Peanut Butter. Ambrosia. Whiped Cream. Brownie.
AUTHOR: Shrimp
CHALLENGE: Peanut Butter 4. earth; Ambrosia 24. "I lingered round them, under that benign sky; watched the moths fluttering among the heath, and hare-bells; listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass; and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth." ; whipped cream; brownie
WORD COUNT: 5005
RATING: PG
NOTES: I'm almost at my silver challenge level for the summer challenge. *deep breathe* Here's hoping I can, at the very least, accomplish that! This is when Vala is 12. I was trying to capture the awkwardness of being a pre teen as well how stifled she always feels. There's a little bit of stuff about the culture of her home also so I hope nothing is confusing.
It was the beginning of summer and it was hot. Vala could feel sweat gathering under her arms where the sleeves of her dress were edged in lace. Her mother had bought it for her just for the Summer Festival. It was expensive and lovely and Vala had promised her mother that she would be careful not to ruin it. It felt like a waste to her. She wished she could just have worn her casual clothes. She would have changed into the dress for the dinner and the dancing and the fancier events, but for just walking around during the day? Vala just wanted to be comfortable. At twelve she already felt awkward enough without being attired in a bright yellow dress with lace on all its edges. There was nothing about the outfit that made her feel like herself. She wondered how out of place she looked in it with her hair in a simple braid, her face splashed with red across the nose from too much sun, and the sweat pooling wherever it could find a place. It wasn’t even that she minded wearing dresses necessarily. She understood that every woman had to wear them and that at balls and grand events they were almost like pieces of art. Vala didn’t feel like art walking around the crowded pavilion. She felt like someone who didn’t belong.
“Vala, why do you look so sad?” Elisa asked, trailing just a step behind her sister as they walked past the tents and stalls and people. She had a special Festival dress as well with ribbons tied into bows on the sleeves and waist. It was blue and white which brought out the vivid color of her younger sister’s eyes. Vala couldn’t tell if the dress itself was lighter and cozier or if it was just Elisa’s natural inclination towards dressing up, but there wasn’t a hint of sunburn or sweat or discontent on the child’s face. Elisa, with her well pinned curls and shining eyes, seemed to absorb the energy of the laughing people and the cheerful music and bounce it back at least three times as strong. People who cast glances Elisa’s way were drawn into her smiling, happy face. Apparently Vala just looked sad. She twitched her mouth, suddenly self-conscious of her expression. She felt the frown she hadn’t noticed before, the tension between her eyebrows. Her mother always said if she made faces they would stick that way. Maybe it was true.
“Giles is competing in the tourney later,” she said as she grabbed her sister’s hand to lead her away from the merchants and their shiny baubles. Lord and Lady Dorsett had given Vala a small purse of coins when they had allowed the girls to walk the circular path of entertainment that had been set up. Elisa would have been happy to spend it on every new and interesting thing they passed. But Elisa was only a child and most of the new and interesting things were things that Vala had seen at every Summer Festival. They were pointless trinkets and not worth the money. Elisa looked up at her with rapt attention, waiting for the conclusion to her sister’s answer. “The melee, specifically,” Vala clarified. They walked off the hard beaten earth and onto the soft, fragrant grass. Elisa skipped happily at her side. The pointed toes of her shoes kicked loose blades of grass.
“Isn’t Giles your friend?” There was a small crowd gathered in back of small, low cabin. Vala supposed that it must have been a roost or a kennel. It was too small to be a stable. She shouldered her way through the crowd, really no more than ten people, tugging Elisa along. There was a wooden fence that came up to her chest. She pressed herself against it, letting Elisa’s hand go, and rested her arms along the top slat. Her sister stood close to her side with an arm holding onto her waist. They both peered past the fence in the enclosure behind what was now obviously a kennel. Several hounds lounged in the sun warmed glass, tongues lolling lazily. Black and gray, brindled and spotted they seemed inattentive to the people that were watching them. Mostly, Vala, figured, because the crowd wasn’t watching them. There was a broad shouldered boy, his greasy adolescent skin shining brightly in the sun, sitting on an overturned bucket. He wore a dirt spattered tunic and trousers that were too short. He had his legs stretched out straight in front him so that they formed a V. Between his legs sat a puppy, fawn colored, its tail wagging so contentedly that its whole body shook. That was what people were looking at. The boy would snap or twist his fingers into silent gestures of command, every now and then accompanying one with a low or sharp whistle, and the pup would respond quickly. It jumped and rolled and bounded, hopping of his legs or turning on its back or leaping to its hind legs in what looked like a dance. Around them people clapped. Elisa squealed in excitement. Vala even smiled as she watched.
“He is,” she answered finally. The way the sun beat down on the dogs she could smell them mixed with the grass and the dirt. It was a good smell. It was a smell of summer and safety and fun. Vala didn’t think she would ever forget the smell of the Summer Festival.
“Shouldn’t you be happy for him then?” Elisa said with the earnestness only a young child could muster. “He’s not very well born, you know, and usually he wouldn’t have gotten the chance to enter except that he’s so talented.”
“But I’m a better swordfighter than he is and I’ll never get to compete,” Vala insisted. She felt petty. She hadn’t spoken to Giles on the trip from Shore Shine. Whether or not he even noticed she wasn’t sure. She was happy for him but that happiness was covered with her own jealousy and anger. Giles was just a common boy that her uncle had taken an interest in training. If he could rise above his station enough that he could compete in the melee at the Summer Festival at Hero’s Home then why couldn’t she do something similar? Why couldn’t her skill have been enough like it had been for Giles? Why was so little-so little, in fact, that it almost felt like too much-expected of her simply because she was a girl?
