My Hero - My Son
Im not typing this for suport or for sympathy or any of that shit...I just got some things that i need to type out.
I just cant seem to get over my family's death. Especially my son. I hate fuckin hurting so damn bad. I cant fuckin take it anymore. I mean after everyone is in bed and Im up doin nothing all I can do is think and thinking is really bad for me. I miss him so much. I mean it hurts so fuckin bad that everytime I think of him I want to puke b/c my nerves just cant handle it. THIS IS SO FUCKED UP!!!
WHY?? WHY THE FUCK COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN ME?? I WANT HIM BACK SO BAD....I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!! GOD WHY HIM?? WHY ME?? WHY NOW???
WHY WHY WHY???
Its not fair. Its so not fair....I WISH I HAD ALL THE ANSWERS!
I just wanna go back in time and fix him. I want to make him better....god i wish i had a fuckin miracle in my pocket. All I want to do is take away all this pain. I miss him so much....i miss crystal...i miss my aunt. Why not me?? WHY THE FUCK COULDNT IT BE ME???
Lizz I need u to change my background....I dont care what it is...I just cant see him anymore it hurts too bad....just email me the pic we made so I can have it in case I cant deal with not having him on my computer.
I shit u not...everytime I get on the road I just wanna jerk the wheel into a fuckin tree, a semi, a fuckin ditch I DONT CARE WHAT IT IS I just wanna fuckin hit something...I wont b/c they wouldnt want that but thats how i fuckin feel everyday.
Im trying, I really am but its so hard. I cant deal with all this pain. I cant be without them. I cant hurt like this. I cant keep living when the whole reason I was alive was for my son, and now hes gone.
FUCK!
I just cant seem to get over my family's death. Especially my son. I hate fuckin hurting so damn bad. I cant fuckin take it anymore. I mean after everyone is in bed and Im up doin nothing all I can do is think and thinking is really bad for me. I miss him so much. I mean it hurts so fuckin bad that everytime I think of him I want to puke b/c my nerves just cant handle it. THIS IS SO FUCKED UP!!!
WHY?? WHY THE FUCK COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN ME?? I WANT HIM BACK SO BAD....I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!! GOD WHY HIM?? WHY ME?? WHY NOW???
WHY WHY WHY???
Its not fair. Its so not fair....I WISH I HAD ALL THE ANSWERS!
I just wanna go back in time and fix him. I want to make him better....god i wish i had a fuckin miracle in my pocket. All I want to do is take away all this pain. I miss him so much....i miss crystal...i miss my aunt. Why not me?? WHY THE FUCK COULDNT IT BE ME???
Lizz I need u to change my background....I dont care what it is...I just cant see him anymore it hurts too bad....just email me the pic we made so I can have it in case I cant deal with not having him on my computer.
I shit u not...everytime I get on the road I just wanna jerk the wheel into a fuckin tree, a semi, a fuckin ditch I DONT CARE WHAT IT IS I just wanna fuckin hit something...I wont b/c they wouldnt want that but thats how i fuckin feel everyday.
Im trying, I really am but its so hard. I cant deal with all this pain. I cant be without them. I cant hurt like this. I cant keep living when the whole reason I was alive was for my son, and now hes gone.
FUCK!