(no subject)
Here’s my summary of the past two days.
Yesterday I went to Roxie’s, and we hung out for a while and took pictures. It was pretty fun. She got a cell that isn’t bright ass yellow and it’s pretty spiff.
Then, I went out and saw my grandfather’s body. I haven’t really cried much about this whole thing, but the very second I see that coffin half-open, I just burst out bawling. I couldn’t help it. I just cried and cried. He looked so…peaceful, really. He looked like if he could wake up, he wouldn’t have Alzheimer’s. He looked like he knew everything again.
Today, we were at the service, and of course my crazy relatives were going psycho. Wayyy worse than normal. I mean, they put up a huge fit when my mum, sister, and I all sat by our father. I didn’t cry much through the service, but I couldn’t look at my dad because I knew I would bawl. I just feel so guilty for leaving him. I mean, yes, it’s his fault. But everything is just so complicated. I was okay, and then we went to the cemetery, and I looked at him, and couldn’t help but start crying. Harder than I’d ever cried before. It was like, beyond bawling. And the worst part is, I don’t think it’s because of Bop. I really don’t. I’m okay with it…he’s not suffering anymore. I think it’s because of my dad. I mean, he’s been just fine this whole time. If he died, I’d be a basket case.
Sorry this is all jumbelled up and random. I can’t concentrate well today.