“Couldn’t Uncle vouch for you the same as he did for Giles?” Elisa blinked up at her. Vala shook her head. Her sister was still too young and too comfortable in what her position was to realize how little they were allowed. Maybe she would never feel the crushing pressure of society’s rules. Elisa was already betrothed and looked forward to her eventual marriage. She loved singing and dancing and walking in the gardens. She didn’t crave more freedom, more adventure. Elisa was lucky and Vala was grateful for that. It didn’t change the things she wanted though.
“No.”
“Oh.” They were silent. Elisa maybe catching a glimpse of the unfairness that Vala felt she dealt with every day. They watched the puppy frolic and do its tricks, its large clumsy paws kicking up dirt. The boy reminded her a bit of the puppy. His feet were too large for his long skinny legs. His hands were the same. It was as if parts of him had grown while others were still trying to catch up. Still he seemed happy. He was laughing as he played with the hound for the people. Vala wondered how he had come to work with the dogs. For the Temen family dogs were important. They were their sigil and there were no better dogs bred than the ones that came out of Hero’s Home. The boy looked lowborn with his ill-fitting clothes and uncombed hair. But his job came with a degree of honor. He was certainly only a page but in time he would progress to higher status. Vala marveled at the idea that any man could grow to become valued while her position was stagnant.
“Boy!” A man called, anger at the edges of his voice, as he came into the kennel’s yard. The boy snapped to attention, the pup ceasing its show and pressing itself low to the ground at the tone. A large man strode out and without any warning that Vala could see cuffed the boy along the ear. His smile only faltered for a moment. He held his ear and grinned up at the man who had hit him in good nature. They exchanged words Vala couldn’t hear and then ran off into the kennel and out of the sight. The big man stayed where he was standing, giving the dogs a quick once over before disappearing as well. The crowd stood for a moment in wonder and then slowly began to shuffle off. Vala and Elisa stayed where they were.
“What now?” Elisa asked looking up at Vala. The older girl shrugged and looked around.
“Let’s find Ma and Da.”
It didn’t take the sisters too long to find their parents. They, along with almost everyone, were making their way towards the field where the tournaments would be held. There was a melee, an archery contest, and jousting. Each event was divided into two categories: one for the children and one for the adults. Usually this was Vala’s favorite part of any of the festivals. Now she couldn’t tell how she felt about it. She was still jealous of Giles, but she wanted to see it anyway. Every boy that Giles was able to beat would be a boy that she would have been able to beat. Every victory could have been her own. She wanted to see. She wanted to know. She wanted to imagine it was her.
Her family sat in the stands that had been erected. She was next to her father, Elisa on his other side, and her mother next to Elisa. Their uncle would be down below waiting with Giles and giving him last minute advice. If Giles were to win the melee Gavin Dorsett would be honored as well as the boy. He would probably receive more accolades for the simple reason that he had spotted talent in a common born boy. Uncle Gavin would be considered an open minded, virtuous man. No one would even care about how he had originally refused to teach Vala simply because she was a girl. Her father had won that fight, though what it mattered in the long run the young girl was having a hard time seeing. She could train and learn and practice but it would never amount to anything in the end.
“That boy’s got his shield upside down,” Elisa piped as the young men partaking in the melee began filtering out onto the field. Vala looked in the direction that her younger sister was pointing. All the boys carried different weapon sets, some with shields and some without. It wasn’t hard to locate the one that Elisa had noticed. His clothes seemed less fine even than the ones that Giles wore and on the big wooden shield there was a jumping dog crudely painted in chipped yellow. Vala sat forward a little so that she could talk to Elisa over her father’s lap.
“No,” she corrected. “The sigil is just painted that way.” Elisa blinked her eyes and turned her attention back to the field. Vala watched as the realization dawned on the younger girl’s face. She turned back and looked up at their father.
“Why?” Derwyn looked down at her with a simple smile and set his voice to the tone he used when explaining things. Casually Vala settled herself in to listen to what was said .While she had been able to tell that the shield wasn’t upside down and merely painted that way she didn’t know the reason. It seemed a silly thing to do.
“He’s a bastard but his father acknowledged him,” her father started. “That means he gets to wear the family crest but it has to be upside down.”
“So people know what he is,” Vala supplied quickly. Her father glanced at her. Sometimes she felt like he was the only one that actually saw her for what she was. He never seemed to be judging her or trying to keep her contained. Her father always seemed willing to hear her out, to try his best to let her have a way to express herself. In the grand scheme of things it wasn’t much, but it made everything feel a little bit more tolerable to know she wasn’t totally alone. Someone believed in her.
“Yes.” He nodded and looked about to continue when their mother shook her head and entered the conversation.
“I think it would be better if his father just left well enough alone.” Vala saw confusion bunch up the skin between her father’s eyebrows. He turned his face to Adeline, putting his arm around Elisa’s shoulders as he moved for the simple fact that she was there.
“You think he would be better living with his poor mother and never knowing he had noble blood?” The tone in her father’s voice clued Vala in to the fact that this potentially could become a very serious discussion. Derwyn and Adeline Dorsett were the same in many ways. Both were kind hearted and easy going. Both loved their family more than anything else. Both found violence to be stomach turning and unnecessary. However, they were different too. Derwyn was much more a dreamer, content to read and wander with his head lost in the clouds. Adeline was the more level headed one. She was well versed in etiquette and had a knack for politics. Vala often heard them enter discussions about things she could only view as real world problems. More than she would have liked to admit it was Vala’s own rebellious attitude that spurred these conversations. What should a woman’s place actually be? How important was maintaining culture and tradition?
