FOTD, Cola 21: Testing

[bookblather]

Title: Testing
Main Story: In the Heart
Flavors, Toppings, Extras: FOTD (overslaugh: to pass over or disregard (a person) by giving a promotion, position, etc., to another instead.), cola 21 (kid tested, mother approved), My Treat (Gail allows Summer something unconventional because Summer is unconventional), malt (Summer challenge 123: you get my

Comments

[bookblather]

The dialogue-heavy thing is something that I tend to do, and yes, the POV switch was intentional. Thank you very much for your concrit, though, and for your compliments as well!

[sarcasticsra]

Hahaha, I'm with Summer. Definitely keep Jake for always, Gail. =P

This is awesome. I love how cute their first interaction was. Great work!

[bookblather]

Well, she does her best. Thank you!

[gandolforf]

Very nice! I loved how this worked with the prompt and how Summer was there AN HOUR before he knew she was. I'm guessing she's about six?

[bookblather]

Seven, and very, very quiet. This child is a ninja, I swear.

Thank you!

[hi_falootin]

I liked it! A very cute (and apt) first meeting for these two. And the last bit was certainly aww-worthy.

The only thing that seemed a little off to me was the repetition of good kid/cute kid in the middle section. The dialogue didn't seem to flow as well in that part, tho I'm not sure why. Maybe because it doesn't contain much new information? IDK. The rest of the dialogue was good tho!

[bookblather]

On rereading, the repetition does bug me too, so that must have been part of it. IDK. Thank you, though! For the concrit and the compliments.

[bookblather]

She's just such a sweet kid. Thank you!