[30 Kisses][Fire Emblem] Mercy (Elysium AU 5)
Mercy
Author: Amber Michelle
Pairing: Lehran/Sanaki
Fandom: Fire Emblem 9/10
Theme: 16 - unrivaled
Gauntlet Theme: 7 - I wished your dust to intermingle with mine
Words: 9353 (this was unexpected... >_>)
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Fire Emblem is copyrighted by Intelligent Systems and Nintendo. I'm not getting any money out of this, just satisfaction~
Notes: December seems to be the "I hate everything and think it sucks" month by default. If last year is any indication, I'll change my mind in a month or two. I think I'll wait until I have a better mindset to do any serious revision. Hell, these are rough drafts anyway, so if there are problems, deal.
However, I would like to remind certain people that this is my fangirl AU, and so... so. I do try to cover it up. Usually.
There's no hiding this, though. ONWARD, DEAR READER, EVER ONWARD.
Previous Installments:
1. Judgment
2. Initiation
3. Unforgiven
4. Reflection
.......................................
The day Lehran left for Goldoa dawned gray, a cloak of clouds swept over its mountains with a flourish of chill wind to announce the creeping of winter upon Sienne, and breath puffed white and frosty from Sanaki's lips as she stood, hands on the iron rail of the highest window in the cathedral and its tiny half-moon balcony, fingertips stiff and cold as ice where they lay on the flat top. It rose to her waist now, rather than halfway to her breast as it used to. She hadn't seen him off for a long time - three or four years, at least, and all of those mornings had been sunny and warm. Rain pattered onto the stone wall, uneven; it slapped onto the tiles, then stopped, then flew for the open window with a gust of wind and struck the glass with pounding fingers, scattering across her hands, face, the front of her dress.
She wiped her cheeks with the edge of her shawl and blew a long, cloudy sigh that fogged the panes of the frame to her left. "I knew it would rain. He's going to come home sick."
"Rain clouds drift low to the ground, as mortals reckon such things. He will fly above them."
Sanaki stopped herself from turning, though her head tilted slightly before she remembered. A dozen questions leapt to the fore of her mind: could he breathe, wouldn't he freeze, wasn't Goldoa more than five days away even as the hawks flew? "Even so. I would rather he be safe." And warm. And home.
Ashera's voice reminded her of Tanith with its depth and the way she clipped her words, yet in the goddess it was a habit that reminded one of an accent - as if she still struggled with the proper intonations and semantics of a new language, as Sanaki herself did when trying to speak in the old tongue. "He was born to fly, empress, and has done so longer than anyone else alive." Ashera's aura brushed the back of Sanaki's neck like a warm wind, like a fire at her back to drive the chill away; she stood behind the half door they'd left closed, her back to the glass, and it seemed when Sanaki turned around that the panes should have fogged up. "Now that we have seen him off, there is a matter we must address. Come inside."
She stepped in and closed the door. The glass rattled, the brass latch squeaked and grated. Dust had blanketed the floor, decorative moldings, light fixtures, until Ashera said a few words to clear it, and now the decor looked dull and faded. Tiles that used to be green and blue patterned the floor in perfect octagons; two lamp fixtures decorated every wall, tarnished and decrepit, ready to fall from the plaster. Sanaki never had cause to come up to this floor and neither, it seemed, did anyone else, even the servants. It would have made a pleasant bedroom if one could ignore the cliche of living at the top of an ivory tower - there were windows on all sides, some of them stained glass in faded tints of red, green, blue. Lehran liked high places, so he couldn't object to staying with her if she opened the windows and let the wind sweep in and ruffle his feathers--
Sanaki looked at a window across the empty room and tried to push Lehran from her thoughts. Ashera's resinous scent made the air thick and warm, and Sanaki took a deep breath to orient herself in the present. "Has something gone wrong?" The birds, perhaps; Caineghis, rebelling before she thought he would? A famine?
The goddess moved into her line of sight before she spoke; she'd never done that before. "Your health," Ashera said, lifting a hand. Sanaki flinched, but the goddess paused little more than a second before her fingers pinched her chin as Sanaki remembered from their second meeting, when she was a child, and tilted her head a little this way, that way. Examining her eyes, maybe, or her pallor. "Have you sickened recently? Is your body following its cycle?"
Her neck felt stiff, and the goddess's fingers on her chin were cold like the iron rail outside. "No." Sanaki blinked twice, let Ashera have her way. "No, everything is fine. Why now--?"
Ashera let her go. Her brows drew down a hair. "Lehran told me you have been worried."
Lehran did? Sanaki tried to remember what she'd said to him on the topic and came up blank. She couldn't remember the last time she got sick; if anything, her body refused to grow, and that wasn't worry so much as frustration at her height or the state of her figure - which was improving little by little, so slowly she may as well still be fourteen. "I-- don't think I've ever gotten sick, Lady Ashera."
Ashera watched her with lidded eyes, not blinking, her expression as stony as the cathedral walls. "As it should be."
"Then why--"
Ashera's pale hand lifted, calling for silence, but she didn't speak. Sanaki opened her mouth again--
A knock - Sigrun's knock, three sharp raps of the knuckle that echoed in the empty chamber, followed by the squeal of the old-fashioned latch when Sanaki called for her to enter. Lanterns lit the landing outside, and the stairs spiraled out of sight into dimness. "Marcia says a representative of the Daein conclave wishes to speak with you before your meeting with Lady Elincia," her knight said, her fingers hanging from the paddle-shaped doorknob. "We've another three hours before that, so I thought I'd ask directly."
Sanaki looked at the goddess, but her red eyes only slid aside to meet her gaze, and were not followed with an order. "Tell her to wait by the fountain on the way to the palace. I'll be down shortly."
Sigrun saluted, fist to heart, bowed to Ashera, and backed out of the room. The door latched shut as loudly as it opened, like a lock clanking shut on a prison door. Sanaki turned around. The light felt colder now that the warmer illumination of the guard's lanterns had been shut out. The sun showed no sign of poking through the clouds to set upon the colored glass. Ashera's hair contrasted with the cool shades of the decor, fire against the dark. It hung still down her back and all the way to her ankles, where the train of her black dress spread in a half-circle. Golden chains and beads clicked and chimed when her head moved tilted, the angle so slight Sanaki didn't think the gesture could be called questioning or expectant.
Then, Ashera said the strangest thing yet: "I have a proposal for you, empress - one I hope you will find agreeable."
Nothing the goddess proposed had ever been agreeable; Lehran left, and the atmosphere around her changed - thickened, darkened, went bitter, the taste of it spreading like pigment from tea leaves to overcome everything in the room. "To my memory," she said, trying to forget the metaphor, for the air imitated her thoughts and gave form to her imagination, "you have never requested anything beyond my capability to grant."
The goddess should have said that, not the servant. Sanaki's desires had not changed. They were easy to grant as ever, requiring only the cooperation of another mortal party who would remain nameless, an individual whom Ashera refused to coerce, though she had no qualms about forcing the cooperation of her 'little empress.' How lucky was Lehran? How blessed? Did he even realize?
"I have determined that Altina's dynasty shall end in your generation," the goddess said, her eyes moving to note the widening of Sanaki's. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. "The model your people followed in my absence is fatally flawed."
That-- was true, but if better models existed, they were not in the history books, and Sanaki wasn't up to the task of creating a new one. Her heart was still beating in her throat. "I admit the senate was a terrible idea, but--"
"The monarchy and its practice of primogeniture is equally flawed, empress. It leads to war and chaos as all changes in rulership do."
She crossed her arms. The goddess must have been waiting for a reply, but she didn't have one; it might be arguable, if Sanaki had examples of any other system, but Tellius had not produced more than monarchies and a glorified oligarchy. "I'm sorry, Lady Ashera, I don't know what else there is."
Ashera sighed; her eyes actually closed, the slant of her eyebrows dipping. "You do try my patience."
Sanaki swallowed, willed her tension and the rapid beat of her heart to calm. "So it isn't infinite after all?"
The goddess frowned - a real downturn of her lips like a bold line drawn in ink. "There are other lands on this world beside Tellius I must examine and oversee, and Lehran is not suited to take my place. You will have to suffice."
"Impossible." She tried not to laugh; the goddess wouldn't care, but her voice would tremble and make her sound nervous, and she wasn't. There was nothing to be afraid of, unless this illogical suggestion meant Ashera's very nature was breaking down into little, tiny fragments. "Beorc don't live that long, and even laguz--"
"You are neither - therefore they do not concern you." Ashera opened her red eyes again, and Sanaki wished they'd stayed closed. They seemed to burn, but it was just the light - the illumination from the windows glinting, the soft glow of her aura reflected by the plaster walls and blue tiles.
Where had she heard that before? "I'm not Branded either."
"You are what I make of you."
Why, when Ashera's voice was so soft, did Sanaki feel as if a hammer had slammed into the tiles? Her ears rang, her stomach tightened. It was the old tongue, and Lehran had taught her enough to read, and to understand when he spoke to her, but she thought this phrase had come up before. "What an... odd thing to say."
Ashera lifted her hand and pressed a cold, dry fingertip to the center of Sanaki's forehead. The feathery border of her sleeve drooped, spread like a fan, brushed her nose. Around her, the balmy warmth of the goddess's aura became a snowstorm, freezing her skin until Ashera's touch was no longer discernible and frostbite tingled and stabbed the tips of her fingers, her nose, her ears, everything. The goddess repeated her claim, you are what I make of you, and Sanaki remembered - it was a long time ago, ages it seemed like, years, since she first met the goddess and felt the same seizing in her chest and weakening of her limbs. It was fire last time, and now ice, but the words were the same, in the same language.
Her legs gave out when Ashera removed her finger, and the goddess caught her before she hit the floor. That, too, was just like last time, but Lehran wasn't there to soothe her with a kiss.
*
The rain had stopped by the time Sanaki descended from the tower room to the empty marble hall at the fore of the cathedral. Gray marble floors lent their dull shine to the dimness of the morning, reflecting blurry shapes instead of her knights, smears of white and red for her dress - this time a high-waisted gown in a red almost purple, and no train to drag and confound her stride. She walked to the back entrance and out to the courtyard garden separating the official buildings from the palace, accompanied by the clank of spear hafts against armor where her guard held their weapons to their shoulder plates, heavy footsteps, the slap of her own sandals on her heels. Each sound pounded in her temples. Ashera had banished the vertigo that brought Sanaki to her knees earlier, but those marble hands would never be warm or soothing; her arms felt like chunks of icicle slapping at her sides and her chest hurt.
