Butter Pecan 2, Peppermint 17: Stupid People
Title: Stupid People
Main Story: In the Heart
Flavors, Toppings, Extras: Butter pecan 2 (sharp), peppermint 17 (wall), My Treat (Aaron having to deal with a jerk about his sexuality), whipped cream (Ivy is seventeen), malt (Summer Challenge 40: "Everyone learns faster on fire.").
Word Count: 500
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: "Aaron, what did I tell you about trying to explain things to stupid people?"
Notes: Let's play spot the Tom Swiftie! Also, I basically used this as an excuse for some Aaron-Ivy goodness.
"I hate everyone," Aaron said, and very nearly slammed the door.
Ivy, sitting at the kitchen table doing her homework the way she had every school night for the past twelve years, actually looked up at that. "You? You hate people? That's a good one."
"Seriously," he said, and dropped his bag on the table with a rattling thud. Without looking, Ivy reached out and steadied her glass of chocolate milk so it didn't fall over and ruin her calculus textbook. "I hate people. I hate everyone. It is like beating my head against a wall."
"Oh," Ivy said, in tones of enlightenment. "Were you trying to explain things to the stupid people again? What have I told you about that?"
Aaron sighed, pulled out the chair across from her, and sat down. "That it leads only to headaches, sorrow, and rage."
Ivy nodded. "That's right. And you are feeling...?"
He thought about it. "Just rage," he said, at last. "And a little bit of a headache, but that's probably from grinding my teeth. Or the aforementioned wall."
"If we could only figure out how to harden stupid into bricks, any building constructed of it would stand for eons," Ivy said. "What building have you been trying to batter down today?"
"Well, let's see if you can guess. 'Have you seen a doctor?'" Aaron mimicked, in his highest falsetto. "'Are you sure you weren't molested as a child? How do you know you won't like it until you've tried it?'"
"Wow," Ivy said, and bent her head to her calculus homework again. "That's some quality stupid right there. So you came out to someone you shouldn't have?"
He shook his head. "Not exactly. I made the mistake of wearing my AVEN t-shirt to a game at school, and bam, the idiots came out of the woodwork."
"Yes, well, college football games are not exactly a hotbed of liberal understanding," she said, but her tone was sympathetic.
"This was worse," Aaron said, and rubbed his forehead. "Jesus. I was this close to punching someone."
Ivy looked up at that, and for a moment regarded him with a worringly thoughtful expression. "Exactly how pissed off about this are you?"
"I am strongly considering homicide."
"Uh-huh." She considered that. "Well, okay. May I recommend a flamethrower? Cleans up all those nasty bodily fluids a treat and has the side benefit of making 'scorched earth' literal."
Aaron, somewhat reluctantly, shook his head. "No, that would probably not help. I want them to learn, not to die."
"Everyone learns faster on fire!" Ivy said, brightly.
He rolled his eyes, but leaned over the table to hug her shoulders. "Thanks, Ivy. For being you."
"You're welcome," she said. "Are you going to set them on fire, then?"
"No," he said. "Tempting, but no."
Ivy tilted her head and got that look on her face that heralded her most outrageous statements. "Rotisserie, then? I know a place we could get a really big spit."
Aaron only sighed.
Main Story: In the Heart
Flavors, Toppings, Extras: Butter pecan 2 (sharp), peppermint 17 (wall), My Treat (Aaron having to deal with a jerk about his sexuality), whipped cream (Ivy is seventeen), malt (Summer Challenge 40: "Everyone learns faster on fire.").
Word Count: 500
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: "Aaron, what did I tell you about trying to explain things to stupid people?"
Notes: Let's play spot the Tom Swiftie! Also, I basically used this as an excuse for some Aaron-Ivy goodness.
"I hate everyone," Aaron said, and very nearly slammed the door.
Ivy, sitting at the kitchen table doing her homework the way she had every school night for the past twelve years, actually looked up at that. "You? You hate people? That's a good one."
"Seriously," he said, and dropped his bag on the table with a rattling thud. Without looking, Ivy reached out and steadied her glass of chocolate milk so it didn't fall over and ruin her calculus textbook. "I hate people. I hate everyone. It is like beating my head against a wall."
"Oh," Ivy said, in tones of enlightenment. "Were you trying to explain things to the stupid people again? What have I told you about that?"
Aaron sighed, pulled out the chair across from her, and sat down. "That it leads only to headaches, sorrow, and rage."
Ivy nodded. "That's right. And you are feeling...?"
He thought about it. "Just rage," he said, at last. "And a little bit of a headache, but that's probably from grinding my teeth. Or the aforementioned wall."
"If we could only figure out how to harden stupid into bricks, any building constructed of it would stand for eons," Ivy said. "What building have you been trying to batter down today?"
"Well, let's see if you can guess. 'Have you seen a doctor?'" Aaron mimicked, in his highest falsetto. "'Are you sure you weren't molested as a child? How do you know you won't like it until you've tried it?'"
"Wow," Ivy said, and bent her head to her calculus homework again. "That's some quality stupid right there. So you came out to someone you shouldn't have?"
He shook his head. "Not exactly. I made the mistake of wearing my AVEN t-shirt to a game at school, and bam, the idiots came out of the woodwork."
"Yes, well, college football games are not exactly a hotbed of liberal understanding," she said, but her tone was sympathetic.
"This was worse," Aaron said, and rubbed his forehead. "Jesus. I was this close to punching someone."
Ivy looked up at that, and for a moment regarded him with a worringly thoughtful expression. "Exactly how pissed off about this are you?"
"I am strongly considering homicide."
"Uh-huh." She considered that. "Well, okay. May I recommend a flamethrower? Cleans up all those nasty bodily fluids a treat and has the side benefit of making 'scorched earth' literal."
Aaron, somewhat reluctantly, shook his head. "No, that would probably not help. I want them to learn, not to die."
"Everyone learns faster on fire!" Ivy said, brightly.
He rolled his eyes, but leaned over the table to hug her shoulders. "Thanks, Ivy. For being you."
"You're welcome," she said. "Are you going to set them on fire, then?"
"No," he said. "Tempting, but no."
Ivy tilted her head and got that look on her face that heralded her most outrageous statements. "Rotisserie, then? I know a place we could get a really big spit."
Aaron only sighed.