This fic was pretty striking, really powerful emotions and quite lyrical writing and imagery. The contrast at the beginning was really striking, with the delightful, bubbly happiness and fun at first, and then the pain and terror suddenly tearing through that special moment. Flash of emotion to lightning alteration?-loving the phrasing and the little inner rhyme. I liked the reference to Clara's echoes and their latent presence within her, the parallel between Oswin being turned into a Dalek and their current situation. The silver/sharpness/pain theme was really nicely used, quite breath-taking. I loved Clara's terror at the notion of becoming a Cyberman (Squeeze them out like sponge’s water of life released. Can I kiss that sentence.) and the Doctor saving her, pushing her out of the way, but taking her place. Her utter confusion was very well handled too, she couldn't even tell if the screams were her own… I loved the way she listened to him and ran, at first, but then you used the Akhaten quote and the theme of not letting go, not running out on loved ones… And Clara whirling around, the clash and clamor, the Doctor-all of that was really great description. I loved the hints showing that he wasn't all right, he was grinning frantically, but his strength was fading… His falling to the ground was so striking, your description of the blood, his ruined, shaky appearance and Clara's horror. I loved the Doctor's line about how he couldn't abandon Clara to that dreadful fate, and he got away just a little too late. The bowtie sweater was such a cute and moving detail. I loved their lines, scattered, emotional dialogue as the regeneration was just beginning-the little kiss, the difficult trek back to the TARDIS, the pond and river themes you used to describe the regeneration light-and oh god, he locked Clara out. That was just so powerful-Clara's feeble attempts at light-hearted retorts to make him open the door, then her panic rising and the screaming and pounding, her desperation. I loved her screaming at the TARDIS to let her in. And the way you handled the Doctor's fear of that regeneration, of the darkness in him, Mr. Clever, Hurt, what he could become-oh, I hurt for him so much. The way he crawled to the console, and Clara being an utter mess after the TARDIS had left-oh my god it hurt. The regeneration part was described so powerfully… And I loved the way you handled his return, intriguing and evocative, all the newness of him. Wow, it's just a big punch in the gut =P Thank you for sharing, dear! ♥
Oh your feedback, all the awards. You are always so kind to take the time to express thoughts that make a writer think 'wow...so that did work' etc. :)
Yeah, this was dark and sad and I guess it reflects how I'm still dealing with Matt's departure from the show. I just love him as the Doctor and although I'm sure Peter will be wonderful, it is so hard to think Matt's last episode is on Christmas day.
Glad the contrast at the beginning worked because it was intentional.
Oh good. I never know with my phrasing. I've been told it's good. I've been told it's awkward. But the thing with me is especially if I'm writing to music it's almost all emotion and adrenaline and without it still usually delves into emotion. And so since I love music I think that's where some of my phrasing is inspired by. It's not an intentional thought, 'enter something lyrical here', but just something that I feel, and so it goes in.
When I read lyrics, or a book, I like phrasing that helps me visualize, hear etc, beyond being technical, so that kind of writing appeals to me personally for my stories.
The terror of the cybermen mostly came from how Davis wrote them actually, because I think he more than Moffat even, just brought out the horror of being turned to an emotionless machine really. And I think in 'Asylum' Jenna makes you feel that horror too of being lost and turned into a Dalek. Then the Doctor finds her and you see his horror. So even though I don't think of the Doctor necessarily as a hero, I think in this instance he would sacrifice just like the Tenth Doctor did with Wilfred.
See...the 'sponge' phrase. Another one of those you like but are not sure...is this going to work...does sponge sound lame? lol so yeah it's always hit and miss, but I'm glad you enjoyed that because I very intentionally kept it in.
That part, when he fell, listening to Gold's music, I was a mess while writing that, in tears, not because of my writing, no, but because of the fact Eleven will be regenerating soon, and no matter how different it is from this, I know with Matt and Steven and Jenna if she's part of it, it will tug at the emotions. And it tugs already at mine. I recall Ten regenerating and falling and just...oh my goodness...just writing that scene was so important to me. I had to get past the crying to make sure it came out right.