Outside the air smelled like wet stone and rotting leaves. The fountain still splashed, a finger away from overflowing, and a girl Sanaki didn't remember waited in the open corridor beside the open area, sheltered by the overhang of the upper hallways and a dangling fringe of wisteria vines beginning to yellow and wilt at the edges. She clasped her hands together and bowed. A sleek, pale ponytail slid over her shoulder. "Your majesty. My name is Ena." Garnet eyes and a mark to match on her forehead meant she was a dragon, though Sanaki didn't know any of them had stayed with the Daein migrants once they were added to her paperwork and sent up north. "Lehran asked me to advise you during his absence."
Ah. That made perfect sense, though what he thought she needed advice on was up in the air - dealing with Gallia? She'd not seen anything of the cats since they agreed to Ashera's terms. "A pleasure," Sanaki said, gathering her shawl around her shoulders. The weave was loose and ineffective, but it had looked so warm and comfortable when she put it on in her rooms. "I don't suppose he offered any more of an explanation? There are no pressing political matters to take care of at the moment, unless something has happened with your conclave."
Ena straightened and spoke with her eyes averted. "I am not familiar enough with his character to make an accurate guess. Perhaps he is worried about your safety. Prince Kurth told me the bird tribes are causing trouble for you."
"Not in so many words." Sanaki gestured for the dragon girl to follow and started walking. Her rooms would be warmer, and earlier, Sigrun had promised her new clothes would be delivered that morning - some of them would be heavier and more appropriate for the season, she hoped. The dress she wore now was thin enough for summer weather. "Will you be here long?"
"Until I am commanded to leave."
Sanaki waited for her to say more, and sighed when the other girl remained silent. Dragons. Would they do anything without the command of their king? She didn't want to talk; her throat still felt tight. "Your credentials?"
"Prior to the war, I advised King Ashnard and his generals in the dispensation of their troops," Ena said. Her voice was quiet, almost drowned by the sound of their escort, their footsteps. "My work kept me at General Petrine's side for the most part. After the Judgment, I stayed with Prince Kurthnaga to advise him on the handling of Daein's natives."
"Hm. That could be useful." Sanaki hiked her skirt above her ankles to take the steps into her palace. He liked to send dragons after her, it seemed; when Lehran left to gather survivors after the judgment, he'd sent Nasir to her with letters, parcels, questions. Nasir continued to carry messages from the provinces afterward. Now he sent Ena. Was it because they were so obstinate in their loyalty to Ashera, or because he'd spent nearly seven hundred years with them? Sanaki found that number hard to accept or imagine, but they were constant - even trustworthy. She wondered if a dragon could conceive such an idea as betrayal.
Yes. Sanaki paused on the third floor landing, hand on the rail, and stared at the molded plaster of the ceiling and its pattern of interlocking circles. Yes, they could.
She turned to face her companion. "I thought dragons abhorred war."
Ena met her eyes for the space of a breath, then looked away. "We do not involve ourselves in squabbles between races."
Sanaki tilted her head. "Unless they are instigated by mad kings or vengeful herons?"
Ena took a breath, about to speak - and then closed her mouth.
"Well, I'm not mad that I know of," Sanaki said, facing forward again. "Nor is Lehran causing any more trouble - that I know of." She started walking again, because the hallway was cold, and the palace stairs weren't enough to stir her blood and warm her after a lifetime of climbing Ashera's tower every evening. Sigrun led the way, and two others trailed behind on the staircase. The goddess had stayed behind in the tower room, but she would be at the tower again by now; she traveled at the blink of an eye, turned into shadows and was gone, and Sanaki wished she could traverse space and time as quickly. "Is there anything we need to address now, or was this just an introduction?"
Ena came back to herself and replied with the same soft reserve she'd demonstrated so far; she only wanted to meet Sanaki, and meant to begin her duty as adviser for the meeting with Elincia. How she had made herself heard in Daein - how she'd guided Petrine, reportedly an obnoxious woman, to listen wasn't readily apparent when one took in her self-effacing posture and unwillingness to raise her voice, but it was too early to tell. Sanaki sent Ena away with instructions to meet the princess in a chamber on the second floor and keep her entertained until she arrived, and then ignored the dragon girl's bow to enter her rooms. She walked straight to the fire, which burned low and shed a comforting shade of orange.
The fire took its sweet time warming her. Sigrun reached around her to prod it to life, added wood from the brass basket in the corner, and went into the bedroom to see if their parcels had been delivered yet. The flames snapped and sparked. Sanaki held her hands out, curled her frozen fingers. The white fringe of her shawl swayed and soaked the color in, became gold.
Lehran said he would be gone a week. It was only the first day - the first few hours. How long could he fly? How fast? Ashera could have sent him to Goldoa with a wave of her hand, and summoned him back with a word as soon as he was done. A rewarp staff would save him hours of travel. Ashera has more important tasks to spend her power on, my lady - you know that. So he said when she suggested asking for her help. Like what? He was unable to answer when she asked, just as he remained silent when Sanaki wanted to know why the goddess didn't just strike the bird tribes down with her own hands if she promised death to all dissenters. Was Yune with them? He didn't know. If Yune was elsewhere, what would make Ashera stay her hand? He didn't know that, either.
Maybe she was busy bending her will to foresight. That would explain her so-called proposition. It may as well have been an order.
Sanaki spent the next hour and a half trying on new clothes: silk shifts, brassieres, stockings; dresses of red and imperial purple, sometimes violet, that shimmered with gold and silver thread - her formal costumes - and simpler robes in thin layers of red, purple, white, flowing dresses like the costumes worn by the ancient Apostles in their paintings. A heavy drape of velvet was supposed to keep her warm, and indeed Sanaki thought she would get hot and tired simply from dragging it around to and from her chambers. They'd ordered boots lined with wool instead of sandals and crimson gloves just as thin as the rest of her layers, but they clung close to her skin and gathered her body heat, let it coil between the folds to block out the chill.
She left everything draped on her bed, chose a set of robes with a pattern of ginkgo leaves embroidered on the hem and cuffs, and sat down at her dressing table to light a candle while Sigrun unbraided her hair and combed it smooth. Dressing and undressing had given her body time to catch up to whatever the goddess did; feeling tingled in her fingertips again, and Sanaki no longer felt like she would break apart if she tripped or stubbed her toe. Dull pain waited behind her temples, throbbing when she moved her head too quickly, but if she stayed still-- it was inconvenient, but not unmanageable.
Her knight took a handful of hair and smoothed it between her hands. "Your majesty. I hope you won't take offense to this question, but--" Sigrun combed her fingers into the purple. She did not look up. "I've noted Master Lehran has spent more time here than usual. The others have noticed as well. I-- we wonder if there is some compelling reason for this."
Sanaki watched the golden glint of the candlelight on Sigrun's hair, dimmed somewhat by the mirror. "Yes." The brevity of the answer tricked her knight into looking up, brow furrowed, and she sighed at the flat, shadowy line of her mouth. "I've wanted to talk to him, is all."
Sigrun's mouth worked. "From his lap, your majesty?"
Sanaki's face felt warm. "I was not in his lap." She was picking a feather from his hair - she really was, it kept fluttering, soft and fuzzed, whenever she looked at him, and it drove her insane until she pulled it out. Sigrun had already heard the story-- and so had everyone else. "He would never allow that. He's much too proper - something about spending too much time with dragons."
Sigrun's snort did not sound amused. She let Sanaki's hair slide over her fingers and back into place and stood staring at it, perhaps contemplating what to do with it. "I've known you most of your life, Lady Sanaki. I can tell--"
"You don't need to say it." Sanaki shook her hand off and stood up, took a ribbon from the basket on her dressing table but didn't reach back to use it. He liked her hair long. Did Altina wear it that way? "Nobody needs to know that, Lehran least of all."
"Surely he already--"
"What did I just say?"
If the velvet wasn't enough, her own hair would keep her warm. Sanaki felt hot with it down, flushed, and walked around Sigrun, around the bed, to reach the window, where the air was cooler and the curtains cold to the touch. The gloves stuck to her palms. There were no sounds to indicate Sigrun followed her, but for all their luxury, Sanaki's rooms weren't very big; some of the guest rooms were grander, more richly decorated, and probably harder to heat with lamps and fire.
Bad enough, she decided, that Ashera had talked to her about this very topic earlier. It was one thing for her thoughts to be heard by a goddess, and another entirely to be told they were apparent to everyone else. Sanaki didn't demand much from her guard aside from obedience; they cooked her meals and cared for her rooms not because she asked them to, but because they wanted to. It was safer, Tanith said. It was more convenient, according to Marcia. Sanaki never thought she'd have to instruct them in tact. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?
"I'm sorry, your majesty." Sigrun was still standing by the dressing table, lit by the candle. Her white coat was embellished with steel and gold, and it glinted, faintly reflected when Sanaki pulled the curtain aside to look out at the sky. "His role in the Judgment is difficult to forget. I am not the only one reluctant to allow him any closer to you."
Sanaki watched the leaves dance on the maples outside, fluttering on a wind that blew erratically, first east, then northerly. "It has been seven years, Sigrun - almost a decade. You present your grievances now?"
"You wouldn't hear of it before." Sigrun's ivory profile was beautiful against the dark backdrop of the wood panel wardrobe. "I suppose you will not listen now, either."
"He's done nothing wr--"
"He is a traitor, your majesty. Have you forgotten?"
Sanaki let the curtain drop from her hand and slide closed.
Sigrun refused to let the silence stretch. "He wanted us dead; he is responsible for destruction far beyond those sins of ours he cited as justification for the judgment, and if it were not for his misguided loyalty to Altina's blood - if one can call such a thing loyalty - you would be consigned to non-existence with the rest of us."
You are not the child he hoped to find, little empress.
If only Sanaki could forget. She supposed it wasn't a child Lehran wanted at all, but the real thing - his wife, the one whose ring he still wore to this day, nearly eight hundred years after her death. She must have been amazing. He'd never told her she reminded him of Altina, except for a comment on her color; her eyes were just like that, the timbre of her voice when she shouted was very similar-- no, empress, you are more delicate than she was. Those swords will never be yours, though I believe they would favor you as I do.
"Did you sin simply by being born, as he would have us believe of so many others--? Of course, he is always quick to name exceptions--"
She'd already leveled that argument at him. Lehran turned it away with a shrug, as he would a stray leaf or a blast of common magic.
Of course he regretted the loss of innocents-- who wouldn't?
Sigrun eventually trailed into silence, and Sanaki watched her shadow shift on the purple velvet curtains, trying to remember why she was looking at them. The room had gone from warm and uncomfortable to chill and clammy, her silks sticking in the wrong places, her hair sliding when she shrugged her shoulders and adjusted the way her new robes hung from her shoulders. She coiled the ribbon around her fingers and hoped her knight was silent because a response was expected - Sanaki would withhold it, perhaps not speak to her for the rest of the day if she could manage. Ena was supposed to help her; she could carry messages.
