We won't belong...
I've been feeling...melancholy today. I'm not exactly sure why. I think it might have something to do with how uneventful my life has been as of lately. Or maybe it's because I've found myself reminiscing of the past so much? My life consists of studying, eating, working, and sleeping. If people could waste away their lives, I would imagine this is how they would do it. I find myself looking at my phone just to see if somebody called me or sent me a text message. Isn't that sad?
Chad and I have a mutual friend that got engaged fairly recently. She told me they plan on getting married in May of 2012. For some reason Chad took that as a sign to join the band wagon, and he wanted to delay our wedding. Why would we delay it? Is he sure enough about our relationship to propose, but not sure enough to go through with it? Perhaps I take things too personally. All of his family already know of our date though, and I don't wish to mislead them.
This appears to be the second engagement I've been in that wasn't taken seriously. That's two for two. I'm amazing like that. Maybe that's why I feel so empty as of lately.
I guess I can't blame them.
I'm not drop dead attractive nor am I extremely intelligent or interesting.
I have no talents, and I've been lacking the energy and inspiration to even try to develop any.
We looked at an apartment today. I liked it a lot, but he wasn't sold on it.
It is from the same landlords as us so there would be no deposit.
Saving 600 dollars also did not appeal to Chad.
He doesn't want it because we'd have to move in the next couple of weeks..as opposed to waiting around to when my finals are due. His capstone is due at the same time. He said it would be inconvenient for him to stop his project to move (which I've never even seen him work on it). He has never put my needs or concerns into consideration. As a matter of fact, if he read this he would just say that I made him look like an idiot and I need to not write about us to people.
I sound cynical. Things aren't too bad. We don't fight much anymore.
I don't know if it's because I just stop caring about things enough to fight or because we don't really talk that much anymore. I guess either way is probably bad for a budding relationship.
It's not just with him. Everything feels....dead.
I went to Louisiana to see my grandmother and nothing felt like home there anymore.
It doesn't feel like home anywhere. Everything feels numb.
Maybe I'm just burnt out on all my excessive studying.
Maybe I'm just burnt out on having to study and take care of the house by myself.
Maybe I'm just burnt out by being the only person concerned with my wedding.
I guess I'm just burnt out..period.
But it could be worse.
I have my health. I have a job. I have a roof over my head.
...
But I don't really care.
Chad and I have a mutual friend that got engaged fairly recently. She told me they plan on getting married in May of 2012. For some reason Chad took that as a sign to join the band wagon, and he wanted to delay our wedding. Why would we delay it? Is he sure enough about our relationship to propose, but not sure enough to go through with it? Perhaps I take things too personally. All of his family already know of our date though, and I don't wish to mislead them.
This appears to be the second engagement I've been in that wasn't taken seriously. That's two for two. I'm amazing like that. Maybe that's why I feel so empty as of lately.
I guess I can't blame them.
I'm not drop dead attractive nor am I extremely intelligent or interesting.
I have no talents, and I've been lacking the energy and inspiration to even try to develop any.
We looked at an apartment today. I liked it a lot, but he wasn't sold on it.
It is from the same landlords as us so there would be no deposit.
Saving 600 dollars also did not appeal to Chad.
He doesn't want it because we'd have to move in the next couple of weeks..as opposed to waiting around to when my finals are due. His capstone is due at the same time. He said it would be inconvenient for him to stop his project to move (which I've never even seen him work on it). He has never put my needs or concerns into consideration. As a matter of fact, if he read this he would just say that I made him look like an idiot and I need to not write about us to people.
I sound cynical. Things aren't too bad. We don't fight much anymore.
I don't know if it's because I just stop caring about things enough to fight or because we don't really talk that much anymore. I guess either way is probably bad for a budding relationship.
It's not just with him. Everything feels....dead.
I went to Louisiana to see my grandmother and nothing felt like home there anymore.
It doesn't feel like home anywhere. Everything feels numb.
Maybe I'm just burnt out on all my excessive studying.
Maybe I'm just burnt out on having to study and take care of the house by myself.
Maybe I'm just burnt out by being the only person concerned with my wedding.
I guess I'm just burnt out..period.
But it could be worse.
I have my health. I have a job. I have a roof over my head.
...
But I don't really care.