Licorice 25
Author: sunsetsinthewes
Challenge: Licorice 25. All around the mulberry bush
Extra: Brownie, whipped cream
Word Count: 7,486
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17 for one section)
Story: Polyfaceted; the title of this story is Experience.
Summary: Sixteen various ficlets, each corresponding to a song, each with a different set of characters.
Notes: This fic contains one section with triggers for child abuse, one section with triggers for sexual violence, and one section that is NSFW. Each problematic section will be clearly labeled beforehand and easy to scroll past. A lot of these fics are related to previously written fics. In those cases, there is a handy link below each fic's corresponding date. If you have any questions (it can get a little confusing), please let me know and I'll be happy to answer anything!
***
You think I only think about you
When were both in the same room
You think I’m only here to witness
The remains of love exhumed
You think were here to play
A game of who loves more than whom
-- “Call and Answer” by Barenaked Ladies
August 1983
“I know what you think of me,” Augusto tells her through the darkness, aware of her huddled form curled away from him. “I know you think that I can’t possibly mean everything I say. But I do, Arianna. I hate that I’m not around all the time. I hate that I disappoint you and hurt you so much. If I was a selfless man, I’d leave you alone and let you have your life back. But I can’t. I can’t even bear the thought of letting you go. You probably think that I forget all about you unless we’re in the same room, but that’s not true. I think about you every hour of every day. I love you, Arianna. I’ll always love you.”
Silently, Arianna rolls over to press her wet cheek against his shoulder and wrap an all-too thin arm around him.
The room echoes with the persistent ticking of the clock.
***
Surprise, cause I was flying the plane.
Surprise, cause now I’m smiling again.
Surprise, cause you showed up with your parachute.
Surprise, I’m kind of happy you showed up.
Truthfully I
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully you
You helped me find at last.
Truthfully we
Are finding out what’s true.
And truthfully I am finding out what’s you
-- “Truthfully” by Lisa Loeb
October 2023
For the first year or two, Romeo devotes himself to Izzie and Matteo. The more he concentrates on them, the easier it is to forget his heartache and loneliness. The kids aren’t exactly an excuse, but they do provide a convenient reason to cancel all those blind dates set up by well meaning coworkers and friends.
Even his sister begins to pester him about dating. Of course, in her case ‘dating’ means ‘go get laid, you uptight, sexless loser’, but it’s basically the same idea. Nicoletta proves harder to shake off than a mere coworker and she refuses to buy into his usual explanations about focusing on the children. They argue about it for months, until something at work demands Nic’s complete attention and he’s granted a reprieve.
He’s happy being single. Romeo likes being able to be there for Izzie and Matteo with his entire being. And while the bed may grow achingly empty at night, he likes knowing that he can’t be put through the same hellish nightmare of losing the woman he loves.
Then comes the annual class field trip to the Museum of Natural History and his chance encounter with a new curator by the name of Abigail Brachman. As he experiences that long-forgotten feeling of flutters in his stomach while his heart jerks against his ribcage, Romeo wonders if he hasn’t been missing out all along.
***
NSFW
Pink it´s my new obsession
Pink it´s not even a question
Pink on the lips of your lover, ´cause
Pink is the love you discover
Pink as the bing on your cherry
Pink ‘cause you are so very
Pink it´s the color of passion
‘Cause today it just goes with the fashion
-- “Pink” by Aerosmith
May 1965
Augusto is fourteen the first time he takes a woman to bed. She’s a local girl from the village, a year or two older than him and not all that bright. But she’s willing to let Augusto and Sal take turns with her so long as they’re gentle. All they have to do in return is let her brag that one of them is her boyfriend when she’s with the other village kids.
She invites them over while her father’s away from shore and leads them to the shed behind the house. There’s a quick scuffle between Augusto and Sal while they try to decide who gets the first turn, until Augusto points out that he’s older. Leaving his brother outside to guard them, he follows her inside.
He doesn’t think this is her first time, but he’s not too sure and he wouldn’t care either way. There’s no foreplay, no kissing, and they barely touch beyond the necessary, yet none of that matters. All that matters is the incredible feeling of wet, hot velvet gripping at his cock in the most amazing way. He’s thought about this almost constantly for the past few years and not one of his wildest dreams match up to the reality.
It’s awkward and he fumbles more than a few times. It’s probably over way too fast, but the girl doesn’t say anything. After taking almost a full minute to recover from his most intense orgasm yet, Augusto makes himself presentable and leaves the small room to switch places with Sal.
It was fantastic, it was overwhelming, and it was blissful, despite his inexperience. He can’t imagine wasting time to do anything else for the rest of his life.
***
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again
Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent
-- “Bent” by Matchbox 20
October 1976
Related to Entrapment
At first, Martina is able to distract herself and keep her thoughts at bay by focusing on the boys. Torey’s stomach is upset once again and it takes most of the night for him to finally fall asleep. As if they’re changing shifts, Johnny wakes up almost immediately after and requires an extra half-hour of soothing before allowing her to return him to the crib. By the time she’s actually got a moment to breathe, Augusto’s been gone for nearly six hours.
Cheating, she tells herself. Adultery. After years of marriage, after giving him two wonderful sons, after everything they’ve been through together since Torey was first diagnosed... after everything, he could still manage to betray her.
A child. A child with that... that she-wolf. Not only did he betray her, but he didn’t even care enough to take precautions. Of course, if it weren’t for the child, he would never have confessed. Which led to the next thought-- were there other women before now? Women right beneath Martina’s nose, and she never knew?
Humiliated, devastated, and angry beyond words, Martina finally allows herself the gut-wrenching sobs she’s packed deep inside. That night, she doesn’t sleep.
Torey’s appointment is scheduled for first thing in the morning and she’s grateful to once again have something to do. In a daze, Martina calls for a car, bundles up both the boys, and directs the driver to Dr. Bill’s practice in Manhattan. There’s a sharp pain in her chest when she spots Augusto waiting outside the main doors, but she schools her features into a blank expression.
“Martina,” he breathes in obvious relief as she carries both boys into the building. He hesitates before relieving her of Johnny, muttering. “I thought you might not come.”
“I have a duty to make sure I do everything possible to help my son,” she replies, ice in her voice. “I don’t ignore my responsibilities when it suits me.”
Augusto winces. “Martina, please. You have to understand, I never meant for any of this to happened. I can’t begin to--”
“Then don’t,” she snaps, proud of her ability to keep her voice steady. “We’re here for the sake of Torey. Not for us.” Glancing out of the corner of her eyes as they enter the elevator, she adds, “It’s going to be a very long time before things between us can begin to be fixed.”
“I know.” Augusto is solemn, crestfallen, his entire body language screaming ‘remorse’. “I know. But they will be fixed?”
“Perhaps,” Martina mutters. “I just don’t know yet.”
***
All your life all you've asked when's your Daddy gonna talk to you
You were living in another world tryin' to get your message through.
No one heard a single word you said.
They should have seen it in your eyes
What was going around your head.
-- “Runaway” by Bon Jovi
September 2008
Related to For Sale or Rent
The apartment is a shithole, if Stefano’s honest with himself. Sure, when he calls his mother to let her know he’s arrived, he paints her a picture of a beautiful, airy, stable home, some place sure to be safe enough for her baby boy. But it in reality, he’s living in the claustrophobic, stuffy, renovated room in some guy’s attic. He doesn’t even have his own bathroom.
It doesn’t matter, though. Stefano could be living in a box on the side of the freeway and he’d be happy. He’s free, finally free, and in control for the first time in his life. The dark cloud that’s been hanging over him for the past seven years has finally lifted. He can deal with sharing a bathroom located two floors below him.
Stefano spends that first afternoon unpacking the few personal belongings he’s brought along before taking a walk through the neighborhood in an effort to acquaint himself. He’s already got a job lined up, grunt work at a construction site, but that doesn’t start until Monday. Which leaves him two full days to do as he pleases. It’s impossible to believe he’s actually done it and he’s elated to remember this is his reality now.
That night, he goes to bed with a smile on his face. But as he lies there in the dark, unfamiliar sounds all around him, Stefano thinks about how his mother’s probably curling her hair for the night and his sister is probably listening to terrible music at an ear-piercing volume while she finishes her nightly routine. It’s strange to think about, but he has to admit that he’s a little homesick.
Two hours later, Stefano jerks awake from a nightmare in which his father was using him as bait for a pack of lions with eerily familiar white collars around their necks. As his heart rate begins to slow, he looks around his tiny, suffocating new home and realizes something horrifying.
He will never be free.