"Tie my hair back, Sigrun," Sanaki said, lifting her hand. The coils loosened, slid from her fingers with a silky whisper; she caught the end before it fell. She was under the impression they'd resolved their differences. At the least, Sigrun and the others had made peace with him - so Sanaki thought.
Sigrun's footsteps came slowly. The ribbon slid from Sanaki's fingers, and she felt her hair lifted from her back. "We've been quiet because it was Ashera's wish," her knight said, twisting her hair once, tying the ribbon. "We cannot fight the will of a goddess. Unless she has ordered your--" She could imagine Sigrun's mouth twisting, her eyes closing - "--if she has decided to arrange a marriage for you after all this time, I can't protest. I must hear this from the mouth of the goddess herself, however. I'm sure you understand, your majesty."
"'All this time?' Were you hoping to have me handed off when I was small?" Sanaki crossed her arms. There was nothing to look at when she faced the curtains, but she didn't want to appear to be avoiding the conversation by flicking the curtains open again. "Ashera has informed me of her preferences, and we're lucky she saw fit to do even that much. If you want to pursue an audience with her, you know where she is."
She left Sigrun in her chambers and waved the others off when they came to attention in the corridor. Elincia was no danger, and Ena would be there to guard Sanaki if something happened - but she had Ashera's blessing, too, which she had yet to test. If there was opportunity, she would take that risk. The goddess would come to her aid if she meant what she'd said earlier. Wouldn't that be nice? Finally, after years of putting up with Ashera's humorless, demanding personality, Sanaki would be allowed to call on her power in return.
There was time before her meeting was to begin, so Sanaki went downstairs to the wide marble steps that led to the garden walk. Blue and gray and brown tiles led the way between rows of maple trees, slippery with rain and carpeted by wet leaves in bright yellow and orange. Their musty scent made her wrinkle her nose, so thick she could almost taste it. Farther down were the cherry trees she liked to sit under while Lehran read, and beyond that the water garden, which turned into the rose garden, which led back to the cathedral. When she was younger it had seemed an entirely different world, big enough in itself to be the entirety of Begnion.
As matters stood, the entirety of Tellius might fit within the garden bounds, now. Gallia's numbers, paired with that of the bird tribes, would not even bring the population over twelve thousand. Was that to be the glory of Begnion? Farmers, artisans - no army, no aristocracy. She remembered Sephiran complaining about the interference of certain noble families with military and senate appointments; of the twenty-seven families with clout enough to irritate him, only three from House Damiell had survived. Several illegitimate children belonging to others had come to light, all branded or carrying some strain of mixed blood, but Sanaki didn't know what had happened to them. Ashera had taken care of it.
She went inside when the cold made her fingers too stiff to curl, and went upstairs to the drawing room in which she was supposed to meet Elincia. Voices murmured on the other side of the door. Sanaki tapped the wood with her nails and went inside. Elincia, already seated at the table, leaped to her feet to spread her pale blue skirt in a curtsy. Ena, already standing, simply bowed as she had earlier, with her hands clasped, and her ponytail already pulled over her shoulder.
Sanaki pushed the door closed with her heel and folded her hands. "Congratulations on your marriage to your knight captain, Elincia. I apologize for being so late in delivering it."
Elincia's cheeks looked pink when she straightened with her thanks, but her smile was wide and genuine. "He wanted to greet you formally, but one of us had to stay behind for the festivities."
"Persis and its wine festivals." Sanaki returned her smile and headed straight for her chair, while Ena circled the table handle the tea service on its counter by the window. Sitting down reminded her how stiff her body felt, how cold it was. "Se-- Lehran said he felt like they'd turned him into the old god of revelry whenever he went to oversee them. They even draped him in garlands."
Elincia sat down again, her smile trembling slightly. "Poor Geoffrey." She rubbed her forehead, brushed hair from her eyes; it was loose, except for two small combs holding wings of green back. "It's the first one since the fall, though. We couldn't say no."
The fall. Sanaki accepted a cup from Ena and rested the saucer on the table, looked into the brown depth. Bits of cinnamon drifted to the bottom and she smelled heavy, syrupy plum - her favorite tea, though it was brewed a bit strong. She sipped it to be polite and asked for details about the wedding, the reception, and their decision to hold the festivals. Persis would be the first territory to celebrate anything but the solstice and the day of creation, which were Ashera's only holidays, but it was also the most prosperous of the provinces before the goddess awakened, and blessed with a mild climate; once it was re-populated, little should have held them back.
The capitol should have been equally prosperous - yet no one had restored the theatre; no one published pamphlets or held poetry gatherings. Her agents said this was done outside of the city and its surrounding land, everything that belonged, on deed, to Sanaki. Were they aware of this - did they hope to make a statement - or was it the heavy yoke of order that was responsible? Just look at the dragons; she was positive they wrote nothing but dry history and manuals on governance.
Two of the holy guard came in with their noon meal, and one stayed behind once the dishes were arranged, tasted, served. Sanaki took a thick slice of bread flecked with soft orange bits of yam and a bite of spice that complimented her tea, and made motions for Elincia to eat as much as she wanted when the princess hesitated. There was a large platter of roasted root vegetables and a smaller plate of chicken something, which Sanaki wouldn't have eaten if she were starving; the apples looked good, but the bread was tasteless, and she thought the apples would only be bitter if she bit into one.
Elincia trailed off somewhere in the middle of a discussion of the vineyards under her jurisdiction, wiped her hands, tucked her hair behind her ears. She'd dressed simply, in a plain blue dress and white, fitted coat; no jewelry. It gets in the way when I'm doing laundry, she said once, and then laughed when Sanaki asked what kind of princess washed her own clothes. She wondered if Elincia would dress the same way for a formal audience - and if that wouldn't be better, after all, than trying to outdo some imaginary rival.
"Your Majesty." Elincia rested her fork on her plate, reached for her tea. Her eyes remained downcast. "I'll return to Persis in three days to prepare for the Five Hills festival - the one Lord-- Lehran is said to have attended most often."
Sanaki watched her eyes drift from the fork to her cup, to some spot on the tablecloth blocked by the flower arrangement. She folded her hands in her lap. This would be why the princess asked to meet with her. "He said it's a sacred place - the hills are supposed to be dragon graves. I do not know how much truth there is in the claim."
"Yes, I... want them to see it."
She made herself meet Elincia's eyes when the princess finally looked up. Of course she would ask. It was inevitable. "I see."
Elincia looked away and her hair flew at the sudden motion, slid over her chest. "They didn't attend my wedding--"
"They refused escort."
"Are they so untrustworthy they can't be allowed to leave the city for one week?"
Sanaki sighed. Her tea was half-gone, and Ena was across the room holding the door open a crack, speaking to someone. Maybe it would be an interruption. "I'm told King Caineghis sent his nephew to speak with you before he presented himself here in the capitol."
The princess drew back slightly. "Yes..."
"My agents also observed the king's adviser, Ranulf, slipping into your parents' rooms without making an appointment."
"Wh--" Elincia pulled her lip in between her teeth, paling, hand curling against her collarbone. "But that-- they were--"
"Allies? Friends?" Sanaki wanted to look over her shoulder, see what was taking Ena so long. "Even if the visit was just a courtesy, I cannot take the risk it was more. Perhaps they can explain it if you visit again before you leave."
The same knight who had delivered their main course brought plates of persimmon slices with pear and apple, and tiny bowls of flavored syrup and sauce, but whoever arranged it - Eirene, probably, as she was the most skilled in the kitchen - did so in vain; the princess nibbled on an apple slice for more than ten minutes before Sanaki decided to relieve her and left to take care of business. It wasn't until she'd crossed half the garden that it occurred to her nothing was forthcoming but the afternoon audience. There was no work to be done for that. New cases would be presented today, while the older grievances and petitions waited for Lehran's return.
Maybe she should speak to Ramon and his wife. Maybe--
Sanaki paused by the fountain, where she'd met Ena earlier. The sky was still cloudy, the light still gray and dim, but the pool had been drained and cleared of leaves to show the turquoise tiles at the bottom. Her own reflection looked back at her, uninterrupted.
She'd always wanted to see the five sacred hills. If life had continued unchanged when she was younger instead of stopping at the Judgment, perhaps Sephiran would have taken her to Persis, to ruined Serenes, and all of the special places in the provinces she should know about as empress - even visit, because making appearances and reminding one's subjects of the authority of the throne couldn't hurt. He told her that once she lived in a much different place, somewhere in the mountains of Daein, but Sanaki couldn't remember it. As far as her memory reached, it was Sienne she called home. She was lucky to have seen the surrounding countryside.
If Begnion's monarchs had lost control of the provinces because they refused to involve themselves - or were encouraged not to, as Lehran said - then wouldn't a journey outside be a good thing? Shouldn't she reaffirm her power? Ashera did.
Sanaki left the fountain and went back to her rooms to change; her formal costume was heavier, warmer than the silk robes - too warm. She stretched out on the divan and pulled the skirt up to her knees, folded her arms on the side for a place to rest her head. Two hours stretched until her next obligation. All there was to do was wait, and think, and wish Lehran would hurry back so she'd have someone to talk to.
*
The next three days passed in much the same way: private meetings - with Catalena to discuss new recruits to the guard, with a priest named Rhys who headed the clergy in the Persis region under Elincia, then with Ena to hear more about the north - after which Sanaki held public audience and listened to grievances amongst the city dwellers first, then the provincials, over and over. Her headache faded to a whispering pain that came only when she turned or moved too quickly, and then vanished. Evenings were spent watching the sky, then reading a book on the failures of previous rulers, assigned to her presumably to assure she would not make the same mistakes. The current volume discussed the edicts and administrative mistakes that led to the fragmentation of Begnion's northern holdings and the formation of Crimea. No one had yet told her a different story, but she thought it unlikely the problems were tied exclusively with the government when the break between races had happened so long before.
On the fourth morning Sanaki rose early to see the princess before she left. The sky dawned clear and deep blue, weather perfect for flying if one could ignore the chill. Red had overtaken the maples outside overnight, and they crowded right outside the window at the end of Elincia's corridor, leaves waving and brushing against the glass while she knocked, then waited with Marcia and Eirene at her back for the princess to answer. A full minute passed, broken only by a muffled call to please wait a moment, and when Elincia opened the door to admit her, her hair was still loose and her feet in stockings.
