Watching You, Watching Me, Chapter 2 - Your Tears

[rumielf]

Her first impression of Lord Benton Felway was one of height.

Alice wondered, as the dark haired gentleman smiled at her, how any man could possibly be so tall. She guessed that he had to be well over a foot taller than her and she found herself taking a small step backward in order to look at him at an angle that didn’t hurt her neck.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Kingsley,” he said in a smooth voice, bowing slightly.

She nodded automatically and gave him the same reply she’d given to the other men who had approached her at this gathering. “The pleasure is mine.”

This dinner had been Lord Ascot’s idea, to celebrate the final plans of their voyage to China which would take place in three months. He had convinced Alice that it would be good for her to meet several of the investors in her father’s company now that she had finished her initial training. She hadn’t thought about how those investors would have sons and thoughts of forging more lasting ties with the company. Alice had spent the evening trying to make pleasant small talk and turn down any advances that were made toward her. This Lord Felway was the fourth gentleman who had approached her during the dinner.

Still, she had to admit, there was something…striking….about this man. It wasn’t just his height but something else about him made her pause before she would have turned away. Looking at him carefully she tried to put her finger on what had caught her attention. He was pale with dark hair that was pulled back and tied at the nape of his neck and his dark grey eyes seemed to devour her every movement. Alice had to admit that she did find him attractive and well proportioned but there was something familiar about him.

Then it hit her. He reminded her of her imagined watcher.

Well, not exactly of her imagined watcher, but close. Alice was all too aware of the mental image her imagination had provided her of the phantom peeping tom (whom she hadn’t seen again since that night in front of the mirror a month before) and this man definitely did not fit that description. Even so, there was a feeling she got from him, as though he was also a figment of her imagination.

“Is something wrong, Miss Kingsley?”

His voice jolted Alice out of her thoughts and she blinked, trying to clear the image of her watcher from her mind. “I’m sorry, my mind was wandering. What were you saying?”

Benton smiled again. “I was asking if you might be interested in joining me for tea tomorrow.”

She opened her mouth to refuse and then closed it again, rethinking her reply. It was true that he wasn’t at all like the imaginary watcher that she had dreamed up but this man (this very not-imagined man) felt like a piece of a puzzle that she hadn’t known was missing from her life. It couldn’t hurt to join him for one afternoon of tea. Alice finally nodded at him. “Yes,” she said firmly. “I would like that.”

****

One afternoon of tea led to another and within a week Alice found herself actually enjoying Benton’s (they were finally on a first name basis) company on a daily basis. He had a sharp wit and she enjoyed the banter that had developed between them. By the end of the first week of their association, Alice was comfortable taking his proffered arm when they would walk the gardens of his estate and didn’t mind the lingering glances that he gave her when he didn’t think she was watching.

She didn’t mind those glances at all.

The feeling of being watched had faded since she had met Benton and Alice realized that she missed the attention her imagination had provided. Now, a month after their introduction, she found herself returning those sly looks of Benton’s and began to wonder if he’d think less of her for the direction her thoughts were beginning to take in regards to him. She wasn’t really surprised at her growing fantasies about Benton. She had grown used to the attention from her imagined watcher and with the sudden absence of that watched feeling her mind and body seemed to be growing restless.

This particular afternoon Alice found her mind almost completely unable to follow the thread of conversation during tea. Eventually she realized that Benton had fallen silent and they had spent the better part of the afternoon exchanging glances instead. Finally he set his cup down and stood.

“Perhaps now would be a good time to escort you back to your home,” Benton said and held out his hand to her.

Allowing him to gently tug her to her feet Alice could only agree. “I’m sorry, Benton. I’m afraid I haven’t been very good company today.”

They walked toward the entrance of his gardens and began following the now-familiar path back to her home. “What’s in your thoughts today, Alice?” he asked after a long silence.

Asking you to kiss me until I beg for air, she didn’t say. Help me feel the way I did when I imagined him watching me. Alice had to wait until the thoughts that tried to find their way to her lips finally settled back. “Wondering why you spend all your afternoons lately having tea with me rather than with someone who won’t be leaving on a voyage in less than three months.”

Now he was silent as though composing his thoughts. “You’re fascinating, Alice. You’re such a contradiction in so many ways that I can’t ever be sure that I’m getting to know you.” He paused as they reached the entrance to building where she had her loft. “And I want to…if you’ll let me.”

Alice felt familiar chills crawl up and down her spine as his words sent her imagination into fits. Oh, she wanted him to know her in ways that only her imagined watcher had known her but she couldn’t admit those out loud to this very real man. Looking up at him she tried to find a comment that would ease the sudden tension of the moment but his dark eyes stilled her voice. She felt her hand clench on his arm suddenly as another series of shivers made her skin tingle.

Benton’s eyes widened at the sharp pain that her nails made when she gripped his arm. Then he smiled at her, the same sort of smile that he’d given her the first time they’d met.

A dark and predatory sort of smile.

Alice felt her heart start to race and she let him draw her through the entrance of the building and up the stairs to her loft on the second floor. A million bits of reason beat frantically at her mind, screaming at her to tell him to leave, to run and lock herself in a room away from him, to never, ever see him again.

She found that she was tired of living in a world full of “reason”.

Pulling him into her home, she closed the door and locked it, firmly ignoring anything her mind was trying to tell her. Benton stood a few feet away, his eyes narrowed and gleaming. Then as he reached out to grab her arm she twisted to the side and made a dash for the bedroom, unsure if she was trying to escape or entice him.

