Peaches and Cream Flavor Binge
Author: Marina
Story: The Dragon World
Challenge: Flavor Binge (Peaches and Cream)
Toppings/Extras: Caramel, Brownie, Malt (Summer Challenge 2011, #57: “Remember me? I used to be/Your best time buddy that you couldn’t wait to see/We’re getting old, it takes a toll/And hearts getting broken leads to people growing cold.” - “Love it When You Call,” The Feeling)
Word Count: 6,349
Rating: PG
Summary: “Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship.” - Lord Byron
Notes: This is the sequel to my Lemon-Lime Binge and also my apology for toying with everyone’s emotions by writing it ;) For today’s Olympics.
poison ivy
“The record label I’ve been interning for offered me a contract.”
“Are you going to take it?”
“Yeah, I am.”
Kevin looks at the floor while he attempts to control his emotions. He should be happy for Laura, he knows, because a recording contract is all she’s ever wanted and now she’s got an opportunity she would be foolish to pass up. But he can’t really be, because it means she’s about to put three thousand miles between them. Maybe he’ll never see her again. Maybe it’s better that way, but now he’ll probably never have a chance to bridge the gap between them and that thought is unbearable. It’s bad enough that his family is broken. He doesn’t need this, on top of everything else.
When he lifts his face, he’s smiling so hard it hurts. “Good. I’m glad for you.”
The relief he sees in her eyes makes the lie worth it.
dandelion
When Kevin sees the pink slip, he almost laughs. Of course, he thinks, trying to cover the sinking feeling in his stomach with irony. It’s no secret that his school district is facing drastic budget cuts, and he’s only part time and has no tenure. Only a miracle is going to save his job at this point. The idea of going anywhere else makes his heart ache-it’s been a hard year, mostly because it’s his first as an honest-to-God real teacher, but he loves his school and his students and doesn’t want to leave them.
Fortunately, it’s Friday-he has the weekend to go home, calm down, and think about what to do next, so that’s what he does.
He spends more time than he means to bent over his kitchen table, head bowed over linked fingers, begging without words for strength he doesn’t have. It’s not fair, he wants to scream, but doesn’t, because he is not that person anymore. Still, it’s hard to find any sort of will to take action, for far longer than he will ever admit to anyone. It took him five years to get his bachelor’s degree and two more to get through graduate school, and for a long while, it seems like all that work was for nothing.
But he knows that it wasn’t, and after a while that knowledge gives him the courage to move a little.
“Have you considered leaving the state?” his mother asks, when he finally calls her to ask her advice.
“I figured I might have to when I was looking for jobs last year,” he says. “Maybe it’s time to start looking again.”
“I’ll see what’s open in our district, if you want.”
Kevin appreciates the thought, but as much as he loves his mother, he would never want to live so close to her. He sort of hates himself for that, but he can’t help it. “I’ll look myself, but thanks.”
His mother has never been the clingy type, so she doesn’t protest. “Keep me posted, all right?”
“Absolutely. Is Sid home?”
“No, but I’ll tell her you called.”
“Okay, thanks. Love you.” He puts down the phone and exhales in an attempt to get all the resentful, wounded feelings out for good. Then, he sits down at his desk and begins to look up job listings.
Although the idea of being at least a couple thousand miles closer to his family appeals to him, his first choice is to stay in California, so he checks EdJoin first. It’s only February, so there aren’t many listings for the 2020-2021 school year yet, and some schools seem to need either a History teacher or a basketball coach, but not both. Kevin sighs and moves on, resolving not to get despondent until hiring season really begins.
A similar search on a Virginia job board shows much the same result. He drums his fingers on the desktop, wondering where else he could possibly go, and where else he would even want to go. He considers Oregon, since Lindsey’s there, but he doesn’t feel very enthusiastic about that and everyone else he cares about is either in California or Virginia-and then he remembers that that’s not true. The person he probably cares about most in the world actually lives in Nashville, Tennessee, and if he’s going to lose his job, there’s nowhere else he’d rather go.
Suddenly he thinks that perhaps this is an opportunity and a beginning, not something to be afraid of, and he goes back to Google in search of a Tennessee job site.
weeping willow
“Are you coming home for Thanksgiving, honey?” her mother asks.
Laura swallows a sudden lump in her throat. “No, I don’t have enough time off that it’d be worth it. Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. If you can’t manage it, it’s fine. I know how it is when you’re just starting in the working world.” There’s a short pause. “Would you want us to send Chase to you? I think he might like that more than staying here.”
“Has he asked about that?”
“No, he was hoping you’d be back like the rest of us. I don’t think it’s occurred to him.”
She lets her forehead rest against the wall as she considers it. She’s so lonely sometimes that it’s all she can do not to cancel her contract and fly home. Seeing Chase would be wonderful. It might do him some good, too. Maybe he could get through the rest of the semester all right if they got some time together.
And yet, she can’t help wondering if it wouldn’t cause more harm than good. For both of them, not just him. She’s pursuing her dream, yes, but one of the main things keeping her in Nashville is the fact that she knows she was right to leave Madison and put distance between herself and Chase. Between herself and all of them, really. Maybe it hasn’t been long enough yet to keep her from backsliding.
“I’ll get back to you,” she says. “Don’t tell him anything yet.”
“All right, baby. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She hangs up and sinks against the wall, beginning to sob.
morning glory
It’s the first of May, and Laura’s up early to finish the last of her preparations for a tour beginning early the next week. She wants her apartment sparkling before she goes, as tour season always takes a lot out of her and one of the refreshing things about coming home is a clean apartment, if she can manage that. There are also some errands she has to run before noon. She makes some coffee, butters a muffin, and sits down at the kitchen table to plan her day.
She’s just beginning a to-do list when her cell phone rings. A glance at the caller ID tells her Kevin is on the other end, and she automatically snatches it up, feeling a tinge of worry. “Kevin?”
“Hey, Laura. Did I wake you up?”
He doesn’t sound distressed, but-here she looks at the clock, to confirm the time-it’s too early for a phone call even by her standards. “No…but it’s not even six for you, why are you calling so early?”
“I wanted to catch you before I went to work.” Now she can hear a distinctly pleased note in his voice. “I’ve got some news, want to hear it?”
“Only if it’s good,” she teases, because she doesn’t expect much else.
He laughs. “Eh, good and bad, but don’t worry. Bad news first: I got pink-slipped in February.”
“Oh no.” Her stomach sinks. He told her not to worry, but she can’t help it, because she knows how much he loved his job. “That’s terrible, why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Because I wanted to wait until I had good news, too, or did you forget about that part? Honestly, it’s fine. I’ve already found another place. Guess where?”
Baffled, she shakes her head even though he can’t see her. “I’ve no idea. Where?”
He sighs dramatically. “You’re no fun. It’s at a middle school in Williamson County, in Brentwood.”
It takes her an embarrassingly long moment to realize what he’s getting at. “Brentwood, Tennessee?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Kevin,” she says, trying not to feel ecstatic about this and completely, utterly failing, “that’s amazing, that’s-Brentwood’s only twenty minutes from me, not even that, probably.”
“I know. I hope you don’t mind me invading your territory.”