"Is there something I forgot to mention?" Elincia asked as soon as the door was closed. Her hands clasped, fingers curling together. Daylight shined through open windows and lent a silver sheen to her hair, which was full and silky from brushing, spread over the back of her white coat. "The laguz case is the only one I needed your signature for..."
"Nothing like that." Sanaki watched birds flit between branches instead of looking at the princess. Such a gesture might imply weakness, but so did a change of heart, according to the goddess. "I decided I'd like to see the Five Hills festival," she said, and waved her hand for silence when the princess started to speak. "Your parents may attend with me if they wish, but if I make any other allowances Lehran will have a fit."
A long sigh was her answer, and it didn't have the sharpness of anger, so she chose to interpret it as relief. "Is it Lehran who advocates these decisions?"
Elincia's brows had drawn together when Sanaki turned her face forward to confront the question. "No." Her answer came out more softly than it should have. "If he had his way, everyone would have what they want, and we'd be back where we started." She turned her back to the princess and opened the door. "You may notify them of this decision - I'll contact them later for an answer. May the goddess bless you with clear skies, Elincia. Be safe."
Sanaki paused long enough to hear the reply so she wouldn't be rude, then pulled the door closed and went back the way she came.
Elincia didn't realize how fortunate she was. Sanaki was soft - perhaps because the one she loved was given to showing mercy at the worst times - but her mistress was anything but giving. Every offer, every promise, was accompanied by strings which were tied around her wrists, ankles, throat, until she leapt whenever Ashera sneezed - though of course the goddess never did anything so inelegant as that. No, she twitched her eyebrow and destroyed entire continents.
The only comfort lay in her circumstances: Sanaki had no choice in who she served. She couldn't remember the last time someone had asked for her opinion on anything more serious than what to have for dinner, or how to handle a petty theft charge. Ramon was Ashera's doing, not her own - though she saw the practicality in the maneuver.
Day four continued on with the same dull procedure. Sanaki told the servants to clean that tower room and have it furnished, and to take care of the other chambers in that tower while they were at it. The walls of the cathedral lacked water pipes, being older than Sienne, almost as old as the Tower of Guidance; she wouldn't be able to live there without forcing her guard to carry a copper bath up every night and haul all of her drinking water, but it was a pleasant room, perfect for moon-gazing. A night or two without a water pump wouldn't kill anybody.
Another three days passed before they were finished and she was allowed to inspect the results. She'd commanded the guard to prepare for a trip to Persis and assigned Sigrun and a few others to address major problems in her absence. Anything serious would draw Ashera's attention and relieve them of the responsibility. Sigrun looked pale when Sanaki explained what she wanted, but didn't complain - only asked if she would leave without Lehran, should he return late. She wanted to say no; of course she would wait for him - he'd promised to hurry back for her, and Persis used to belong to him--
But Elincia.
The Five Hills.
She'd seen Persis once, and never left the manor grounds; the vineyards were a patchwork on the ground below low-flying clouds - a drawing in colored pencil and chalk, peppered with painstaking detail. A story.
The tower chamber was round, so the knights had found a round bed somewhere - an oval three people wide, long enough even the tallest of her guard could lie fully stretched without her feet hanging over the end. It looked just perfect for falling out of in the throes of a nightmare. Nothing else fit quite right. We tried - but this wardrobe over here, it's in the style you liked so much from Culbert-- and it was; a half-circle, like the balcony and the stair landing, the sides like facets of a gem; inside were some of her older sleeping gowns, a plain white dressing robe, a nice dress, a set of robes if she ever had to leave in a hurry for something important. Braziers burned on both sides of the room and lent an orange glow to the sky-colored tiles. The wall fixtures were made to hold candles rather than oil and wicks, so Sanaki shooed her guard out and lit them herself with a long match she held to the coals in the brazier near the balcony door and opened it a crack to allow the air to circulate. It was still cold, but the braziers wouldn't help with that; maybe the chill would persist until summer, when it seemed nothing in Sienne stayed cool or frozen, even by force of magic.
Her knights had also thought to bring some of her books up; The Fall of the Northern Territories waited at the top of the pile with its dull tan binding and black lettering. Dim light made the text harder to read, but she sat down on the curve of the bed and opened the book to pick up where she left off, see if studying in this room relieved the boredom of Silver Age essay style. At the very least this author spelled everything correctly; it was the primary sources that made her head hurt with sentences that ran on forever. She was reading a passage on the foundation stone of Melior when the balcony door banged on the iron brazier set behind it and rattled. Sanaki twisted around to look back.
Lehran stared at her. "What-- what is this?"
Sanaki stared at his windblown hair and the slim shape of his wings, which he'd cramped inward to slide past the door. "What are you doing here?" Her gaze moved to the dark sky. Her toes and fingers had frozen while she sat still, and one could only imagine how cold it was outside. "Isn't it dangerous to be flying right now?"
He stepped inside completely and pushed the glass door closed with his right wing. Warmth tinged his skin golden, blushed the side of his face, his lips, gleamed in his eyes. "The sky over Sienne is never too dark for flying." He edged away from the brazier and let his wings relax. "Did something happen?"
"No." She marked the book and slid it onto the stack. "It's just a change of scenery. I can't see the stars very well from my chambers in the palace."
"I suppose not."
One of his faint shadows approached her, cast by candles on every curve of the walls. Sanaki turned around, bent her legs and drew them onto the bed, wrapping them with her purple skirt and covering her bare feet with the ends of her shawl. "How was your journey?"
"Long." Lehran knelt on the end of the bed, sat on his legs and spread his wings; their shadow engulfed her, pale gray. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it back from his face and gathering it at the base of his neck. "Gareth is the only one he allows to stay in Goldoa. I thought I should check on him, since this is my fault, but..."
Then it didn't go well; his expression said it all: the line between his brows, the absence of his smile, which he always wore for her, even when they argued. His wings sagged, his free arm hanging off the side of the bed. She wanted to reach and fluff his wings, urge them into shape again. "It sounds as if this arrangement is his choice." She got up to close the distance between them and placed her hand on the crown of his head, where the hair was still smooth. He looked up, but Sanaki didn't give him time to speak; her knees sank into the bed and she pulled him in, put her arms around his shoulders. "Why is it your fault?"
She felt his sigh heat the front of her dress, or maybe it was a laugh, a bitter one; Lehran leaned on her when she refused to let go, rested his forehead just beneath her breasts. His arms were slower to follow. "A cruel assumption, my lady. You could pretend not to believe me for a few minutes."
"Why? Everything is your--" His embrace tightened and squeezed the air from her lungs. Sanaki gasped and clung to his neck, tried to return the force so it wouldn't feel like he was about to crack her ribs - as if he could, with his brittle frame. He would break before she did, which was why he should stop, relax, let her breathe--
Lehran pulled her down to sit. Her legs sprawled over his, and he leaned over - but only to rest his head against hers. "I suppose I need to hear it, but-- please, not in your voice."
His eyes were closed. She could only stare at the long sweep of his lashes and breathe in the musty smell of moist feathers and windblown hair, the rosy scent her robes had from being packed with sachets of dried petals. "I'm sorry." His hands slid from her waist and rested on her thighs, warm weights, his fingers curled slightly into the silk. Sanaki tried to comb her fingers into his hair and immediately met a knot. "I didn't mean it seriously." Though it was true - he'd brought about the Judgment, so if one were inclined, every tragedy and unpleasant circumstance could be attributed to him.
"You did." Lehran did sigh this time, his nails pressing through her skirt, tracing. It was the only warning she had; less than a breath later he'd pushed her onto her back with his weight and the leverage of his wings, pressed her into the mattress with his hands on her shoulders and his legs tangled with hers. "You never hesitate to say what you think, and you've been especially free with your opinion regarding myself."
Sanaki frowned up at him, but couldn't muster a glare. Her eyes were frozen wide; every time she blinked it felt like frost should flake from her lashes. His wings, like a dome, hid the cream and yellow walls of the room from her sight, arching above his head and spreading to brush the quilt, and their shadow was cool. "Someone has to say it. You've threatened everyone, or invoked the Massacre, until they're unwilling to speak with you about even simple things - like how idiotic it is to fly in the dark when you can't even walk across a dim room without bumping into furniture."
His lips worked. She wasn't sure if he wanted to smile or frown, and thought he didn't know either. "I didn't realize that would bother you so much," Lehran said. He let her pull his hands away when his fingers started to dig into her shoulders, but pressed hers down into the mattress, bending them back - but not so far that it hurt. His hands were cold. "Last time I left you scolded me for waiting all night to return, so I thought--"
"I didn't know how clumsy you are," she said, trying to breathe deeply and calmly. He was heavier than he looked - even herons had substance, if not any meaningful muscle or bulk. Sanaki had thought he'd be light as air, but this was the same person who carried her when she was younger, propped on one shoulder or across both arms like a princess, who had carried her upstairs to her rooms when she over-exerted herself while practicing spells and been unable to walk under her own power. Yet when he coasted above the ground, leapt from the balcony to catch the air with his wings and let it lift him into the sky, he seemed light as a feather. She wouldn't have believed his hair ever tangled if it wasn't draped around her head right now, the ends knotted, tickling her chin, her cheeks her ears. "I thought herons were supposed to be graceful, and timid--" Which he definitely was not; she tried to free one of her legs - to kick him, of course - and he caught her, twined their legs together. "Which you--"
Lehran smiled - not a fake smile, but one that narrowed his eyes so the lids looked heavy and his dark lashes veiled their green gleam. "Are not? I'm glad to hear that, your majesty. I was afraid you'd insist I do this properly."
His lips melted the last of Ashera's frost, brushing the tip of her nose, the line of her jaw, her chin; Lehran was cold too, yet the weight and press of his body brought warmth to heat her skin like a blanket until it tinged along the line of her spine and up to her fingertips. It was typical of him to leave her with a cryptic statement like that - what did proper have to do with Sanaki anyway, when she'd shown him everything she had a week ago? - and it wasn't as if she'd tell him to stop kissing her so they could ask permission of Sigrun or Tanith for whatever he intended to do.
She had Ashera's blessing - more a command, but that was also typical. The goddess wouldn't be able to ask for anything if her very existence were at stake.
Sanaki sucked in a deep breath when he let her go to fling his hair to one side. Nothing was cold now; the yellow lamplight might have been ice, compared to the shadow of his wings and the silky waterfall of his hair. His thumb stroked the pale side of her arm where blue veins branched up to her hands. "Sanaki." His voice was a hot whisper against her mouth. "There's something..."
She pulled a hand free and curled her fingers into his hair. "Later."
Lehran murmured her determination and found her lips again. Later.
...............................................................................................
I realize the ending implies certain activities, but that's not actually what I have in mind, so just imagine whatever you like better.