“Having that shield just makes him a target,” Adeline said matter of factly. Her father looked out at the field where the boys were arranged and waiting for the go ahead. The bastard was bigger than most of the other boys. He was certainly bigger than Giles who Vala could pick out of the small crowd easy as anything. There was no talking but the boys’ eyes were wandering each other’s forms and faces. Taking in the competition. Deciding who each would attack first. Vala knew what she would do. She wouldn’t attack the big bastard first. Leave the bigger ones to eliminate themselves. Focus on the ones she wouldn’t have an issue beating. Get them out of the way and then deal with the big one when it was just the two of them. She could focus then without having to worry about being attacked from the side or behind.
“None of the boys want to be beaten by a bastard,” her father consented, interrupting her fantasy. A bell rang and the melee started, the sounds of blunted swords and wooden shields mixing with the testosterone riddled war cries of the young men. Cheers arose from the stands, mingled and unintelligible. Vala frowned as she watched boy after boy swarm the already bogged down bastard, the bright paint of his shield no longer visible through the throng. None of the boys would want to be beaten by a girl either, Vala thought. She slumped slightly in the hard wood of her seat and watched the fighting with an unfamiliar pit in her stomach.
By the time the tournament was over it was nearly dinner time. The sky was the startling in between of day and night only found so perfectly in summer. The sun lowering itself beyond the horizon as stars tentatively made themselves known against the thick purple sky. Vala had separated from her family, promising to be back in time for the meal. Lord and Lady Temen had appeared after the tourney with young Garrett in tow. The two families had been eager to talk and Vala had been eager to make herself scarce. She wouldn’t be privy to the adult conversation and would have been obliged to spend her time with Elisa and Garrett. Personally she couldn’t think of anything she would rather do than play the extra between two eight year olds. Better they were betrothed than her.
If her parents had known her intended destination they might not have been so willing to let her wander. She hadn’t lied per say but she still felt vaguely guilty. It wasn’t enough to stop her though. Vala knew exactly where she needed to go. She was familiar with Hero’s Home. They came here every year at least once. Now that Elisa and Garrett were intended to be married Vala assumed they would be coming here more often. She didn’t mind. While it was different from Shore Shine-there wasn’t a body of water larger than a lake anywhere-it was still a beautiful place. Vast fields and rolling hills surrounded the low built, sprawled castle that acted as the main heart of Hero’s Home. Each building seemed cobbled and patched with great purpose and a light, lovely aesthetic in mind. People always seemed happy to be here.
Vala made her way between two of the high poles marking the competition grounds. Secluded from the seats and main affairs there was a small shed that she knew the boys used to change into and out of their armor and clothes. If she was lucky her uncle wouldn’t be there with them. He wouldn’t hesitate to get her in trouble with her father and mother. She figured she would have to just open the door and walk right in. There would be the risk that some of the boys might be in a state of undress, but it was worth it. She wanted to talk to Giles and really at this point she couldn’t be convinced to do anything other than barge in.
Except when she saw that he was standing outside the shed with three other boys dressed in their outfits for dinner.
What a stroke of luck.
“Giles!” She called when she was a few steps away. He jumped down startled from where he had been sitting on a barrel. He looked anxiously from her to the boys he was with, each seemingly confused by her presence.
“Oh. Vala. Shouldn’t you be with your family?” He didn’t look happy to see her. Vala frowned. She knew she had been rude to him leading up to this but he still should have been glad to see her. They were friends, after all, and he might have assumed she was here to apologize. She shook her head at his question.
“I was looking for you.” There were whispers from the other boys and something that sounded very much like a chuckle to Vala. Giles glanced over with a tentative frown and took a step closer to Vala. She looked at the others for a moment longer. Two of them she recognized-Jonathan Nort from the mountains and Nathanial Cooge from the woods-as sons of lower tiered nobility. Not exactly on the same level as Giles but certainly not so far beyond that it was unlikely they might be friends.
“Why? Is something wrong?” He asked in a low voice. He was hoping for privacy but the others were too close. Vala could feel the weight of their stares and the heft of their whispers. She felt self-conscious, suddenly, in her dress as she stood in the dust and dirt and mud. Her lips parted to make her apology. Sorry I was so jealous, she thought but nothing came out. The words in her head were caught in her throat as she imagined the boys laughing and watching and thinking of her just as everyone else did: just a stupid girl.
“You were leaning too hard on your right leg again,” she heard herself say even though that wasn’t what she had practiced. She sounded confident at least. Maybe that would be enough. “Putting too much into your shield. It’s why you got toppled over.”
“She must watch you practice pretty often,” Jonathan commented to Giles. His nose was too big for his face and apparently he didn’t know how to keep it out of other people’s business. She frowned, looking at the scrawny boy over Giles’ shoulder. He was wearing Nort colors, silver and gray, while his white blonde hair still fell free around his shoulders. He looked stupid not mean but it was all the same to Vala at this point. She felt her skin prickling with nervous energy.
“I practice with him,” she asserted with as much force as she could muster. They wouldn’t have known that. They couldn’t have, really, since it wasn’t widely known about outside of her family. It wasn’t worth all the conversations to make a big deal of it, her father had said and she had seen the sense in it then. She wasn’t making a big deal of it still. She was just telling him. She was just explaining why she knew about Giles’ stance. She tried not to admit to herself that she wanted to tell people, that it filled her with relief to let someone know.
“That must be why you’re so bad,” the one Vala didn’t recognize quipped. At his side the pimple ridden face of Nathanial Cooge broke into an ugly grin. She hated these boys. It was a sudden powerful realization. Giles turned slightly to look at them.
“Shut up,” he insisted.