***
I don't need to try and explain I just
Hold on tight and if it happens again
I might move so slightly to the arms
The lips, the face and the human
Cannonball, I need to I want to
Come stand a little bit closer, breathe in and
Get a bit higher you'll never know what hit you
When I get to you
Ohh I want you I don't know if I need you but
Ohh I would die to find out
Ohh I want you I don't know if I need you but
Ohh I would die to find out
-- “Cherry Cola” by Savage Garden
May 2020
“Did I tell you that she writes poems?” Gino asks, sprawling across the couch. “Real poems and stuff. Like the kind of stuff they’d make us read in school. I don’t understand any of hers so they’re probably really good.”
“Yeah, you told me.” Vito emerges from the DVD cabinet with a small pile in his arms. “You wanna watch Die Hard first? Or Casino Royale?”
“Oh!” Gino quickly sits up, making room for his brother. “Did I tell you that she watches French movies?”
“She speaks French?”
Gino hesitates. “I don’t think so. I think she just uses subtitles.”
“Sounds boring,” Vito admits. “Who wants to read a bunch of words and shit when you’re watching a movie? They always move those things too fast, anyway.”
“Yeah, but I bet she can read really fast or something.” Gino glances through the pile, adding, “Let’s watch The Transporter first. Then Bond.”
Vito smirks, opening the case and slipping the disc into the player. “You just want to watch it so you can see Jason Statham shirtless.”
“Fuck you! I like the explosions and stuff. And the driving’s pretty bitchin’.”
“And Jason Statham is shirtless,” Vito adds, teasing. He joins his brother on the couch, jabbing at the remote as he points out, “You know, you’ve been talking about this girl all week. You’ve told me most of this stuff five times now.”
Gino flushes. “I have? Sorry. It’s just... fuck, Vito, she’s fucking incredible. Beautiful, too, like she’s not just a human.”
“Beautiful?” Vito cocks an eyebrow. “Not just hot or fuckable? She’s ‘beautiful’? Shit, man, you’ve got it bad for this Zara chick.”
“Maybe,” Gino agrees, sheepish. “I don’t know. She is really cool though.”
“Yeah, yeah. Now shut up or you’ll miss all the shirtless guy stuff.”
***
TRIGGERS FOR CHILD ABUSE
I look up to the little bird
That glides across the sky
He sings the clearest melody
It makes me want to cry
It makes me want to sit right down
And cry cry cry
I walk along the city streets
So dark with rage and fear
And I...
I wish that I could be that bird
And fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here
-- “Little Bird” by Annie Lennox
2008-2010
Related to Begin Again
Lena’s first memory is of Mama holding her in her arms, squeezing her so tightly that she’s crying in pain. Mama is curled around her and beyond that safe, tight cocoon, Dad is raging, kicking Mama’s back so hard that Lena can feel each blow through Mama’s chest.
It’s two days after Lena’s fifth birthday when Mama tells her to pack some clothes and only a few toys, that they’re going to visit Granny and Pop-pop for a little while. Lena’s so excited at the thought of seeing her grandparents that she doesn’t realize how strange it is to be leaving in the middle of the night. The television and a few lights are left on and they take a cab to the airport instead of Mama’s car. Mama gives the ticket lady names that aren’t theirs and when she asks why Mama’s being so strange, Mama says they’re playing a game. Lena doesn’t get what the game is, actually, but she likes seeing her Mama happy and so she plays along.
Lena and Mama never go back home. They find a small apartment by Granny and Pop-pop’s and spend a year and one month living as just the two of them. For the first time, there’s no one yelling or hitting and Lena doesn’t have to be afraid that she’s going to play too loud or get too dirty. Mama smiles a lot and even laughs sometimes, and Lena thinks that moving into the apartment is the best idea they ever had.
Then Dad comes. Lena’s not sure how he found them, since Mama told her he’d never figure out where they went. But Dad finds them and one night, she’s woken up by the sound of a huge crash in the living room. Lena crosses the small room they share in order to wake Mama, but Mama’s already wide awake. She holds a finger to her lips and whispers for Lena to hide under her bed until Mama tells her to come out. She’s just tucked her feet out of sight when three men burst into the room. She hears Dad, yelling loudest of all and saying terrible and bad things to Mama. When Mama lets out a shriek, Lena dares to peek out and watches as Dad drags Mama from the room by her hair.
The two strange men find Lena before too long. It’s impossible for a six-year-old girl to fight two large men, but she tries, going so far as to bite a chuck out of one’s earlobe when he tosses her over his shoulder.
They take her outside and into a car. Lena twists and leans out the window, screaming for Mama until she finally catches sight of her, crumbled at Dad’s feet. Then the car turns a corner and that’s the last time Lena ever sees Mama.
Dad joins them after a day or so, meeting them at the dirty motel where they’ve been staying. The week that follows is a whirlwind of airports and hotels, but Lena doesn’t remember much, thanks to the juice they give her that makes her so sleepy. They finally stop in England, where Dad tells her he has a new job and that Lena’s going to live with him for awhile. When she asks to call Mama, he tells her that Mama’s not home and won’t be for a long time.
Lena spends most of her time in hotel bathrooms. Dad never does get a real place to live and they just go from one hotel to another. Eventually the two men leave. Sometimes, when the maids come to clean, Lena gets a nice bath and she’s allowed to play with a barbie on the bed. When Dad comes home late and sleeps so deeply that he snores, Lena sneaks into the hallway and takes extra food from room service carts. Dad never seems to give her enough food.
She gets used to his temper with surprising quickness. Dad’s unpredictable, but if she stays out of his way, he mostly leaves her alone. When people from his work call his cell phone and yell a lot, he likes to find Lena and lie about some bad thing she’s supposedly done. One time, after Lena accidentally spills her water on the carpet, Dad shoves her into the bathroom so hard that she crashes into the bathtub. That time, she breaks a rib or two. Another time, after a particularly steady string of phone calls from work, Lena gets in Dad’s way and he hits her with the phone receiver hard enough that she breaks an arm. Dad hates when he has to call a doctor to fix her, so Lena usually tries to hide any bad injuries.
Then one day, sometime after Lena’s turned seven, though she can’t be sure, Dad doesn’t come home. Instead, a blonde woman with really tall shoes comes into their room and calls for her. Lena’s too afraid to answer, but the blonde woman finds her and introduces herself as Nicoletta.
For the third time in her life, Lena is kidnapped. It will be the last time.
***
Oh, the long nights in the small room
With the big dreams, oh Indiana
You're only dying here
And they don't understand
Yeah, it's a tough road but you start slow
And before you know it you're not alone
Looking for a place called home anywhere
Oh Indiana
-- “Indiana” by Melissa Etheridge
1986-2002
Melissa doesn’t remember much about her father, but she does remember the night that he left. It’s in the middle of summer and the three of them are huddled around the air conditioner. When someone knocks on the door, her mother assumes it’s a neighbor returning their casserole dish. Instead, two men in suits and a few men in police uniforms enter. Her mother talks with them while her father leaves through the back bedroom window. They catch him before he can leave the property. Melissa watches while the policemen shove her father into the back of a car and drive away.
He’s guilty of what they say he did, which is mostly just some fraud and embezzlement. Most of their money ends up being seized or stuck in frozen accounts, so Melissa and her mother move into a two room apartment in someone’s basement. The next two years are frantic while her mother struggles to make enough money to feed them. Some days, she has to struggle to just leave the bed. They visit Melissa’s father on most important holidays and anniversaries, but it isn’t very often.
When Melissa’s five, a man comes to their door and takes her mother into the kitchen to quietly talk. When her mother begins to wail, she races into the room to find her hunched over the table, sobs shaking her entire body. The man leaves and before long, they’re hurrying to the prison.
Melissa’s father was wounded in a yard riot, stabbed five times in the chest. He lives for six full days before passing away.
They return home, but nothing is the same after that. Her mother spends weeks in bed, unable to get up, and Melissa quickly learns how to take care of herself. Sometimes, her mother will suddenly jump out of bed and they will make grand plans or go on strange adventures to the beach in the middle of the night, but those times become few and far between. Soon, her mother stops rising all together.
They have a little money, thanks to “Uncle” Phillip, her father’s old business partner. Melissa teaches herself how to cook, do laundry, get herself to school, and make sure their money goes to the right places at the beginning of every month.
Melissa soon becomes the full-time caretaker of her invalid mother, making sure the woman eats and stays relatively clean and healthy. Sometimes she watches the other kids in her neighborhood, riding their bikes and playing tag, and she hates her mother for not allowing her to play like that.
By the time Melissa is thirteen, she’s become something of a confidant to her mother. She’s the child, but she’s forced to act like the parent while her weak, emotional mother uselessly rots in bed. She detests her mother, despises the sight of the woman, and begins to plan for her escape. She never attends a party while in high school, never has any friends or time to hang out with them if she did. Melissa is trapped in that tiny basement apartment with a woman she can’t stand, but one day, she’ll leave.
When she’s nineteen, she meets Augusto during one of her shifts. Immediately, she knows her years of pining and dreaming are coming to an end-- her life is about to finally begin.
