Pumpkin Pie. Malt. (Horizon Tales)
AUTHOR: Shrimp
CHALLENGE: Pumpkin Pie 4. bump in the night; malt (dare)
WORD COUNT: 1417
RATING: PG-13
NOTES: Olram dared me to have Emis hit on Sans and here it is! I had a lot of fun writing this. I didn't give it chopped nuts because I can actually totally see Emis doing this.
Emis stumbled into Zuan’s place with a bit more sound and bit less flourish than he had intended. No one seemed to notice though. Actually, now that he took a second and less bleary eyed looked around, no one seemed to be here. Vala wasn’t at her usually place by the bar and Ekvy was nowhere to be seen. Even Garsé was missing, the stage dark and foreboding without her lovely presence. Emis straightened a little and blinked. An empty bar. How strange.
“Oh no, Emis.” The sound of someone calling his name brought him back to the present and he grinned, turning himself on one heel to face where the noise had come from. Sans was standing by the door that led into the storeroom with his arms full of bottles. “What are you doing here? It’s nearly sun up.” Emis had to admit that the bartender didn’t seem to be too happy to see him. How that was possible he didn’t know since everyone loved him. Sans was a bit of strange one.
“Zuan’s place is always open, yes? Zuan’s place never turns a paying customer away, yes?” He sauntered over to the bar. The floor seemed tilted, rolling beneath his feet almost. But Emis was sure footed and knew his way around such silly things as drunken floors. When he reached the stools though and was able to get off his feet he felt much better. Things were spinning less though he still needed to squint to bring things into focus.
“Yes but… there’s no one here. I’m just cleaning up.” Sans placed the bottles he had been carrying down on a table and returned to his place behind the bar. He made a face even as his hand dipped to where Emis knew the wine was kept. “Aren’t you drunk enough?” He asked. Emis waved his hand dismissively while the other dug into his pocket. He gripped a random assortment of coins and tossed them onto the bar.
“Take my money!” He laughed as he watched the coins spin and fall. Sans frowned and looked down at the money. His frown deepened.
“Most of these are covered in blood.”
“Do not worry for me, lovely bartender, the blood is not mine.” Sans gave him a look that Emis read as a distinct lack of concern. It only amused him more and Emis could feel himself smiling widely. The other man shrugged and sighed, pulling a cup from behind the bar and placing it in front of Emis. He filled it and left the wine bottle next to it and then began the task of counting out the owed money. Emis noted that he was sorting the clean coins from the bloody ones. “Certainly I am not the first to come to this place offering such a thing?”
“What’s this?” Sans ignored the question he had posed. Emis knocked back the wine before answering. He closed one eye and squinted down at what Sans was pointing to. A square coin with a circle missing from the middle.
“Ah!” Emis exclaimed, grabbing it up and holding it between them. “This is a coin from my home. I keep it for it is filled with good luck.” He lowered his voice and leaned closer. After a moment Sans followed suit. “Whenever I wish to seduce a woman I kiss this coin first and then…” He pressed the coin quickly to Sans’ mouth and then kissed the opposite side. The other man fell back with a startled noise and Emis erupted into laughter. He doubled over with tears in his eyes.
“You shouldn’t…” Sans sounded annoyed and out of breath. “You shouldn’t do things like that. You I could… I might read your mind or see your future!” Emis pulled himself together. He straightened up and calmed his laughter. The messy looking man behind the bar was staring at him with a frown. Emis smiled wickedly.
“You need not threaten me with kisses and mind reading. I will gladly tell you any thought that comes to me. And who knows where that will lead us.” Sans looked at him uncomfortably. Slowly he reached over and collected the coins he had set aside. Emis watched him carefully. “You know,” he began, “I can see what she sees in you.”
“Who?” Sans asked tensely. Emis watched the other man’s throat bob with a nervous swallow. He felt himself want to laugh and held it in. It was too much fun to play with him. No one else seemed inclined to do it and Emis could tell the poor man needed practice. He leaned closer again and despite what had happened last time Sans did the same.
“It is the eyes, I think. Very deep. Very sad. Women like that sort of thing, you know. Like if you were a puppy and I kicked you in the head you would look at me with those eyes.” Emis poured himself some more wine, missing the cup at first but righting his error quickly. “But your body… I cannot tell. That is an important part, yes? You wear so many clothes. You are like a coatrack. Strip for me, Sans. Let us compare.”
“What? No! You’re crazy.” He crossed is arms defensively over his chest. As if Emis would try to undress him without permission! It was laughable but Emis didn’t laugh because the thought had occurred to him to try it. Instead he set his hands to work unbuttoning his own shirt and pulling it deftly over his head. “What are you doing?” Sans exclaimed.