“Does she beat you?” The unnamed one again. She could see the tips of Giles’ ears turning red even in the low light. He was angry or embarrassed or both. Vala was angry too though. She could see that Giles wasn’t going to stick up for her. He wasn’t going to defend her right to practice swordsmanship. He was humiliated that they now knew his sparring partner was a girl. Vala clenched her hands into fists.
“All the time,” she said. Giles spun around. His eyes were wide with shock and betrayal. Behind them the three boys erupted into wild laughter. He looked once over his shoulder and then back at Vala.
“Shut up!” He insisted again taking a step closer to her.
“But I do!” She puffed out her chest and refused to move. She wouldn’t give her ground just because there were laughing idiots in the background.
“Be quiet, Vala!” He yelled and shoved her once lightly. She stumbled, her dress shoes giving her no traction in the trampled earth. When she regained her balance she shoved him back hard, harder than he had touched her. He wavered, losing his footing so that he was forced to balance himself momentarily on one foot. The laughter got worse. Giles’ face got redder. He righted himself and growled and the next thing Vala knew she was lying on her back in the dirt, the sound of fabric tearing loud as the other boys fell silent. “Go back with the other girls and sew a new dress.” Vala sat up. She looked from Giles to the boys to the rip that ran along the hem of her skirt. She tried to think of something to say back to him but her throat felt tight and her cheeks felt warm and she knew that if she didn’t run away she would find herself crying in front of them. So she stood as calmly as she could manage and turned away to walk back towards the dinner. Her eyes swam with angry, embarrassed tears but she ignored it and held her head high and composed.
Her mother was going to kill her.
The trouble she got in over the dress was minimal. There had been enough time before the start of dinner that she had been able to sew it and pat the dirt off. Vala wondered if she looked distraught and if that was why her mother also let her off without any real punishment. Or maybe her mother had just expected she was going to rip the dress and had braced herself for it to happen. Either way Vala escaped without getting reprimanded other than a half hearted “be more careful”. She was grateful. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything else tonight. As long as no one bothered her at dinner and no one asked her to dance she would be able to salvage the rest of the night. She wouldn’t think of Giles and the boys laughing at her. She wouldn’t think of how her pride hurt more than her butt.
“Did you fix it yourself?” Vala looked up as Giles sat himself across from her. She wanted to tell him to go away but there was really nowhere for him to go. He was sitting next to her Uncle Gavin who had brought him along. It just so happened that her Uncle was sitting where he was and thus Giles was forced into place. It didn’t make her feel any better for seeing him. Trying to conjure every lesson her mother had taught her about being a well born lady Vala straightened her shoulders and looked at him as coldly as she could,
“Yes.” Her simple response seemed to unnerve him a little. He glanced down at his plate, pushing food around on it.
“It looks good,” he mumbled, looking up at her sheepishly.
“I’m good at sewing,” she said in a bored tone as if there were a million other people with whom she would rather be talking. At least that part was the truth. “It’s easy. But then again it is a girl’s task.” Her words landed successful. She saw him wince and look despondently at his plate. Vala took a victory bite of her bread.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. His apology hung in the air between them awkwardly. She had no intention of accepting it. At least not right away anyway. She would have to forgive him eventually. They were friends when it came down to it. If she wasn’t speaking to him the only person she would have left would be Elisa and there was a lot of lost conversation in their five year age gap. Giles, only two years older than her, provided her with much better companionship. When Giles realized she wasn’t going to say anything he continued, “You don’t get it. They all make fun of me for being low born and then it just would get worse if they knew my main sparring partner is a girl.” He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “They’re already better than me in every way.”
“What’s so wrong with sparring with a girl?” Vala asked. She hadn’t meant to. She had meant to keep playing the disinterested lady, but she found it so hard not to say things that came into her head. Her mother was right, she supposed. She did need to practice more at being a proper lady.
“You know what’s wrong with it. Don’t make me say it to your face.” Vala frowned. He leaned over slightly though Gavin didn’t seem interested at all in any conversation that was happening between them. “You know I don’t care. I’m just grateful to have a chance. I’d spar with whoever your uncle told me to. But you know why they would make fun of me for it.” She did. She knew. She hated it.
“It’s not fair.” She shook her head and looked away into the crowd. Her father and mother were dancing. She wished she could be more like her mother, more like Elisa. Why was everything so hard on her? Why wasn’t she like everyone else? She looked back at Giles. “I’m a good sparring partner. I’m a good swordsman.” It was true. Maybe everything wouldn’t feel so terrible if she had just been bad at it. But she was good at it, great at it. It should have been enough.
“You’re good at sewing too though,” he pointed out. “And dancing,” he continued eagerly. “And you’re pretty when you aren’t covered in dirt. Why can’t you just do girl stuff and make your life easier?” He asked in a voice that was curious and imploring all at the same time.
“Because it doesn’t make me happy.” Giles frowned. Vala looked away down at the ground. Everything felt tense and uncomfortable. He didn’t say anything for a long while and she thought that meant the conversation was over with. She understood his desire to let it drop. He was lucky to be where he was. He didn’t need her dragging him down with everything that was wrong in her life.
“Do you ever wish you were born a boy?” He asked suddenly. It was a question she had asked herself before. She dressed like a boy when given the chance. She liked swordfighting and climbing and roughhousing. But that didn’t mean she wanted to be a boy. She liked who she was or rather she liked who she knew she could be if given the chance. She looked up at him and shook her head. All around them people were laughing and dancing and joking. Everyone was happy. Everyone was smiling. Life was enough for these people. It wasn’t enough for her. She wanted more. It made her selfish, greedy she knew that but she couldn’t help it. She wanted, she needed, she had to be more than just a pretty face and a good wife. She had to be something she could be proud of.
“No. I just wish everyone would let me be who I want to be.”