***
Now I can't keep you, mama
But I know you're always there
You listen, you teach me, mama
And I know inside you care
So get down, down here beside me
Ooh, you ain't going nowhere
No, I won't hurt you, mama
But it's getting so hard, ooh
-- “Mama” by Genesis
July 2058
None of them expect anything like this.
Elisa and Zara are the ones to break the news. For a long time, Gino sits at the kitchen table in silence, frozen in place and oblivious to anything around him. Finally, he croaks out, “Vito?” and the sobs begin to tear through his body. They hold him for an hour or two before he’s able to swallow a sleeping pill, and then they take turns watching over him.
He cries for three days straight. At one point, when he’s so dehydrated that he’s unable to produce tears, Elisa calls Matt and they connect him to a fluid IV right then and there. They discuss it in depth before agreeing that he should attend the funeral, but the necessary tranquilizers leave him in such a daze that he’s not even aware of what’s happening.
He stops getting out of bed. He cries until his body undergoes complete collapse. He’s no longer lucid, locked in the misery of his own mind. For over a week, the only word to pass his lips is ‘Vito’.
Then one morning, Matt confronts Elisa and Zara and tells them in no uncertain terms that Gino is beyond their help. He’s a good doctor, but he’s not a psychiatrist and Gino is past regular psychiatric help. He suggests having the man committed, but Elisa’s protests are so vehement that he’s force to give up and leave.
Afterward, Elisa goes to check on her baby boy. She hasn’t slept much in weeks and most of her waking time is spent at his bedside. Privately, she curses herself for not expecting this, especially not after Johnny’s death. Maybe, she allows, if there’s no change... maybe then she’ll begin to consider that dreadful idea of sending him away.
She’s stunned when he reacts to her fingers combing through his hair. After a few struggling moments, Gino’s eyes open and make contact with her own. “Ma?”
Elisa’s so relieved that her heart threatens to burst from her chest. “Yeah, baby. I’m right here.”
“Ma?” Gino repeats. He starts crying once again, tears streaking his cheeks. “Is this real?”
She swallows hard. “Yes, sweetheart. This is real.”
“It hurts.” The pain in those two little words sears into her like a redhot poker. “It hurts so much. Make it stop.”
“I-” She would give anything in the world to do that for him. If she could, Elisa would gladly take every bit of his burden for herself.
“Why won’t I just die?” he whispers, overcome with sobs. “Please, why won’t I just die?”
She leaves the room after he finally loses consciousness, struggling to maintain control. When she tells the others of Gino’s first brief conversation in weeks, the decision is universal.
That night, they commit Gino for the first time.
***
Mojique smells the wind that, that comes from far away
Mojique waits for news in a quiet place
He feels the presence of the wind beside him
He feels the power of the past behind him
He has the knowledge of the wind to guide him on
The wind in my heart, the wind in my heart
The dust in my head, the dust in my head
The wind in my heart, the wind in my heart
Come to drive them away, drive them away
-- “Listening Wind” by Peter Gabriel
Midyear 2019
Related to Clucking
It’s no surprise to anyone when Arianna falls ill one month after Augusto’s death.
Romeo moves in for awhile to help care for her. Nicoletta is in Ireland indefinitely and Flavia is in the middle of her own grief, so it’s left to her poor, overtaxed baby boy. She hates to look at him these days, when all she sees of him is loss-- the loss of his wife and baby, the loss of his father, and the upcoming loss of her. She avoids looking at his haunted expression whenever she can.
For three weeks, she steadily worsens. There seems to be no medical cause to her afflictions and she knows there never will be-- it’s heartache, through and through. She’s bedridden on the two-month anniversary of Augusto’s death and for the next two weeks, a steady stream of visitors invade her bedroom. They’re mostly neighbors and members of the church, but Mrs. Corlioni makes a point of stopping by. She ends the conversation with a pointed goodbye and Arianna knows that Mrs. Corlioni understands.
In the very end, she lingers. Flavia stays with her around-the-clock, mindlessly chatting about this mutual friend or that old acquaintance.
“Flavia?” she finally manages, the night of the three-month anniversary since Augusto’s death.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry. I’m leaving you alone.” She begins to cry, lips trembling. “It’s awful of me to do.”
“It is,” Flavia agrees, solemn. “But I’ll be okay. I’m a tough old coot.”
Arianna cracks a shadow of a smile.
Leaning in, Flavia whispers, “Tell him I say hello, will you? I-I miss him.” She straightens, clearing her throat and furiously blinking. After a moment, she says, “I do have one last request of you. Do you feel up to singing?”
Surprisingly, Arianna does. Despite the years that have passed, despite the fact that her death will occur by the end of the week, her voice ring out with as much perfection as it ever has. Halfway through an old Italian song of mourning, she notices Romeo has entered the room, smiling though a few tears race down his cheeks. She holds the last note with a steady and round tone, and for a few seconds, she swears she sees Augusto standing in the hall, smiling as he looks on.
Arianna dies three days later.
***
See the dog and butterfly. Up in the
Air he like to fly." Dog and butterfly
Below she had to try. She roll back down
To the warm soft ground laughing
She don't know why, she don't know why
Dog and butterfly
-- “Dog and Butterfly” by Heart
Late 1982 - Early 1983
Teresa is two when she first begins to speak. There were doctors who claimed she would never speak and doctors who claimed she wouldn’t live past a few months, and Martina is so ecstatic to prove those doctors wrong that she can’t let anything get her down.
She’s still recovering from David’s birth, her baby boy never very far from her arms. It’s impossible to believe that this is it, that he’s the last child she’ll ever have, and because of this, she can’t bear to put him down. Augusto takes the time off from work to help around the house and take care of the other kids. She’s glad for the help, of course, but she’s even more pleased that he’s being kept busy-- they have yet to discuss the proposal she made only hours after David was born, the blanket permission to be with other women, and since then most of their time alone has been filled with awkward silences.
But it’s all worth it when Teresa comes toddling into the room, climbs onto the bed, and proudly points at David to announce, “Baby”. Eventually, Martina imagines she will cease to tear up at the sound.
After awhile, when Teresa fails to expand past ‘baby’, Martina begins to lose hope. She’s slowly returning to her normal life, but her recuperation is taking longer than she ever expected. Augusto goes back to work and after a long, in-depth conversation in which they discuss every possible thing that could need discussion, they’ve come to an arrangement. Torey’s decline in health brings about the very real fear that he may be relapsing. David develops colic so terrible that he’s unable to sleep more than an hour or two at a time.
Six months after Teresa’s first word, Martina has given up on hearing anything beyond that one beautiful ‘baby’. She can live with just that wonderful gift, until Augusto returns home one night and tells her that he’s met a new woman. They discuss this young lounge singer while Martina’s heart cracks. Shortly after that, it becomes obvious to them all that Torey’s relapse is far worse than anything they’ve seen before, and they’re quickly running out of options.
She’s at the end of her rope, unable to handle everything when it’s coming from all sides, when Johnny carries Teresa into the living room and plops her down in front of Martina.
“Oh, Johnny, not right now, please. Go play with Teresa in the playroom, Mama needs some quiet time now.” She needs to gain control of herself before she loses it completely.
“Okay. But I wanna show you somethin’.” Johnny leans over Teresa, whispering into her ear before pulling away to watch her expectantly. After a moment, he pokes her, hissing, “Do it. C’mon, ‘resa, I know ya can. Do it!”
“Johnny, please, maybe later we’ll--”
“Ma-ma!” Teresa cries out, beaming. “Ma...ma?”
“That’s right!” Johnny picks her up and hugs her. “We’ve been workin’ on that one for months, right ‘resa? But ya did it, just like ya were suppose’ta.”
“Ma-ma!”
The sudden rush of overwhelming happiness, pride, and bliss leave Martina on the brink of wonderful, wonderful tears.
***
TRIGGERS FOR SEXUAL VIOLENCE
We're running with the shadows of the night
So baby take my hand, you'll be all right
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
They'll come true in the end
-- “Shadows of the Night” by Pat Benatar
August 2035
Related to Secrets
The woman’s hot. Incredibly hot, in a way that can only be natural. To Jefferson’s surprise, she seems taken with him and allows him to buy her a few drinks. He watches her throat work as she knocks them back and while she’s definitely older than what he usually likes, he thinks he could enjoy himself.
They start chatting and the woman introduces herself as Karen. She’s practically wanton, shamelessly flirting with him while they discuss work and the latest new albums. She’s a little too forward for him-- he prefers the virginal girls and finds that coaxing them out of their shells and watching them blossom is far better than any other act. As a test, he slips a hand onto her upper thigh and she merely smiles.
“Want to get out of here?” she purrs, a suggestive smile playing about her lips.
Jefferson hesitates. She’s fucking hot and interesting, that’s for sure. But she’s so unlike what he normally prefers to play with. “I’m not sure...”
