Dammit.
I hate myself. I'm so stupid. Yesterday I lost a battle against myself and it makes me sick. My better part is so weak.
So I decided to write what goes through my mind daily.
Why are you doing this? It's so stupid. You'll be a hypocrite.
But you deserve it. You're a terrible person and you deserve it.
It hurts and it's irrational!
You need to hurt. It's your fault.
What is?
Everything.
That's not true.
Then why do you feel this way?
Shit.
*cut*
He doesn't love you.
He says he does.
You don't trust him. How can you? Anyway, it 's your fault he doesn't.
But he does.
You're not worth loving.
*cut*
Stop! It's stupid!
But you deserve it, no one else is punishing you.
Maybe it's because I haven't done anything wrong.
Yes you have. You're failing at life and you're mean to others and you're not worth anything. You don't have talent. You're fat. You're ugly. Why would he ever love you? Why would anyone?
...
You believe it, too. You can't argue with how much you hate yourself. Because you do.
But Dr. Fowler told me it's all in my mind.
What isn't?
*cut*
STOP.
You can't. You know you deserve it. You worthless bitch!
*cut*
But he loves me.
No he doesn't. You're not worth loving. You have nothing he wants. You have a hideous body and you're so ugly, he doesn't really love you. I could list 20 more girls he would rather be with.
But he said he doesn't want to be with anyone else.
You believed him!? Look at yourself! You're worthless.
So I decided to write what goes through my mind daily.
Why are you doing this? It's so stupid. You'll be a hypocrite.
But you deserve it. You're a terrible person and you deserve it.
It hurts and it's irrational!
You need to hurt. It's your fault.
What is?
Everything.
That's not true.
Then why do you feel this way?
Shit.
*cut*
He doesn't love you.
He says he does.
You don't trust him. How can you? Anyway, it 's your fault he doesn't.
But he does.
You're not worth loving.
*cut*
Stop! It's stupid!
But you deserve it, no one else is punishing you.
Maybe it's because I haven't done anything wrong.
Yes you have. You're failing at life and you're mean to others and you're not worth anything. You don't have talent. You're fat. You're ugly. Why would he ever love you? Why would anyone?
...
You believe it, too. You can't argue with how much you hate yourself. Because you do.
But Dr. Fowler told me it's all in my mind.
What isn't?
*cut*
STOP.
You can't. You know you deserve it. You worthless bitch!
*cut*
But he loves me.
No he doesn't. You're not worth loving. You have nothing he wants. You have a hideous body and you're so ugly, he doesn't really love you. I could list 20 more girls he would rather be with.
But he said he doesn't want to be with anyone else.
You believed him!? Look at yourself! You're worthless.