She wondered if he understood that.
CHALLENGE: Peanut Butter 4. earth; Ambrosia 24. "I lingered round them, under that benign sky; watched the moths fluttering among the heath, and hare-bells; listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass; and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth." ; whipped cream; brownie
WORD COUNT: 5005
RATING: PG
NOTES: I'm almost at my silver challenge level for the summer challenge. *deep breathe* Here's hoping I can, at the very least, accomplish that! This is when Vala is 12. I was trying to capture the awkwardness of being a pre teen as well how stifled she always feels. There's a little bit of stuff about the culture of her home also so I hope nothing is confusing.
It was the beginning of summer and it was hot. Vala could feel sweat gathering under her arms where the sleeves of her dress were edged in lace. Her mother had bought it for her just for the Summer Festival. It was expensive and lovely and Vala had promised her mother that she would be careful not to ruin it. It felt like a waste to her. She wished she could just have worn her casual clothes. She would have changed into the dress for the dinner and the dancing and the fancier events, but for just walking around during the day? Vala just wanted to be comfortable. At twelve she already felt awkward enough without being attired in a bright yellow dress with lace on all its edges. There was nothing about the outfit that made her feel like herself. She wondered how out of place she looked in it with her hair in a simple braid, her face splashed with red across the nose from too much sun, and the sweat pooling wherever it could find a place. It wasn’t even that she minded wearing dresses necessarily. She understood that every woman had to wear them and that at balls and grand events they were almost like pieces of art. Vala didn’t feel like art walking around the crowded pavilion. She felt like someone who didn’t belong.
“Vala, why do you look so sad?” Elisa asked, trailing just a step behind her sister as they walked past the tents and stalls and people. She had a special Festival dress as well with ribbons tied into bows on the sleeves and waist. It was blue and white which brought out the vivid color of her younger sister’s eyes. Vala couldn’t tell if the dress itself was lighter and cozier or if it was just Elisa’s natural inclination towards dressing up, but there wasn’t a hint of sunburn or sweat or discontent on the child’s face. Elisa, with her well pinned curls and shining eyes, seemed to absorb the energy of the laughing people and the cheerful music and bounce it back at least three times as strong. People who cast glances Elisa’s way were drawn into her smiling, happy face. Apparently Vala just looked sad. She twitched her mouth, suddenly self-conscious of her expression. She felt the frown she hadn’t noticed before, the tension between her eyebrows. Her mother always said if she made faces they would stick that way. Maybe it was true.
“Giles is competing in the tourney later,” she said as she grabbed her sister’s hand to lead her away from the merchants and their shiny baubles. Lord and Lady Dorsett had given Vala a small purse of coins when they had allowed the girls to walk the circular path of entertainment that had been set up. Elisa would have been happy to spend it on every new and interesting thing they passed. But Elisa was only a child and most of the new and interesting things were things that Vala had seen at every Summer Festival. They were pointless trinkets and not worth the money. Elisa looked up at her with rapt attention, waiting for the conclusion to her sister’s answer. “The melee, specifically,” Vala clarified. They walked off the hard beaten earth and onto the soft, fragrant grass. Elisa skipped happily at her side. The pointed toes of her shoes kicked loose blades of grass.
“Isn’t Giles your friend?” There was a small crowd gathered in back of small, low cabin. Vala supposed that it must have been a roost or a kennel. It was too small to be a stable. She shouldered her way through the crowd, really no more than ten people, tugging Elisa along. There was a wooden fence that came up to her chest. She pressed herself against it, letting Elisa’s hand go, and rested her arms along the top slat. Her sister stood close to her side with an arm holding onto her waist. They both peered past the fence in the enclosure behind what was now obviously a kennel. Several hounds lounged in the sun warmed glass, tongues lolling lazily. Black and gray, brindled and spotted they seemed inattentive to the people that were watching them. Mostly, Vala, figured, because the crowd wasn’t watching them. There was a broad shouldered boy, his greasy adolescent skin shining brightly in the sun, sitting on an overturned bucket. He wore a dirt spattered tunic and trousers that were too short. He had his legs stretched out straight in front him so that they formed a V. Between his legs sat a puppy, fawn colored, its tail wagging so contentedly that its whole body shook. That was what people were looking at. The boy would snap or twist his fingers into silent gestures of command, every now and then accompanying one with a low or sharp whistle, and the pup would respond quickly. It jumped and rolled and bounded, hopping of his legs or turning on its back or leaping to its hind legs in what looked like a dance. Around them people clapped. Elisa squealed in excitement. Vala even smiled as she watched.
“He is,” she answered finally. The way the sun beat down on the dogs she could smell them mixed with the grass and the dirt. It was a good smell. It was a smell of summer and safety and fun. Vala didn’t think she would ever forget the smell of the Summer Festival.
“Shouldn’t you be happy for him then?” Elisa said with the earnestness only a young child could muster. “He’s not very well born, you know, and usually he wouldn’t have gotten the chance to enter except that he’s so talented.”
“But I’m a better swordfighter than he is and I’ll never get to compete,” Vala insisted. She felt petty. She hadn’t spoken to Giles on the trip from Shore Shine. Whether or not he even noticed she wasn’t sure. She was happy for him but that happiness was covered with her own jealousy and anger. Giles was just a common boy that her uncle had taken an interest in training. If he could rise above his station enough that he could compete in the melee at the Summer Festival at Hero’s Home then why couldn’t she do something similar? Why couldn’t her skill have been enough like it had been for Giles? Why was so little-so little, in fact, that it almost felt like too much-expected of her simply because she was a girl?