“Oh, c’mon. You look too uptight to turn down a night of fun. I promise, you won’t regret it.” Karen leans in, whispering, “No one else can give you what I can.”
Oh, what the hell. Might as well try everything once, right? “You convinced me. My place our yours?”
“Yours. Definitely yours.”
He’s parked two streets over and around the corner, in a residential area that’s mostly deserted at this time of night. Fingering the nylons in his pocket, he imagines the look of surprise that will be on her face when he wraps them around her pretty little neck and pulls. He’s so eager and giddy that he can hardly stand it, and it’s torture to wait until they turn the last corner. Once they do, he slowly counts to ten and spins to face Karen, nylons poised and ready.
They’re sliced in two before he even sees the knife. Eyes wide in disbelief, he glances at Karen and a chill runs through him at the change in her expression. The last thing he sees before the blade of her knife punctures his chest is the utterly void and empty look in her eyes as she passively watches him fall to the ground.
***
Tell her to reap it
With a sickle of leather
(War bellows blazing
In scarlet battallions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
(And to fight for a cause
They've long ago forgotten)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
-- “Scarborough Fair” by Simon and Garfunkel
Late 2040
Related to Retribution
“Has anyone ever told you that you have a real flair for military strategy?” Torey asks, as they pour over the plans spread out before them.
“No.” Nic cocks her head in thought. “They should have, though. I’d be one motherfucking awesome general.”
Leo enters the room, raising an eyebrow at the mess. “I’ve taken care of Johnnie J’s medical records. According to the hospital, he no longer has an allergy to morphine.”
Torey smirks. “Good. Coma or no, I want that fucker dead. God knows how he escaped.”
“Daria had an idea,” Leo adds. “So thanks to some tinkering and a few very skilled computer nerds, the Genovese nephew we took hostage last week will soon be on his way to rot in a subpar asylum off the coast of Spain. If anyone ever figures out who he really is, it’ll be years from now. Nice job on his voice box, by the way.”
Nicoletta stares. “Did you just compliment me?” Leo shrugs and leaves the room without another word.
“I like him better when he’s a pissy bitch and working on contracts,” Torey mutters. “Fucking scary like this.”
Gino and Vito enter the room, sinking into chairs with twin sighs of exhaustion. “We got the shit you asked for. The Colombian tried to stiff us until Vito swiped his gun and held it to his head. So he threw in a rocket launcher, not like I can fucking figure out what we’ll do with it.”
“Rocket launcher?” Nicoletta repeats, eyes lighting up like it’s Christmas morning. “I call dibs.”
Torey decides to let that slide. “David’s found the hitman. He took the guy up toward the border and said not to expect him for a few days, so I think that’ll be taken care of. Way he’s been acting lately, we couldn’t find anyone better than David for the job.”
“The others are in place,” Nicoletta informs the boys. “We strike with the second wave tonight.” Vito immediately straightens, poised on the edge of his seat and ready for action. Gino, on the other hand, simply sighs and drops his head into his palm. “What? What is it?”
“Nothing. I just--” Gino shrugs, looking away. “After all this, it still won’t bring him back. Nothing will.”
“No,” Nicoletta softly agrees. “But we can make damn sure that none of them come back either.”
***
Just got paid, Friday night
Party hoppin', feelin right
Booties shakin', all around
Pump that jam, while I'm gettin' down
-- “Just Got Paid” by N*Sync
March 2015
“Wait, wait, wait!” Michael cries, wrapping an arm around Gino’s bicep and pulling him back to the bar. “You can’t just dive in like that!”
“What?” Gino glances between them and then across the dance floor to a guy dropping the not-so-subtle hints that he’s in need of company. “I always do.”
Michael sighs with an exaggerated air. “If you don’t give them a little allure and mystery, young Gino, the boys are going to get bored very quickly. Just ask your brother. Do you think I dove in head first when we met? No, I made him work for it.”
Johnny snorts. “Ya dove in head first, ya fuckin’ liar. Literally-- ya sucked me off ‘fore we even left the bar’s parkin’ lot.”
“Eww, Johnny, c’mon!”
“Hey, I gotta watch my partner try ta get my baby brother laid. Ya can deal.”
Michael ignores them. “The key is finding someone that stands out, someone that can give you something memorable and lasting.”
“I don’t want memorable or lasting,” Gino protests. “I just want to fuck someone tonight.”
“Oh, young Gino. You have much to learn.” Michael pats his head patronizingly. “Look, how about I handle this first one. Give me five minutes and I’ll return with someone worth your time.” He disappears, weaving and dancing through the crowd.
“Is he serious?” Gino asks, staring at Johnny. “And why the fuck does he keep calling me ‘young Gino’ like that?”
Johnny shrugs, an indulgent smile on his face. “Give ‘im a break. He’s never been anyone’s gay mentor ‘fore, he’s a little over-excited.”
“Johnny? You’ve got some weird-ass taste in guys, do you know that?”
A sigh. “Yeah, I know.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go dive in with that guy over there.”
***
Why, why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than what we are
And tell me why
Everytime I find someone that I like
We always end up being just friends
-- “Why Are We Still Friends” by 98 Degrees
May 1994
“Hey! Hey, Johnny, wait up!”
Johnny turns around in time to see Maggie dashing down the hall and toward him. As she runs, one of her socks begins to slowly fall, bunching at her ankle. He smiles to himself and waits for her to catch up. “Hey, what’s up?”
Maggie’s breathing is a little shallow, and she smiles one of her famous self-deprecating smiles that never fail to drive the boys crazy. Well, most of the boys. “I wanted to catch you before you left. There’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“If you’re gonna ask to copy off’a my Chemistry assignment, don’ bother. I didn’ do it.”
She rolls her eyes, leaning against a nearby row of lockers. “Yeah, maybe I’d ask you for that if I wanted to fail.”
“Hey!” Johnny protests in mock-outrage. “I’ve gotta D in Chem, thanks.”
“Yeah whatever, loser.” Maggie grins. “Anyway, you heard the announcement about prom, right? I was thinking we could go together.”
Johnny pales. “Mags, c’mon.”
“What? It’ll be fun. Some bad music, some lame dancing. We could go out to dinner after, maybe hit one of the parties. We’ve gone to Homecoming before.”
He sighs, squaring his shoulders. “Yeah, but this is prom. We can’t go together. Ya should go with someone ya like.”
Maggie glances away, softly replying, “I like you.”
“An’ someone who likes ya back,” Johnny adds, gentle and stern at the same time. “Ask Luther Blassing, ‘m pretty sure I saw ‘im actually droolin’ over ya durin’ homeroom.”
“Ugh, Blassing?” Maggie wrinkles her nose. “He wrestles, Johnny. And I think he’s here on a scholarship.”
“You’re such a fuckin’ snob, Mags.”
“And you love it,” she retorts. “C’mon, Johnny. I won’t have nearly as much fun with anyone else.”
“Ya will,” he insists. “Besides, I can’t go. I-I’m seein’ someone.”
Maggie narrows her eyes. “You’re seeing someone? You didn’t tell me about that.”
“Yeah, well, I don’ tell ya everythin’.” Johnny shifts his bag from his right shoulder to the left, huffing, “Can I go now? I got practice.”
“Sure. Hit one out of the park for me.” Maggie turns away, absentmindedly waving goodbye. “See you later.”
Johnny lets out a deep breath as he heads for the locker rooms, wondering how long he can keep dodging her bullets.
***
Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I will not be broken
I will not be broken
I will not be
-- “I Will Not Be Broken” by Bonnie Raitt
March 2020
Little Augusto keeps a desk calendar on his nightstand. He bought it at a discount in January and it had half of December missing, but it doesn’t matter. Every night, before climbing into bed and turning off the light, he crosses off another day. Slowly and steadily, the days begin to pile up behind him and he’s that much closer to his graduation and his freedom.
He likes to spend as much time at Nonna’s as he can, but the otherwise wonderful woman seems to have some fucked up blind spot for his father. She’s constantly trying to arrange time for them to bond and it makes it a little difficult to spends weeks on end at her house. L can be counted on to provide a couch whenever needed, but now that he’s got that new boyfriend, Little Augusto likes to give them their space.
So he’s stuck with the bitch and his father. They feed him, at least, and his father usually ignores him rather than bother him, so it could be worse. But Angela’s blatant favoritism of her own children (and Damien, what the fuck is that about?) make it impossible to live there in peace. He can’t stand the way she lets the kids gang up on him, yet the one time he fights Joseph off, he gets his ass reamed for bruising the precious spawn.
He’s sick of being treated like scum by a bunch of people with not one scrap of humanity to share between them. He’s sick of being told that he’s not wanted or cared about. He’s sick of being mistreated, ignored, and just plain picked on.
So Little Augusto bides his time. He has a plan to escape, a plan that not even L knows about. In the meantime, every night before bed, he’ll cross off one more little square and be that much closer to freedom.
