(no subject)
Title: Su Maldito Veneno
Chapter:4
Pairings: KaixUruha,KaixReita,UruhaxRuki,AoixReita,ReitaxRuki(Mention)
Genre: Drama, Romance,angst.
Rating: R,Nc-17
Warnings: Rape, Attempt of Suicide, Vulgarity, Drug usage, Violence and death.Synopsis: Where does some one draw the line, when and why does someone choose to cross it. A Story about, love, sex and betrayel which tangles everyone up in a web of lies, hopes, shatttered dream and Hearts. This is Done with Love.
Comments:
Chapter 4: Lo Siento....
Aoi POV
After my pathetic attempt at suicide, Ruki took me to his place. It seemed to me as if he had forgiven me, but I quickly dismissed that option when I saw how he looked at me. His eyes burning marks on to my skin, marks that yelled out my truths. Yes, I was disgusting, I was a whore, a deviant that had no respect for his friends therefore I didn't deserve anyone friends nor pity. As I sat down on his couch and whipped away my tears, Ruki headed to the bathroom. I could hear the water running while I let my eyes wonder around the room, memorizing and analyzing every little detail. My nausea had subsided, but the horrible feeling stayed buried deep inside me. It was guilt, that was digging at me and as much as I tried to claw at it I could not pull it out.
By the looks of the tissues surrounding the couch and covering the coffee table, I can that Ruki too is clawing at himself. I have never seen his apartment in this kind of state, it was a mess. Tissue everywhere, dishes pilled and thrown through the room, clothes on the floor, the phone off the hook and something that hurt me the most. A picture of all of us, on the floor shattered with 2 of our faces cut out. It was obvious that I...was truly hated. That fact dawning on me, was the final blow and I broke down into a pool of Sobs.
~*******~ Earlier that day.
Ruki Pov
I hate them!! I hate them both!! I remember chanting that as I made my way into my apartment. All I wanted was to have a chance to explain to Uruha what had happened, that all I needed. My mind pondered around, as I opened my apartment door. It was eerily quiet, and my heart was jumping as I notice that Uruha's shoes in the door way. He was home, and this was maybe the only chance I was going to have to talk to him alone.
I froze for a moment when I walked into our bed room and I saw him packing. I didn't understand why he was doing this or why he was acting this way. I made a mistake, I'm human.....aren't I entitled to make one? I try to speak but my words dry up in my throat. Slowly, I walk towards him and extend out my hand. My hands tremble, as I get closer to touching his broad shoulder.
"Don't." I jump back, from his cold tone and look at him. "Ur-Kouyo." I whisper and he looks up at the ceiling, his back still facing me while I bit down on my chapped lips. "Where.....where are you going?" I asked, while he continued to shove more clothes, furiously into his bag. I wanted to know where he was going, but I was scared of the answer. "I can't live here anymore." He plainly stated and I let a small gasp escape from my lips. "Why? Why are you doing this?" My tone had risen from a simple whisper to a shout, "I told you, I just can't do this anymore. Not after what you did!" I felt his words stave like a knife, "I said I was sorry! Kouyo, let me explain!!!" Shouts turned to pleas, which soon turned to cries. "What is there to explain!? Taka, you cheated on me! But what was worse is that you lied to me! You didn't trust me enough to come and tell me what happened! How do you think that makes me feel!?"
My tears quickly running down my cheeks, while my body trembles furiously with fear and anger. "You have no idea how hard it is!! What did you want me to fucking say!? Huh!? Did you want me to come home and say, 'Hey, baby how was your day?! Mine was great, I got shit faced drunk and fucked your best friend!?' " He turned and glared at me, "No! I prefer it never happen, but it did. Taka, things wouldn't have been this bad if you would had just fucking told me!! Look, at how things turned out! Yutaka is in the fucking hospital for fucks sake!"
"Don't you think I know that!? Don't you think, I regret everything! I didn't want this....Kouyo, I didn't want any of this.....you just don't understand."
