*facepalm*
Ooh USA Network announced its new projects for 2010-2011...like 5 days ago but Im slow.
And now I wish I hadnt seen them. Dissapointacune srsly. Its like Fox quality programming.
Heres a list of their upcoming tv shows which all will hopefully not happen:
A LEGAL MIND
One of Manhattan's top corporate lawyers goes on a recruiting trip and hires the only guy that impresses him, a brilliant but unmotivated college dropout. This early twenty something has barely coasted through life on his natural intelligence and copious amounts of marijuana. Now, as he impersonates a bright young professional, he might even become a real adult.
Wow I was bored before I even got to the word marijuana then I was just facepalming. Some sort of retarded Psych/Weeds mashup? The usual tv formula: a main theme from some popular show + another main theme from another popular show = SUCCESS.
The saddest thing is people will watch it.
ROBYN
After her financier father's fraudulent dealings are exposed, a young woman realizes she's done nothing substantial with her own life. Initially attempting to be a do-gooder, she finds it much more satisfying (and effective) to rip off the decadent upper class. Rather than keep the proceeds for herself, though, she redistributes the wealth by giving it to the exploited underclass
Obvious female!Robin Hood is obvious. The plot isnt clearly explained yet but from the looks of things its about some woman who started doing exactly the same thing as her father but just to rich people so she could justify her own actions.
Stealing is fun!
GAY WALCH PROJECT
Karyn Burke, a suburban supermom to three kids, wakes up one morning and finds her husband has left town because he was in too deep to mob boss Tommy. Now, Karen's left to clean up his mess by paying off her husband's gambling debt and becoming Tommy's new "fixer." It's just one more priority on her weekly to do list.
I was excited until I realised Gay Walch was not the title. Another tv formula: Your target audience + exciting unusual occupation/circumstance. In this case Housewife + Mafia.
To be honest I dont really care what its about Im still dissapointed its not about some gay guy called Walch.
STICK
Chris "Stick" Blake is a player in the NHL prominently featured in the majority of the top 10 hockey fights on YouTube. He just got suspended from his team, and now has to attend court ordered anger management classes. He's not a bad guy... he just loses it when people are bullied. After an old friend shows up with a life-threatening problem, Stick focuses his considerable energies on solving it and discovers a new line of work - helping people that the law can't.
I cant work this one out. Its like a happy gilmore feel-good dexter? Once again its just a plot outline I guess but isnt it essentially just a show about some angry hockey player beating the shit out of people? How is that any different from normal hockey?
UNTITLED JOHN MICHAEL HIGGINS / INSURANCE ADJUSTER PROJECT
From Steve Carell ("The Office") and John Michael Higgins ("Best in Show"), this project is about Bob Welsh, a crusading middle class insurance investigator who proves that sometimes the dullest jobs are the most exciting as he ferrets out high stakes dramas.
Steve Carrell being mentioned before the plot is setting off alarms in my head, its like an unnessecary pre-emptive strike that just radiates how much confidence you have in your own show. But this may be the most promising of the lot...
UNTITLED CULLEN BROTHERS PROJECT
Two estranged brothers end up on the same FBI task force. One brother is a by-the-book profiler who lived in his brother's shadow. The other is a shoot-first-ask-questions later type who must now report to his brother.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. ITS CALLED NUMB3RS GUYS. FUCKING NUMB3RS.
HERE HERE LOOK HAVE A NUMB3RS SUMMARY:
NUMB3RS is a drama about an FBI agent who recruits his mathematical-genius brother to help the Bureau solve a wide range of challenging crimes in Los Angeles.
A dedicated FBI agent, Don Eppes , couldn't be more different from his younger brother, Charlie Eppes , a brilliant mathematician who, since he was little, yearned to impress his big brother.
ITS THE SAME BASIC FUCKING THING.
THE VELVET HAMMER
Houston-native Candy Carter returns home but she's not the same Texas debutante who left - she has two kids, she's divorced and she's an FBI agent. Back home, she uses her brains and beauty to help out her fellow proud Texans while getting back in touch with her Southern roots.
I...I dont even know where to start with this one.....the family guy manatees come to mind...
So thats the shit-tastic line-up on at least one channel for the apparent future.
Im still holding out for that dark-comedy tv show about a psychic crime-fighting vigilante whos in a happy stable secret gay relationship with an attractive asian crime boss.
Some day...