yesterday....
well. i am sick, yee haw.
we went and looked at some houses. one i really like. then we came home and tried to figure out budget; bob has to work saturdays for us to swing it right now. he is not real into that idea, even tho before he told me he would work 5 jobs, just so we could get out of this trailer.
the ceiling started leaking yesterday. this place sucks so bad. and it's not like you can tar a roof in fucking winter...what to do, what to do...
so basically, i ate 600 cals, and drank like 660 cals, and got a little drunk, fought with hubby about finances. he thinks i should go to work full time, and i MADE him figure out that doesn't work right now.
with two kids that aren't in school, what we would pay for childcare would cancel out any money i could make.
so after fighting, and him being basically a dick, and the thought of having to stay in this shit hole for the rest of my life, i took my pocket knife out of my purse and cut. just a little. and i left it on the vanity on purpose.
so he found it, and woke me up and asked if i cut, and i told him no. just 2 little cuts, on my arm. i thought of suicide for a second, but that was just dumb. i can't leave my kids.
on the up side, bob tried to make me eat, and i begged off, saying i was sick. which i am, but, you know...he made ribs, and gave me a bite. i chewed it, and when he wasn't looking, spit it into my hand and gave it to the dog.
i hate feeling so big. i guess i shouldn't have weighed in yesterday. but damn.
we went and looked at some houses. one i really like. then we came home and tried to figure out budget; bob has to work saturdays for us to swing it right now. he is not real into that idea, even tho before he told me he would work 5 jobs, just so we could get out of this trailer.
the ceiling started leaking yesterday. this place sucks so bad. and it's not like you can tar a roof in fucking winter...what to do, what to do...
so basically, i ate 600 cals, and drank like 660 cals, and got a little drunk, fought with hubby about finances. he thinks i should go to work full time, and i MADE him figure out that doesn't work right now.
with two kids that aren't in school, what we would pay for childcare would cancel out any money i could make.
so after fighting, and him being basically a dick, and the thought of having to stay in this shit hole for the rest of my life, i took my pocket knife out of my purse and cut. just a little. and i left it on the vanity on purpose.
so he found it, and woke me up and asked if i cut, and i told him no. just 2 little cuts, on my arm. i thought of suicide for a second, but that was just dumb. i can't leave my kids.
on the up side, bob tried to make me eat, and i begged off, saying i was sick. which i am, but, you know...he made ribs, and gave me a bite. i chewed it, and when he wasn't looking, spit it into my hand and gave it to the dog.
i hate feeling so big. i guess i shouldn't have weighed in yesterday. but damn.