Milk Chocolate, Marshmellow & Coconutty Goodness!
Story: Jinxed! (?)
Piece: And I think to myself...what a wonderful world
By Jillian Stephens
Prompts: Milk Chocolate #19 Detachment/Marshmellow #7 Bellyache/Coconut #6 Just Shoot Me
Rating: PG-13 (Lots of F-Bombs ---sorry! It's all Jennifer's fault :-)
Word Count: 1,148 words
Summary: Jessica and Jennifer have a conversation
Notes: Story summary/ Main Characters/ Index/ Prompt lists
"I really fucking hate that place," my sister, Jen said with a sigh. I could sense her mood was down -- way down.
"Well, try looking around for another job." My sister had been working as an office clerk in a newspaper office.
"I've been trying," she whined as she took a drag off her cigarette, blowing the smoke out in a smooth stream into my usually smokeless kitchen. I am a former smoker-- thank you very much ...let me take a bow! Still, I found myself staring at the pack on the table with a sense of longing and inhaling the smoke with her...I wanted to hate it -- really -- I did.
"I know,"I said, feeling truly sorry. I could feel how down my little sister was and that always made me feel down too. "There's not a lot of jobs out there now."
"At least you make decent money where you are."
"Sure. I'm OK, not that well-off. Jenny, you're not in trouble financially are you?"
Rolling her green eyes, she looked at me with a scowl. "I'm always in trouble financially," she said.
"Tighten your budget," I said with a shrug.
"I'm not exactly out partying every night, Jess."
"I'm not saying that, but...cut some things out that maybe you don't need."
"Like smoking, right? "Cause you're a nonsmoker now."
"They are very expensive."
"It's one of the few things I enjoy."
"I know, Jen, and I'd love to be able to light one of those up right now and puff away but you have to think of your health not only your finances."
"We're all gonna die sometime anyway."
Talking to my sister -- an endless circling debate as usual.
"How is it that you can be so negative all the time?"
"How is it that you can dippy-fucking-positive all the time?"
I could feel she was getting annoyed with me -- a fiery crackling on the air is the only way I can describe it. I really didn't want to argue with Jennifer. Dippy-fucking positive? That's our Jenny -- every creative.
"I don't see the point in being so gloom-and-doom constantly, Jen."
"You have a nicer place than me and a better job so you can be more positive."
"A nicer apartment and a better job -- is that all that would make you happy?"
"It would be fucking nice."
"Don't you like Keith's place?"
"It's his -- not mine."
"I know but it's a cute little place." Despite all of the black furniture and the skulls on the endtables.
"He has a career too -- not a job. If Mom and Dad weren't so goddamned dippy also maybe we would've had more money to get a decent education."
"Don't blame Mom and Dad. You could never figure out what you wanted to do."
"Fine, I'm a mess."
"You're not a mess, you're just unsure of yourself."
"Whatever. I'm sorry I fucking brought it up." I could never get quite used to Jen's language. I could never drop the F-bomb that often! Honestly, I can't remember the last time I hurled one.
"Jess -- if you have all the answers -- what should be making me happy? Tell me," she said as she sat up straighter in her chair.
"You have a great guy."
"Lame!" she said, as she took a drag off her cigarette.
"What do mean by that?" My even temper was begin to crumble now.
"What is your fucking obsession with having a boyfriend? Can't you just live here alone and like it? Fuck, I'd love having a place like this to myself. Of course, the decor would be drastically different," she said, eyeing my cute little lemon yellow kitchen. I didn't paint it, actually, but I bought lots of little plastic lemons and sunflower decorations to match. As much as I love Mother Nature, I have a thing for plastic fruit and flowers and assorted vegetation.
"Honestly, no, I don't. I'd like to share my life with someone. Besides, if you really don't want a boyfriend why do you have one?"
"Don't know sometimes."
My sister had a tendency to move from man to man. She once said it was because it got her out of the house, so she wouldn't have to live with Mom and Dad. I know my sister sounds cold -- but she really isn't. I know she isn't. She walks through the world with a facade of detachment that aggravates most people, but it just makes me sad. Sometimes I wonder if I did anything to Jen to make her heart so closed.
"You're not breaking up with Keith, are you?"
"Sometimes I just want to walk the fuck out but then I'd have to go back home."
"Why? What is it?"
"A lot of things."
She was a lot like our mother, who was very serious and critical. I, on the other hand, am more like my Dad -- a dreamer and a lively one at that.
"You should love life -- just look around you out there -- it's happening and you don't need money to appreciate it. It's in the air. In the birds and trees. I think it's just a wonder to watch the seasons change."
Jen looked at me for a beat. "Are you on any type of prescription medication?"
"No, Jen, I'm not on any drugs. I don't need drugs."
"I could use some drugs."
"You haven't been using again, have you?" I asked, feeling tension at the thought that Jen was still engaging that particular vice.
"Here and there. You're not going into a whole spiel about Mother Nature, are you? Are you on a Wicca-kick again?"
"No, I'm not, but if I were -- there's nothing wrong with it. We are both, by nature, witches, aren't we?"
"I prefer psychically sensitive and it doesn't mean we have to practice all that pagan mumbo-jumbo."
Yes, my sister was never a spiritual person. She even went through a "Satanist" phase that frightened the Dickens out of me.
"Whatever you believe, Jen."
"I don't need to subscribe to anyone else's issues or thoughts or ideas."
"You do need to open yourself up to the word around you."
"Ugh! Do we have to go here now?"
"It would help you, Jen. Try taking a stroll through the park on a nice spring evening. Absorb the world around you -- not the craziness but the simplicity," I said, unable to help from smiling as I finished, prepared for a potential verbal assault. Steeling myself for it actually. "I know I sound high but I don't care."
"The air's polluted and fowl, Jess."
"Unfortunately, but life is still happening in spite of all the damage we human creatures have done."
Jen looked at me for a second and the corners of her mouth twitched into a reluctant smile.