“Mind? Goodness, no, it’ll be great to have you so close. I’m really happy about it, seriously.” Maybe a bit too happy, but right now Kevin lives in California, and this can’t be a job he applied for out of the blue. She can’t remember anyone else he knows who lives so close to his new job-he must have tried for it on purpose to be near her. At least, she hopes he has. Tennessee’s a fair cry closer to his mother and Sidney, too, but if he only wanted to move near them, wouldn’t he be telling her about a Virginia job now? “When are you moving?”
“I’ll probably make it there in August-my lease is up at the end of June, and I’m planning to spend July in Richmond. Might as well visit Mom and Sid before I settle in somewhere new.”
“Of course.” She’ll be out of the state on tour until the end of July, anyway, so she won’t miss him, which relieves her. “Kevin, I’m so glad.”
“I thought you’d be. It’s a huge relief for a lot of reasons. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find something else so soon.” He goes on to explain that it’s a full-time job, unlike his last one, and that he’s replacing a teacher who’s retiring and had personally recommended him for the job after an interview and sample lesson. “I was really honored when he told me that. It made me feel a lot better about being fired. No one has actually said this to my face and I don’t really think they’re even thinking it, but…there were points when I was convinced I was a terrible teacher and that I went to grad school for nothing.”
“You didn’t,” she says firmly. “If you hadn’t gotten Brentwood, something else would have come up, I’m sure of it.”
He chuckles a bit. “Yeah, well, it’s still nice to know I got it. Thanks for saying that, though. I’ve always been able to count on you, and it’s gotten me through a lot of difficult times. Really, Laura…I can never thank you enough for all you’ve done for me.”
“Just stay well. That’s all I want.” It’s a partial lie, and she knows it, but what else can she say? It would be unwise for her to say anything, over the phone, just because there might still be a chance now that he’ll be living so close to her. She won’t even see him until August at the earliest, and it could be that she’s wrong and he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore. And even if she isn’t, it still might not work. She swallows, suddenly afraid. “Keep me updated on your plans, okay? I’ll help you apartment-hunt if you want it.”
“Kind of you. I might take you up on that. Anyway, I should get moving, but I couldn’t wait to tell you the good news.”
“Yes, go, don’t be late on my account. I’ll talk to you again soon, I hope.”
“I’ll call again before your tour starts. Rock out for me.”
“I will. Bye, Kevin.”
“Later, short stuff.” He hangs up.
The old nickname makes Laura smile as she lowers her phone. It takes her a while to remember what she was doing before Kevin called.
deadly nightshade
“Are you okay, Kev?”
“No, I’m not fucking okay.” Kevin slams his fist onto the desk without looking up. He’s angrier with himself than with Gary, because the fact that his roommate even asked the question means he slipped up. “Sorry,” he says quickly, much more calmly this time. “Not your fault. I’m just having a bad…well…” Life, really, if he’s honest, but he doesn’t want to admit that.
Gary grabs his desk chair and sets it next to Kevin, sitting down in it backward and crossing his arms over the seat back. For a moment, he doesn’t say anything. Then, without a trace of judgment in his voice, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Kevin does, because no one’s asked him that since Laura. He isn’t sure how to start, though, and there’s a reason he hasn’t told Gary any of this to begin with-he’s the first friend Kevin’s made in a while that he thinks might stick around, and Kevin does not want to screw that up by making an ass out of himself. “I don’t know,” he says.
“You sure? Because I’ve always got an ear for you.”
“It’s...well…everything.” He runs his hands over his face. “I don’t…I don’t know what I’m doing or even who I am half the time.” Transferring to a four-year and sharing a dorm with Gary instead of living with his father only blunted his pain for a short while. He’s almost twenty-two, and he has no idea why he’s still breathing. “I know that sounds cryptic and shitty but…”
“No, it doesn’t,” says Gary, when it’s clear Kevin doesn’t intend to finish that sentence. “We all have moments like that.”
“You don’t.”
“Yeah, I do. Ask me about my freshman year sometime. I could tell you so many epic stories about how stupid I was then.”
The idea makes Kevin smile a little. “I thought things would change when I transferred here,” he says honestly. “But I’m still going around doing the same old shit and it has no meaning because I don’t know where I’m going.”
“So ask,” Gary suggests.
Kevin stares at his desk. “I don’t know how.”
“Well, I can tell you from experience…” His friend holds up a finger. “First step to figuring out anything is to admit you know nothing. So it looks like you’re off to a great start to me!”
forget-me-not
Kevin doesn’t end up taking Laura apartment hunting with him after all, and it’s because of something his mother tells him over the phone one day. “Not with someone you’re not dating or planning to live with, Kevin. It’s too intimate. There are other people you can take if all you want is advice.”
He never thought of it that way, but now that Delia has pointed it out, he has to admit there’s something to it. He and Laura cannot have that kind of familiarity again right away, and he’s foolish both to want and expect it. Whatever happens, he has to do right by her and by himself. He doesn’t think he’s wrong to hope, not after the way she sounded when he told her he was moving to Tennessee, but he can’t waltz back into her life and expect things to be the same. After some more thought, he realizes he doesn’t really want it to be that way, anyway. He remembers all too clearly how much he hated himself back then, and he does not want to get that time back.
So instead, he takes Sidney, and doesn’t see Laura at all until he’s nearly moved in and she shows up at his door with cupcakes. “Are you trying to make me fat?” he jokes, even as he accepts them. “Don’t think my students will take me seriously if I show up on the first day with a pot belly.”
Laura glances down at his six-pack, which anyone can tell exists despite the tank top he’s wearing, and back up. “You’re fine,” she says, with a very pretty little blush that makes him suspect that’s an understatement. “You’re practically a superhero. Don’t go complaining about a cupcake.”
The retort relieves him, because he does want to be close to her again even if it can’t be the same, and he’s committing to at least a year at Brentwood, which will be more pleasant if she’s not stiff around him. The hug she gives him sets that worry aside immediately-it’s just as warm and comforting as ever, if a little more brief than he’d prefer.
She offers to help him, Sidney, and Delia with the rest of the unpacking, and ends up doing most of his job for him because he cannot stop watching her. The desire he felt when he saw her at Carrie’s wedding returns in full, and them some. He’s missed her so very, very much, and it’s all he can do not to tell her so right then.
Instead, he asks her to stay for dinner as she’s opening the last box. She looks up at him in genuine surprise. “You really want me to?”
“Of course. It’s the least I can do after you were kind enough to help us out.”
Laura laughs. “Well, you did the same thing for me once.”
He hasn’t forgotten. Helping her move in with Allie was one of a handful of truly happy moments he had in college. “As if I wouldn’t have, after you flattered my ego like that.”
“Well, I’m not a big, strong man like you,” she teases, “but I was happy to help and I’ll be happy to stay, too.”
Kevin feels himself grinning. “Good. None of us knows what’s good around here; we’d be lost without you.”
It turns out she knows a good Thai place, so that’s what they order, and while they wait for the delivery, Laura updates Delia and Sidney on her life. Kevin listens intently even though he’s heard most of it already. Somehow the knowledge is different now that he can see her in person. She looks the same-she’s long stopped growing, hasn’t gained or lost much weight that he can tell, dresses as bizarrely as she ever did, and still wears her hair in that angled bob she first got as a freshman-but there are subtle differences in the way she talks and carries herself. She has a more vibrant presence now. It’s not showy, that’s not her way, and he wonders if she’s even aware of it. He decides it’s probably due to her years as a performer, but whatever caused it, he likes it.
