” hadn’t manipulated me to believe it wasn’t innocent, I wouldn’t be with the friends I have today, the friends who I’ve always wanted and who don’t put me down. I had lost him, but he was leaving anyways. Is Edward Cullen right? Was a clean break the way to go? He found love in his ex again, and he was happy. That’s all I ever wanted.
I saw him last night. I spent the night with him and it was as if the summer never happened. As if he never kissed me or watched the fireworks blow up in our eyes. We were back to who we were before he held me and touched me like I was something special. He hugged me and promised to see me before he left again, but I’ve learned not to take his words on anything, because they’re empty.
I lived. That’s all that mattered, was that I finally broke the boundary and lived.
Grandma’s Death
This still feels a bit surreal to me. I wasn’t that close to my grandmother, in fact I could even go as far to say that I disliked going over to her house on Christmas Eve and thought she smelled like old people. It was such a contrast to my grandma on my mom’s side of the family who still runs three miles and is seventy years old. It was my birthday weekend that my grandma passed away. I can still remember the excruciating wait for her to just pass. It was difficult to see my dad, who is usually so full of life, quiet and composed. It broke my heart. But she’s with my grandpa now -in fact she stopped living when he passed. I’ll always love her, but this made me value life and see how different people cope with tragic situations, such as me.
Kasey
This, I will admit, was the biggest event that shaped me in 2009. It was a moment of betrayal, of lies and deceit. Yet at the same time, it was so much more. It was trying to be understanding and see things from a different angle. No one’s perfect, and things are different now then what I originally had thought. I was stuck in the middle of a situation I didn’t want to be in. I was Anna, and it was something I would never wish upon anyone.
Kasey and I, for those of you who don’t know, are closer than close. We are best friends, have been for the longest time but college only brought us closer. She was a typical American teenage girl with a flirtatious nature. She had boyfriends all through high school and dated someone we absolutely loved her freshman year of college. They broke up, and she was upset. So she started dating someone at her work who doesn’t exactly have the reputation of someone we can picture in the family. My friends worked at the same place that she did, and they all told me horror stories of this guy. People would come to my parents and ask why she’s dating him; it’s not a “Kasey” kind of guy. I tried to be accepting, but it’s easier said than done.
Then she lied and the world blew up.
The worst part was that my dad threatened to throw her out. He was ready to kick her out of the house because he was no good for her and she cared more for him then she does for us. This is true, I’m going to be honest that she was ready to leave until they sat and told her she was financially unable to do it. He’s not really going anywhere with his life, he wouldn’t be able to support her despite the fact that he tells her we’re not good for her. I’m trying to be fair, but he’s not someone to marry and she doesn’t see that. I understand that she loves him, and I respect that she does, but once in awhile it would be nice if he’d even come say hello, just to show that he cares.