"Taka, I'm sorry. But I can't continue to stay here.....I need time."
"Time? Time to what? We need to talk, Kou!"
"Not now! I need time to think....I've got a lot of things on my mind. I can't juggle them all right now!"
"Well how long do you need? Huh? A week, a month a whole fucking year!? When!? When the fuck am I going to become your number one priority!? I am your lover Kouyou, not just anyone!"
"You're wrong Taka, you were my number one, I always put you before anything. I even stopped drinking for you....but you. You don't trust me enough. You aren't my lover anymore."
"What?"
"Taka.....It's truly over...."
"Kouyo! You can't mean it! I-I j-just need to explain to you what happened that night an-and, you will understand!!"
"I'm sorry....but I've got to go....Kai needs me."
"Kai?"
"He's sicker, than we thought......he's going to need me, since he doesn't have anyone else."
You zipped up your bag, pulled it over your shoulder and quickly brushed me off. I stood like a statute as you disappeared out my door and out of what seemed to be my life. My legs, gave out and crumbled down the floor, crying hysterically for you to come back. I doubt you heard my cries, because you never came back. Not even by mistake, and that just broke me even more. My chest and body soon ached from the amount of fluid that was escaping my eyes. As the time passed slowly, my tears came to dry and my body started to tremble furiously.
I struggle to pick myself up from that single spot where I had laid it seemed like minutes but the dark sky said otherwise. without much of attempt I walked into my bathroom, turning on my shower and slumping in. The water washed over my designer clothes, my jewelry as I cradle my knees to my chest and continued my sobs. "I'm so sorry.....Kouyo." I chanted over and over, but no matter how much I cried and proclaimed that I was indeed sorry. Kouyo never came back.
I finally got enough strength to get up and dry myself. The water I had laid in had gone cold hours ago, but my body easily discovered comfort in it. My house was more than a little dirty, but it didn't look dirty enough. I had put on one of Kouyo's shirts, the only I had left of him and continued to cry. All my worries, and pleads rushing thru my mind asking questions that no one would answer. My sorrow soon became fury and I found myself destroying what was left of my home.
I despised it, I despised myself. If my heart was broken, then my home should be broken, I thought as I dragged my crystal flower pot. It was a present from Kouyo, that I had more than cherished, but I smashed it into the ground. The shards of glass, flew up cutting everything in their path as the water and beads ran at my feet. A trickle of blood leaking down my newly wounded cheek felt like nothing, the water and beads rolled deeper. From the hard wooden floors to my once white carpet, where my beautiful white sofa was. All the pure white sicken me, moving me with it's clean holiness that drove me insane. I shuffle back, towards my kitchen as the water chases after me.
I staved it once, twice, three then so many times I lost count. Cotton and Feathers filled my living room as I yelled a battle cry towards my couch. I plunged the knife so deep, hopping that it would stop it's laughter at me. After my erratic breathing stopped, I slumped down with the knife sticking from my hand. I looked and my home was truly broken, I could hear the shower still running while the cotton and feathers all settled around me. The numbness soon took over while I laid and stared at the picture frame on the floor.
It was taken when we were still truly happy, happiness that had been taken from. What did I have now? If I didn't have Kouyo?
I grabbed the frame flinging it to the wall, shards flying all around and stomped off to my bedroom. I just wanted it all to go away. I need it all to go away. Even if it meant lying to myself.......
***********
I had spent the whole night crying and I couldn't take it....I wanted it all to stop but It wouldn't. None of the tears listen to me, they just ran wild.
Ache claiming my whole body as I opened my bedroom cabinet, it had been a long time since I did this. So long, since I had promised myself and Kouyo that I would stop. But what was the point of keeping that now?
The rattling in the containers was all too familiar.....i had hid these very well, I never thought that I would need to use these again but I guess I was wrong.
I looked at the bottle; they were prescribed especially for me. Diet Pills....
I opened the container popping one out, at my palm....while I stared at it I remembered everything that had happened before. The depression.....attempts of suicide....the vomiting.....the insomnia....the hallucinations....all of it.