It’s not exactly like old times, but it’s better. Delia and Sidney will go back to Richmond in the morning, and Laura’s of course got her job and he has to start ironing out his first History unit for the year, but for now three of the people he loves best are right here with him as he starts a new chapter in his life. He laughs when Sidney spills peanut sauce on her shirt and Laura leaps to the rescue with a home remedy that gets it right out before it stains.
“I’m such a derp,” Sidney says mournfully, looking at the wet spot on her shirt for a moment.
“Well, you’re a cute derp,” Kevin replies, “and that makes up for a lot of things.”
Laura begins to collect the empty plates around chuckles. “You two are my favorite siblings ever, you know that?”
Sidney beams. “Thanks! You and Chase are mine.”
“I’d agree, but I’m not sure about the Chase half of the equation,” Kevin drawls, and laughs outright when Laura rolls her eyes. Poking fun at Chase is more of a tradition than anything at this point, although there is still no love lost between the two of them.
All too soon, Laura has to go. She hugs him again, and promises she’ll see him soon. “After all, it’ll be really hard to avoid you since we live ten minutes from each other now.”
“I missed you too,” he says, with a wry smile that he hopes takes some of the seriousness out of the sentiment. He means it, but maybe it’s not the right time for that yet. “Thanks for coming by. I will enjoy every crumb of those cupcakes even if they do make me fat. No one else cooks like you do.”
“Damn straight,” Sidney chimes in, walking past them to the kitchen. “Sorry, bro, I’m taking one. Or five.”
“Better go rescue your crumbs,” says Laura, grinning, and then she’s gone. He smirks after her for a second before going to chase down his rogue sister.
hanafubuki
Kevin calls maybe once a month. It’s not as often as Laura would like, but she’s mostly just relieved he still wants to talk to her at all, so she doesn’t complain or try to call him any more frequently than that.
That changes abruptly in the spring of his fifth year of college when he calls her out of the blue only a week after the last time they’ve talked. “Guess what?”
“What?” she asks, excited, but bewildered.
“You’re supposed to guess, Laura.”
“I’m bad at it, just tell me.”
He goes blithely on instead of sulking at her, like he would if they were still teenagers and talking face to face instead of over the phone. “I got accepted to APU!”
“For graduate school?” she asks, shocked.
“Yes! Master’s in History and a teaching credential.”
“You didn’t tell me you wanted to teach.”
“I didn’t? Huh. It feels like I tell you everything important. Well, I didn’t figure it out very long ago myself, so I guess that’s why. Anyway, I got the letter today and I’m hoping there’s a decent financial aid package, too, but they haven’t sent me anything about that yet.”
Laura doesn’t know how to respond. She never considered that her friend might want to be a teacher or that he would even be suited to it. Then again, she hasn’t seen him in almost two years, and she can’t really tell how much he’s changed just via phone chats. “That’s wonderful,” she says, and means it, after a fashion, but she’s still a bit confused. Then she realizes that he sounds happy, and that he’s sounded much more stable in general lately than he used to. It isn’t what she would have predicted, but maybe it’s exactly where he needs to go. “It really is. I’m so glad for you, Kevin.”
“Thanks, Laura.”
After that, they don’t go longer than a week without talking to each other. It makes Laura happy to hear him so excited about something-to hear his voice in general, really. It’s not long before a phone chat with him is something that refreshes her rather than something she stumbles through for the sake of it.
daisy chain
Over the next three weeks, Laura watches Kevin carefully. They don’t go back to their old habits, per se, since they only see each other twice a week at most and hardly ever visit each other at home, but combined with frequent phone chats, that’s more close contact than they’ve had in several years. While it makes her happy-she’s missed him more than she’ll admit aloud-it also makes her feel a little uncertain.
One evening, Kevin calls and asks for a favor. “I had to take my car to the shop and it won’t be done for work tomorrow. Would it be awful of me to beg your excellent transportation services for a day?”
The instinct to jump at the opportunity to help him is smaller than it used to be, but still there, firmly rooted in her gut. For a split second, she wonders why that makes her feel so guilty, but he’s still on the other end of the line waiting for his answer. She clears her throat. “Sure, it’s not a problem.”
She takes him out to Brentwood early the next morning, puts in a few hours at the studio, and arrives back about ten minutes before basketball practice ends. She sits in her car for a moment before curiosity gets the better of her-she’s wondered what kind of teacher he would be ever since he told her he was going to graduate school-and she gets out, heading toward the courts.
“Is Mr. MacLeod still here?” she asks a student, when she doesn’t immediately see him.
The boy, looking very intrigued, points her toward the locker rooms. “He went that way with one of the guys a minute ago.”
Laura thanks him and turns toward the building. She doesn’t dare go into the boys’ locker room, but perhaps his office is nearby, and that’s where he is. She peers through the open double doors, but immediately retreats behind one of them when she sees that Kevin is not, in fact, in his office, but standing just inside the entry, talking very quietly and intently to one of his students. Another peek shows her that the boy’s eyes are red and he looks ashamed of himself. He can’t meet Kevin’s eyes, but Kevin doesn’t look away from him, and what she can see of his expression is very concerned, even empathetic. She doesn’t want to interrupt the moment, so she tiptoes away and sits quietly on a bench to wait.
The other boys continue their drills until Kevin reappears, smiling as if he hadn’t just been having a serious conversation. “All right, we’re done for today! Good work, I’ll see you all tomorrow.” His students holler back similar sentiments as they stampede toward the locker room, and Kevin turns to Laura. “Hey, have you been waiting long?”
“Not too long,” she says, attempting nonchalance. “Where’ve you been? I was hoping to catch you in action.”
He rubs the back of his neck, sobering a little. “Just chatting with one of the kids. He’s had a pretty rough week and couldn’t focus.”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“I think so. Some people just have off days. At least, I hope that’s all it is.” He flashes her a rueful smile. “Sorry to deprive you, though.”
“Oh, no, you were doing your job. I’d never want to get in the way of that. I’ll just come to your first game.”
“Well, basketball season doesn’t really start for a while longer, but I’ll be glad to have you when it does roll around.” He grins impishly. “You could be my good luck charm.”
“You mean I’m not always?” she asks lightly, and he laughs.
On the way to the garage, he talks her ear off about his new students, the lessons they’re working on, and the little ways they make his hard work worthwhile. It’s only after she drops him off that she has the opportunity to reflect on what she saw. She worries about the boy-something about him reminds her of Chase on his bad days-but the more she thinks about it, the longer she lingers on Kevin.
She’s been slowly putting together a new picture of him based on the different aspects of his personality that she’s seen. When they’re hanging out with her friends, who are quickly becoming his friends too, he brings a lot of confidence and energy to the group. He always asks for her thoughts on the sermons they hear on Sundays, and expresses his own freely. He never simply absorbs what he hears-not that he ever did to begin with, but there’s a new thoughtfulness to it. When they’re alone, he’ll talk about anything and everything with a freeness he never showed when they were in college. Now she can see, too, that he has a real heart for his work.
She thinks abruptly that none of this is an affectation. It all comes so easily to him. He’s not just trying to be a better person for her sake or anyone else’s-he really is the man he should have been all along.
bleeding heart
“I’m sorry. I really do honestly care about you, but…”
Alice’s face is very, very pale, but she meets his eyes bravely. “But you’re not in love with me.”