***
Challenge: Licorice 25. All around the mulberry bush
Extra: Brownie, whipped cream
Word Count: 7,486
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17 for one section)
Story: Polyfaceted; the title of this story is Experience.
Summary: Sixteen various ficlets, each corresponding to a song, each with a different set of characters.
Notes: This fic contains one section with triggers for child abuse, one section with triggers for sexual violence, and one section that is NSFW. Each problematic section will be clearly labeled beforehand and easy to scroll past. A lot of these fics are related to previously written fics. In those cases, there is a handy link below each fic's corresponding date. If you have any questions (it can get a little confusing), please let me know and I'll be happy to answer anything!
***
You think I only think about you
When were both in the same room
You think I’m only here to witness
The remains of love exhumed
You think were here to play
A game of who loves more than whom
-- “Call and Answer” by Barenaked Ladies
August 1983
“I know what you think of me,” Augusto tells her through the darkness, aware of her huddled form curled away from him. “I know you think that I can’t possibly mean everything I say. But I do, Arianna. I hate that I’m not around all the time. I hate that I disappoint you and hurt you so much. If I was a selfless man, I’d leave you alone and let you have your life back. But I can’t. I can’t even bear the thought of letting you go. You probably think that I forget all about you unless we’re in the same room, but that’s not true. I think about you every hour of every day. I love you, Arianna. I’ll always love you.”
Silently, Arianna rolls over to press her wet cheek against his shoulder and wrap an all-too thin arm around him.
The room echoes with the persistent ticking of the clock.
***
Surprise, cause I was flying the plane.
Surprise, cause now I’m smiling again.
Surprise, cause you showed up with your parachute.
Surprise, I’m kind of happy you showed up.
Truthfully I
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully you
You helped me find at last.
Truthfully we
Are finding out what’s true.
And truthfully I am finding out what’s you
-- “Truthfully” by Lisa Loeb
October 2023
For the first year or two, Romeo devotes himself to Izzie and Matteo. The more he concentrates on them, the easier it is to forget his heartache and loneliness. The kids aren’t exactly an excuse, but they do provide a convenient reason to cancel all those blind dates set up by well meaning coworkers and friends.
Even his sister begins to pester him about dating. Of course, in her case ‘dating’ means ‘go get laid, you uptight, sexless loser’, but it’s basically the same idea. Nicoletta proves harder to shake off than a mere coworker and she refuses to buy into his usual explanations about focusing on the children. They argue about it for months, until something at work demands Nic’s complete attention and he’s granted a reprieve.
He’s happy being single. Romeo likes being able to be there for Izzie and Matteo with his entire being. And while the bed may grow achingly empty at night, he likes knowing that he can’t be put through the same hellish nightmare of losing the woman he loves.
Then comes the annual class field trip to the Museum of Natural History and his chance encounter with a new curator by the name of Abigail Brachman. As he experiences that long-forgotten feeling of flutters in his stomach while his heart jerks against his ribcage, Romeo wonders if he hasn’t been missing out all along.
***
NSFW
Pink it´s my new obsession
Pink it´s not even a question
Pink on the lips of your lover, ´cause
Pink is the love you discover
Pink as the bing on your cherry
Pink ‘cause you are so very
Pink it´s the color of passion
‘Cause today it just goes with the fashion
-- “Pink” by Aerosmith
May 1965
Augusto is fourteen the first time he takes a woman to bed. She’s a local girl from the village, a year or two older than him and not all that bright. But she’s willing to let Augusto and Sal take turns with her so long as they’re gentle. All they have to do in return is let her brag that one of them is her boyfriend when she’s with the other village kids.
She invites them over while her father’s away from shore and leads them to the shed behind the house. There’s a quick scuffle between Augusto and Sal while they try to decide who gets the first turn, until Augusto points out that he’s older. Leaving his brother outside to guard them, he follows her inside.
He doesn’t think this is her first time, but he’s not too sure and he wouldn’t care either way. There’s no foreplay, no kissing, and they barely touch beyond the necessary, yet none of that matters. All that matters is the incredible feeling of wet, hot velvet gripping at his cock in the most amazing way. He’s thought about this almost constantly for the past few years and not one of his wildest dreams match up to the reality.
It’s awkward and he fumbles more than a few times. It’s probably over way too fast, but the girl doesn’t say anything. After taking almost a full minute to recover from his most intense orgasm yet, Augusto makes himself presentable and leaves the small room to switch places with Sal.
It was fantastic, it was overwhelming, and it was blissful, despite his inexperience. He can’t imagine wasting time to do anything else for the rest of his life.
***
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again
Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent
-- “Bent” by Matchbox 20
October 1976
Related to Entrapment
At first, Martina is able to distract herself and keep her thoughts at bay by focusing on the boys. Torey’s stomach is upset once again and it takes most of the night for him to finally fall asleep. As if they’re changing shifts, Johnny wakes up almost immediately after and requires an extra half-hour of soothing before allowing her to return him to the crib. By the time she’s actually got a moment to breathe, Augusto’s been gone for nearly six hours.
Cheating, she tells herself. Adultery. After years of marriage, after giving him two wonderful sons, after everything they’ve been through together since Torey was first diagnosed... after everything, he could still manage to betray her.
A child. A child with that... that she-wolf. Not only did he betray her, but he didn’t even care enough to take precautions. Of course, if it weren’t for the child, he would never have confessed. Which led to the next thought-- were there other women before now? Women right beneath Martina’s nose, and she never knew?
Humiliated, devastated, and angry beyond words, Martina finally allows herself the gut-wrenching sobs she’s packed deep inside. That night, she doesn’t sleep.
Torey’s appointment is scheduled for first thing in the morning and she’s grateful to once again have something to do. In a daze, Martina calls for a car, bundles up both the boys, and directs the driver to Dr. Bill’s practice in Manhattan. There’s a sharp pain in her chest when she spots Augusto waiting outside the main doors, but she schools her features into a blank expression.
“Martina,” he breathes in obvious relief as she carries both boys into the building. He hesitates before relieving her of Johnny, muttering. “I thought you might not come.”
“I have a duty to make sure I do everything possible to help my son,” she replies, ice in her voice. “I don’t ignore my responsibilities when it suits me.”
Augusto winces. “Martina, please. You have to understand, I never meant for any of this to happened. I can’t begin to--”
“Then don’t,” she snaps, proud of her ability to keep her voice steady. “We’re here for the sake of Torey. Not for us.” Glancing out of the corner of her eyes as they enter the elevator, she adds, “It’s going to be a very long time before things between us can begin to be fixed.”
“I know.” Augusto is solemn, crestfallen, his entire body language screaming ‘remorse’. “I know. But they will be fixed?”
“Perhaps,” Martina mutters. “I just don’t know yet.”
***
All your life all you've asked when's your Daddy gonna talk to you
You were living in another world tryin' to get your message through.
No one heard a single word you said.
They should have seen it in your eyes
What was going around your head.
-- “Runaway” by Bon Jovi
September 2008
Related to For Sale or Rent
The apartment is a shithole, if Stefano’s honest with himself. Sure, when he calls his mother to let her know he’s arrived, he paints her a picture of a beautiful, airy, stable home, some place sure to be safe enough for her baby boy. But it in reality, he’s living in the claustrophobic, stuffy, renovated room in some guy’s attic. He doesn’t even have his own bathroom.
It doesn’t matter, though. Stefano could be living in a box on the side of the freeway and he’d be happy. He’s free, finally free, and in control for the first time in his life. The dark cloud that’s been hanging over him for the past seven years has finally lifted. He can deal with sharing a bathroom located two floors below him.
Stefano spends that first afternoon unpacking the few personal belongings he’s brought along before taking a walk through the neighborhood in an effort to acquaint himself. He’s already got a job lined up, grunt work at a construction site, but that doesn’t start until Monday. Which leaves him two full days to do as he pleases. It’s impossible to believe he’s actually done it and he’s elated to remember this is his reality now.
That night, he goes to bed with a smile on his face. But as he lies there in the dark, unfamiliar sounds all around him, Stefano thinks about how his mother’s probably curling her hair for the night and his sister is probably listening to terrible music at an ear-piercing volume while she finishes her nightly routine. It’s strange to think about, but he has to admit that he’s a little homesick.
Two hours later, Stefano jerks awake from a nightmare in which his father was using him as bait for a pack of lions with eerily familiar white collars around their necks. As his heart rate begins to slow, he looks around his tiny, suffocating new home and realizes something horrifying.
He will never be free.
***
I don't need to try and explain I just
Hold on tight and if it happens again
I might move so slightly to the arms
The lips, the face and the human
Cannonball, I need to I want to
Come stand a little bit closer, breathe in and
Get a bit higher you'll never know what hit you
When I get to you
Ohh I want you I don't know if I need you but
Ohh I would die to find out
Ohh I want you I don't know if I need you but
Ohh I would die to find out
-- “Cherry Cola” by Savage Garden
May 2020
“Did I tell you that she writes poems?” Gino asks, sprawling across the couch. “Real poems and stuff. Like the kind of stuff they’d make us read in school. I don’t understand any of hers so they’re probably really good.”