Were a few moments of happiness worth all that pain?
Is it?
*******************
I walked through the streets, watching lights flash by. I had a one of my favorite coats on as I made myself to the train station, in my condition I didn't feel that I should drive. While purchasing my ticket something or rather someone caught my eye. Aoi was stumbling down the stairs, drunk as shit. Fearing that he would fall I started to chase after him, but there was a crowd blocking my path. I tried calling out but he couldn't hear me, I got angrier. I wanted to stop him and give him a huge piece of my mind but this damn crowd was preventing me from doing so. I started to push my way through mumbling curses and ‘excuse me’s’ but I was still far away.
As I cleared the final blockade of people, I stumbled on my feet. I looked up, seeing the tears steadily streaming down his cheek, as the wind claimed his ticket and he stepped off the edge. I felt my heart drop down into my stomach, my eyes widened and I sprinted towards his falling form.
A/N: I'm glad that I can upload this fast enought that I post 2 chapters in one day. I hope all like it, and won't kill for what I"m doing to our beloved Aoi and The GazettE. Comments are love!! Bye!
Chapter:4
Pairings: KaixUruha,KaixReita,UruhaxRuki,AoixReita,ReitaxRuki(Mention)
Genre: Drama, Romance,angst.
Rating: R,Nc-17
Warnings: Rape, Attempt of Suicide, Vulgarity, Drug usage, Violence and death.Synopsis: Where does some one draw the line, when and why does someone choose to cross it. A Story about, love, sex and betrayel which tangles everyone up in a web of lies, hopes, shatttered dream and Hearts. This is Done with Love.
Comments:
Chapter 4: Lo Siento....
Aoi POV
After my pathetic attempt at suicide, Ruki took me to his place. It seemed to me as if he had forgiven me, but I quickly dismissed that option when I saw how he looked at me. His eyes burning marks on to my skin, marks that yelled out my truths. Yes, I was disgusting, I was a whore, a deviant that had no respect for his friends therefore I didn't deserve anyone friends nor pity. As I sat down on his couch and whipped away my tears, Ruki headed to the bathroom. I could hear the water running while I let my eyes wonder around the room, memorizing and analyzing every little detail. My nausea had subsided, but the horrible feeling stayed buried deep inside me. It was guilt, that was digging at me and as much as I tried to claw at it I could not pull it out.
By the looks of the tissues surrounding the couch and covering the coffee table, I can that Ruki too is clawing at himself. I have never seen his apartment in this kind of state, it was a mess. Tissue everywhere, dishes pilled and thrown through the room, clothes on the floor, the phone off the hook and something that hurt me the most. A picture of all of us, on the floor shattered with 2 of our faces cut out. It was obvious that I...was truly hated. That fact dawning on me, was the final blow and I broke down into a pool of Sobs.
~*******~ Earlier that day.
Ruki Pov
I hate them!! I hate them both!! I remember chanting that as I made my way into my apartment. All I wanted was to have a chance to explain to Uruha what had happened, that all I needed. My mind pondered around, as I opened my apartment door. It was eerily quiet, and my heart was jumping as I notice that Uruha's shoes in the door way. He was home, and this was maybe the only chance I was going to have to talk to him alone.
I froze for a moment when I walked into our bed room and I saw him packing. I didn't understand why he was doing this or why he was acting this way. I made a mistake, I'm human.....aren't I entitled to make one? I try to speak but my words dry up in my throat. Slowly, I walk towards him and extend out my hand. My hands tremble, as I get closer to touching his broad shoulder.