Kevin’s a bit relieved that she said it so he wouldn’t have to. He wasn’t quite sure how, anyway, but that’s exactly it. “No,” he agrees. “And it wouldn’t be fair to you if I let you think I was.”
She nods. She gets it. Still, he almost wishes he could because he knows this little speech is breaking her heart, kind as he’s trying to be. He wonders, momentarily, if this is how Laura felt when she rejected him.
Laura, of course, is the reason he can’t love Alice. She’s also the reason he didn’t love Rebecca. They are both wonderful women he is glad he had the chance to know, but he could never stop comparing them to Laura and wondering what was missing with them that wasn’t with her. With Rebecca, he let it go on too long. He won’t do that again. “You deserve the best, Alice,” he says aloud. “I do hope you find someone who can give that to you.”
She only nods and hurries inside her apartment.
Kevin stares after her for a moment, but there is nothing more he can say that won’t make it worse, so he turns and heads for home.
she loves me, she loves me not
It’s a Saturday night. They’ve just had dinner, and now they’re walking, arm-in-arm, back to her apartment. Technically, it wasn’t a date, but it feels like one to Kevin. He wonders if Laura was thinking that, too. She hasn’t said anything about it, though, and he doesn’t really feel right trying to bring that up after the fact. It’s been a good night, he thinks, don’t ruin it now.
Similar thoughts have crowded his head for weeks now. Being near Laura again is so much better than he ever dared hope; it’s like they were never separated at all. He doesn’t have to try too hard to feel at home with her. He’s grateful every day that he applied for the Brentwood job, that that opportunity was available for him, and she’s not the only reason, but she is one of the big ones.
He wants her to know that, but he doesn’t know how to say it. Sometimes, when he’s been thinking about it particularly hard, he’s not sure he should. Things are really, honestly good between them for the first time in several years, and he wants it to stay that way. There are times when she looks at him a certain way or says something he thinks might have an underlying significance, making him think maybe they could still have more than this. But having been burned once, fear often gets the better of him.
He turns to her, and she looks up at him. Her lips ease into a soft smile, they way they usually do when the two of them make eye contact. “What are you thinking about right now?” she asks.
“How glad I am that I moved here,” he says honestly. She grins, and it warms him straight through. “What about you?”
“I was wondering what you want for your birthday,” she says.
He wasn’t expecting her to say that, and he blinks in surprise. “What’s the day today?”
“The twenty-third.”
“Wow, that is coming up.” He runs his free hand through his hair thoughtfully. He’ll be twenty-seven in six days. That means it’s been eight years since that time she cut herself and he had to take her to the ER. The memory makes him smile, but at the same time, he feels a little ill. He can’t really believe it’s been so long. “God, I’m old.”
Laura exhales an incredulous laugh and pokes him in the side. “Watch it, mister. If you’re old, I’m old too, and I don’t think you want to go down that road.”
Grinning, he draws her into a hug and presses his cheek to the top of her head. “Aww, Laura, you’re ageless. I could swear you’re still nineteen if I didn’t know any better.”
“That wasn’t even subtle,” she says, “but I appreciate it.” She’s leaning against him, hands resting gently on his arm as he holds her, and doesn’t feel tense at all. It’s nice. He doesn’t want to let go. “Anyway, you didn’t answer the question.”
“I mean it,” he protests, but he’s already thinking about it. Birthdays have been odd for him in the way of gifts ever since his family moved to Madison. He tries to ask for things he needs every year, and his mind automatically shifts toward the list he’s been considering since he moved into the new apartment. The trouble is, most of them are either too expensive to convey to Laura, things he knows family members are sending him already, or both.
A thought occurs to him. He hesitates for a moment, then slowly lets go of her and reaches for her hand, because if he’s going to say this, he needs her to be looking at him. She turns toward him, looking puzzled. “Kevin?”
“What I really want is for you to go on a date with me,” he says, before he can talk himself out of it.
Laura looks surprised, but not displeased. Still, the few seconds he waits for her answer are some of the most agonizing of his whole life. His cards are all on the table now, and he can’t take it back. A moment later, he doesn’t want to.
“I can do that,” she says, with a delighted smile.
rose petals
It’s odd to be back in California, and odder still to be standing in the vestibule of Carrie’s church, waiting to proceed in. She smiles around at the rest of the bridal party. She and Nate are second in the line-up, after a couple college friends of Dean’s and Carrie’s that she only met yesterday, but likes very much.
Suddenly, the processional music begins, and fifteen beats later, she and Nate walk through the doors and into the church. She looks around at the cluster of guests near the front of the room and smiles, seeing so many familiar faces. It’s been years since she’s seen most of the people she recognizes. One man in particular draws her eye and holds it.
Laura doesn’t know why she’s surprised to see Kevin. He works and teaches in Santa Monica, which is half an hour away at worst, and it has to be winter break for his school by now. Of course he would be there. All the same, it’s a bit of a shock to see him, sitting a couple rows back, dressed in his best suit and smiling like everything’s right in his world. It’s a shock, but it’s wonderful, and for a moment she forgets that this is a wedding and that she’s supposed to be taking her place on the bride’s half of the steps. She tears her gaze away and smiles ruefully at Nate before moving that way. Hopefully, she hasn’t stepped on his foot or anything.
During the ceremony, she watches Carrie and Dean, who are so radiant they’re probably going to explode. But her eyes stray every so often to Kevin. Once, their eyes meet, and she knows he’s been looking at her, too.
She doesn’t feel embarrassed about it, though. She’s mostly been worried that he won’t want to see her while she’s in town, and now it looks like the opposite is true.
Maybe everything really is okay between them. She hopes so.
baby's breath
A common question Laura ends up fielding from her loved ones once she tells them is “When did this happen?”
She can’t really fault them for that. She told no one, not even Chase, about the first time Kevin kissed her, so of course it’s a surprise to her family and friends. All of them know that she and Kevin have been friends for more than a decade and thought that if something was going to happen between them, it would have happened much sooner than this.
She doesn’t have a clear answer for them either, though. The one she gives is that their first real date was on his birthday, but she can’t pinpoint a specific moment during that date or at any time before when something changed. They were friends, and then they were more than that. She’s certain that the friendship stage of their relationship ended long before she even moved to Nashville to begin with, and that Kevin’s asking her out only made it official.
It wasn’t a particularly flashy date. They ate at one of his favorite restaurants, where she practically had to beat him into letting her pay. “Next time, the bill’s all yours if you really want it, but not on your birthday,” she insisted, and somehow, that statement was the one that made him agree and thank her instead of protesting further.
Afterward, they walked back to his place. She let him take her hand; it felt right that he should. “You know,” he said, when they were about a block away, “I never did finish watching Firefly.”
“You really didn’t?”
“No, I couldn’t-it felt wrong to try, without you.”
She could never watch it without thinking of him, either, so it made sense to her. “Well, I’m here now. Let’s start over. It’s been eight years, so you’ve probably forgotten a lot of it.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said.
Laura can’t really explain it to anyone else, and she doesn’t try very hard. All she knows is that that one night suddenly made a future with Kevin possible. It’s a night she remembers as the years go by and they build a life and a family together. Many more wonderful moments come, but they never eclipse that first one in her mind. At the very end, it’s the memory that gives her the most comfort.
Because as they sat close together on his couch, his arm around her shoulders and her hand on his knee, Laura thought for the first time that she loved him. Even more importantly, she knew without a doubt that it was right and good that she should do so.