“Couldn’t Uncle vouch for you the same as he did for Giles?” Elisa blinked up at her. Vala shook her head. Her sister was still too young and too comfortable in what her position was to realize how little they were allowed. Maybe she would never feel the crushing pressure of society’s rules. Elisa was already betrothed and looked forward to her eventual marriage. She loved singing and dancing and walking in the gardens. She didn’t crave more freedom, more adventure. Elisa was lucky and Vala was grateful for that. It didn’t change the things she wanted though.
“No.”
“Oh.” They were silent. Elisa maybe catching a glimpse of the unfairness that Vala felt she dealt with every day. They watched the puppy frolic and do its tricks, its large clumsy paws kicking up dirt. The boy reminded her a bit of the puppy. His feet were too large for his long skinny legs. His hands were the same. It was as if parts of him had grown while others were still trying to catch up. Still he seemed happy. He was laughing as he played with the hound for the people. Vala wondered how he had come to work with the dogs. For the Temen family dogs were important. They were their sigil and there were no better dogs bred than the ones that came out of Hero’s Home. The boy looked lowborn with his ill-fitting clothes and uncombed hair. But his job came with a degree of honor. He was certainly only a page but in time he would progress to higher status. Vala marveled at the idea that any man could grow to become valued while her position was stagnant.
“Boy!” A man called, anger at the edges of his voice, as he came into the kennel’s yard. The boy snapped to attention, the pup ceasing its show and pressing itself low to the ground at the tone. A large man strode out and without any warning that Vala could see cuffed the boy along the ear. His smile only faltered for a moment. He held his ear and grinned up at the man who had hit him in good nature. They exchanged words Vala couldn’t hear and then ran off into the kennel and out of the sight. The big man stayed where he was standing, giving the dogs a quick once over before disappearing as well. The crowd stood for a moment in wonder and then slowly began to shuffle off. Vala and Elisa stayed where they were.
“What now?” Elisa asked looking up at Vala. The older girl shrugged and looked around.
“Let’s find Ma and Da.”
It didn’t take the sisters too long to find their parents. They, along with almost everyone, were making their way towards the field where the tournaments would be held. There was a melee, an archery contest, and jousting. Each event was divided into two categories: one for the children and one for the adults. Usually this was Vala’s favorite part of any of the festivals. Now she couldn’t tell how she felt about it. She was still jealous of Giles, but she wanted to see it anyway. Every boy that Giles was able to beat would be a boy that she would have been able to beat. Every victory could have been her own. She wanted to see. She wanted to know. She wanted to imagine it was her.
Her family sat in the stands that had been erected. She was next to her father, Elisa on his other side, and her mother next to Elisa. Their uncle would be down below waiting with Giles and giving him last minute advice. If Giles were to win the melee Gavin Dorsett would be honored as well as the boy. He would probably receive more accolades for the simple reason that he had spotted talent in a common born boy. Uncle Gavin would be considered an open minded, virtuous man. No one would even care about how he had originally refused to teach Vala simply because she was a girl. Her father had won that fight, though what it mattered in the long run the young girl was having a hard time seeing. She could train and learn and practice but it would never amount to anything in the end.
“That boy’s got his shield upside down,” Elisa piped as the young men partaking in the melee began filtering out onto the field. Vala looked in the direction that her younger sister was pointing. All the boys carried different weapon sets, some with shields and some without. It wasn’t hard to locate the one that Elisa had noticed. His clothes seemed less fine even than the ones that Giles wore and on the big wooden shield there was a jumping dog crudely painted in chipped yellow. Vala sat forward a little so that she could talk to Elisa over her father’s lap.
“No,” she corrected. “The sigil is just painted that way.” Elisa blinked her eyes and turned her attention back to the field. Vala watched as the realization dawned on the younger girl’s face. She turned back and looked up at their father.
“Why?” Derwyn looked down at her with a simple smile and set his voice to the tone he used when explaining things. Casually Vala settled herself in to listen to what was said .While she had been able to tell that the shield wasn’t upside down and merely painted that way she didn’t know the reason. It seemed a silly thing to do.
“He’s a bastard but his father acknowledged him,” her father started. “That means he gets to wear the family crest but it has to be upside down.”
“So people know what he is,” Vala supplied quickly. Her father glanced at her. Sometimes she felt like he was the only one that actually saw her for what she was. He never seemed to be judging her or trying to keep her contained. Her father always seemed willing to hear her out, to try his best to let her have a way to express herself. In the grand scheme of things it wasn’t much, but it made everything feel a little bit more tolerable to know she wasn’t totally alone. Someone believed in her.
“Yes.” He nodded and looked about to continue when their mother shook her head and entered the conversation.
“I think it would be better if his father just left well enough alone.” Vala saw confusion bunch up the skin between her father’s eyebrows. He turned his face to Adeline, putting his arm around Elisa’s shoulders as he moved for the simple fact that she was there.
“You think he would be better living with his poor mother and never knowing he had noble blood?” The tone in her father’s voice clued Vala in to the fact that this potentially could become a very serious discussion. Derwyn and Adeline Dorsett were the same in many ways. Both were kind hearted and easy going. Both loved their family more than anything else. Both found violence to be stomach turning and unnecessary. However, they were different too. Derwyn was much more a dreamer, content to read and wander with his head lost in the clouds. Adeline was the more level headed one. She was well versed in etiquette and had a knack for politics. Vala often heard them enter discussions about things she could only view as real world problems. More than she would have liked to admit it was Vala’s own rebellious attitude that spurred these conversations. What should a woman’s place actually be? How important was maintaining culture and tradition?
