tears
so i'm concerned.
i have so much on my mind i can't really sift through any of it.
i've been doing research for law schools and continuing on with the plans as i've had them. all of a sudden, my car ride home today with my dad threw me off in so many ways. what are these plans? what am i really going to do? where am i going with these plans? what am i going to do? how am i going to make any money? how am i ever going to build just a basic financial basis so that i can be just ok, if not well?
as my dad said, i get excellent grades... but what will i have to show for it? i have already been thinking about this. i joke around about it all the time, but what do i do with this supposed intelligence i have? i'm pretty useless in real life, common sense, logical situations. and anyway... what does intelligence get me in this "real world" where what i may have to offer or bring to the table is not appreciated or well-paid for that matter? i know i'm ok with being broke, but am i really?
maybe i should start living like i am. broke.
i keep planning so much. i keep living as if my wallet had no end, when really it doesn't because it has an eternal hole. and that's where i reside.
why do i live as if the future isn't coming? when did i become a typical college student, stuck in the typical college student mentality? and even though i plan, when did i stop making realistic plans? why can't i think like an adult? why do i continue to believe and act as a child?
maybe because this breaks my heart. because having to climb out of my self-proclaimed bubble hurts even just thinking of it. i'm hungry for hugs and comforts and smiles and laughs and music and silly, blinded eyes. but what am i going to do when the loans start catching up and there's nothing to support me? this is not far-fetched. it's around the corner.
what can i do? what do i have that i can use to be productive in the money-making sense? what skills do i have? what would i be ok doing so that i can have a monetary basis? i have to do something.
meanwhile, you're all gone. and i have to grow up. what if i never signed up for this? why do i have to do it?
i have to create my own security. chocolate won't solve the problem. i have to create my own life. i have to do it. i have to create my own security. i have to create my life
:sighs:
no me dejes...
if you're going to leave comments on this entry, please don't joke around about it. just don't say anything at all...
i have so much on my mind i can't really sift through any of it.
i've been doing research for law schools and continuing on with the plans as i've had them. all of a sudden, my car ride home today with my dad threw me off in so many ways. what are these plans? what am i really going to do? where am i going with these plans? what am i going to do? how am i going to make any money? how am i ever going to build just a basic financial basis so that i can be just ok, if not well?
as my dad said, i get excellent grades... but what will i have to show for it? i have already been thinking about this. i joke around about it all the time, but what do i do with this supposed intelligence i have? i'm pretty useless in real life, common sense, logical situations. and anyway... what does intelligence get me in this "real world" where what i may have to offer or bring to the table is not appreciated or well-paid for that matter? i know i'm ok with being broke, but am i really?
maybe i should start living like i am. broke.
i keep planning so much. i keep living as if my wallet had no end, when really it doesn't because it has an eternal hole. and that's where i reside.
why do i live as if the future isn't coming? when did i become a typical college student, stuck in the typical college student mentality? and even though i plan, when did i stop making realistic plans? why can't i think like an adult? why do i continue to believe and act as a child?
maybe because this breaks my heart. because having to climb out of my self-proclaimed bubble hurts even just thinking of it. i'm hungry for hugs and comforts and smiles and laughs and music and silly, blinded eyes. but what am i going to do when the loans start catching up and there's nothing to support me? this is not far-fetched. it's around the corner.
what can i do? what do i have that i can use to be productive in the money-making sense? what skills do i have? what would i be ok doing so that i can have a monetary basis? i have to do something.
meanwhile, you're all gone. and i have to grow up. what if i never signed up for this? why do i have to do it?
i have to create my own security. chocolate won't solve the problem. i have to create my own life. i have to do it. i have to create my own security. i have to create my life
:sighs:
no me dejes...
if you're going to leave comments on this entry, please don't joke around about it. just don't say anything at all...