.
Author: Amber Michelle
Pairing: Lehran/Sanaki
Fandom: Fire Emblem 9/10
Theme: 16 - unrivaled
Gauntlet Theme: 7 - I wished your dust to intermingle with mine
Words: 9353 (this was unexpected... >_>)
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Fire Emblem is copyrighted by Intelligent Systems and Nintendo. I'm not getting any money out of this, just satisfaction~
Notes: December seems to be the "I hate everything and think it sucks" month by default. If last year is any indication, I'll change my mind in a month or two. I think I'll wait until I have a better mindset to do any serious revision. Hell, these are rough drafts anyway, so if there are problems, deal.
However, I would like to remind certain people that this is my fangirl AU, and so... so. I do try to cover it up. Usually.
There's no hiding this, though. ONWARD, DEAR READER, EVER ONWARD.
Previous Installments:
1. Judgment
2. Initiation
3. Unforgiven
4. Reflection
.......................................
The day Lehran left for Goldoa dawned gray, a cloak of clouds swept over its mountains with a flourish of chill wind to announce the creeping of winter upon Sienne, and breath puffed white and frosty from Sanaki's lips as she stood, hands on the iron rail of the highest window in the cathedral and its tiny half-moon balcony, fingertips stiff and cold as ice where they lay on the flat top. It rose to her waist now, rather than halfway to her breast as it used to. She hadn't seen him off for a long time - three or four years, at least, and all of those mornings had been sunny and warm. Rain pattered onto the stone wall, uneven; it slapped onto the tiles, then stopped, then flew for the open window with a gust of wind and struck the glass with pounding fingers, scattering across her hands, face, the front of her dress.
She wiped her cheeks with the edge of her shawl and blew a long, cloudy sigh that fogged the panes of the frame to her left. "I knew it would rain. He's going to come home sick."
"Rain clouds drift low to the ground, as mortals reckon such things. He will fly above them."
Sanaki stopped herself from turning, though her head tilted slightly before she remembered. A dozen questions leapt to the fore of her mind: could he breathe, wouldn't he freeze, wasn't Goldoa more than five days away even as the hawks flew? "Even so. I would rather he be safe." And warm. And home.
Ashera's voice reminded her of Tanith with its depth and the way she clipped her words, yet in the goddess it was a habit that reminded one of an accent - as if she still struggled with the proper intonations and semantics of a new language, as Sanaki herself did when trying to speak in the old tongue. "He was born to fly, empress, and has done so longer than anyone else alive." Ashera's aura brushed the back of Sanaki's neck like a warm wind, like a fire at her back to drive the chill away; she stood behind the half door they'd left closed, her back to the glass, and it seemed when Sanaki turned around that the panes should have fogged up. "Now that we have seen him off, there is a matter we must address. Come inside."
She stepped in and closed the door. The glass rattled, the brass latch squeaked and grated. Dust had blanketed the floor, decorative moldings, light fixtures, until Ashera said a few words to clear it, and now the decor looked dull and faded. Tiles that used to be green and blue patterned the floor in perfect octagons; two lamp fixtures decorated every wall, tarnished and decrepit, ready to fall from the plaster. Sanaki never had cause to come up to this floor and neither, it seemed, did anyone else, even the servants. It would have made a pleasant bedroom if one could ignore the cliche of living at the top of an ivory tower - there were windows on all sides, some of them stained glass in faded tints of red, green, blue. Lehran liked high places, so he couldn't object to staying with her if she opened the windows and let the wind sweep in and ruffle his feathers--
Sanaki looked at a window across the empty room and tried to push Lehran from her thoughts. Ashera's resinous scent made the air thick and warm, and Sanaki took a deep breath to orient herself in the present. "Has something gone wrong?" The birds, perhaps; Caineghis, rebelling before she thought he would? A famine?
The goddess moved into her line of sight before she spoke; she'd never done that before. "Your health," Ashera said, lifting a hand. Sanaki flinched, but the goddess paused little more than a second before her fingers pinched her chin as Sanaki remembered from their second meeting, when she was a child, and tilted her head a little this way, that way. Examining her eyes, maybe, or her pallor. "Have you sickened recently? Is your body following its cycle?"
Her neck felt stiff, and the goddess's fingers on her chin were cold like the iron rail outside. "No." Sanaki blinked twice, let Ashera have her way. "No, everything is fine. Why now--?"
Ashera let her go. Her brows drew down a hair. "Lehran told me you have been worried."
Lehran did? Sanaki tried to remember what she'd said to him on the topic and came up blank. She couldn't remember the last time she got sick; if anything, her body refused to grow, and that wasn't worry so much as frustration at her height or the state of her figure - which was improving little by little, so slowly she may as well still be fourteen. "I-- don't think I've ever gotten sick, Lady Ashera."
Ashera watched her with lidded eyes, not blinking, her expression as stony as the cathedral walls. "As it should be."
"Then why--"
Ashera's pale hand lifted, calling for silence, but she didn't speak. Sanaki opened her mouth again--
A knock - Sigrun's knock, three sharp raps of the knuckle that echoed in the empty chamber, followed by the squeal of the old-fashioned latch when Sanaki called for her to enter. Lanterns lit the landing outside, and the stairs spiraled out of sight into dimness. "Marcia says a representative of the Daein conclave wishes to speak with you before your meeting with Lady Elincia," her knight said, her fingers hanging from the paddle-shaped doorknob. "We've another three hours before that, so I thought I'd ask directly."
Sanaki looked at the goddess, but her red eyes only slid aside to meet her gaze, and were not followed with an order. "Tell her to wait by the fountain on the way to the palace. I'll be down shortly."
Sigrun saluted, fist to heart, bowed to Ashera, and backed out of the room. The door latched shut as loudly as it opened, like a lock clanking shut on a prison door. Sanaki turned around. The light felt colder now that the warmer illumination of the guard's lanterns had been shut out. The sun showed no sign of poking through the clouds to set upon the colored glass. Ashera's hair contrasted with the cool shades of the decor, fire against the dark. It hung still down her back and all the way to her ankles, where the train of her black dress spread in a half-circle. Golden chains and beads clicked and chimed when her head moved tilted, the angle so slight Sanaki didn't think the gesture could be called questioning or expectant.
Then, Ashera said the strangest thing yet: "I have a proposal for you, empress - one I hope you will find agreeable."
Nothing the goddess proposed had ever been agreeable; Lehran left, and the atmosphere around her changed - thickened, darkened, went bitter, the taste of it spreading like pigment from tea leaves to overcome everything in the room. "To my memory," she said, trying to forget the metaphor, for the air imitated her thoughts and gave form to her imagination, "you have never requested anything beyond my capability to grant."
The goddess should have said that, not the servant. Sanaki's desires had not changed. They were easy to grant as ever, requiring only the cooperation of another mortal party who would remain nameless, an individual whom Ashera refused to coerce, though she had no qualms about forcing the cooperation of her 'little empress.' How lucky was Lehran? How blessed? Did he even realize?
"I have determined that Altina's dynasty shall end in your generation," the goddess said, her eyes moving to note the widening of Sanaki's. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. "The model your people followed in my absence is fatally flawed."
That-- was true, but if better models existed, they were not in the history books, and Sanaki wasn't up to the task of creating a new one. Her heart was still beating in her throat. "I admit the senate was a terrible idea, but--"
"The monarchy and its practice of primogeniture is equally flawed, empress. It leads to war and chaos as all changes in rulership do."
She crossed her arms. The goddess must have been waiting for a reply, but she didn't have one; it might be arguable, if Sanaki had examples of any other system, but Tellius had not produced more than monarchies and a glorified oligarchy. "I'm sorry, Lady Ashera, I don't know what else there is."
Ashera sighed; her eyes actually closed, the slant of her eyebrows dipping. "You do try my patience."
Sanaki swallowed, willed her tension and the rapid beat of her heart to calm. "So it isn't infinite after all?"
The goddess frowned - a real downturn of her lips like a bold line drawn in ink. "There are other lands on this world beside Tellius I must examine and oversee, and Lehran is not suited to take my place. You will have to suffice."
"Impossible." She tried not to laugh; the goddess wouldn't care, but her voice would tremble and make her sound nervous, and she wasn't. There was nothing to be afraid of, unless this illogical suggestion meant Ashera's very nature was breaking down into little, tiny fragments. "Beorc don't live that long, and even laguz--"
"You are neither - therefore they do not concern you." Ashera opened her red eyes again, and Sanaki wished they'd stayed closed. They seemed to burn, but it was just the light - the illumination from the windows glinting, the soft glow of her aura reflected by the plaster walls and blue tiles.
Where had she heard that before? "I'm not Branded either."
"You are what I make of you."
Why, when Ashera's voice was so soft, did Sanaki feel as if a hammer had slammed into the tiles? Her ears rang, her stomach tightened. It was the old tongue, and Lehran had taught her enough to read, and to understand when he spoke to her, but she thought this phrase had come up before. "What an... odd thing to say."
Ashera lifted her hand and pressed a cold, dry fingertip to the center of Sanaki's forehead. The feathery border of her sleeve drooped, spread like a fan, brushed her nose. Around her, the balmy warmth of the goddess's aura became a snowstorm, freezing her skin until Ashera's touch was no longer discernible and frostbite tingled and stabbed the tips of her fingers, her nose, her ears, everything. The goddess repeated her claim, you are what I make of you, and Sanaki remembered - it was a long time ago, ages it seemed like, years, since she first met the goddess and felt the same seizing in her chest and weakening of her limbs. It was fire last time, and now ice, but the words were the same, in the same language.
Her legs gave out when Ashera removed her finger, and the goddess caught her before she hit the floor. That, too, was just like last time, but Lehran wasn't there to soothe her with a kiss.
*
The rain had stopped by the time Sanaki descended from the tower room to the empty marble hall at the fore of the cathedral. Gray marble floors lent their dull shine to the dimness of the morning, reflecting blurry shapes instead of her knights, smears of white and red for her dress - this time a high-waisted gown in a red almost purple, and no train to drag and confound her stride. She walked to the back entrance and out to the courtyard garden separating the official buildings from the palace, accompanied by the clank of spear hafts against armor where her guard held their weapons to their shoulder plates, heavy footsteps, the slap of her own sandals on her heels. Each sound pounded in her temples. Ashera had banished the vertigo that brought Sanaki to her knees earlier, but those marble hands would never be warm or soothing; her arms felt like chunks of icicle slapping at her sides and her chest hurt.
