finding my balance. standing straight.
woke up to Elijah Wyman this morning (my iPod snuggly grasped in my hands), air smelled fresh and felt crisp against my skin, and of course, my nose was all stuffed up from the cold i caught from frolicking in the snow with g.won the other night!
everything was all fine and dandy until i really, really woke up and realized that i had leftover baggage from the night before which unfortunately required myself to gather the energy to think again. such a pity, for i was lost in pure bliss, sipping on my green tea in lieu of really thinking.
it's interesting how our minds create false pretenses when clearly at a state of equilibrium. is it purely because we are human, and we as human strive to be perfect (although impossible), and therefore when all surrounding conditions are balanced, they forge cruelty upon themselves to have yet something else to hold onto, and feel bad about? i say it's all one vicious cycle; everything comes in full circle anyway. ("we are ovals!")
sure, we'd all like to view our lives as one clean, simple cycle. looking outside -> in, it is. everything outside of the big picture seems petty and merely miniscule. but it is so hard to always pull your mind out of the microscope it is hiding behind and into that "big picturesque" way. we always struggle within the inner circle trying to find balance, which, when found, we dig up more illusions to fill in that abandoned space anyway.
is the phrase "the more you know, the more you don't know" valid to some degree? as we grow older, we hopefully encompass more knowledge and wisdom. but in between the stages of point. A - sans knowledge and wisdom - and point. B - a fruitful lifestyle and thinking - we hit somewhere along the lines of point. A.5 - where everything is grey; and all that we soak in seems so overwhelming rather than fulfilling.
yes, i am struggling to keep my composure. i can't find my balance due to my constant fickle self, and if there's one thing i hate about this phase in my life is that i am bringing other people outside my immediate bubble down with me. out of what? pure selfishness.
maybe i am just starting to lose grasp of reality.
"The world was beautiful when looked at in this way - without any seeking, so simple, so childlike...It was beautiful and pleasant to go through the world like that, so childlike, so awakened, so concerned with the immediate, without any distrust." -Siddhartha
everything was all fine and dandy until i really, really woke up and realized that i had leftover baggage from the night before which unfortunately required myself to gather the energy to think again. such a pity, for i was lost in pure bliss, sipping on my green tea in lieu of really thinking.
it's interesting how our minds create false pretenses when clearly at a state of equilibrium. is it purely because we are human, and we as human strive to be perfect (although impossible), and therefore when all surrounding conditions are balanced, they forge cruelty upon themselves to have yet something else to hold onto, and feel bad about? i say it's all one vicious cycle; everything comes in full circle anyway. ("we are ovals!")
sure, we'd all like to view our lives as one clean, simple cycle. looking outside -> in, it is. everything outside of the big picture seems petty and merely miniscule. but it is so hard to always pull your mind out of the microscope it is hiding behind and into that "big picturesque" way. we always struggle within the inner circle trying to find balance, which, when found, we dig up more illusions to fill in that abandoned space anyway.
is the phrase "the more you know, the more you don't know" valid to some degree? as we grow older, we hopefully encompass more knowledge and wisdom. but in between the stages of point. A - sans knowledge and wisdom - and point. B - a fruitful lifestyle and thinking - we hit somewhere along the lines of point. A.5 - where everything is grey; and all that we soak in seems so overwhelming rather than fulfilling.
yes, i am struggling to keep my composure. i can't find my balance due to my constant fickle self, and if there's one thing i hate about this phase in my life is that i am bringing other people outside my immediate bubble down with me. out of what? pure selfishness.
maybe i am just starting to lose grasp of reality.
"The world was beautiful when looked at in this way - without any seeking, so simple, so childlike...It was beautiful and pleasant to go through the world like that, so childlike, so awakened, so concerned with the immediate, without any distrust." -Siddhartha