note to self
"if you knew I was dying would it change you?"
Everyone has problems. I completely and fully understand that; it's hard not to. I feel like a waste of space and oxygen and every other molecular gaseous compound I ingest through my nostrils on a daily basis. I feel like.. perhaps my mind is withering away and there will be nothing left soon enough, and with that, that there will be nothing to revive it.
That is the one thing, as much as I despise dealing with it, that I think I could not deal without having. As much as I'd like to change myself, I think.. I think it does me some good. My odd brainwaves that sometimes cause me a tremendous deal of pain, also lead me to see what's real as real. I don't fantasize like the rest of the world. I hope that my grasp on reality doesn't falter, I don't want to be caught up like the rest in a pursuit of.. constant trivialities. I have realistic dreams.
I want a family one day. I want to have felt like I've accomplished something, given something to the world. Something worthy of recognition perhaps, not necessarily by the population but, by someone; anyone.
I feel guilty because I feel like a waste,
nothing but a waste.
Everyone has problems. I completely and fully understand that; it's hard not to. I feel like a waste of space and oxygen and every other molecular gaseous compound I ingest through my nostrils on a daily basis. I feel like.. perhaps my mind is withering away and there will be nothing left soon enough, and with that, that there will be nothing to revive it.
That is the one thing, as much as I despise dealing with it, that I think I could not deal without having. As much as I'd like to change myself, I think.. I think it does me some good. My odd brainwaves that sometimes cause me a tremendous deal of pain, also lead me to see what's real as real. I don't fantasize like the rest of the world. I hope that my grasp on reality doesn't falter, I don't want to be caught up like the rest in a pursuit of.. constant trivialities. I have realistic dreams.
I want a family one day. I want to have felt like I've accomplished something, given something to the world. Something worthy of recognition perhaps, not necessarily by the population but, by someone; anyone.
I feel guilty because I feel like a waste,
nothing but a waste.