“Yeah, you told me.” Vito emerges from the DVD cabinet with a small pile in his arms. “You wanna watch Die Hard first? Or Casino Royale?”
“Oh!” Gino quickly sits up, making room for his brother. “Did I tell you that she watches French movies?”
“She speaks French?”
Gino hesitates. “I don’t think so. I think she just uses subtitles.”
“Sounds boring,” Vito admits. “Who wants to read a bunch of words and shit when you’re watching a movie? They always move those things too fast, anyway.”
“Yeah, but I bet she can read really fast or something.” Gino glances through the pile, adding, “Let’s watch The Transporter first. Then Bond.”
Vito smirks, opening the case and slipping the disc into the player. “You just want to watch it so you can see Jason Statham shirtless.”
“Fuck you! I like the explosions and stuff. And the driving’s pretty bitchin’.”
“And Jason Statham is shirtless,” Vito adds, teasing. He joins his brother on the couch, jabbing at the remote as he points out, “You know, you’ve been talking about this girl all week. You’ve told me most of this stuff five times now.”
Gino flushes. “I have? Sorry. It’s just... fuck, Vito, she’s fucking incredible. Beautiful, too, like she’s not just a human.”
“Beautiful?” Vito cocks an eyebrow. “Not just hot or fuckable? She’s ‘beautiful’? Shit, man, you’ve got it bad for this Zara chick.”
“Maybe,” Gino agrees, sheepish. “I don’t know. She is really cool though.”
“Yeah, yeah. Now shut up or you’ll miss all the shirtless guy stuff.”
***
TRIGGERS FOR CHILD ABUSE
I look up to the little bird
That glides across the sky
He sings the clearest melody
It makes me want to cry
It makes me want to sit right down
And cry cry cry
I walk along the city streets
So dark with rage and fear
And I...
I wish that I could be that bird
And fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here
-- “Little Bird” by Annie Lennox
2008-2010
Related to Begin Again
Lena’s first memory is of Mama holding her in her arms, squeezing her so tightly that she’s crying in pain. Mama is curled around her and beyond that safe, tight cocoon, Dad is raging, kicking Mama’s back so hard that Lena can feel each blow through Mama’s chest.
It’s two days after Lena’s fifth birthday when Mama tells her to pack some clothes and only a few toys, that they’re going to visit Granny and Pop-pop for a little while. Lena’s so excited at the thought of seeing her grandparents that she doesn’t realize how strange it is to be leaving in the middle of the night. The television and a few lights are left on and they take a cab to the airport instead of Mama’s car. Mama gives the ticket lady names that aren’t theirs and when she asks why Mama’s being so strange, Mama says they’re playing a game. Lena doesn’t get what the game is, actually, but she likes seeing her Mama happy and so she plays along.
Lena and Mama never go back home. They find a small apartment by Granny and Pop-pop’s and spend a year and one month living as just the two of them. For the first time, there’s no one yelling or hitting and Lena doesn’t have to be afraid that she’s going to play too loud or get too dirty. Mama smiles a lot and even laughs sometimes, and Lena thinks that moving into the apartment is the best idea they ever had.
Then Dad comes. Lena’s not sure how he found them, since Mama told her he’d never figure out where they went. But Dad finds them and one night, she’s woken up by the sound of a huge crash in the living room. Lena crosses the small room they share in order to wake Mama, but Mama’s already wide awake. She holds a finger to her lips and whispers for Lena to hide under her bed until Mama tells her to come out. She’s just tucked her feet out of sight when three men burst into the room. She hears Dad, yelling loudest of all and saying terrible and bad things to Mama. When Mama lets out a shriek, Lena dares to peek out and watches as Dad drags Mama from the room by her hair.
The two strange men find Lena before too long. It’s impossible for a six-year-old girl to fight two large men, but she tries, going so far as to bite a chuck out of one’s earlobe when he tosses her over his shoulder.
They take her outside and into a car. Lena twists and leans out the window, screaming for Mama until she finally catches sight of her, crumbled at Dad’s feet. Then the car turns a corner and that’s the last time Lena ever sees Mama.
Dad joins them after a day or so, meeting them at the dirty motel where they’ve been staying. The week that follows is a whirlwind of airports and hotels, but Lena doesn’t remember much, thanks to the juice they give her that makes her so sleepy. They finally stop in England, where Dad tells her he has a new job and that Lena’s going to live with him for awhile. When she asks to call Mama, he tells her that Mama’s not home and won’t be for a long time.
Lena spends most of her time in hotel bathrooms. Dad never does get a real place to live and they just go from one hotel to another. Eventually the two men leave. Sometimes, when the maids come to clean, Lena gets a nice bath and she’s allowed to play with a barbie on the bed. When Dad comes home late and sleeps so deeply that he snores, Lena sneaks into the hallway and takes extra food from room service carts. Dad never seems to give her enough food.
She gets used to his temper with surprising quickness. Dad’s unpredictable, but if she stays out of his way, he mostly leaves her alone. When people from his work call his cell phone and yell a lot, he likes to find Lena and lie about some bad thing she’s supposedly done. One time, after Lena accidentally spills her water on the carpet, Dad shoves her into the bathroom so hard that she crashes into the bathtub. That time, she breaks a rib or two. Another time, after a particularly steady string of phone calls from work, Lena gets in Dad’s way and he hits her with the phone receiver hard enough that she breaks an arm. Dad hates when he has to call a doctor to fix her, so Lena usually tries to hide any bad injuries.
Then one day, sometime after Lena’s turned seven, though she can’t be sure, Dad doesn’t come home. Instead, a blonde woman with really tall shoes comes into their room and calls for her. Lena’s too afraid to answer, but the blonde woman finds her and introduces herself as Nicoletta.
For the third time in her life, Lena is kidnapped. It will be the last time.
***
Oh, the long nights in the small room
With the big dreams, oh Indiana
You're only dying here
And they don't understand
Yeah, it's a tough road but you start slow
And before you know it you're not alone
Looking for a place called home anywhere
Oh Indiana
-- “Indiana” by Melissa Etheridge
1986-2002
Melissa doesn’t remember much about her father, but she does remember the night that he left. It’s in the middle of summer and the three of them are huddled around the air conditioner. When someone knocks on the door, her mother assumes it’s a neighbor returning their casserole dish. Instead, two men in suits and a few men in police uniforms enter. Her mother talks with them while her father leaves through the back bedroom window. They catch him before he can leave the property. Melissa watches while the policemen shove her father into the back of a car and drive away.
He’s guilty of what they say he did, which is mostly just some fraud and embezzlement. Most of their money ends up being seized or stuck in frozen accounts, so Melissa and her mother move into a two room apartment in someone’s basement. The next two years are frantic while her mother struggles to make enough money to feed them. Some days, she has to struggle to just leave the bed. They visit Melissa’s father on most important holidays and anniversaries, but it isn’t very often.
When Melissa’s five, a man comes to their door and takes her mother into the kitchen to quietly talk. When her mother begins to wail, she races into the room to find her hunched over the table, sobs shaking her entire body. The man leaves and before long, they’re hurrying to the prison.
Melissa’s father was wounded in a yard riot, stabbed five times in the chest. He lives for six full days before passing away.
They return home, but nothing is the same after that. Her mother spends weeks in bed, unable to get up, and Melissa quickly learns how to take care of herself. Sometimes, her mother will suddenly jump out of bed and they will make grand plans or go on strange adventures to the beach in the middle of the night, but those times become few and far between. Soon, her mother stops rising all together.
They have a little money, thanks to “Uncle” Phillip, her father’s old business partner. Melissa teaches herself how to cook, do laundry, get herself to school, and make sure their money goes to the right places at the beginning of every month.
Melissa soon becomes the full-time caretaker of her invalid mother, making sure the woman eats and stays relatively clean and healthy. Sometimes she watches the other kids in her neighborhood, riding their bikes and playing tag, and she hates her mother for not allowing her to play like that.
By the time Melissa is thirteen, she’s become something of a confidant to her mother. She’s the child, but she’s forced to act like the parent while her weak, emotional mother uselessly rots in bed. She detests her mother, despises the sight of the woman, and begins to plan for her escape. She never attends a party while in high school, never has any friends or time to hang out with them if she did. Melissa is trapped in that tiny basement apartment with a woman she can’t stand, but one day, she’ll leave.
When she’s nineteen, she meets Augusto during one of her shifts. Immediately, she knows her years of pining and dreaming are coming to an end-- her life is about to finally begin.
