[HP] golden ladder reaching down
Title: golden ladder reaching down
Character: Regulus
Rating: PG-13
Summary: happy enough for Patronus.
Notes: title from Johnny Cash’s When the Man Comes Around. I am so sorry.
All of Regulus' memories are tainted somehow.
In his mind's ears, Bellatrix's laughter rings cruel like his mother's, and Sirius' brings a stab of guilt and resentment. The pride he brought his family has broken into shards of ugly consequences, and childhood memories are too painful to contemplate.
Bellatrix mad, Narcissa frozen, Andromeda gone, Sirius gone.
Right, too, was Sirius, wasn't he, when Regulus walks down the path to retrieve Voldemort's Horcrux, when every step Regulus takes proves the truth of what Sirius said.
He has wished for a do-over; played with the idea of procuring a Time-Turner, and turning and turning and turning back time, so he might do things right this time. Stealing into the Ministry in the dead of the night, to the Department of Mysteries, slipping past the spells and the guards and setting right what all went wrong.
Wishing is what he spent most of his life doing, watching his brother and cousins from afar, and wishing he could be as daring as them.
He was a weak child and a self-effacing boy. He made mistakes like pebbles stumble down a slope, family and expectations as inescapable a law as gravity, without knowing or thinking until he found himself deep down the hills, committed without committing.
The staircase leading down is dark and deep and damp, and Regulus keeps a critical eye on the pale glow at the tip of his wand. It's getting colder the deeper he descends, his grip frozen around his wand.
Every step he takes is a fault he willingly makes, a responsibility he's weighted and accepted. Unlike everything else in his life, he won't be able to eschew the responsibility/blame for this one; unlike everything else, he can't have found this place and gone down its stairs by accident.
His heart is starting to thump louder, loud enough that he has to stop a moment to check his surroundings once again, make sure he hasn't been noticed yet. He starts again before he can change his mind, not about this, not in this life.
No matter how tonight goes, by the end of the night he will have stopped breathing. With Kreacher's help, it will be sooner rather than later.
The glow shines brighter, and Regulus smiles a thin smile to keep his teeth from chattering.
He is betting on there being a couple renegade Dementors downstairs, and he has been combing through his mind for a happy thought that might make them falter. He hasn't had much success so far; but this one might be a winner.
Character: Regulus
Rating: PG-13
Summary: happy enough for Patronus.
Notes: title from Johnny Cash’s When the Man Comes Around. I am so sorry.
All of Regulus' memories are tainted somehow.
In his mind's ears, Bellatrix's laughter rings cruel like his mother's, and Sirius' brings a stab of guilt and resentment. The pride he brought his family has broken into shards of ugly consequences, and childhood memories are too painful to contemplate.
Bellatrix mad, Narcissa frozen, Andromeda gone, Sirius gone.
Right, too, was Sirius, wasn't he, when Regulus walks down the path to retrieve Voldemort's Horcrux, when every step Regulus takes proves the truth of what Sirius said.
He has wished for a do-over; played with the idea of procuring a Time-Turner, and turning and turning and turning back time, so he might do things right this time. Stealing into the Ministry in the dead of the night, to the Department of Mysteries, slipping past the spells and the guards and setting right what all went wrong.
Wishing is what he spent most of his life doing, watching his brother and cousins from afar, and wishing he could be as daring as them.
He was a weak child and a self-effacing boy. He made mistakes like pebbles stumble down a slope, family and expectations as inescapable a law as gravity, without knowing or thinking until he found himself deep down the hills, committed without committing.
The staircase leading down is dark and deep and damp, and Regulus keeps a critical eye on the pale glow at the tip of his wand. It's getting colder the deeper he descends, his grip frozen around his wand.
Every step he takes is a fault he willingly makes, a responsibility he's weighted and accepted. Unlike everything else in his life, he won't be able to eschew the responsibility/blame for this one; unlike everything else, he can't have found this place and gone down its stairs by accident.
His heart is starting to thump louder, loud enough that he has to stop a moment to check his surroundings once again, make sure he hasn't been noticed yet. He starts again before he can change his mind, not about this, not in this life.
No matter how tonight goes, by the end of the night he will have stopped breathing. With Kreacher's help, it will be sooner rather than later.
The glow shines brighter, and Regulus smiles a thin smile to keep his teeth from chattering.
He is betting on there being a couple renegade Dementors downstairs, and he has been combing through his mind for a happy thought that might make them falter. He hasn't had much success so far; but this one might be a winner.