The Doctor told Clara when he met her that she doesn't run out on those she cares about...and he wishes he was more like that. I have a feeling deep down that is heavy foreshadowing. I guess we'll see, but that line has always stuck with me.
Oh you connected to the pond and river themes...yay. Yeah and that's why I brought in submarine for ocean...that's Clara. His three special companions. I wanted to connect them to him and the regeneration even though he was alone.
I have to wonder if the Doctor will regenerate alone. I have no idea, but I think there's a possibility he'll keep Clara out for selfless reasons more than anything. I honestly want her there, but I'm prepared for her maybe not being with him.
I don't think we've seen the last of Mr. Clever. Steven connects a lot, sometimes over long periods of time. So there's a possibility we'll see more of him I guess. And he's kind of fascinating.
I first imagined the regeneration, the actual process of it, would take so many sentences, but then it just clicked, the sentences just came out and he was already regenerating and it worked and I decided just leave it at that. Sometimes less is definitely more and in this case I think it worked. I felt more emotion from the immediate violence of it than I would have probably with a long explanation.
His return was hard...because that's Twelve and I'm not sure what to think of Twelve yet. We won't see Peter as Twelve until Christmas, but a short choppy sentence seemed worthy and connecting it back to the theme. I loved the theme: noise. Oh such an amazing theme to write. These are so fun.
*grinning happily* Very glad it made you happy, dear ♥ Coping, coping. Yeah, it does hurt! *hugs Eleventy* I feel you on that! Well, the feel you get certainly worked =) Writing to music rocks. Can't really do that myself, it tends to break my focus but if it works for you, that's really good. Emotion and adrenaline rule too. And visualizing. I agree about the Cybermen in the two eras-in Moffat's era they were there less often and seemed more just like scary monsters, whereas Davies really stressed the atrocity of the change… The parallel between that and Oswin's change came through quite strongly. I like the parallel with the Ten-Wilfred situation too. Haha, I'm typing this as my mother just watched the Ten regeneration scene right next to me and was basically tearing up. All the fresh feels! Regeneration scenes are ever so intense ♥ (And Eleven's wild energy after Ten's tragedy feels so unsettling each time.) This line being foreshadowing-that certainly makes sense, I'd love it if it were true! And it could also fit the River vs. Clara opposition-born to kill him, dies saving him-with Clara being the contrary, saving him first and then killing him at the end… in a way. Like I would miss anything you can relate to River! :D Oh, and Clara as submarine. I love the idea of all three of them being linked together. ♥ We'll have to see if Clara is here or not, indeed ^_^ And Mr. Clever too! I certainly wouldn't have thought he'd be used again, but that is an interesting idea. Straight to the point and effective-does sound good, that definitely worked out too! Noise as a theme-that's quite full of potential, indeed! *hugs back* Sorry I'm responding so late, lol. Anyway, I'm so happy my feedback made you happy :D
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Yeah, this was dark and sad and I guess it reflects how I'm still dealing with Matt's departure from the show. I just love him as the Doctor and although I'm sure Peter will be wonderful, it is so hard to think Matt's last episode is on Christmas day.
Glad the contrast at the beginning worked because it was intentional.
Oh good. I never know with my phrasing. I've been told it's good. I've been told it's awkward. But the thing with me is especially if I'm writing to music it's almost all emotion and adrenaline and without it still usually delves into emotion. And so since I love music I think that's where some of my phrasing is inspired by. It's not an intentional thought, 'enter something lyrical here', but just something that I feel, and so it goes in.
When I read lyrics, or a book, I like phrasing that helps me visualize, hear etc, beyond being technical, so that kind of writing appeals to me personally for my stories.