Outside the air smelled like wet stone and rotting leaves. The fountain still splashed, a finger away from overflowing, and a girl Sanaki didn't remember waited in the open corridor beside the open area, sheltered by the overhang of the upper hallways and a dangling fringe of wisteria vines beginning to yellow and wilt at the edges. She clasped her hands together and bowed. A sleek, pale ponytail slid over her shoulder. "Your majesty. My name is Ena." Garnet eyes and a mark to match on her forehead meant she was a dragon, though Sanaki didn't know any of them had stayed with the Daein migrants once they were added to her paperwork and sent up north. "Lehran asked me to advise you during his absence."
Ah. That made perfect sense, though what he thought she needed advice on was up in the air - dealing with Gallia? She'd not seen anything of the cats since they agreed to Ashera's terms. "A pleasure," Sanaki said, gathering her shawl around her shoulders. The weave was loose and ineffective, but it had looked so warm and comfortable when she put it on in her rooms. "I don't suppose he offered any more of an explanation? There are no pressing political matters to take care of at the moment, unless something has happened with your conclave."
Ena straightened and spoke with her eyes averted. "I am not familiar enough with his character to make an accurate guess. Perhaps he is worried about your safety. Prince Kurth told me the bird tribes are causing trouble for you."
"Not in so many words." Sanaki gestured for the dragon girl to follow and started walking. Her rooms would be warmer, and earlier, Sigrun had promised her new clothes would be delivered that morning - some of them would be heavier and more appropriate for the season, she hoped. The dress she wore now was thin enough for summer weather. "Will you be here long?"
"Until I am commanded to leave."
Sanaki waited for her to say more, and sighed when the other girl remained silent. Dragons. Would they do anything without the command of their king? She didn't want to talk; her throat still felt tight. "Your credentials?"
"Prior to the war, I advised King Ashnard and his generals in the dispensation of their troops," Ena said. Her voice was quiet, almost drowned by the sound of their escort, their footsteps. "My work kept me at General Petrine's side for the most part. After the Judgment, I stayed with Prince Kurthnaga to advise him on the handling of Daein's natives."
"Hm. That could be useful." Sanaki hiked her skirt above her ankles to take the steps into her palace. He liked to send dragons after her, it seemed; when Lehran left to gather survivors after the judgment, he'd sent Nasir to her with letters, parcels, questions. Nasir continued to carry messages from the provinces afterward. Now he sent Ena. Was it because they were so obstinate in their loyalty to Ashera, or because he'd spent nearly seven hundred years with them? Sanaki found that number hard to accept or imagine, but they were constant - even trustworthy. She wondered if a dragon could conceive such an idea as betrayal.
Yes. Sanaki paused on the third floor landing, hand on the rail, and stared at the molded plaster of the ceiling and its pattern of interlocking circles. Yes, they could.
She turned to face her companion. "I thought dragons abhorred war."
Ena met her eyes for the space of a breath, then looked away. "We do not involve ourselves in squabbles between races."
Sanaki tilted her head. "Unless they are instigated by mad kings or vengeful herons?"
Ena took a breath, about to speak - and then closed her mouth.
"Well, I'm not mad that I know of," Sanaki said, facing forward again. "Nor is Lehran causing any more trouble - that I know of." She started walking again, because the hallway was cold, and the palace stairs weren't enough to stir her blood and warm her after a lifetime of climbing Ashera's tower every evening. Sigrun led the way, and two others trailed behind on the staircase. The goddess had stayed behind in the tower room, but she would be at the tower again by now; she traveled at the blink of an eye, turned into shadows and was gone, and Sanaki wished she could traverse space and time as quickly. "Is there anything we need to address now, or was this just an introduction?"
Ena came back to herself and replied with the same soft reserve she'd demonstrated so far; she only wanted to meet Sanaki, and meant to begin her duty as adviser for the meeting with Elincia. How she had made herself heard in Daein - how she'd guided Petrine, reportedly an obnoxious woman, to listen wasn't readily apparent when one took in her self-effacing posture and unwillingness to raise her voice, but it was too early to tell. Sanaki sent Ena away with instructions to meet the princess in a chamber on the second floor and keep her entertained until she arrived, and then ignored the dragon girl's bow to enter her rooms. She walked straight to the fire, which burned low and shed a comforting shade of orange.
The fire took its sweet time warming her. Sigrun reached around her to prod it to life, added wood from the brass basket in the corner, and went into the bedroom to see if their parcels had been delivered yet. The flames snapped and sparked. Sanaki held her hands out, curled her frozen fingers. The white fringe of her shawl swayed and soaked the color in, became gold.
Lehran said he would be gone a week. It was only the first day - the first few hours. How long could he fly? How fast? Ashera could have sent him to Goldoa with a wave of her hand, and summoned him back with a word as soon as he was done. A rewarp staff would save him hours of travel. Ashera has more important tasks to spend her power on, my lady - you know that. So he said when she suggested asking for her help. Like what? He was unable to answer when she asked, just as he remained silent when Sanaki wanted to know why the goddess didn't just strike the bird tribes down with her own hands if she promised death to all dissenters. Was Yune with them? He didn't know. If Yune was elsewhere, what would make Ashera stay her hand? He didn't know that, either.
Maybe she was busy bending her will to foresight. That would explain her so-called proposition. It may as well have been an order.
Sanaki spent the next hour and a half trying on new clothes: silk shifts, brassieres, stockings; dresses of red and imperial purple, sometimes violet, that shimmered with gold and silver thread - her formal costumes - and simpler robes in thin layers of red, purple, white, flowing dresses like the costumes worn by the ancient Apostles in their paintings. A heavy drape of velvet was supposed to keep her warm, and indeed Sanaki thought she would get hot and tired simply from dragging it around to and from her chambers. They'd ordered boots lined with wool instead of sandals and crimson gloves just as thin as the rest of her layers, but they clung close to her skin and gathered her body heat, let it coil between the folds to block out the chill.
She left everything draped on her bed, chose a set of robes with a pattern of ginkgo leaves embroidered on the hem and cuffs, and sat down at her dressing table to light a candle while Sigrun unbraided her hair and combed it smooth. Dressing and undressing had given her body time to catch up to whatever the goddess did; feeling tingled in her fingertips again, and Sanaki no longer felt like she would break apart if she tripped or stubbed her toe. Dull pain waited behind her temples, throbbing when she moved her head too quickly, but if she stayed still-- it was inconvenient, but not unmanageable.
Her knight took a handful of hair and smoothed it between her hands. "Your majesty. I hope you won't take offense to this question, but--" Sigrun combed her fingers into the purple. She did not look up. "I've noted Master Lehran has spent more time here than usual. The others have noticed as well. I-- we wonder if there is some compelling reason for this."
Sanaki watched the golden glint of the candlelight on Sigrun's hair, dimmed somewhat by the mirror. "Yes." The brevity of the answer tricked her knight into looking up, brow furrowed, and she sighed at the flat, shadowy line of her mouth. "I've wanted to talk to him, is all."
Sigrun's mouth worked. "From his lap, your majesty?"
Sanaki's face felt warm. "I was not in his lap." She was picking a feather from his hair - she really was, it kept fluttering, soft and fuzzed, whenever she looked at him, and it drove her insane until she pulled it out. Sigrun had already heard the story-- and so had everyone else. "He would never allow that. He's much too proper - something about spending too much time with dragons."
Sigrun's snort did not sound amused. She let Sanaki's hair slide over her fingers and back into place and stood staring at it, perhaps contemplating what to do with it. "I've known you most of your life, Lady Sanaki. I can tell--"
"You don't need to say it." Sanaki shook her hand off and stood up, took a ribbon from the basket on her dressing table but didn't reach back to use it. He liked her hair long. Did Altina wear it that way? "Nobody needs to know that, Lehran least of all."
"Surely he already--"
"What did I just say?"
If the velvet wasn't enough, her own hair would keep her warm. Sanaki felt hot with it down, flushed, and walked around Sigrun, around the bed, to reach the window, where the air was cooler and the curtains cold to the touch. The gloves stuck to her palms. There were no sounds to indicate Sigrun followed her, but for all their luxury, Sanaki's rooms weren't very big; some of the guest rooms were grander, more richly decorated, and probably harder to heat with lamps and fire.
Bad enough, she decided, that Ashera had talked to her about this very topic earlier. It was one thing for her thoughts to be heard by a goddess, and another entirely to be told they were apparent to everyone else. Sanaki didn't demand much from her guard aside from obedience; they cooked her meals and cared for her rooms not because she asked them to, but because they wanted to. It was safer, Tanith said. It was more convenient, according to Marcia. Sanaki never thought she'd have to instruct them in tact. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?
"I'm sorry, your majesty." Sigrun was still standing by the dressing table, lit by the candle. Her white coat was embellished with steel and gold, and it glinted, faintly reflected when Sanaki pulled the curtain aside to look out at the sky. "His role in the Judgment is difficult to forget. I am not the only one reluctant to allow him any closer to you."
Sanaki watched the leaves dance on the maples outside, fluttering on a wind that blew erratically, first east, then northerly. "It has been seven years, Sigrun - almost a decade. You present your grievances now?"
"You wouldn't hear of it before." Sigrun's ivory profile was beautiful against the dark backdrop of the wood panel wardrobe. "I suppose you will not listen now, either."
"He's done nothing wr--"
"He is a traitor, your majesty. Have you forgotten?"
Sanaki let the curtain drop from her hand and slide closed.
Sigrun refused to let the silence stretch. "He wanted us dead; he is responsible for destruction far beyond those sins of ours he cited as justification for the judgment, and if it were not for his misguided loyalty to Altina's blood - if one can call such a thing loyalty - you would be consigned to non-existence with the rest of us."
You are not the child he hoped to find, little empress.
If only Sanaki could forget. She supposed it wasn't a child Lehran wanted at all, but the real thing - his wife, the one whose ring he still wore to this day, nearly eight hundred years after her death. She must have been amazing. He'd never told her she reminded him of Altina, except for a comment on her color; her eyes were just like that, the timbre of her voice when she shouted was very similar-- no, empress, you are more delicate than she was. Those swords will never be yours, though I believe they would favor you as I do.
"Did you sin simply by being born, as he would have us believe of so many others--? Of course, he is always quick to name exceptions--"
She'd already leveled that argument at him. Lehran turned it away with a shrug, as he would a stray leaf or a blast of common magic.
Of course he regretted the loss of innocents-- who wouldn't?
Sigrun eventually trailed into silence, and Sanaki watched her shadow shift on the purple velvet curtains, trying to remember why she was looking at them. The room had gone from warm and uncomfortable to chill and clammy, her silks sticking in the wrong places, her hair sliding when she shrugged her shoulders and adjusted the way her new robes hung from her shoulders. She coiled the ribbon around her fingers and hoped her knight was silent because a response was expected - Sanaki would withhold it, perhaps not speak to her for the rest of the day if she could manage. Ena was supposed to help her; she could carry messages.