“Having that shield just makes him a target,” Adeline said matter of factly. Her father looked out at the field where the boys were arranged and waiting for the go ahead. The bastard was bigger than most of the other boys. He was certainly bigger than Giles who Vala could pick out of the small crowd easy as anything. There was no talking but the boys’ eyes were wandering each other’s forms and faces. Taking in the competition. Deciding who each would attack first. Vala knew what she would do. She wouldn’t attack the big bastard first. Leave the bigger ones to eliminate themselves. Focus on the ones she wouldn’t have an issue beating. Get them out of the way and then deal with the big one when it was just the two of them. She could focus then without having to worry about being attacked from the side or behind.
“None of the boys want to be beaten by a bastard,” her father consented, interrupting her fantasy. A bell rang and the melee started, the sounds of blunted swords and wooden shields mixing with the testosterone riddled war cries of the young men. Cheers arose from the stands, mingled and unintelligible. Vala frowned as she watched boy after boy swarm the already bogged down bastard, the bright paint of his shield no longer visible through the throng. None of the boys would want to be beaten by a girl either, Vala thought. She slumped slightly in the hard wood of her seat and watched the fighting with an unfamiliar pit in her stomach.
By the time the tournament was over it was nearly dinner time. The sky was the startling in between of day and night only found so perfectly in summer. The sun lowering itself beyond the horizon as stars tentatively made themselves known against the thick purple sky. Vala had separated from her family, promising to be back in time for the meal. Lord and Lady Temen had appeared after the tourney with young Garrett in tow. The two families had been eager to talk and Vala had been eager to make herself scarce. She wouldn’t be privy to the adult conversation and would have been obliged to spend her time with Elisa and Garrett. Personally she couldn’t think of anything she would rather do than play the extra between two eight year olds. Better they were betrothed than her.
If her parents had known her intended destination they might not have been so willing to let her wander. She hadn’t lied per say but she still felt vaguely guilty. It wasn’t enough to stop her though. Vala knew exactly where she needed to go. She was familiar with Hero’s Home. They came here every year at least once. Now that Elisa and Garrett were intended to be married Vala assumed they would be coming here more often. She didn’t mind. While it was different from Shore Shine-there wasn’t a body of water larger than a lake anywhere-it was still a beautiful place. Vast fields and rolling hills surrounded the low built, sprawled castle that acted as the main heart of Hero’s Home. Each building seemed cobbled and patched with great purpose and a light, lovely aesthetic in mind. People always seemed happy to be here.
Vala made her way between two of the high poles marking the competition grounds. Secluded from the seats and main affairs there was a small shed that she knew the boys used to change into and out of their armor and clothes. If she was lucky her uncle wouldn’t be there with them. He wouldn’t hesitate to get her in trouble with her father and mother. She figured she would have to just open the door and walk right in. There would be the risk that some of the boys might be in a state of undress, but it was worth it. She wanted to talk to Giles and really at this point she couldn’t be convinced to do anything other than barge in.
Except when she saw that he was standing outside the shed with three other boys dressed in their outfits for dinner.
What a stroke of luck.
“Giles!” She called when she was a few steps away. He jumped down startled from where he had been sitting on a barrel. He looked anxiously from her to the boys he was with, each seemingly confused by her presence.
“Oh. Vala. Shouldn’t you be with your family?” He didn’t look happy to see her. Vala frowned. She knew she had been rude to him leading up to this but he still should have been glad to see her. They were friends, after all, and he might have assumed she was here to apologize. She shook her head at his question.
“I was looking for you.” There were whispers from the other boys and something that sounded very much like a chuckle to Vala. Giles glanced over with a tentative frown and took a step closer to Vala. She looked at the others for a moment longer. Two of them she recognized-Jonathan Nort from the mountains and Nathanial Cooge from the woods-as sons of lower tiered nobility. Not exactly on the same level as Giles but certainly not so far beyond that it was unlikely they might be friends.
“Why? Is something wrong?” He asked in a low voice. He was hoping for privacy but the others were too close. Vala could feel the weight of their stares and the heft of their whispers. She felt self-conscious, suddenly, in her dress as she stood in the dust and dirt and mud. Her lips parted to make her apology. Sorry I was so jealous, she thought but nothing came out. The words in her head were caught in her throat as she imagined the boys laughing and watching and thinking of her just as everyone else did: just a stupid girl.
“You were leaning too hard on your right leg again,” she heard herself say even though that wasn’t what she had practiced. She sounded confident at least. Maybe that would be enough. “Putting too much into your shield. It’s why you got toppled over.”
“She must watch you practice pretty often,” Jonathan commented to Giles. His nose was too big for his face and apparently he didn’t know how to keep it out of other people’s business. She frowned, looking at the scrawny boy over Giles’ shoulder. He was wearing Nort colors, silver and gray, while his white blonde hair still fell free around his shoulders. He looked stupid not mean but it was all the same to Vala at this point. She felt her skin prickling with nervous energy.
“I practice with him,” she asserted with as much force as she could muster. They wouldn’t have known that. They couldn’t have, really, since it wasn’t widely known about outside of her family. It wasn’t worth all the conversations to make a big deal of it, her father had said and she had seen the sense in it then. She wasn’t making a big deal of it still. She was just telling him. She was just explaining why she knew about Giles’ stance. She tried not to admit to herself that she wanted to tell people, that it filled her with relief to let someone know.
“That must be why you’re so bad,” the one Vala didn’t recognize quipped. At his side the pimple ridden face of Nathanial Cooge broke into an ugly grin. She hated these boys. It was a sudden powerful realization. Giles turned slightly to look at them.
“Shut up,” he insisted.