The terror of the cybermen mostly came from how Davis wrote them actually, because I think he more than Moffat even, just brought out the horror of being turned to an emotionless machine really. And I think in 'Asylum' Jenna makes you feel that horror too of being lost and turned into a Dalek. Then the Doctor finds her and you see his horror. So even though I don't think of the Doctor necessarily as a hero, I think in this instance he would sacrifice just like the Tenth Doctor did with Wilfred.
See...the 'sponge' phrase. Another one of those you like but are not sure...is this going to work...does sponge sound lame? lol so yeah it's always hit and miss, but I'm glad you enjoyed that because I very intentionally kept it in.
That part, when he fell, listening to Gold's music, I was a mess while writing that, in tears, not because of my writing, no, but because of the fact Eleven will be regenerating soon, and no matter how different it is from this, I know with Matt and Steven and Jenna if she's part of it, it will tug at the emotions. And it tugs already at mine. I recall Ten regenerating and falling and just...oh my goodness...just writing that scene was so important to me. I had to get past the crying to make sure it came out right.
The Doctor told Clara when he met her that she doesn't run out on those she cares about...and he wishes he was more like that. I have a feeling deep down that is heavy foreshadowing. I guess we'll see, but that line has always stuck with me.
Oh you connected to the pond and river themes...yay. Yeah and that's why I brought in submarine for ocean...that's Clara. His three special companions. I wanted to connect them to him and the regeneration even though he was alone.
I have to wonder if the Doctor will regenerate alone. I have no idea, but I think there's a possibility he'll keep Clara out for selfless reasons more than anything. I honestly want her there, but I'm prepared for her maybe not being with him.
I don't think we've seen the last of Mr. Clever. Steven connects a lot, sometimes over long periods of time. So there's a possibility we'll see more of him I guess. And he's kind of fascinating.
I first imagined the regeneration, the actual process of it, would take so many sentences, but then it just clicked, the sentences just came out and he was already regenerating and it worked and I decided just leave it at that. Sometimes less is definitely more and in this case I think it worked. I felt more emotion from the immediate violence of it than I would have probably with a long explanation.
His return was hard...because that's Twelve and I'm not sure what to think of Twelve yet. We won't see Peter as Twelve until Christmas, but a short choppy sentence seemed worthy and connecting it back to the theme. I loved the theme: noise. Oh such an amazing theme to write. These are so fun.
Thank you so much. Hugs*
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Coping, coping. Yeah, it does hurt! *hugs Eleventy* I feel you on that!
Well, the feel you get certainly worked =) Writing to music rocks. Can't really do that myself, it tends to break my focus but if it works for you, that's really good. Emotion and adrenaline rule too. And visualizing.
I agree about the Cybermen in the two eras-in Moffat's era they were there less often and seemed more just like scary monsters, whereas Davies really stressed the atrocity of the change… The parallel between that and Oswin's change came through quite strongly. I like the parallel with the Ten-Wilfred situation too.
Haha, I'm typing this as my mother just watched the Ten regeneration scene right next to me and was basically tearing up. All the fresh feels! Regeneration scenes are ever so intense ♥ (And Eleven's wild energy after Ten's tragedy feels so unsettling each time.)
This line being foreshadowing-that certainly makes sense, I'd love it if it were true! And it could also fit the River vs. Clara opposition-born to kill him, dies saving him-with Clara being the contrary, saving him first and then killing him at the end… in a way.
Like I would miss anything you can relate to River! :D Oh, and Clara as submarine. I love the idea of all three of them being linked together. ♥
We'll have to see if Clara is here or not, indeed ^_^ And Mr. Clever too! I certainly wouldn't have thought he'd be used again, but that is an interesting idea.
Straight to the point and effective-does sound good, that definitely worked out too!
Noise as a theme-that's quite full of potential, indeed!
*hugs back* Sorry I'm responding so late, lol. Anyway, I'm so happy my feedback made you happy :D
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