Story: The Dragon World
Challenge: Flavor Binge (Peaches and Cream)
Toppings/Extras: Caramel, Brownie, Malt (Summer Challenge 2011, #57: “Remember me? I used to be/Your best time buddy that you couldn’t wait to see/We’re getting old, it takes a toll/And hearts getting broken leads to people growing cold.” - “Love it When You Call,” The Feeling)
Word Count: 6,349
Rating: PG
Summary: “Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship.” - Lord Byron
Notes: This is the sequel to my Lemon-Lime Binge and also my apology for toying with everyone’s emotions by writing it ;) For today’s Olympics.
poison ivy
“The record label I’ve been interning for offered me a contract.”
“Are you going to take it?”
“Yeah, I am.”
Kevin looks at the floor while he attempts to control his emotions. He should be happy for Laura, he knows, because a recording contract is all she’s ever wanted and now she’s got an opportunity she would be foolish to pass up. But he can’t really be, because it means she’s about to put three thousand miles between them. Maybe he’ll never see her again. Maybe it’s better that way, but now he’ll probably never have a chance to bridge the gap between them and that thought is unbearable. It’s bad enough that his family is broken. He doesn’t need this, on top of everything else.
When he lifts his face, he’s smiling so hard it hurts. “Good. I’m glad for you.”
The relief he sees in her eyes makes the lie worth it.
dandelion
When Kevin sees the pink slip, he almost laughs. Of course, he thinks, trying to cover the sinking feeling in his stomach with irony. It’s no secret that his school district is facing drastic budget cuts, and he’s only part time and has no tenure. Only a miracle is going to save his job at this point. The idea of going anywhere else makes his heart ache-it’s been a hard year, mostly because it’s his first as an honest-to-God real teacher, but he loves his school and his students and doesn’t want to leave them.
Fortunately, it’s Friday-he has the weekend to go home, calm down, and think about what to do next, so that’s what he does.
He spends more time than he means to bent over his kitchen table, head bowed over linked fingers, begging without words for strength he doesn’t have. It’s not fair, he wants to scream, but doesn’t, because he is not that person anymore. Still, it’s hard to find any sort of will to take action, for far longer than he will ever admit to anyone. It took him five years to get his bachelor’s degree and two more to get through graduate school, and for a long while, it seems like all that work was for nothing.
But he knows that it wasn’t, and after a while that knowledge gives him the courage to move a little.
“Have you considered leaving the state?” his mother asks, when he finally calls her to ask her advice.
“I figured I might have to when I was looking for jobs last year,” he says. “Maybe it’s time to start looking again.”
“I’ll see what’s open in our district, if you want.”
Kevin appreciates the thought, but as much as he loves his mother, he would never want to live so close to her. He sort of hates himself for that, but he can’t help it. “I’ll look myself, but thanks.”
His mother has never been the clingy type, so she doesn’t protest. “Keep me posted, all right?”
“Absolutely. Is Sid home?”
“No, but I’ll tell her you called.”
“Okay, thanks. Love you.” He puts down the phone and exhales in an attempt to get all the resentful, wounded feelings out for good. Then, he sits down at his desk and begins to look up job listings.
Although the idea of being at least a couple thousand miles closer to his family appeals to him, his first choice is to stay in California, so he checks EdJoin first. It’s only February, so there aren’t many listings for the 2020-2021 school year yet, and some schools seem to need either a History teacher or a basketball coach, but not both. Kevin sighs and moves on, resolving not to get despondent until hiring season really begins.
A similar search on a Virginia job board shows much the same result. He drums his fingers on the desktop, wondering where else he could possibly go, and where else he would even want to go. He considers Oregon, since Lindsey’s there, but he doesn’t feel very enthusiastic about that and everyone else he cares about is either in California or Virginia-and then he remembers that that’s not true. The person he probably cares about most in the world actually lives in Nashville, Tennessee, and if he’s going to lose his job, there’s nowhere else he’d rather go.
Suddenly he thinks that perhaps this is an opportunity and a beginning, not something to be afraid of, and he goes back to Google in search of a Tennessee job site.
weeping willow
“Are you coming home for Thanksgiving, honey?” her mother asks.
Laura swallows a sudden lump in her throat. “No, I don’t have enough time off that it’d be worth it. Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. If you can’t manage it, it’s fine. I know how it is when you’re just starting in the working world.” There’s a short pause. “Would you want us to send Chase to you? I think he might like that more than staying here.”
“Has he asked about that?”
“No, he was hoping you’d be back like the rest of us. I don’t think it’s occurred to him.”
She lets her forehead rest against the wall as she considers it. She’s so lonely sometimes that it’s all she can do not to cancel her contract and fly home. Seeing Chase would be wonderful. It might do him some good, too. Maybe he could get through the rest of the semester all right if they got some time together.
And yet, she can’t help wondering if it wouldn’t cause more harm than good. For both of them, not just him. She’s pursuing her dream, yes, but one of the main things keeping her in Nashville is the fact that she knows she was right to leave Madison and put distance between herself and Chase. Between herself and all of them, really. Maybe it hasn’t been long enough yet to keep her from backsliding.
“I’ll get back to you,” she says. “Don’t tell him anything yet.”
“All right, baby. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She hangs up and sinks against the wall, beginning to sob.
morning glory
It’s the first of May, and Laura’s up early to finish the last of her preparations for a tour beginning early the next week. She wants her apartment sparkling before she goes, as tour season always takes a lot out of her and one of the refreshing things about coming home is a clean apartment, if she can manage that. There are also some errands she has to run before noon. She makes some coffee, butters a muffin, and sits down at the kitchen table to plan her day.
She’s just beginning a to-do list when her cell phone rings. A glance at the caller ID tells her Kevin is on the other end, and she automatically snatches it up, feeling a tinge of worry. “Kevin?”
“Hey, Laura. Did I wake you up?”
He doesn’t sound distressed, but-here she looks at the clock, to confirm the time-it’s too early for a phone call even by her standards. “No…but it’s not even six for you, why are you calling so early?”
“I wanted to catch you before I went to work.” Now she can hear a distinctly pleased note in his voice. “I’ve got some news, want to hear it?”
“Only if it’s good,” she teases, because she doesn’t expect much else.
He laughs. “Eh, good and bad, but don’t worry. Bad news first: I got pink-slipped in February.”
“Oh no.” Her stomach sinks. He told her not to worry, but she can’t help it, because she knows how much he loved his job. “That’s terrible, why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Because I wanted to wait until I had good news, too, or did you forget about that part? Honestly, it’s fine. I’ve already found another place. Guess where?”
Baffled, she shakes her head even though he can’t see her. “I’ve no idea. Where?”
He sighs dramatically. “You’re no fun. It’s at a middle school in Williamson County, in Brentwood.”
It takes her an embarrassingly long moment to realize what he’s getting at. “Brentwood, Tennessee?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Kevin,” she says, trying not to feel ecstatic about this and completely, utterly failing, “that’s amazing, that’s-Brentwood’s only twenty minutes from me, not even that, probably.”
“I know. I hope you don’t mind me invading your territory.”
“Mind? Goodness, no, it’ll be great to have you so close. I’m really happy about it, seriously.” Maybe a bit too happy, but right now Kevin lives in California, and this can’t be a job he applied for out of the blue. She can’t remember anyone else he knows who lives so close to his new job-he must have tried for it on purpose to be near her. At least, she hopes he has. Tennessee’s a fair cry closer to his mother and Sidney, too, but if he only wanted to move near them, wouldn’t he be telling her about a Virginia job now? “When are you moving?”