***
Now I can't keep you, mama
But I know you're always there
You listen, you teach me, mama
And I know inside you care
So get down, down here beside me
Ooh, you ain't going nowhere
No, I won't hurt you, mama
But it's getting so hard, ooh
-- “Mama” by Genesis
July 2058
None of them expect anything like this.
Elisa and Zara are the ones to break the news. For a long time, Gino sits at the kitchen table in silence, frozen in place and oblivious to anything around him. Finally, he croaks out, “Vito?” and the sobs begin to tear through his body. They hold him for an hour or two before he’s able to swallow a sleeping pill, and then they take turns watching over him.
He cries for three days straight. At one point, when he’s so dehydrated that he’s unable to produce tears, Elisa calls Matt and they connect him to a fluid IV right then and there. They discuss it in depth before agreeing that he should attend the funeral, but the necessary tranquilizers leave him in such a daze that he’s not even aware of what’s happening.
He stops getting out of bed. He cries until his body undergoes complete collapse. He’s no longer lucid, locked in the misery of his own mind. For over a week, the only word to pass his lips is ‘Vito’.
Then one morning, Matt confronts Elisa and Zara and tells them in no uncertain terms that Gino is beyond their help. He’s a good doctor, but he’s not a psychiatrist and Gino is past regular psychiatric help. He suggests having the man committed, but Elisa’s protests are so vehement that he’s force to give up and leave.
Afterward, Elisa goes to check on her baby boy. She hasn’t slept much in weeks and most of her waking time is spent at his bedside. Privately, she curses herself for not expecting this, especially not after Johnny’s death. Maybe, she allows, if there’s no change... maybe then she’ll begin to consider that dreadful idea of sending him away.
She’s stunned when he reacts to her fingers combing through his hair. After a few struggling moments, Gino’s eyes open and make contact with her own. “Ma?”
Elisa’s so relieved that her heart threatens to burst from her chest. “Yeah, baby. I’m right here.”
“Ma?” Gino repeats. He starts crying once again, tears streaking his cheeks. “Is this real?”
She swallows hard. “Yes, sweetheart. This is real.”
“It hurts.” The pain in those two little words sears into her like a redhot poker. “It hurts so much. Make it stop.”
“I-” She would give anything in the world to do that for him. If she could, Elisa would gladly take every bit of his burden for herself.
“Why won’t I just die?” he whispers, overcome with sobs. “Please, why won’t I just die?”
She leaves the room after he finally loses consciousness, struggling to maintain control. When she tells the others of Gino’s first brief conversation in weeks, the decision is universal.
That night, they commit Gino for the first time.
***
Mojique smells the wind that, that comes from far away
Mojique waits for news in a quiet place
He feels the presence of the wind beside him
He feels the power of the past behind him
He has the knowledge of the wind to guide him on
The wind in my heart, the wind in my heart
The dust in my head, the dust in my head
The wind in my heart, the wind in my heart
Come to drive them away, drive them away
-- “Listening Wind” by Peter Gabriel
Midyear 2019
Related to Clucking
It’s no surprise to anyone when Arianna falls ill one month after Augusto’s death.
Romeo moves in for awhile to help care for her. Nicoletta is in Ireland indefinitely and Flavia is in the middle of her own grief, so it’s left to her poor, overtaxed baby boy. She hates to look at him these days, when all she sees of him is loss-- the loss of his wife and baby, the loss of his father, and the upcoming loss of her. She avoids looking at his haunted expression whenever she can.
For three weeks, she steadily worsens. There seems to be no medical cause to her afflictions and she knows there never will be-- it’s heartache, through and through. She’s bedridden on the two-month anniversary of Augusto’s death and for the next two weeks, a steady stream of visitors invade her bedroom. They’re mostly neighbors and members of the church, but Mrs. Corlioni makes a point of stopping by. She ends the conversation with a pointed goodbye and Arianna knows that Mrs. Corlioni understands.
In the very end, she lingers. Flavia stays with her around-the-clock, mindlessly chatting about this mutual friend or that old acquaintance.
“Flavia?” she finally manages, the night of the three-month anniversary since Augusto’s death.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry. I’m leaving you alone.” She begins to cry, lips trembling. “It’s awful of me to do.”
“It is,” Flavia agrees, solemn. “But I’ll be okay. I’m a tough old coot.”
Arianna cracks a shadow of a smile.
Leaning in, Flavia whispers, “Tell him I say hello, will you? I-I miss him.” She straightens, clearing her throat and furiously blinking. After a moment, she says, “I do have one last request of you. Do you feel up to singing?”
Surprisingly, Arianna does. Despite the years that have passed, despite the fact that her death will occur by the end of the week, her voice ring out with as much perfection as it ever has. Halfway through an old Italian song of mourning, she notices Romeo has entered the room, smiling though a few tears race down his cheeks. She holds the last note with a steady and round tone, and for a few seconds, she swears she sees Augusto standing in the hall, smiling as he looks on.
Arianna dies three days later.
***
See the dog and butterfly. Up in the
Air he like to fly." Dog and butterfly
Below she had to try. She roll back down
To the warm soft ground laughing
She don't know why, she don't know why
Dog and butterfly
-- “Dog and Butterfly” by Heart
Late 1982 - Early 1983
Teresa is two when she first begins to speak. There were doctors who claimed she would never speak and doctors who claimed she wouldn’t live past a few months, and Martina is so ecstatic to prove those doctors wrong that she can’t let anything get her down.
She’s still recovering from David’s birth, her baby boy never very far from her arms. It’s impossible to believe that this is it, that he’s the last child she’ll ever have, and because of this, she can’t bear to put him down. Augusto takes the time off from work to help around the house and take care of the other kids. She’s glad for the help, of course, but she’s even more pleased that he’s being kept busy-- they have yet to discuss the proposal she made only hours after David was born, the blanket permission to be with other women, and since then most of their time alone has been filled with awkward silences.
But it’s all worth it when Teresa comes toddling into the room, climbs onto the bed, and proudly points at David to announce, “Baby”. Eventually, Martina imagines she will cease to tear up at the sound.
After awhile, when Teresa fails to expand past ‘baby’, Martina begins to lose hope. She’s slowly returning to her normal life, but her recuperation is taking longer than she ever expected. Augusto goes back to work and after a long, in-depth conversation in which they discuss every possible thing that could need discussion, they’ve come to an arrangement. Torey’s decline in health brings about the very real fear that he may be relapsing. David develops colic so terrible that he’s unable to sleep more than an hour or two at a time.
Six months after Teresa’s first word, Martina has given up on hearing anything beyond that one beautiful ‘baby’. She can live with just that wonderful gift, until Augusto returns home one night and tells her that he’s met a new woman. They discuss this young lounge singer while Martina’s heart cracks. Shortly after that, it becomes obvious to them all that Torey’s relapse is far worse than anything they’ve seen before, and they’re quickly running out of options.
She’s at the end of her rope, unable to handle everything when it’s coming from all sides, when Johnny carries Teresa into the living room and plops her down in front of Martina.
“Oh, Johnny, not right now, please. Go play with Teresa in the playroom, Mama needs some quiet time now.” She needs to gain control of herself before she loses it completely.
“Okay. But I wanna show you somethin’.” Johnny leans over Teresa, whispering into her ear before pulling away to watch her expectantly. After a moment, he pokes her, hissing, “Do it. C’mon, ‘resa, I know ya can. Do it!”
“Johnny, please, maybe later we’ll--”
“Ma-ma!” Teresa cries out, beaming. “Ma...ma?”
“That’s right!” Johnny picks her up and hugs her. “We’ve been workin’ on that one for months, right ‘resa? But ya did it, just like ya were suppose’ta.”
“Ma-ma!”
The sudden rush of overwhelming happiness, pride, and bliss leave Martina on the brink of wonderful, wonderful tears.
***
TRIGGERS FOR SEXUAL VIOLENCE
We're running with the shadows of the night
So baby take my hand, you'll be all right
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
They'll come true in the end
-- “Shadows of the Night” by Pat Benatar
August 2035
Related to Secrets
The woman’s hot. Incredibly hot, in a way that can only be natural. To Jefferson’s surprise, she seems taken with him and allows him to buy her a few drinks. He watches her throat work as she knocks them back and while she’s definitely older than what he usually likes, he thinks he could enjoy himself.
They start chatting and the woman introduces herself as Karen. She’s practically wanton, shamelessly flirting with him while they discuss work and the latest new albums. She’s a little too forward for him-- he prefers the virginal girls and finds that coaxing them out of their shells and watching them blossom is far better than any other act. As a test, he slips a hand onto her upper thigh and she merely smiles.
“Want to get out of here?” she purrs, a suggestive smile playing about her lips.
Jefferson hesitates. She’s fucking hot and interesting, that’s for sure. But she’s so unlike what he normally prefers to play with. “I’m not sure...”
