(Untitled)

[shayna611]

Elderberry #20. Crystal Rod with Whipped Cream
Story : Desert Flowers
Rating : PG
Timeframe : a decade or so before the main story
Word Count : 802

Comments

[fachefaucheux]

Hnng, kids. Never can keep their grabby hands stuck in one place...

The description at the front of this was nice--gave me a real clear image of where I was and what was going on before the action even started. You are, indeed, getting better at the whole "talking in a void" bit. ^^

[shayna611]

wouldn't be kids otherwise, would they?

Thanks! I've been working on that! :)

[kunenk]

Ooh. It feels really… drawing. Nice.

[shayna611]

thank you! :)

[hi_falootin]

I really liked how you drew us into the scene by laying out the setting and then moving into showing the individual characters. It's certainly a striking image, all those girls gathered in the temple :) And I like Aylin and Devri's reactions at the end...and now I'm curious about what happens to Chandra!

typo catch: tiny fingures

[shayna611]

Thank you! :)

You'll be seeing more of all three of them - though mostly Devri.

(and got the typo - thanks!)

[ichthusfish]

Oooh! Really interesting, and quite tense. The atmosphere comes across very well, and I liked the descriptions of the robes and the temple a lot. I could see it very well. Nicely done :)

[shayna611]

thank you :)

[slysionnachnano]

You're so good at description. Beautiful imagery. It really is like a picture.

Silly girls. The last line made me giggle.

[shayna611]

thank you! :)