Before she could figure out her own intentions Alice felt hands grab her from behind and spin her around quickly. She had one moment to glimpse the mirror as she spun and in that moment she swore that her imagination had put her watcher back where he belonged. Then Benton’s lips were on hers, the pressure rough and painful but enjoyable even so. She wondered as she felt his hands moving, pulling the back of her dress open, why her imagination would decide to act up now. The feeling of the tiny buttons popping off the fabric brought her attention fully back to Benton and she reached for his coat, pushing her hands inside and then tugging it off his shoulders, whimpering when it caught on his arms.

He released her only long enough to shrug out of the jacket and then his hands resumed their task of removing the many layers of her clothing. As he continued to kiss her she lost track of time and when she regained her senses she realized that there was an incredible lack of clothing between them. In spite of all of her imaginings and rather wanton thoughts, Alice found herself blushing and tried to step backward, suddenly very unsure about her own intentions.

Benton pulled her to stand in front of him, her back pressed against his chest. Alice shuddered at the heat that seemed to radiate from his skin and she was all too aware of the hard length of him that was trapped between them. She stared at their reflection in her mirror, feeling her imagination (or was it her own feelings) beat with fear and nervousness. Feeling his hands slide down her arms, she shivered and saw him grin over her shoulder. His hands finally reached hers and he lifted her them, placing them flat on either side of the mirror. Alice found herself leaning forward, her face just inches from the reflective surface.

His fingers trailed from the nape of her neck and down her spine and he noted the way that her body trembled when his hands moved to skim over her buttocks. Alice shook uncontrollably as the light touch teased her, long fingers brushing closer and closer to the part of her that was wet with anticipation. She felt tears begin to well up in her eyes, wanting him to finish what she had essentially begged him to start, wanting him to make her forget about her imaginary watcher, wanting him to make her forget everything, even if just for a moment. Choking back a sob, Alice felt the tears finally start to fall and she bit her lip to stop herself from crying out the word please.

Finally she felt his fingers touch that damp spot of her being and she jerked, feeling her teeth tear into her bottom lip. She heard him chuckle and then she lost herself as he slid one long finger inside her, a place that until now only she had ever touched. That finger moved, sliding out and in again causing a delicious friction. As a second finger joined the first Alice found herself moving her hips, pressing back against him. The movement slowed after a bit and as she tried to catch her breath she felt his other hand slipping under her hair and wrapping itself around her throat, forcing her head up to stare into the mirror. She saw her own tearstained face, the blood on her lip that had trickled down her chin, his hand around her neck.

His fingers shifted inside her, causing her to gasp and her gaze shifted to the other reflection in her mirror. Above her head she could see his face, that smile firmly in place as he leaned down to whisper in her ear. “You wanted this, Alice,” he said, his voice low and harsh. “You will watch this.”

Before she even had time to respond, his fingers were gone and she felt him shift behind her. Her eyes caught the movement lower in the mirror and saw that male part of him, large and stiff sliding between her thighs nudging her legs further apart. Alice couldn’t have closed her eyes if she had wanted to. It was as thought she was hypnotized by the sight of what was about to happen. The tip of his shaft probed against the damp lips of her own sex for a moment and then paused just barely inside her. Benton’s right hand, fingers still wet from their exploration, grasped her hip hard enough that tears began to fall from her eyes again.

“Tell me, Alice. Tell me now if you truly want this.”

The hand around her throat loosed enough that she was able to draw a single deep breath. As she exhaled she spoke a single hoarse word:

“Yes….”

Benton’s expression was one of triumph as she spoke. The hand gripping her hip yanked her backward sharply and Alice screamed in pain, shock and surprise as he tore through the barrier that had marked her as a virgin and buried himself completely inside her. They remained that way for a long moment as her voice trailed off to a whimper. Before the throbbing pain inside her eased she felt him slide out almost completely and then thrust back quickly to fill her once more.

Alice cried out, the pain and unexpected pleasure of the movement making her hands clench, nails scraping along the wall. She could smell the sharp metallic scent of blood and when her eyes darted downward again she saw that her inner thighs were indeed growing red, yet she couldn’t imagine asking him to stop. Not now…

As his movements gained a rhythm she moved her own hips to match his thrusts. Alice realized with a start that his hand had released her neck and he was now gripping her hips, guiding her as he quickened his pace. The familiar pressure began to build, so much more intense this time as she was not the one in control of it, and she cried out again with the intensity of the feeling as it broke over her. Feeling those muscles surrounding that part of him clench over and over, Alice heard Benton gasp her name before his own release. Somehow she could feel him inside her, convulsing and he thrust himself fully inside her one last time, holding her there.

Suddenly feeling so very exhausted, Alice slumped forward, closing her eyes and letting her forehead rest against the cool surface of the mirror. She heard a voice, familiar and half-imagined, whisper her name. With her eyes closed she never saw the reflection of Benton, leaning over her, ripple and shift to that of a much taller man, a deep scar running down his left cheek, underneath the black eye patch that covered the worst of the damage. She didn’t see him lean forward, speaking to a translucent reflection of a third person, one with a tortured expression, top hat askew and hands planted against the other side of the looking glass.

Alice, lost in the waves of pleasure that still racked her form, never heard the words that were spoken to that third reflection.

“She’s mine, Hatter. Willingly and completely,” Stayne whispered, sneering at the reflection that screamed in silence on the other side.