just a mix of everything
so this weekend was absolutly what i needed because i just needed to totally relax. and i got to. i got up on sat at 6am, after going to bed around 3am. it was nice...got dressed, and left for portsea on a 3 hour trip via train and bus. i was super excited, and i wrote in my journal(my physical one) on the trip for the first time since july. it felt nice to just write something. i got to portsea, only to find out i needed to go to the back beach (apparently thats what they call the surf spots here) so i walked 2k in 16 minutes. i freaking rule ( i had a pack on)the surf was rocking in portsea, but i couldnt find a surf shop to rent from even tho there are ones in portsea...i met these two aussies who are married and they took pity on me and drove me to sorento, and took me to the back beach there, and i went surfing. i had the most fun just going out, and to my last entry the poem, it was just like that, i felt sooo much better...i got killed by the waves and i got 2 nice rides...haha i know right 2 rides isnt a lot, but well, i was having fun right?? i chilled in the sun and got sunburned on my head back and tops of my feet, hehe. i also talked to neoma for like an hour, which made the day ever so much better. i walked the beach and explored a little, it was sooo much fun. i walked into sorento from the beach, and returned the board, and then got some juice and talked to another aussie, and it was so much fun..hehe. then i walked around sorento, then got a bus ride back to the train. i had to pee the entire trip back which is an hour, and so when i got off the bus i ran to the nearest place and peed for like 2 minutes. and then left. got some food, hopped on the 702 train, and headed home. it was soo much fun, i chilled in ry and marleny's room for a little while before heading to my apartment, and basically went to bed at that point after unpacking. i think im going surfing again this weekend with ry, think big word there.
--handed in two of three papers today. i was happy i finished 2 papers, the third due in a little over a week, so i work on it this week. i then went to the gym, where i worked out everything but my abs, they are still sore from last week, and the surfing. everything felt good, and i got some food, and headed home. ate some food and then had the best nap in a while, just a deep 1 hour sleep, and then Marie-Claire came over and we chilled. we went to starbucks in the rain, it was fun, i love walking in the rain, chilled there for a bit, then came back to the apartment so i could show her pics that devin had put on facebook of my back from the night i had too much to drink and abby and i ran into dave and well i was only a tad drunk, but passed off as sober, then chilled with red headed jen, mario and abby then back to the room only to be drawn on. hehehe, fun times, but it made me sooo sad, cause i miss everyone sooo much. playing risk with everyone, denny's at 2/3am, andrew driving the car at very unsafe speeds on the highway. i needed to eat, so MC decided to stay and so i had pasta with meatballs and sauce and garlic bread, so i split it with her. we got to talking about why im on zoloft, and what it is really for, and well my parents and everything. how they have shaped my life, how its hard to trust people because of it. just a long convo. her and i talked about whats been going on in her life, and how she should handle it. then she left, and i watched some south park, then greys anotomy and then 24!!! and now im writing here, because im alone and abandoned because my roommies are celbrating keith's bday, and well, they didnt even ask if i wanted to come up to kathrines room and wish him a happy bday. they just packed the pot pipe and went upstairs. wtf??? that like totally mean, and unfair. u know what, i cant wait to hang out with people who are actually nice. other then some of my friends who i chill with here. but seriously, im ur fucking roommie, u can be polite and ask, even tho u know i might say no because pot is envolved. errrr. i hate these feelings of being absolutly alone, i dunno, maybe i just need to go out and get sooo drunk and have a random hookup and not remember shit in the morning. i think that it will make me feel better. anything has to feel better then the shit im feeling now. anything is better then how i feel now. i hope i can sleep, cause if i cant, im going to be working out more tomorrow then the 1.2 hours it was today, and i can always add more to my workout routine. even when my knee is hurting, i just want that feeling of helplessness to get the hell out of my head NOW. i want nothing more then to be with an awesome girl, and just be hugged right now. errrr.....in so many ways i want out of somethings, and others i want in. i know i have a little over a week before my dad comes out to australia, and i have to find stuff to send home and others to wash, blah blah, and get my friends gifts, lalala. im so sick and tired of being ignored by my roommies, and by their friends who just come in and are like hi zak, and just go in to either andy or kyles room and just smoke, then come out all high and shit and then just leave with them, and go out, only to come back, smoke more, then leave.
i think i should shower and get into bed, and just do nothing, cause thats all im good for. nothing....maybe ill try to be semi-productive and just work on my novel. i want to just feel something other then anger right now........
--handed in two of three papers today. i was happy i finished 2 papers, the third due in a little over a week, so i work on it this week. i then went to the gym, where i worked out everything but my abs, they are still sore from last week, and the surfing. everything felt good, and i got some food, and headed home. ate some food and then had the best nap in a while, just a deep 1 hour sleep, and then Marie-Claire came over and we chilled. we went to starbucks in the rain, it was fun, i love walking in the rain, chilled there for a bit, then came back to the apartment so i could show her pics that devin had put on facebook of my back from the night i had too much to drink and abby and i ran into dave and well i was only a tad drunk, but passed off as sober, then chilled with red headed jen, mario and abby then back to the room only to be drawn on. hehehe, fun times, but it made me sooo sad, cause i miss everyone sooo much. playing risk with everyone, denny's at 2/3am, andrew driving the car at very unsafe speeds on the highway. i needed to eat, so MC decided to stay and so i had pasta with meatballs and sauce and garlic bread, so i split it with her. we got to talking about why im on zoloft, and what it is really for, and well my parents and everything. how they have shaped my life, how its hard to trust people because of it. just a long convo. her and i talked about whats been going on in her life, and how she should handle it. then she left, and i watched some south park, then greys anotomy and then 24!!! and now im writing here, because im alone and abandoned because my roommies are celbrating keith's bday, and well, they didnt even ask if i wanted to come up to kathrines room and wish him a happy bday. they just packed the pot pipe and went upstairs. wtf??? that like totally mean, and unfair. u know what, i cant wait to hang out with people who are actually nice. other then some of my friends who i chill with here. but seriously, im ur fucking roommie, u can be polite and ask, even tho u know i might say no because pot is envolved. errrr. i hate these feelings of being absolutly alone, i dunno, maybe i just need to go out and get sooo drunk and have a random hookup and not remember shit in the morning. i think that it will make me feel better. anything has to feel better then the shit im feeling now. anything is better then how i feel now. i hope i can sleep, cause if i cant, im going to be working out more tomorrow then the 1.2 hours it was today, and i can always add more to my workout routine. even when my knee is hurting, i just want that feeling of helplessness to get the hell out of my head NOW. i want nothing more then to be with an awesome girl, and just be hugged right now. errrr.....in so many ways i want out of somethings, and others i want in. i know i have a little over a week before my dad comes out to australia, and i have to find stuff to send home and others to wash, blah blah, and get my friends gifts, lalala. im so sick and tired of being ignored by my roommies, and by their friends who just come in and are like hi zak, and just go in to either andy or kyles room and just smoke, then come out all high and shit and then just leave with them, and go out, only to come back, smoke more, then leave.
i think i should shower and get into bed, and just do nothing, cause thats all im good for. nothing....maybe ill try to be semi-productive and just work on my novel. i want to just feel something other then anger right now........