WARNING: Random thoughts will be posted within this update. read at your own risk.....
........ Fuck, I'm so tired of my managers at work bitching at me for not working faster, specially today since A) my thumb is still sore from getting the stitches yesterday. B) one of them told me to work out a float( That's a flattop shopping cart we use to carry stock out to the shelves) and while I was doing that he asked me to work out another float which I did with no prob, and went back to my first float. He then had the gall to come and tell me that it was taking me too long to work out the first float. WTF he just told me to do something else and then bitches becuase I'm not getting the first thing he told me to do done? how does that work out?
but w/e I'm tired of bitching bout work. Now on to more fun topics. like my so called "love life". The cute girl form work turned out to be another physco chick. what else is new.... Oh I met this cool girl up at one of my my buddy's parties. Her name is Jamie. Cool kid we got along well. (Both sober and when we were trashed) so who knows We'll just have to see how things go won't we? Other than that it's non-existant. As my friends seem to be. I realized the other day that out of all the friends I had in High School I pretty much hang out with maybe 2 of them on a regular basis. The other are all living the High life in various colleges. a couple of my younger Friends that I took under my wing have been disowned. mainly becuase they changed so dramatically into people i can't stand. Oh and becuase the only time they ever wanted to hang out was when they wanted to go somewhere. That's one thing that really pisses me off. I despise people who use me or attempt too. Here's a question for whom ever takes the time to read this (for me) long update. Do you ever feel like your drifting in the ocean, with nothing to cling on to? Or maybe like your driving out of control down a path you despise? Or perhaps lost and with out a purpose? I kind of feel like that right now. I'm heading toward a mudane existence. A life without passion. It almost feels like all the passion and drive I have is slowly just fading. All my hopes and dreams seem so far distant, Like I might never fulfill even a single one of them. The thing I ferar the most is that I might simply lose all faith in everything. even my writing is suffering. My novel is lying in my room not even half finished, and it's like the passion that drove me to begin it is slowing ebbing from me. I've lost my inspiration. This is my cry for help. I've lost my muse and Can't even think of where to start looking to get it back. I can feel the need for release but the words, for the first time in my life, do not lie await in my mind. At times it's like the only thing that seems to keep me sane is the music. At least that great passion still remains. I hate this feeling. Like I know I have Purpose, But I can't seem to find it. I don't want to work at a grocery store for the rest of my life. my lifelong goal has always been to be a successful freelance writer. To have my books devoured by people aching for an escape from their mundane lives, by people like me. But that dreams seems so unrealistic and i can almost feel it slipping through my fingers.....I hate this great loneliness I feel. I'm so tired of being alone..... somebody please. Help me, Save me from myself.
heh. Phil was right. I may look like a metal-head but I've always been an Emo kid at heart. Hell I was an Emo before it became a genre. I can't imagine being any other way. I think I'm going to end this rather depressing glimpse into my mind now. <3 to every one who wants it.
♥
Jon/Ru
but w/e I'm tired of bitching bout work. Now on to more fun topics. like my so called "love life". The cute girl form work turned out to be another physco chick. what else is new.... Oh I met this cool girl up at one of my my buddy's parties. Her name is Jamie. Cool kid we got along well. (Both sober and when we were trashed) so who knows We'll just have to see how things go won't we? Other than that it's non-existant. As my friends seem to be. I realized the other day that out of all the friends I had in High School I pretty much hang out with maybe 2 of them on a regular basis. The other are all living the High life in various colleges. a couple of my younger Friends that I took under my wing have been disowned. mainly becuase they changed so dramatically into people i can't stand. Oh and becuase the only time they ever wanted to hang out was when they wanted to go somewhere. That's one thing that really pisses me off. I despise people who use me or attempt too. Here's a question for whom ever takes the time to read this (for me) long update. Do you ever feel like your drifting in the ocean, with nothing to cling on to? Or maybe like your driving out of control down a path you despise? Or perhaps lost and with out a purpose? I kind of feel like that right now. I'm heading toward a mudane existence. A life without passion. It almost feels like all the passion and drive I have is slowly just fading. All my hopes and dreams seem so far distant, Like I might never fulfill even a single one of them. The thing I ferar the most is that I might simply lose all faith in everything. even my writing is suffering. My novel is lying in my room not even half finished, and it's like the passion that drove me to begin it is slowing ebbing from me. I've lost my inspiration. This is my cry for help. I've lost my muse and Can't even think of where to start looking to get it back. I can feel the need for release but the words, for the first time in my life, do not lie await in my mind. At times it's like the only thing that seems to keep me sane is the music. At least that great passion still remains. I hate this feeling. Like I know I have Purpose, But I can't seem to find it. I don't want to work at a grocery store for the rest of my life. my lifelong goal has always been to be a successful freelance writer. To have my books devoured by people aching for an escape from their mundane lives, by people like me. But that dreams seems so unrealistic and i can almost feel it slipping through my fingers.....I hate this great loneliness I feel. I'm so tired of being alone..... somebody please. Help me, Save me from myself.
heh. Phil was right. I may look like a metal-head but I've always been an Emo kid at heart. Hell I was an Emo before it became a genre. I can't imagine being any other way. I think I'm going to end this rather depressing glimpse into my mind now. <3 to every one who wants it.
♥
Jon/Ru