Rawr.
Tonight ive learned that no matter how much you want something to go in your way or to work out for you it wont. It wont ever work out for you when you want it to work out the most. I hate the fact that you are considered out of my class, and this competition for you. I hate being the lesser of the two and being shoved aside, and excommunicated for lengthy periods of time which hurt me more than you know. I know that i shouldnt have these feelings that i do for you, knowing that they wont get me anywhere and they are only one sided. Kindess and thoughtfullness is never rewarded. Not a reward as in money or gifts, but in a conversation, a hug or even a nice goodbye. I guess im just extremely jealous because i know that i cant and wont ever have you no matter how hard i try. For some reason no matter how hard i try, my feelings just cannot and will not change. I shouldnt continue to feel this way after so long because its led me to this... I wish i could be given a chance instead of being the inferior of the two... Hopefully age is not the issue. Im feeling really hurt and sad and I know I know...its my fault for having these feelings but it hurts realizing all these things that I so desperatly want are never going to come true. I wish you could share my feelings. Like i always tell you... As long as your happy. Its to bad that your being happy is not with me. I cant desribe to you how strongly i feel about you, and i cant get it out of my head. There must be a reason why i cant change the way i feel about and why i have felt this way for so long...This is all comming out as a blur and i dont even know if my point is comming across clear or is even really being expressed. Although people may dissagree with what ive said... this is what im feeling and am thinking at this point. Goodnight my love and have fun tonight with everyone, sleep well and sweet dreams. :( Night.
Show later today at 230... gimme a call. later.
Show later today at 230... gimme a call. later.