“Showing you my body. It is a nice one, yes? I do enjoy it. Tell me, what do you think of my body? Do not be shy!” He flexed his arms and tightened his stomach. Sans was simply shaking his head.
“No. No, I don’t get paid to deal with this. You… you should go home, Emis. You’re very drunk and you’re going to feel very foolish in the morning.”
“And how is it you will get me to leave?” Emis challenged. “Or will we play that game where I do as you say because you have said I must and in exchange you answer a questions because I have asked it?” It occurred to Emis that he was drunk and his ability to put his thoughts into the trading tongue was getting looser. He could, since he was here with Sans, switch to his native language. But somehow that seemed like cheating to whatever they were doing. Torturing Sans was made more amusing by the fact that he had to muddle through the borderline nonsense Emis was saying.
“I can’t make you, but-“
“Here is my question that you must answer. Have you never looked at me and thought me a wonderfully handsome man?” Sans grimaced. He shook his head, stepped back to put distance between them. Emis waited, grinning and taking sips of his wine simply to stop himself from laughing out loud.
“Well, I mean, of course. I noticed straight away that you were handsome. But it’s not like I… was thinking about it. It’s just one of those things you notice. The same as I noticed that your sister looks like you or that-“
“Ah, so it is my sister that you crave,” Emis supplied. Sans turned red. He held up his hands.
“No! No, I wasn’t saying that! I just meant-“
“Sadly you are not her type. Though she has often done me favors for such things.” He smirked and winked at Sans. “I would have to be there, of course, but that is all the better for you, yes?” It really looked like the other man was about to faint. Emis took another drink of his wine, finishing the cup. “We have come to an arrangement then?”
“Emis, this isn’t funny.” Sans tried to sound intimidating but his voice was shaking. Emis opened his mouth to respond and then closed it. He felt a sudden streak of sweaty heat down his spine. Politely he held up a finger to indicate that he needed just a moment before responding. That moment was occupied with him turning to the side and vomiting over the nearest stool. “Emis! Couldn’t you have gone outside and done that?” Sans cried, dismayed.
“Oh, I am sorry, my friend. If you give me a moment I will clean it myself.” Sans frowned as Emis rested his head on the bar and promptly fell asleep.
CHALLENGE: Pumpkin Pie 4. bump in the night; malt (dare)
WORD COUNT: 1417
RATING: PG-13
NOTES: Olram dared me to have Emis hit on Sans and here it is! I had a lot of fun writing this. I didn't give it chopped nuts because I can actually totally see Emis doing this.
Emis stumbled into Zuan’s place with a bit more sound and bit less flourish than he had intended. No one seemed to notice though. Actually, now that he took a second and less bleary eyed looked around, no one seemed to be here. Vala wasn’t at her usually place by the bar and Ekvy was nowhere to be seen. Even Garsé was missing, the stage dark and foreboding without her lovely presence. Emis straightened a little and blinked. An empty bar. How strange.
“Oh no, Emis.” The sound of someone calling his name brought him back to the present and he grinned, turning himself on one heel to face where the noise had come from. Sans was standing by the door that led into the storeroom with his arms full of bottles. “What are you doing here? It’s nearly sun up.” Emis had to admit that the bartender didn’t seem to be too happy to see him. How that was possible he didn’t know since everyone loved him. Sans was a bit of strange one.
“Zuan’s place is always open, yes? Zuan’s place never turns a paying customer away, yes?” He sauntered over to the bar. The floor seemed tilted, rolling beneath his feet almost. But Emis was sure footed and knew his way around such silly things as drunken floors. When he reached the stools though and was able to get off his feet he felt much better. Things were spinning less though he still needed to squint to bring things into focus.
“Yes but… there’s no one here. I’m just cleaning up.” Sans placed the bottles he had been carrying down on a table and returned to his place behind the bar. He made a face even as his hand dipped to where Emis knew the wine was kept. “Aren’t you drunk enough?” He asked. Emis waved his hand dismissively while the other dug into his pocket. He gripped a random assortment of coins and tossed them onto the bar.
“Take my money!” He laughed as he watched the coins spin and fall. Sans frowned and looked down at the money. His frown deepened.
“Most of these are covered in blood.”
“Do not worry for me, lovely bartender, the blood is not mine.” Sans gave him a look that Emis read as a distinct lack of concern. It only amused him more and Emis could feel himself smiling widely. The other man shrugged and sighed, pulling a cup from behind the bar and placing it in front of Emis. He filled it and left the wine bottle next to it and then began the task of counting out the owed money. Emis noted that he was sorting the clean coins from the bloody ones. “Certainly I am not the first to come to this place offering such a thing?”
