Damn this darkness and damn the night that brings it
It's the end of the day, well, by now it's almost morning again but what the hell. I feel shitty. For the last couple of days I have it again.. The feeling of unfinished business when nightfall comes. The feeling that I want to accomplisch an unknown task or have a really meaningful conversation with someone, a conversation that goes beyond saying "hi" and "bye". Everytime it gets dark and it's the end of the evening, around 12 o'clock I notice depressive thoughts coming on again. When people leave my surroundings, go offline to go to bed and do the sensible thing. That is when I start to feel alone. Alone in a world that doesn't really care about me and sometimes doesn't even notice me at all. It has been proven so many times to me that I'm invisible to a lot of people. I need to actively participate in stuff to be noticed. I need to be with someone to be invited somewhere. It's weird really, am I that much of a bore?
Now I know that what I say should be nuanced, if that is even an english word. I know that not all of what I say is as bad as it seems. But it does feel that bad. I feel a bit lost in a sea of doubts and I don't quite know where dry land is...
Now I know that what I say should be nuanced, if that is even an english word. I know that not all of what I say is as bad as it seems. But it does feel that bad. I feel a bit lost in a sea of doubts and I don't quite know where dry land is...