“I’ll probably make it there in August-my lease is up at the end of June, and I’m planning to spend July in Richmond. Might as well visit Mom and Sid before I settle in somewhere new.”
“Of course.” She’ll be out of the state on tour until the end of July, anyway, so she won’t miss him, which relieves her. “Kevin, I’m so glad.”
“I thought you’d be. It’s a huge relief for a lot of reasons. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find something else so soon.” He goes on to explain that it’s a full-time job, unlike his last one, and that he’s replacing a teacher who’s retiring and had personally recommended him for the job after an interview and sample lesson. “I was really honored when he told me that. It made me feel a lot better about being fired. No one has actually said this to my face and I don’t really think they’re even thinking it, but…there were points when I was convinced I was a terrible teacher and that I went to grad school for nothing.”
“You didn’t,” she says firmly. “If you hadn’t gotten Brentwood, something else would have come up, I’m sure of it.”
He chuckles a bit. “Yeah, well, it’s still nice to know I got it. Thanks for saying that, though. I’ve always been able to count on you, and it’s gotten me through a lot of difficult times. Really, Laura…I can never thank you enough for all you’ve done for me.”
“Just stay well. That’s all I want.” It’s a partial lie, and she knows it, but what else can she say? It would be unwise for her to say anything, over the phone, just because there might still be a chance now that he’ll be living so close to her. She won’t even see him until August at the earliest, and it could be that she’s wrong and he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore. And even if she isn’t, it still might not work. She swallows, suddenly afraid. “Keep me updated on your plans, okay? I’ll help you apartment-hunt if you want it.”
“Kind of you. I might take you up on that. Anyway, I should get moving, but I couldn’t wait to tell you the good news.”
“Yes, go, don’t be late on my account. I’ll talk to you again soon, I hope.”
“I’ll call again before your tour starts. Rock out for me.”
“I will. Bye, Kevin.”
“Later, short stuff.” He hangs up.
The old nickname makes Laura smile as she lowers her phone. It takes her a while to remember what she was doing before Kevin called.
deadly nightshade
“Are you okay, Kev?”
“No, I’m not fucking okay.” Kevin slams his fist onto the desk without looking up. He’s angrier with himself than with Gary, because the fact that his roommate even asked the question means he slipped up. “Sorry,” he says quickly, much more calmly this time. “Not your fault. I’m just having a bad…well…” Life, really, if he’s honest, but he doesn’t want to admit that.
Gary grabs his desk chair and sets it next to Kevin, sitting down in it backward and crossing his arms over the seat back. For a moment, he doesn’t say anything. Then, without a trace of judgment in his voice, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Kevin does, because no one’s asked him that since Laura. He isn’t sure how to start, though, and there’s a reason he hasn’t told Gary any of this to begin with-he’s the first friend Kevin’s made in a while that he thinks might stick around, and Kevin does not want to screw that up by making an ass out of himself. “I don’t know,” he says.
“You sure? Because I’ve always got an ear for you.”
“It’s...well…everything.” He runs his hands over his face. “I don’t…I don’t know what I’m doing or even who I am half the time.” Transferring to a four-year and sharing a dorm with Gary instead of living with his father only blunted his pain for a short while. He’s almost twenty-two, and he has no idea why he’s still breathing. “I know that sounds cryptic and shitty but…”
“No, it doesn’t,” says Gary, when it’s clear Kevin doesn’t intend to finish that sentence. “We all have moments like that.”
“You don’t.”
“Yeah, I do. Ask me about my freshman year sometime. I could tell you so many epic stories about how stupid I was then.”
The idea makes Kevin smile a little. “I thought things would change when I transferred here,” he says honestly. “But I’m still going around doing the same old shit and it has no meaning because I don’t know where I’m going.”
“So ask,” Gary suggests.
Kevin stares at his desk. “I don’t know how.”
“Well, I can tell you from experience…” His friend holds up a finger. “First step to figuring out anything is to admit you know nothing. So it looks like you’re off to a great start to me!”
forget-me-not
Kevin doesn’t end up taking Laura apartment hunting with him after all, and it’s because of something his mother tells him over the phone one day. “Not with someone you’re not dating or planning to live with, Kevin. It’s too intimate. There are other people you can take if all you want is advice.”
He never thought of it that way, but now that Delia has pointed it out, he has to admit there’s something to it. He and Laura cannot have that kind of familiarity again right away, and he’s foolish both to want and expect it. Whatever happens, he has to do right by her and by himself. He doesn’t think he’s wrong to hope, not after the way she sounded when he told her he was moving to Tennessee, but he can’t waltz back into her life and expect things to be the same. After some more thought, he realizes he doesn’t really want it to be that way, anyway. He remembers all too clearly how much he hated himself back then, and he does not want to get that time back.
So instead, he takes Sidney, and doesn’t see Laura at all until he’s nearly moved in and she shows up at his door with cupcakes. “Are you trying to make me fat?” he jokes, even as he accepts them. “Don’t think my students will take me seriously if I show up on the first day with a pot belly.”
Laura glances down at his six-pack, which anyone can tell exists despite the tank top he’s wearing, and back up. “You’re fine,” she says, with a very pretty little blush that makes him suspect that’s an understatement. “You’re practically a superhero. Don’t go complaining about a cupcake.”
The retort relieves him, because he does want to be close to her again even if it can’t be the same, and he’s committing to at least a year at Brentwood, which will be more pleasant if she’s not stiff around him. The hug she gives him sets that worry aside immediately-it’s just as warm and comforting as ever, if a little more brief than he’d prefer.
She offers to help him, Sidney, and Delia with the rest of the unpacking, and ends up doing most of his job for him because he cannot stop watching her. The desire he felt when he saw her at Carrie’s wedding returns in full, and them some. He’s missed her so very, very much, and it’s all he can do not to tell her so right then.
Instead, he asks her to stay for dinner as she’s opening the last box. She looks up at him in genuine surprise. “You really want me to?”
“Of course. It’s the least I can do after you were kind enough to help us out.”
Laura laughs. “Well, you did the same thing for me once.”
He hasn’t forgotten. Helping her move in with Allie was one of a handful of truly happy moments he had in college. “As if I wouldn’t have, after you flattered my ego like that.”
“Well, I’m not a big, strong man like you,” she teases, “but I was happy to help and I’ll be happy to stay, too.”
Kevin feels himself grinning. “Good. None of us knows what’s good around here; we’d be lost without you.”
It turns out she knows a good Thai place, so that’s what they order, and while they wait for the delivery, Laura updates Delia and Sidney on her life. Kevin listens intently even though he’s heard most of it already. Somehow the knowledge is different now that he can see her in person. She looks the same-she’s long stopped growing, hasn’t gained or lost much weight that he can tell, dresses as bizarrely as she ever did, and still wears her hair in that angled bob she first got as a freshman-but there are subtle differences in the way she talks and carries herself. She has a more vibrant presence now. It’s not showy, that’s not her way, and he wonders if she’s even aware of it. He decides it’s probably due to her years as a performer, but whatever caused it, he likes it.