"Tie my hair back, Sigrun," Sanaki said, lifting her hand. The coils loosened, slid from her fingers with a silky whisper; she caught the end before it fell. She was under the impression they'd resolved their differences. At the least, Sigrun and the others had made peace with him - so Sanaki thought.
Sigrun's footsteps came slowly. The ribbon slid from Sanaki's fingers, and she felt her hair lifted from her back. "We've been quiet because it was Ashera's wish," her knight said, twisting her hair once, tying the ribbon. "We cannot fight the will of a goddess. Unless she has ordered your--" She could imagine Sigrun's mouth twisting, her eyes closing - "--if she has decided to arrange a marriage for you after all this time, I can't protest. I must hear this from the mouth of the goddess herself, however. I'm sure you understand, your majesty."
"'All this time?' Were you hoping to have me handed off when I was small?" Sanaki crossed her arms. There was nothing to look at when she faced the curtains, but she didn't want to appear to be avoiding the conversation by flicking the curtains open again. "Ashera has informed me of her preferences, and we're lucky she saw fit to do even that much. If you want to pursue an audience with her, you know where she is."
She left Sigrun in her chambers and waved the others off when they came to attention in the corridor. Elincia was no danger, and Ena would be there to guard Sanaki if something happened - but she had Ashera's blessing, too, which she had yet to test. If there was opportunity, she would take that risk. The goddess would come to her aid if she meant what she'd said earlier. Wouldn't that be nice? Finally, after years of putting up with Ashera's humorless, demanding personality, Sanaki would be allowed to call on her power in return.
There was time before her meeting was to begin, so Sanaki went downstairs to the wide marble steps that led to the garden walk. Blue and gray and brown tiles led the way between rows of maple trees, slippery with rain and carpeted by wet leaves in bright yellow and orange. Their musty scent made her wrinkle her nose, so thick she could almost taste it. Farther down were the cherry trees she liked to sit under while Lehran read, and beyond that the water garden, which turned into the rose garden, which led back to the cathedral. When she was younger it had seemed an entirely different world, big enough in itself to be the entirety of Begnion.
As matters stood, the entirety of Tellius might fit within the garden bounds, now. Gallia's numbers, paired with that of the bird tribes, would not even bring the population over twelve thousand. Was that to be the glory of Begnion? Farmers, artisans - no army, no aristocracy. She remembered Sephiran complaining about the interference of certain noble families with military and senate appointments; of the twenty-seven families with clout enough to irritate him, only three from House Damiell had survived. Several illegitimate children belonging to others had come to light, all branded or carrying some strain of mixed blood, but Sanaki didn't know what had happened to them. Ashera had taken care of it.
She went inside when the cold made her fingers too stiff to curl, and went upstairs to the drawing room in which she was supposed to meet Elincia. Voices murmured on the other side of the door. Sanaki tapped the wood with her nails and went inside. Elincia, already seated at the table, leaped to her feet to spread her pale blue skirt in a curtsy. Ena, already standing, simply bowed as she had earlier, with her hands clasped, and her ponytail already pulled over her shoulder.
Sanaki pushed the door closed with her heel and folded her hands. "Congratulations on your marriage to your knight captain, Elincia. I apologize for being so late in delivering it."
Elincia's cheeks looked pink when she straightened with her thanks, but her smile was wide and genuine. "He wanted to greet you formally, but one of us had to stay behind for the festivities."
"Persis and its wine festivals." Sanaki returned her smile and headed straight for her chair, while Ena circled the table handle the tea service on its counter by the window. Sitting down reminded her how stiff her body felt, how cold it was. "Se-- Lehran said he felt like they'd turned him into the old god of revelry whenever he went to oversee them. They even draped him in garlands."
Elincia sat down again, her smile trembling slightly. "Poor Geoffrey." She rubbed her forehead, brushed hair from her eyes; it was loose, except for two small combs holding wings of green back. "It's the first one since the fall, though. We couldn't say no."
The fall. Sanaki accepted a cup from Ena and rested the saucer on the table, looked into the brown depth. Bits of cinnamon drifted to the bottom and she smelled heavy, syrupy plum - her favorite tea, though it was brewed a bit strong. She sipped it to be polite and asked for details about the wedding, the reception, and their decision to hold the festivals. Persis would be the first territory to celebrate anything but the solstice and the day of creation, which were Ashera's only holidays, but it was also the most prosperous of the provinces before the goddess awakened, and blessed with a mild climate; once it was re-populated, little should have held them back.
The capitol should have been equally prosperous - yet no one had restored the theatre; no one published pamphlets or held poetry gatherings. Her agents said this was done outside of the city and its surrounding land, everything that belonged, on deed, to Sanaki. Were they aware of this - did they hope to make a statement - or was it the heavy yoke of order that was responsible? Just look at the dragons; she was positive they wrote nothing but dry history and manuals on governance.
Two of the holy guard came in with their noon meal, and one stayed behind once the dishes were arranged, tasted, served. Sanaki took a thick slice of bread flecked with soft orange bits of yam and a bite of spice that complimented her tea, and made motions for Elincia to eat as much as she wanted when the princess hesitated. There was a large platter of roasted root vegetables and a smaller plate of chicken something, which Sanaki wouldn't have eaten if she were starving; the apples looked good, but the bread was tasteless, and she thought the apples would only be bitter if she bit into one.
Elincia trailed off somewhere in the middle of a discussion of the vineyards under her jurisdiction, wiped her hands, tucked her hair behind her ears. She'd dressed simply, in a plain blue dress and white, fitted coat; no jewelry. It gets in the way when I'm doing laundry, she said once, and then laughed when Sanaki asked what kind of princess washed her own clothes. She wondered if Elincia would dress the same way for a formal audience - and if that wouldn't be better, after all, than trying to outdo some imaginary rival.
"Your Majesty." Elincia rested her fork on her plate, reached for her tea. Her eyes remained downcast. "I'll return to Persis in three days to prepare for the Five Hills festival - the one Lord-- Lehran is said to have attended most often."
Sanaki watched her eyes drift from the fork to her cup, to some spot on the tablecloth blocked by the flower arrangement. She folded her hands in her lap. This would be why the princess asked to meet with her. "He said it's a sacred place - the hills are supposed to be dragon graves. I do not know how much truth there is in the claim."
"Yes, I... want them to see it."
She made herself meet Elincia's eyes when the princess finally looked up. Of course she would ask. It was inevitable. "I see."
Elincia looked away and her hair flew at the sudden motion, slid over her chest. "They didn't attend my wedding--"
"They refused escort."
"Are they so untrustworthy they can't be allowed to leave the city for one week?"
Sanaki sighed. Her tea was half-gone, and Ena was across the room holding the door open a crack, speaking to someone. Maybe it would be an interruption. "I'm told King Caineghis sent his nephew to speak with you before he presented himself here in the capitol."
The princess drew back slightly. "Yes..."
"My agents also observed the king's adviser, Ranulf, slipping into your parents' rooms without making an appointment."
"Wh--" Elincia pulled her lip in between her teeth, paling, hand curling against her collarbone. "But that-- they were--"
"Allies? Friends?" Sanaki wanted to look over her shoulder, see what was taking Ena so long. "Even if the visit was just a courtesy, I cannot take the risk it was more. Perhaps they can explain it if you visit again before you leave."
The same knight who had delivered their main course brought plates of persimmon slices with pear and apple, and tiny bowls of flavored syrup and sauce, but whoever arranged it - Eirene, probably, as she was the most skilled in the kitchen - did so in vain; the princess nibbled on an apple slice for more than ten minutes before Sanaki decided to relieve her and left to take care of business. It wasn't until she'd crossed half the garden that it occurred to her nothing was forthcoming but the afternoon audience. There was no work to be done for that. New cases would be presented today, while the older grievances and petitions waited for Lehran's return.
Maybe she should speak to Ramon and his wife. Maybe--
Sanaki paused by the fountain, where she'd met Ena earlier. The sky was still cloudy, the light still gray and dim, but the pool had been drained and cleared of leaves to show the turquoise tiles at the bottom. Her own reflection looked back at her, uninterrupted.
She'd always wanted to see the five sacred hills. If life had continued unchanged when she was younger instead of stopping at the Judgment, perhaps Sephiran would have taken her to Persis, to ruined Serenes, and all of the special places in the provinces she should know about as empress - even visit, because making appearances and reminding one's subjects of the authority of the throne couldn't hurt. He told her that once she lived in a much different place, somewhere in the mountains of Daein, but Sanaki couldn't remember it. As far as her memory reached, it was Sienne she called home. She was lucky to have seen the surrounding countryside.
If Begnion's monarchs had lost control of the provinces because they refused to involve themselves - or were encouraged not to, as Lehran said - then wouldn't a journey outside be a good thing? Shouldn't she reaffirm her power? Ashera did.
Sanaki left the fountain and went back to her rooms to change; her formal costume was heavier, warmer than the silk robes - too warm. She stretched out on the divan and pulled the skirt up to her knees, folded her arms on the side for a place to rest her head. Two hours stretched until her next obligation. All there was to do was wait, and think, and wish Lehran would hurry back so she'd have someone to talk to.
*
The next three days passed in much the same way: private meetings - with Catalena to discuss new recruits to the guard, with a priest named Rhys who headed the clergy in the Persis region under Elincia, then with Ena to hear more about the north - after which Sanaki held public audience and listened to grievances amongst the city dwellers first, then the provincials, over and over. Her headache faded to a whispering pain that came only when she turned or moved too quickly, and then vanished. Evenings were spent watching the sky, then reading a book on the failures of previous rulers, assigned to her presumably to assure she would not make the same mistakes. The current volume discussed the edicts and administrative mistakes that led to the fragmentation of Begnion's northern holdings and the formation of Crimea. No one had yet told her a different story, but she thought it unlikely the problems were tied exclusively with the government when the break between races had happened so long before.
On the fourth morning Sanaki rose early to see the princess before she left. The sky dawned clear and deep blue, weather perfect for flying if one could ignore the chill. Red had overtaken the maples outside overnight, and they crowded right outside the window at the end of Elincia's corridor, leaves waving and brushing against the glass while she knocked, then waited with Marcia and Eirene at her back for the princess to answer. A full minute passed, broken only by a muffled call to please wait a moment, and when Elincia opened the door to admit her, her hair was still loose and her feet in stockings.