“Does she beat you?” The unnamed one again. She could see the tips of Giles’ ears turning red even in the low light. He was angry or embarrassed or both. Vala was angry too though. She could see that Giles wasn’t going to stick up for her. He wasn’t going to defend her right to practice swordsmanship. He was humiliated that they now knew his sparring partner was a girl. Vala clenched her hands into fists.
“All the time,” she said. Giles spun around. His eyes were wide with shock and betrayal. Behind them the three boys erupted into wild laughter. He looked once over his shoulder and then back at Vala.
“Shut up!” He insisted again taking a step closer to her.
“But I do!” She puffed out her chest and refused to move. She wouldn’t give her ground just because there were laughing idiots in the background.
“Be quiet, Vala!” He yelled and shoved her once lightly. She stumbled, her dress shoes giving her no traction in the trampled earth. When she regained her balance she shoved him back hard, harder than he had touched her. He wavered, losing his footing so that he was forced to balance himself momentarily on one foot. The laughter got worse. Giles’ face got redder. He righted himself and growled and the next thing Vala knew she was lying on her back in the dirt, the sound of fabric tearing loud as the other boys fell silent. “Go back with the other girls and sew a new dress.” Vala sat up. She looked from Giles to the boys to the rip that ran along the hem of her skirt. She tried to think of something to say back to him but her throat felt tight and her cheeks felt warm and she knew that if she didn’t run away she would find herself crying in front of them. So she stood as calmly as she could manage and turned away to walk back towards the dinner. Her eyes swam with angry, embarrassed tears but she ignored it and held her head high and composed.
Her mother was going to kill her.
The trouble she got in over the dress was minimal. There had been enough time before the start of dinner that she had been able to sew it and pat the dirt off. Vala wondered if she looked distraught and if that was why her mother also let her off without any real punishment. Or maybe her mother had just expected she was going to rip the dress and had braced herself for it to happen. Either way Vala escaped without getting reprimanded other than a half hearted “be more careful”. She was grateful. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything else tonight. As long as no one bothered her at dinner and no one asked her to dance she would be able to salvage the rest of the night. She wouldn’t think of Giles and the boys laughing at her. She wouldn’t think of how her pride hurt more than her butt.
“Did you fix it yourself?” Vala looked up as Giles sat himself across from her. She wanted to tell him to go away but there was really nowhere for him to go. He was sitting next to her Uncle Gavin who had brought him along. It just so happened that her Uncle was sitting where he was and thus Giles was forced into place. It didn’t make her feel any better for seeing him. Trying to conjure every lesson her mother had taught her about being a well born lady Vala straightened her shoulders and looked at him as coldly as she could,
“Yes.” Her simple response seemed to unnerve him a little. He glanced down at his plate, pushing food around on it.
“It looks good,” he mumbled, looking up at her sheepishly.
“I’m good at sewing,” she said in a bored tone as if there were a million other people with whom she would rather be talking. At least that part was the truth. “It’s easy. But then again it is a girl’s task.” Her words landed successful. She saw him wince and look despondently at his plate. Vala took a victory bite of her bread.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. His apology hung in the air between them awkwardly. She had no intention of accepting it. At least not right away anyway. She would have to forgive him eventually. They were friends when it came down to it. If she wasn’t speaking to him the only person she would have left would be Elisa and there was a lot of lost conversation in their five year age gap. Giles, only two years older than her, provided her with much better companionship. When Giles realized she wasn’t going to say anything he continued, “You don’t get it. They all make fun of me for being low born and then it just would get worse if they knew my main sparring partner is a girl.” He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “They’re already better than me in every way.”
“What’s so wrong with sparring with a girl?” Vala asked. She hadn’t meant to. She had meant to keep playing the disinterested lady, but she found it so hard not to say things that came into her head. Her mother was right, she supposed. She did need to practice more at being a proper lady.
“You know what’s wrong with it. Don’t make me say it to your face.” Vala frowned. He leaned over slightly though Gavin didn’t seem interested at all in any conversation that was happening between them. “You know I don’t care. I’m just grateful to have a chance. I’d spar with whoever your uncle told me to. But you know why they would make fun of me for it.” She did. She knew. She hated it.
“It’s not fair.” She shook her head and looked away into the crowd. Her father and mother were dancing. She wished she could be more like her mother, more like Elisa. Why was everything so hard on her? Why wasn’t she like everyone else? She looked back at Giles. “I’m a good sparring partner. I’m a good swordsman.” It was true. Maybe everything wouldn’t feel so terrible if she had just been bad at it. But she was good at it, great at it. It should have been enough.
“You’re good at sewing too though,” he pointed out. “And dancing,” he continued eagerly. “And you’re pretty when you aren’t covered in dirt. Why can’t you just do girl stuff and make your life easier?” He asked in a voice that was curious and imploring all at the same time.
“Because it doesn’t make me happy.” Giles frowned. Vala looked away down at the ground. Everything felt tense and uncomfortable. He didn’t say anything for a long while and she thought that meant the conversation was over with. She understood his desire to let it drop. He was lucky to be where he was. He didn’t need her dragging him down with everything that was wrong in her life.
“Do you ever wish you were born a boy?” He asked suddenly. It was a question she had asked herself before. She dressed like a boy when given the chance. She liked swordfighting and climbing and roughhousing. But that didn’t mean she wanted to be a boy. She liked who she was or rather she liked who she knew she could be if given the chance. She looked up at him and shook her head. All around them people were laughing and dancing and joking. Everyone was happy. Everyone was smiling. Life was enough for these people. It wasn’t enough for her. She wanted more. It made her selfish, greedy she knew that but she couldn’t help it. She wanted, she needed, she had to be more than just a pretty face and a good wife. She had to be something she could be proud of.
“No. I just wish everyone would let me be who I want to be.”
She wondered if he understood that.