Trying to Find Oneself:
Hi.
I have lately felt very lost. I feel overwhelmed and on the verge of depression. It's not that I am overwhelmed with work or some such. I'm overwhelmed with people. I feel like people have been spending a lot of my time lately. I am constantly with people, and they are constantly telling me what to think and how to feel. It's all very confusing. I have lost my ability to connect with who I am.
I need some time alone. Preferably, some place where I don't know anyone. I keep looking towards the future. Hopefully I can get this job in Madison (::knock on wood::) and almost start all over. It's good to have support; Katherine and Chris will be in Madison, and they are all that I need. But for now, I'll have to make the most of what I've got.
I want to rediscover myself. Again. But this time, I feel that if I don't stick to it, I'll lose myself completely. In the past, I've gotten inspired because it's Yom Kippur or New Years or something momentous has occurred in my life. But now I think this is completely about survival.
I want to...
Lose 40 pounds.
Apply for 5 jobs a week.
Read regularly.
Write regularly.
Learn Yoga.
Un-packrat my room.
Clean my room.
Paint my room.
Finish the MEGA Question Ball.
Arrange new warm-ups for Front Band Ensemble.
Run a 5K.
Exercise everyday.
I think if I start with this list, I'll stop being so schizophrenic. I want to do everything and I regularly spread myself out too thin. I need to find out who I am and what I want from life so I can truly develop myself. The only thing I know I want is to leave a mark. I want to positively impact the people around me. I want to be a source of inspiration the way Ian Meske or Mark Ellwood or Jeannette Milligan is to me.
I just need some space to start.
Do you think I can make it?
I hope so...
I have lately felt very lost. I feel overwhelmed and on the verge of depression. It's not that I am overwhelmed with work or some such. I'm overwhelmed with people. I feel like people have been spending a lot of my time lately. I am constantly with people, and they are constantly telling me what to think and how to feel. It's all very confusing. I have lost my ability to connect with who I am.
I need some time alone. Preferably, some place where I don't know anyone. I keep looking towards the future. Hopefully I can get this job in Madison (::knock on wood::) and almost start all over. It's good to have support; Katherine and Chris will be in Madison, and they are all that I need. But for now, I'll have to make the most of what I've got.
I want to rediscover myself. Again. But this time, I feel that if I don't stick to it, I'll lose myself completely. In the past, I've gotten inspired because it's Yom Kippur or New Years or something momentous has occurred in my life. But now I think this is completely about survival.
I want to...
Lose 40 pounds.
Apply for 5 jobs a week.
Read regularly.
Write regularly.
Learn Yoga.
Un-packrat my room.
Clean my room.
Paint my room.
Finish the MEGA Question Ball.
Arrange new warm-ups for Front Band Ensemble.
Run a 5K.
Exercise everyday.
I think if I start with this list, I'll stop being so schizophrenic. I want to do everything and I regularly spread myself out too thin. I need to find out who I am and what I want from life so I can truly develop myself. The only thing I know I want is to leave a mark. I want to positively impact the people around me. I want to be a source of inspiration the way Ian Meske or Mark Ellwood or Jeannette Milligan is to me.
I just need some space to start.
Do you think I can make it?
I hope so...