It’s not exactly like old times, but it’s better. Delia and Sidney will go back to Richmond in the morning, and Laura’s of course got her job and he has to start ironing out his first History unit for the year, but for now three of the people he loves best are right here with him as he starts a new chapter in his life. He laughs when Sidney spills peanut sauce on her shirt and Laura leaps to the rescue with a home remedy that gets it right out before it stains.
“I’m such a derp,” Sidney says mournfully, looking at the wet spot on her shirt for a moment.
“Well, you’re a cute derp,” Kevin replies, “and that makes up for a lot of things.”
Laura begins to collect the empty plates around chuckles. “You two are my favorite siblings ever, you know that?”
Sidney beams. “Thanks! You and Chase are mine.”
“I’d agree, but I’m not sure about the Chase half of the equation,” Kevin drawls, and laughs outright when Laura rolls her eyes. Poking fun at Chase is more of a tradition than anything at this point, although there is still no love lost between the two of them.
All too soon, Laura has to go. She hugs him again, and promises she’ll see him soon. “After all, it’ll be really hard to avoid you since we live ten minutes from each other now.”
“I missed you too,” he says, with a wry smile that he hopes takes some of the seriousness out of the sentiment. He means it, but maybe it’s not the right time for that yet. “Thanks for coming by. I will enjoy every crumb of those cupcakes even if they do make me fat. No one else cooks like you do.”
“Damn straight,” Sidney chimes in, walking past them to the kitchen. “Sorry, bro, I’m taking one. Or five.”
“Better go rescue your crumbs,” says Laura, grinning, and then she’s gone. He smirks after her for a second before going to chase down his rogue sister.
hanafubuki
Kevin calls maybe once a month. It’s not as often as Laura would like, but she’s mostly just relieved he still wants to talk to her at all, so she doesn’t complain or try to call him any more frequently than that.
That changes abruptly in the spring of his fifth year of college when he calls her out of the blue only a week after the last time they’ve talked. “Guess what?”
“What?” she asks, excited, but bewildered.
“You’re supposed to guess, Laura.”
“I’m bad at it, just tell me.”
He goes blithely on instead of sulking at her, like he would if they were still teenagers and talking face to face instead of over the phone. “I got accepted to APU!”
“For graduate school?” she asks, shocked.
“Yes! Master’s in History and a teaching credential.”
“You didn’t tell me you wanted to teach.”
“I didn’t? Huh. It feels like I tell you everything important. Well, I didn’t figure it out very long ago myself, so I guess that’s why. Anyway, I got the letter today and I’m hoping there’s a decent financial aid package, too, but they haven’t sent me anything about that yet.”
Laura doesn’t know how to respond. She never considered that her friend might want to be a teacher or that he would even be suited to it. Then again, she hasn’t seen him in almost two years, and she can’t really tell how much he’s changed just via phone chats. “That’s wonderful,” she says, and means it, after a fashion, but she’s still a bit confused. Then she realizes that he sounds happy, and that he’s sounded much more stable in general lately than he used to. It isn’t what she would have predicted, but maybe it’s exactly where he needs to go. “It really is. I’m so glad for you, Kevin.”
“Thanks, Laura.”
After that, they don’t go longer than a week without talking to each other. It makes Laura happy to hear him so excited about something-to hear his voice in general, really. It’s not long before a phone chat with him is something that refreshes her rather than something she stumbles through for the sake of it.
daisy chain
Over the next three weeks, Laura watches Kevin carefully. They don’t go back to their old habits, per se, since they only see each other twice a week at most and hardly ever visit each other at home, but combined with frequent phone chats, that’s more close contact than they’ve had in several years. While it makes her happy-she’s missed him more than she’ll admit aloud-it also makes her feel a little uncertain.
One evening, Kevin calls and asks for a favor. “I had to take my car to the shop and it won’t be done for work tomorrow. Would it be awful of me to beg your excellent transportation services for a day?”
The instinct to jump at the opportunity to help him is smaller than it used to be, but still there, firmly rooted in her gut. For a split second, she wonders why that makes her feel so guilty, but he’s still on the other end of the line waiting for his answer. She clears her throat. “Sure, it’s not a problem.”
She takes him out to Brentwood early the next morning, puts in a few hours at the studio, and arrives back about ten minutes before basketball practice ends. She sits in her car for a moment before curiosity gets the better of her-she’s wondered what kind of teacher he would be ever since he told her he was going to graduate school-and she gets out, heading toward the courts.
“Is Mr. MacLeod still here?” she asks a student, when she doesn’t immediately see him.
The boy, looking very intrigued, points her toward the locker rooms. “He went that way with one of the guys a minute ago.”
Laura thanks him and turns toward the building. She doesn’t dare go into the boys’ locker room, but perhaps his office is nearby, and that’s where he is. She peers through the open double doors, but immediately retreats behind one of them when she sees that Kevin is not, in fact, in his office, but standing just inside the entry, talking very quietly and intently to one of his students. Another peek shows her that the boy’s eyes are red and he looks ashamed of himself. He can’t meet Kevin’s eyes, but Kevin doesn’t look away from him, and what she can see of his expression is very concerned, even empathetic. She doesn’t want to interrupt the moment, so she tiptoes away and sits quietly on a bench to wait.
The other boys continue their drills until Kevin reappears, smiling as if he hadn’t just been having a serious conversation. “All right, we’re done for today! Good work, I’ll see you all tomorrow.” His students holler back similar sentiments as they stampede toward the locker room, and Kevin turns to Laura. “Hey, have you been waiting long?”
“Not too long,” she says, attempting nonchalance. “Where’ve you been? I was hoping to catch you in action.”
He rubs the back of his neck, sobering a little. “Just chatting with one of the kids. He’s had a pretty rough week and couldn’t focus.”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“I think so. Some people just have off days. At least, I hope that’s all it is.” He flashes her a rueful smile. “Sorry to deprive you, though.”
“Oh, no, you were doing your job. I’d never want to get in the way of that. I’ll just come to your first game.”
“Well, basketball season doesn’t really start for a while longer, but I’ll be glad to have you when it does roll around.” He grins impishly. “You could be my good luck charm.”
“You mean I’m not always?” she asks lightly, and he laughs.
On the way to the garage, he talks her ear off about his new students, the lessons they’re working on, and the little ways they make his hard work worthwhile. It’s only after she drops him off that she has the opportunity to reflect on what she saw. She worries about the boy-something about him reminds her of Chase on his bad days-but the more she thinks about it, the longer she lingers on Kevin.
She’s been slowly putting together a new picture of him based on the different aspects of his personality that she’s seen. When they’re hanging out with her friends, who are quickly becoming his friends too, he brings a lot of confidence and energy to the group. He always asks for her thoughts on the sermons they hear on Sundays, and expresses his own freely. He never simply absorbs what he hears-not that he ever did to begin with, but there’s a new thoughtfulness to it. When they’re alone, he’ll talk about anything and everything with a freeness he never showed when they were in college. Now she can see, too, that he has a real heart for his work.
She thinks abruptly that none of this is an affectation. It all comes so easily to him. He’s not just trying to be a better person for her sake or anyone else’s-he really is the man he should have been all along.
bleeding heart
“I’m sorry. I really do honestly care about you, but…”
Alice’s face is very, very pale, but she meets his eyes bravely. “But you’re not in love with me.”