“Oh, c’mon. You look too uptight to turn down a night of fun. I promise, you won’t regret it.” Karen leans in, whispering, “No one else can give you what I can.”
Oh, what the hell. Might as well try everything once, right? “You convinced me. My place our yours?”
“Yours. Definitely yours.”
He’s parked two streets over and around the corner, in a residential area that’s mostly deserted at this time of night. Fingering the nylons in his pocket, he imagines the look of surprise that will be on her face when he wraps them around her pretty little neck and pulls. He’s so eager and giddy that he can hardly stand it, and it’s torture to wait until they turn the last corner. Once they do, he slowly counts to ten and spins to face Karen, nylons poised and ready.
They’re sliced in two before he even sees the knife. Eyes wide in disbelief, he glances at Karen and a chill runs through him at the change in her expression. The last thing he sees before the blade of her knife punctures his chest is the utterly void and empty look in her eyes as she passively watches him fall to the ground.
***
Tell her to reap it
With a sickle of leather
(War bellows blazing
In scarlet battallions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
(And to fight for a cause
They've long ago forgotten)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
-- “Scarborough Fair” by Simon and Garfunkel
Late 2040
Related to Retribution
“Has anyone ever told you that you have a real flair for military strategy?” Torey asks, as they pour over the plans spread out before them.
“No.” Nic cocks her head in thought. “They should have, though. I’d be one motherfucking awesome general.”
Leo enters the room, raising an eyebrow at the mess. “I’ve taken care of Johnnie J’s medical records. According to the hospital, he no longer has an allergy to morphine.”
Torey smirks. “Good. Coma or no, I want that fucker dead. God knows how he escaped.”
“Daria had an idea,” Leo adds. “So thanks to some tinkering and a few very skilled computer nerds, the Genovese nephew we took hostage last week will soon be on his way to rot in a subpar asylum off the coast of Spain. If anyone ever figures out who he really is, it’ll be years from now. Nice job on his voice box, by the way.”
Nicoletta stares. “Did you just compliment me?” Leo shrugs and leaves the room without another word.
“I like him better when he’s a pissy bitch and working on contracts,” Torey mutters. “Fucking scary like this.”
Gino and Vito enter the room, sinking into chairs with twin sighs of exhaustion. “We got the shit you asked for. The Colombian tried to stiff us until Vito swiped his gun and held it to his head. So he threw in a rocket launcher, not like I can fucking figure out what we’ll do with it.”
“Rocket launcher?” Nicoletta repeats, eyes lighting up like it’s Christmas morning. “I call dibs.”
Torey decides to let that slide. “David’s found the hitman. He took the guy up toward the border and said not to expect him for a few days, so I think that’ll be taken care of. Way he’s been acting lately, we couldn’t find anyone better than David for the job.”
“The others are in place,” Nicoletta informs the boys. “We strike with the second wave tonight.” Vito immediately straightens, poised on the edge of his seat and ready for action. Gino, on the other hand, simply sighs and drops his head into his palm. “What? What is it?”
“Nothing. I just--” Gino shrugs, looking away. “After all this, it still won’t bring him back. Nothing will.”
“No,” Nicoletta softly agrees. “But we can make damn sure that none of them come back either.”
***
Just got paid, Friday night
Party hoppin', feelin right
Booties shakin', all around
Pump that jam, while I'm gettin' down
-- “Just Got Paid” by N*Sync
March 2015
“Wait, wait, wait!” Michael cries, wrapping an arm around Gino’s bicep and pulling him back to the bar. “You can’t just dive in like that!”
“What?” Gino glances between them and then across the dance floor to a guy dropping the not-so-subtle hints that he’s in need of company. “I always do.”
Michael sighs with an exaggerated air. “If you don’t give them a little allure and mystery, young Gino, the boys are going to get bored very quickly. Just ask your brother. Do you think I dove in head first when we met? No, I made him work for it.”
Johnny snorts. “Ya dove in head first, ya fuckin’ liar. Literally-- ya sucked me off ‘fore we even left the bar’s parkin’ lot.”
“Eww, Johnny, c’mon!”
“Hey, I gotta watch my partner try ta get my baby brother laid. Ya can deal.”
Michael ignores them. “The key is finding someone that stands out, someone that can give you something memorable and lasting.”
“I don’t want memorable or lasting,” Gino protests. “I just want to fuck someone tonight.”
“Oh, young Gino. You have much to learn.” Michael pats his head patronizingly. “Look, how about I handle this first one. Give me five minutes and I’ll return with someone worth your time.” He disappears, weaving and dancing through the crowd.
“Is he serious?” Gino asks, staring at Johnny. “And why the fuck does he keep calling me ‘young Gino’ like that?”
Johnny shrugs, an indulgent smile on his face. “Give ‘im a break. He’s never been anyone’s gay mentor ‘fore, he’s a little over-excited.”
“Johnny? You’ve got some weird-ass taste in guys, do you know that?”
A sigh. “Yeah, I know.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go dive in with that guy over there.”
***
Why, why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than what we are
And tell me why
Everytime I find someone that I like
We always end up being just friends
-- “Why Are We Still Friends” by 98 Degrees
May 1994
“Hey! Hey, Johnny, wait up!”
Johnny turns around in time to see Maggie dashing down the hall and toward him. As she runs, one of her socks begins to slowly fall, bunching at her ankle. He smiles to himself and waits for her to catch up. “Hey, what’s up?”
Maggie’s breathing is a little shallow, and she smiles one of her famous self-deprecating smiles that never fail to drive the boys crazy. Well, most of the boys. “I wanted to catch you before you left. There’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“If you’re gonna ask to copy off’a my Chemistry assignment, don’ bother. I didn’ do it.”
She rolls her eyes, leaning against a nearby row of lockers. “Yeah, maybe I’d ask you for that if I wanted to fail.”
“Hey!” Johnny protests in mock-outrage. “I’ve gotta D in Chem, thanks.”
“Yeah whatever, loser.” Maggie grins. “Anyway, you heard the announcement about prom, right? I was thinking we could go together.”
Johnny pales. “Mags, c’mon.”
“What? It’ll be fun. Some bad music, some lame dancing. We could go out to dinner after, maybe hit one of the parties. We’ve gone to Homecoming before.”
He sighs, squaring his shoulders. “Yeah, but this is prom. We can’t go together. Ya should go with someone ya like.”
Maggie glances away, softly replying, “I like you.”
“An’ someone who likes ya back,” Johnny adds, gentle and stern at the same time. “Ask Luther Blassing, ‘m pretty sure I saw ‘im actually droolin’ over ya durin’ homeroom.”
“Ugh, Blassing?” Maggie wrinkles her nose. “He wrestles, Johnny. And I think he’s here on a scholarship.”
“You’re such a fuckin’ snob, Mags.”
“And you love it,” she retorts. “C’mon, Johnny. I won’t have nearly as much fun with anyone else.”
“Ya will,” he insists. “Besides, I can’t go. I-I’m seein’ someone.”
Maggie narrows her eyes. “You’re seeing someone? You didn’t tell me about that.”
“Yeah, well, I don’ tell ya everythin’.” Johnny shifts his bag from his right shoulder to the left, huffing, “Can I go now? I got practice.”
“Sure. Hit one out of the park for me.” Maggie turns away, absentmindedly waving goodbye. “See you later.”
Johnny lets out a deep breath as he heads for the locker rooms, wondering how long he can keep dodging her bullets.
***
Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I will not be broken
I will not be broken
I will not be
-- “I Will Not Be Broken” by Bonnie Raitt
March 2020
Little Augusto keeps a desk calendar on his nightstand. He bought it at a discount in January and it had half of December missing, but it doesn’t matter. Every night, before climbing into bed and turning off the light, he crosses off another day. Slowly and steadily, the days begin to pile up behind him and he’s that much closer to his graduation and his freedom.
He likes to spend as much time at Nonna’s as he can, but the otherwise wonderful woman seems to have some fucked up blind spot for his father. She’s constantly trying to arrange time for them to bond and it makes it a little difficult to spends weeks on end at her house. L can be counted on to provide a couch whenever needed, but now that he’s got that new boyfriend, Little Augusto likes to give them their space.
So he’s stuck with the bitch and his father. They feed him, at least, and his father usually ignores him rather than bother him, so it could be worse. But Angela’s blatant favoritism of her own children (and Damien, what the fuck is that about?) make it impossible to live there in peace. He can’t stand the way she lets the kids gang up on him, yet the one time he fights Joseph off, he gets his ass reamed for bruising the precious spawn.
He’s sick of being treated like scum by a bunch of people with not one scrap of humanity to share between them. He’s sick of being told that he’s not wanted or cared about. He’s sick of being mistreated, ignored, and just plain picked on.
So Little Augusto bides his time. He has a plan to escape, a plan that not even L knows about. In the meantime, every night before bed, he’ll cross off one more little square and be that much closer to freedom.
***