yeah well....
what i "need" is a boyfriend who will treat me like a human. not some ragdoll he can fuck and throw in the corner with the rest or ridicule incessantly, not some higher alien being who is here to solve all his and the world's problems. and i don't want to play the roll of "mom" that some people have hinted at. yuck.
just lets be friends who hold hands and fall asleep next to each other. and if the world is to be saved, lets both save it.
i was thinking this afternoon -- while riding my bike to villa linda for some longjohns etc -- about a conversation jess and i had on her front stoop late one night when i was sleeping over. she said guys don't date me (us, really, though i'm sure any guy would date her if she so much as flicked a booger at them) because they are intimidated by me. it started to really bother me. am i intimidating? is it something else? i'm not looking for brownie points here, i am looking for the root of my problem (asside from my own inabilities to make both the physical and emotional connections with the same person most of the time). i'm taking a poll.
here's another question: how come strangers always assume i'm out to save the world and tell me i'm doing a good job. even if i am, how do they know what kinda job i'm doing? and yes, it does happen to me very frequently.
i just got back from my work party. the store looks great. everyone i work with is so nice. no one is home right now. it's raining. i have homework to do.
sometimes i feel i am very militant. and then ithink abot all the people who don't think about the consequences of any of their actions, or worse still, perhaps, those who think and don't care. it frustrates me so much. and makes me think perhaps i am not militant enough.
tomorrow is supposed to be food not bombs but i am working all day and kt is making paper in the kitchen and lindsay's friend is over and aaron's got his own shit to do. but people are coming over, i guess.
sometimes i feel like i always bitch about the same shit on here in every post. or else am ecstatic over the same shit. sorry about that.
i ordered a bag online from pacdesigns. it cost way too much money but my back is KILLING me and i am so excited about it finally getting here. hopefully it'll help. if anyone wants to see this monstrocity, go to www.pacdesigns.com and check out the Ultimate shoulder bag. oh yeah.
just lets be friends who hold hands and fall asleep next to each other. and if the world is to be saved, lets both save it.
i was thinking this afternoon -- while riding my bike to villa linda for some longjohns etc -- about a conversation jess and i had on her front stoop late one night when i was sleeping over. she said guys don't date me (us, really, though i'm sure any guy would date her if she so much as flicked a booger at them) because they are intimidated by me. it started to really bother me. am i intimidating? is it something else? i'm not looking for brownie points here, i am looking for the root of my problem (asside from my own inabilities to make both the physical and emotional connections with the same person most of the time). i'm taking a poll.
here's another question: how come strangers always assume i'm out to save the world and tell me i'm doing a good job. even if i am, how do they know what kinda job i'm doing? and yes, it does happen to me very frequently.
i just got back from my work party. the store looks great. everyone i work with is so nice. no one is home right now. it's raining. i have homework to do.
sometimes i feel i am very militant. and then ithink abot all the people who don't think about the consequences of any of their actions, or worse still, perhaps, those who think and don't care. it frustrates me so much. and makes me think perhaps i am not militant enough.
tomorrow is supposed to be food not bombs but i am working all day and kt is making paper in the kitchen and lindsay's friend is over and aaron's got his own shit to do. but people are coming over, i guess.
sometimes i feel like i always bitch about the same shit on here in every post. or else am ecstatic over the same shit. sorry about that.
i ordered a bag online from pacdesigns. it cost way too much money but my back is KILLING me and i am so excited about it finally getting here. hopefully it'll help. if anyone wants to see this monstrocity, go to www.pacdesigns.com and check out the Ultimate shoulder bag. oh yeah.