Kevin’s a bit relieved that she said it so he wouldn’t have to. He wasn’t quite sure how, anyway, but that’s exactly it. “No,” he agrees. “And it wouldn’t be fair to you if I let you think I was.”
She nods. She gets it. Still, he almost wishes he could because he knows this little speech is breaking her heart, kind as he’s trying to be. He wonders, momentarily, if this is how Laura felt when she rejected him.
Laura, of course, is the reason he can’t love Alice. She’s also the reason he didn’t love Rebecca. They are both wonderful women he is glad he had the chance to know, but he could never stop comparing them to Laura and wondering what was missing with them that wasn’t with her. With Rebecca, he let it go on too long. He won’t do that again. “You deserve the best, Alice,” he says aloud. “I do hope you find someone who can give that to you.”
She only nods and hurries inside her apartment.
Kevin stares after her for a moment, but there is nothing more he can say that won’t make it worse, so he turns and heads for home.
she loves me, she loves me not
It’s a Saturday night. They’ve just had dinner, and now they’re walking, arm-in-arm, back to her apartment. Technically, it wasn’t a date, but it feels like one to Kevin. He wonders if Laura was thinking that, too. She hasn’t said anything about it, though, and he doesn’t really feel right trying to bring that up after the fact. It’s been a good night, he thinks, don’t ruin it now.
Similar thoughts have crowded his head for weeks now. Being near Laura again is so much better than he ever dared hope; it’s like they were never separated at all. He doesn’t have to try too hard to feel at home with her. He’s grateful every day that he applied for the Brentwood job, that that opportunity was available for him, and she’s not the only reason, but she is one of the big ones.
He wants her to know that, but he doesn’t know how to say it. Sometimes, when he’s been thinking about it particularly hard, he’s not sure he should. Things are really, honestly good between them for the first time in several years, and he wants it to stay that way. There are times when she looks at him a certain way or says something he thinks might have an underlying significance, making him think maybe they could still have more than this. But having been burned once, fear often gets the better of him.
He turns to her, and she looks up at him. Her lips ease into a soft smile, they way they usually do when the two of them make eye contact. “What are you thinking about right now?” she asks.
“How glad I am that I moved here,” he says honestly. She grins, and it warms him straight through. “What about you?”
“I was wondering what you want for your birthday,” she says.
He wasn’t expecting her to say that, and he blinks in surprise. “What’s the day today?”
“The twenty-third.”
“Wow, that is coming up.” He runs his free hand through his hair thoughtfully. He’ll be twenty-seven in six days. That means it’s been eight years since that time she cut herself and he had to take her to the ER. The memory makes him smile, but at the same time, he feels a little ill. He can’t really believe it’s been so long. “God, I’m old.”
Laura exhales an incredulous laugh and pokes him in the side. “Watch it, mister. If you’re old, I’m old too, and I don’t think you want to go down that road.”
Grinning, he draws her into a hug and presses his cheek to the top of her head. “Aww, Laura, you’re ageless. I could swear you’re still nineteen if I didn’t know any better.”
“That wasn’t even subtle,” she says, “but I appreciate it.” She’s leaning against him, hands resting gently on his arm as he holds her, and doesn’t feel tense at all. It’s nice. He doesn’t want to let go. “Anyway, you didn’t answer the question.”
“I mean it,” he protests, but he’s already thinking about it. Birthdays have been odd for him in the way of gifts ever since his family moved to Madison. He tries to ask for things he needs every year, and his mind automatically shifts toward the list he’s been considering since he moved into the new apartment. The trouble is, most of them are either too expensive to convey to Laura, things he knows family members are sending him already, or both.
A thought occurs to him. He hesitates for a moment, then slowly lets go of her and reaches for her hand, because if he’s going to say this, he needs her to be looking at him. She turns toward him, looking puzzled. “Kevin?”
“What I really want is for you to go on a date with me,” he says, before he can talk himself out of it.
Laura looks surprised, but not displeased. Still, the few seconds he waits for her answer are some of the most agonizing of his whole life. His cards are all on the table now, and he can’t take it back. A moment later, he doesn’t want to.
“I can do that,” she says, with a delighted smile.
rose petals
It’s odd to be back in California, and odder still to be standing in the vestibule of Carrie’s church, waiting to proceed in. She smiles around at the rest of the bridal party. She and Nate are second in the line-up, after a couple college friends of Dean’s and Carrie’s that she only met yesterday, but likes very much.
Suddenly, the processional music begins, and fifteen beats later, she and Nate walk through the doors and into the church. She looks around at the cluster of guests near the front of the room and smiles, seeing so many familiar faces. It’s been years since she’s seen most of the people she recognizes. One man in particular draws her eye and holds it.
Laura doesn’t know why she’s surprised to see Kevin. He works and teaches in Santa Monica, which is half an hour away at worst, and it has to be winter break for his school by now. Of course he would be there. All the same, it’s a bit of a shock to see him, sitting a couple rows back, dressed in his best suit and smiling like everything’s right in his world. It’s a shock, but it’s wonderful, and for a moment she forgets that this is a wedding and that she’s supposed to be taking her place on the bride’s half of the steps. She tears her gaze away and smiles ruefully at Nate before moving that way. Hopefully, she hasn’t stepped on his foot or anything.
During the ceremony, she watches Carrie and Dean, who are so radiant they’re probably going to explode. But her eyes stray every so often to Kevin. Once, their eyes meet, and she knows he’s been looking at her, too.
She doesn’t feel embarrassed about it, though. She’s mostly been worried that he won’t want to see her while she’s in town, and now it looks like the opposite is true.
Maybe everything really is okay between them. She hopes so.
baby's breath
A common question Laura ends up fielding from her loved ones once she tells them is “When did this happen?”
She can’t really fault them for that. She told no one, not even Chase, about the first time Kevin kissed her, so of course it’s a surprise to her family and friends. All of them know that she and Kevin have been friends for more than a decade and thought that if something was going to happen between them, it would have happened much sooner than this.
She doesn’t have a clear answer for them either, though. The one she gives is that their first real date was on his birthday, but she can’t pinpoint a specific moment during that date or at any time before when something changed. They were friends, and then they were more than that. She’s certain that the friendship stage of their relationship ended long before she even moved to Nashville to begin with, and that Kevin’s asking her out only made it official.
It wasn’t a particularly flashy date. They ate at one of his favorite restaurants, where she practically had to beat him into letting her pay. “Next time, the bill’s all yours if you really want it, but not on your birthday,” she insisted, and somehow, that statement was the one that made him agree and thank her instead of protesting further.
Afterward, they walked back to his place. She let him take her hand; it felt right that he should. “You know,” he said, when they were about a block away, “I never did finish watching Firefly.”
“You really didn’t?”
“No, I couldn’t-it felt wrong to try, without you.”
She could never watch it without thinking of him, either, so it made sense to her. “Well, I’m here now. Let’s start over. It’s been eight years, so you’ve probably forgotten a lot of it.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said.
Laura can’t really explain it to anyone else, and she doesn’t try very hard. All she knows is that that one night suddenly made a future with Kevin possible. It’s a night she remembers as the years go by and they build a life and a family together. Many more wonderful moments come, but they never eclipse that first one in her mind. At the very end, it’s the memory that gives her the most comfort.
Because as they sat close together on his couch, his arm around her shoulders and her hand on his knee, Laura thought for the first time that she loved him. Even more importantly, she knew without a doubt that it was right and good that she should do so.