just a quick....reminder? memo? maybe?

Nov 19, 2002 19:16

i was looking back on all my own entries to get stuff for a cross genre piece i've been working on. and it came to my attention that the following needs to be stated, as it hadn't been before, as far as i saw:

to cornelius, if you read this: i know i said i regret nothing and i'm not sorry for a damn thing, but maybe there is one thing: i'm sorry for making you feel worthwhile.

in all those entries i wrote i was a complete wreck. my body was falling apart even though i am usually in pristine health. i had so much school stress. and you made my life some sort of hell not able to be depicted in movies, where it is so hot you get freezerburn. you made a girl who'd had a love affair with life itself, who had lived her whole life with the singular goal of being happy and making others happy, who was obsessed with the notion of complete equality for everyone and everything and just a general lover of everything.....well you made her feel marginalized, overpowered, disrespected, unappreciated, neglected, as if her life purpose was silly and unattainable. you also made her feel completely disgusted, for the first time, with a human she loved and felt she respected. that's sick.

and when you contacted me a few weeks ago, i got physically nauteous, and you sent a sensation of fear through my entire body, and my back is just starting to stop hurting.

"that is all."
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