“What’s this?” Sans ignored the question he had posed. Emis knocked back the wine before answering. He closed one eye and squinted down at what Sans was pointing to. A square coin with a circle missing from the middle.
“Ah!” Emis exclaimed, grabbing it up and holding it between them. “This is a coin from my home. I keep it for it is filled with good luck.” He lowered his voice and leaned closer. After a moment Sans followed suit. “Whenever I wish to seduce a woman I kiss this coin first and then…” He pressed the coin quickly to Sans’ mouth and then kissed the opposite side. The other man fell back with a startled noise and Emis erupted into laughter. He doubled over with tears in his eyes.
“You shouldn’t…” Sans sounded annoyed and out of breath. “You shouldn’t do things like that. You I could… I might read your mind or see your future!” Emis pulled himself together. He straightened up and calmed his laughter. The messy looking man behind the bar was staring at him with a frown. Emis smiled wickedly.
“You need not threaten me with kisses and mind reading. I will gladly tell you any thought that comes to me. And who knows where that will lead us.” Sans looked at him uncomfortably. Slowly he reached over and collected the coins he had set aside. Emis watched him carefully. “You know,” he began, “I can see what she sees in you.”
“Who?” Sans asked tensely. Emis watched the other man’s throat bob with a nervous swallow. He felt himself want to laugh and held it in. It was too much fun to play with him. No one else seemed inclined to do it and Emis could tell the poor man needed practice. He leaned closer again and despite what had happened last time Sans did the same.
“It is the eyes, I think. Very deep. Very sad. Women like that sort of thing, you know. Like if you were a puppy and I kicked you in the head you would look at me with those eyes.” Emis poured himself some more wine, missing the cup at first but righting his error quickly. “But your body… I cannot tell. That is an important part, yes? You wear so many clothes. You are like a coatrack. Strip for me, Sans. Let us compare.”
“What? No! You’re crazy.” He crossed is arms defensively over his chest. As if Emis would try to undress him without permission! It was laughable but Emis didn’t laugh because the thought had occurred to him to try it. Instead he set his hands to work unbuttoning his own shirt and pulling it deftly over his head. “What are you doing?” Sans exclaimed.
“Showing you my body. It is a nice one, yes? I do enjoy it. Tell me, what do you think of my body? Do not be shy!” He flexed his arms and tightened his stomach. Sans was simply shaking his head.
“No. No, I don’t get paid to deal with this. You… you should go home, Emis. You’re very drunk and you’re going to feel very foolish in the morning.”
“And how is it you will get me to leave?” Emis challenged. “Or will we play that game where I do as you say because you have said I must and in exchange you answer a questions because I have asked it?” It occurred to Emis that he was drunk and his ability to put his thoughts into the trading tongue was getting looser. He could, since he was here with Sans, switch to his native language. But somehow that seemed like cheating to whatever they were doing. Torturing Sans was made more amusing by the fact that he had to muddle through the borderline nonsense Emis was saying.
“I can’t make you, but-“
“Here is my question that you must answer. Have you never looked at me and thought me a wonderfully handsome man?” Sans grimaced. He shook his head, stepped back to put distance between them. Emis waited, grinning and taking sips of his wine simply to stop himself from laughing out loud.
“Well, I mean, of course. I noticed straight away that you were handsome. But it’s not like I… was thinking about it. It’s just one of those things you notice. The same as I noticed that your sister looks like you or that-“
“Ah, so it is my sister that you crave,” Emis supplied. Sans turned red. He held up his hands.
“No! No, I wasn’t saying that! I just meant-“
“Sadly you are not her type. Though she has often done me favors for such things.” He smirked and winked at Sans. “I would have to be there, of course, but that is all the better for you, yes?” It really looked like the other man was about to faint. Emis took another drink of his wine, finishing the cup. “We have come to an arrangement then?”
“Emis, this isn’t funny.” Sans tried to sound intimidating but his voice was shaking. Emis opened his mouth to respond and then closed it. He felt a sudden streak of sweaty heat down his spine. Politely he held up a finger to indicate that he needed just a moment before responding. That moment was occupied with him turning to the side and vomiting over the nearest stool. “Emis! Couldn’t you have gone outside and done that?” Sans cried, dismayed.
“Oh, I am sorry, my friend. If you give me a moment I will clean it myself.” Sans frowned as Emis rested his head on the bar and promptly fell asleep.