"Is there something I forgot to mention?" Elincia asked as soon as the door was closed. Her hands clasped, fingers curling together. Daylight shined through open windows and lent a silver sheen to her hair, which was full and silky from brushing, spread over the back of her white coat. "The laguz case is the only one I needed your signature for..."
"Nothing like that." Sanaki watched birds flit between branches instead of looking at the princess. Such a gesture might imply weakness, but so did a change of heart, according to the goddess. "I decided I'd like to see the Five Hills festival," she said, and waved her hand for silence when the princess started to speak. "Your parents may attend with me if they wish, but if I make any other allowances Lehran will have a fit."
A long sigh was her answer, and it didn't have the sharpness of anger, so she chose to interpret it as relief. "Is it Lehran who advocates these decisions?"
Elincia's brows had drawn together when Sanaki turned her face forward to confront the question. "No." Her answer came out more softly than it should have. "If he had his way, everyone would have what they want, and we'd be back where we started." She turned her back to the princess and opened the door. "You may notify them of this decision - I'll contact them later for an answer. May the goddess bless you with clear skies, Elincia. Be safe."
Sanaki paused long enough to hear the reply so she wouldn't be rude, then pulled the door closed and went back the way she came.
Elincia didn't realize how fortunate she was. Sanaki was soft - perhaps because the one she loved was given to showing mercy at the worst times - but her mistress was anything but giving. Every offer, every promise, was accompanied by strings which were tied around her wrists, ankles, throat, until she leapt whenever Ashera sneezed - though of course the goddess never did anything so inelegant as that. No, she twitched her eyebrow and destroyed entire continents.
The only comfort lay in her circumstances: Sanaki had no choice in who she served. She couldn't remember the last time someone had asked for her opinion on anything more serious than what to have for dinner, or how to handle a petty theft charge. Ramon was Ashera's doing, not her own - though she saw the practicality in the maneuver.
Day four continued on with the same dull procedure. Sanaki told the servants to clean that tower room and have it furnished, and to take care of the other chambers in that tower while they were at it. The walls of the cathedral lacked water pipes, being older than Sienne, almost as old as the Tower of Guidance; she wouldn't be able to live there without forcing her guard to carry a copper bath up every night and haul all of her drinking water, but it was a pleasant room, perfect for moon-gazing. A night or two without a water pump wouldn't kill anybody.
Another three days passed before they were finished and she was allowed to inspect the results. She'd commanded the guard to prepare for a trip to Persis and assigned Sigrun and a few others to address major problems in her absence. Anything serious would draw Ashera's attention and relieve them of the responsibility. Sigrun looked pale when Sanaki explained what she wanted, but didn't complain - only asked if she would leave without Lehran, should he return late. She wanted to say no; of course she would wait for him - he'd promised to hurry back for her, and Persis used to belong to him--
But Elincia.
The Five Hills.
She'd seen Persis once, and never left the manor grounds; the vineyards were a patchwork on the ground below low-flying clouds - a drawing in colored pencil and chalk, peppered with painstaking detail. A story.
The tower chamber was round, so the knights had found a round bed somewhere - an oval three people wide, long enough even the tallest of her guard could lie fully stretched without her feet hanging over the end. It looked just perfect for falling out of in the throes of a nightmare. Nothing else fit quite right. We tried - but this wardrobe over here, it's in the style you liked so much from Culbert-- and it was; a half-circle, like the balcony and the stair landing, the sides like facets of a gem; inside were some of her older sleeping gowns, a plain white dressing robe, a nice dress, a set of robes if she ever had to leave in a hurry for something important. Braziers burned on both sides of the room and lent an orange glow to the sky-colored tiles. The wall fixtures were made to hold candles rather than oil and wicks, so Sanaki shooed her guard out and lit them herself with a long match she held to the coals in the brazier near the balcony door and opened it a crack to allow the air to circulate. It was still cold, but the braziers wouldn't help with that; maybe the chill would persist until summer, when it seemed nothing in Sienne stayed cool or frozen, even by force of magic.
Her knights had also thought to bring some of her books up; The Fall of the Northern Territories waited at the top of the pile with its dull tan binding and black lettering. Dim light made the text harder to read, but she sat down on the curve of the bed and opened the book to pick up where she left off, see if studying in this room relieved the boredom of Silver Age essay style. At the very least this author spelled everything correctly; it was the primary sources that made her head hurt with sentences that ran on forever. She was reading a passage on the foundation stone of Melior when the balcony door banged on the iron brazier set behind it and rattled. Sanaki twisted around to look back.
Lehran stared at her. "What-- what is this?"
Sanaki stared at his windblown hair and the slim shape of his wings, which he'd cramped inward to slide past the door. "What are you doing here?" Her gaze moved to the dark sky. Her toes and fingers had frozen while she sat still, and one could only imagine how cold it was outside. "Isn't it dangerous to be flying right now?"
He stepped inside completely and pushed the glass door closed with his right wing. Warmth tinged his skin golden, blushed the side of his face, his lips, gleamed in his eyes. "The sky over Sienne is never too dark for flying." He edged away from the brazier and let his wings relax. "Did something happen?"
"No." She marked the book and slid it onto the stack. "It's just a change of scenery. I can't see the stars very well from my chambers in the palace."
"I suppose not."
One of his faint shadows approached her, cast by candles on every curve of the walls. Sanaki turned around, bent her legs and drew them onto the bed, wrapping them with her purple skirt and covering her bare feet with the ends of her shawl. "How was your journey?"
"Long." Lehran knelt on the end of the bed, sat on his legs and spread his wings; their shadow engulfed her, pale gray. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it back from his face and gathering it at the base of his neck. "Gareth is the only one he allows to stay in Goldoa. I thought I should check on him, since this is my fault, but..."
Then it didn't go well; his expression said it all: the line between his brows, the absence of his smile, which he always wore for her, even when they argued. His wings sagged, his free arm hanging off the side of the bed. She wanted to reach and fluff his wings, urge them into shape again. "It sounds as if this arrangement is his choice." She got up to close the distance between them and placed her hand on the crown of his head, where the hair was still smooth. He looked up, but Sanaki didn't give him time to speak; her knees sank into the bed and she pulled him in, put her arms around his shoulders. "Why is it your fault?"
She felt his sigh heat the front of her dress, or maybe it was a laugh, a bitter one; Lehran leaned on her when she refused to let go, rested his forehead just beneath her breasts. His arms were slower to follow. "A cruel assumption, my lady. You could pretend not to believe me for a few minutes."
"Why? Everything is your--" His embrace tightened and squeezed the air from her lungs. Sanaki gasped and clung to his neck, tried to return the force so it wouldn't feel like he was about to crack her ribs - as if he could, with his brittle frame. He would break before she did, which was why he should stop, relax, let her breathe--
Lehran pulled her down to sit. Her legs sprawled over his, and he leaned over - but only to rest his head against hers. "I suppose I need to hear it, but-- please, not in your voice."
His eyes were closed. She could only stare at the long sweep of his lashes and breathe in the musty smell of moist feathers and windblown hair, the rosy scent her robes had from being packed with sachets of dried petals. "I'm sorry." His hands slid from her waist and rested on her thighs, warm weights, his fingers curled slightly into the silk. Sanaki tried to comb her fingers into his hair and immediately met a knot. "I didn't mean it seriously." Though it was true - he'd brought about the Judgment, so if one were inclined, every tragedy and unpleasant circumstance could be attributed to him.
"You did." Lehran did sigh this time, his nails pressing through her skirt, tracing. It was the only warning she had; less than a breath later he'd pushed her onto her back with his weight and the leverage of his wings, pressed her into the mattress with his hands on her shoulders and his legs tangled with hers. "You never hesitate to say what you think, and you've been especially free with your opinion regarding myself."
Sanaki frowned up at him, but couldn't muster a glare. Her eyes were frozen wide; every time she blinked it felt like frost should flake from her lashes. His wings, like a dome, hid the cream and yellow walls of the room from her sight, arching above his head and spreading to brush the quilt, and their shadow was cool. "Someone has to say it. You've threatened everyone, or invoked the Massacre, until they're unwilling to speak with you about even simple things - like how idiotic it is to fly in the dark when you can't even walk across a dim room without bumping into furniture."
His lips worked. She wasn't sure if he wanted to smile or frown, and thought he didn't know either. "I didn't realize that would bother you so much," Lehran said. He let her pull his hands away when his fingers started to dig into her shoulders, but pressed hers down into the mattress, bending them back - but not so far that it hurt. His hands were cold. "Last time I left you scolded me for waiting all night to return, so I thought--"
"I didn't know how clumsy you are," she said, trying to breathe deeply and calmly. He was heavier than he looked - even herons had substance, if not any meaningful muscle or bulk. Sanaki had thought he'd be light as air, but this was the same person who carried her when she was younger, propped on one shoulder or across both arms like a princess, who had carried her upstairs to her rooms when she over-exerted herself while practicing spells and been unable to walk under her own power. Yet when he coasted above the ground, leapt from the balcony to catch the air with his wings and let it lift him into the sky, he seemed light as a feather. She wouldn't have believed his hair ever tangled if it wasn't draped around her head right now, the ends knotted, tickling her chin, her cheeks her ears. "I thought herons were supposed to be graceful, and timid--" Which he definitely was not; she tried to free one of her legs - to kick him, of course - and he caught her, twined their legs together. "Which you--"
Lehran smiled - not a fake smile, but one that narrowed his eyes so the lids looked heavy and his dark lashes veiled their green gleam. "Are not? I'm glad to hear that, your majesty. I was afraid you'd insist I do this properly."
His lips melted the last of Ashera's frost, brushing the tip of her nose, the line of her jaw, her chin; Lehran was cold too, yet the weight and press of his body brought warmth to heat her skin like a blanket until it tinged along the line of her spine and up to her fingertips. It was typical of him to leave her with a cryptic statement like that - what did proper have to do with Sanaki anyway, when she'd shown him everything she had a week ago? - and it wasn't as if she'd tell him to stop kissing her so they could ask permission of Sigrun or Tanith for whatever he intended to do.
She had Ashera's blessing - more a command, but that was also typical. The goddess wouldn't be able to ask for anything if her very existence were at stake.
Sanaki sucked in a deep breath when he let her go to fling his hair to one side. Nothing was cold now; the yellow lamplight might have been ice, compared to the shadow of his wings and the silky waterfall of his hair. His thumb stroked the pale side of her arm where blue veins branched up to her hands. "Sanaki." His voice was a hot whisper against her mouth. "There's something..."
She pulled a hand free and curled her fingers into his hair. "Later."
Lehran murmured her determination and found her lips again. Later.
...............................................................................................
I realize the ending implies certain activities, but that's not actually what I have in mind, so just imagine whatever you like better.
.