"Don't." I jump back, from his cold tone and look at him. "Ur-Kouyo." I whisper and he looks up at the ceiling, his back still facing me while I bit down on my chapped lips. "Where.....where are you going?" I asked, while he continued to shove more clothes, furiously into his bag. I wanted to know where he was going, but I was scared of the answer. "I can't live here anymore." He plainly stated and I let a small gasp escape from my lips. "Why? Why are you doing this?" My tone had risen from a simple whisper to a shout, "I told you, I just can't do this anymore. Not after what you did!" I felt his words stave like a knife, "I said I was sorry! Kouyo, let me explain!!!" Shouts turned to pleas, which soon turned to cries. "What is there to explain!? Taka, you cheated on me! But what was worse is that you lied to me! You didn't trust me enough to come and tell me what happened! How do you think that makes me feel!?"
My tears quickly running down my cheeks, while my body trembles furiously with fear and anger. "You have no idea how hard it is!! What did you want me to fucking say!? Huh!? Did you want me to come home and say, 'Hey, baby how was your day?! Mine was great, I got shit faced drunk and fucked your best friend!?' " He turned and glared at me, "No! I prefer it never happen, but it did. Taka, things wouldn't have been this bad if you would had just fucking told me!! Look, at how things turned out! Yutaka is in the fucking hospital for fucks sake!"
"Don't you think I know that!? Don't you think, I regret everything! I didn't want this....Kouyo, I didn't want any of this.....you just don't understand."
"Taka, I'm sorry. But I can't continue to stay here.....I need time."
"Time? Time to what? We need to talk, Kou!"
"Not now! I need time to think....I've got a lot of things on my mind. I can't juggle them all right now!"
"Well how long do you need? Huh? A week, a month a whole fucking year!? When!? When the fuck am I going to become your number one priority!? I am your lover Kouyou, not just anyone!"
"You're wrong Taka, you were my number one, I always put you before anything. I even stopped drinking for you....but you. You don't trust me enough. You aren't my lover anymore."
"What?"
"Taka.....It's truly over...."
"Kouyo! You can't mean it! I-I j-just need to explain to you what happened that night an-and, you will understand!!"
"I'm sorry....but I've got to go....Kai needs me."
"Kai?"
"He's sicker, than we thought......he's going to need me, since he doesn't have anyone else."
You zipped up your bag, pulled it over your shoulder and quickly brushed me off. I stood like a statute as you disappeared out my door and out of what seemed to be my life. My legs, gave out and crumbled down the floor, crying hysterically for you to come back. I doubt you heard my cries, because you never came back. Not even by mistake, and that just broke me even more. My chest and body soon ached from the amount of fluid that was escaping my eyes. As the time passed slowly, my tears came to dry and my body started to tremble furiously.
I struggle to pick myself up from that single spot where I had laid it seemed like minutes but the dark sky said otherwise. without much of attempt I walked into my bathroom, turning on my shower and slumping in. The water washed over my designer clothes, my jewelry as I cradle my knees to my chest and continued my sobs. "I'm so sorry.....Kouyo." I chanted over and over, but no matter how much I cried and proclaimed that I was indeed sorry. Kouyo never came back.
I finally got enough strength to get up and dry myself. The water I had laid in had gone cold hours ago, but my body easily discovered comfort in it. My house was more than a little dirty, but it didn't look dirty enough. I had put on one of Kouyo's shirts, the only I had left of him and continued to cry. All my worries, and pleads rushing thru my mind asking questions that no one would answer. My sorrow soon became fury and I found myself destroying what was left of my home.
I despised it, I despised myself. If my heart was broken, then my home should be broken, I thought as I dragged my crystal flower pot. It was a present from Kouyo, that I had more than cherished, but I smashed it into the ground. The shards of glass, flew up cutting everything in their path as the water and beads ran at my feet. A trickle of blood leaking down my newly wounded cheek felt like nothing, the water and beads rolled deeper. From the hard wooden floors to my once white carpet, where my beautiful white sofa was. All the pure white sicken me, moving me with it's clean holiness that drove me insane. I shuffle back, towards my kitchen as the water chases after me.
I staved it once, twice, three then so many times I lost count. Cotton and Feathers filled my living room as I yelled a battle cry towards my couch. I plunged the knife so deep, hopping that it would stop it's laughter at me. After my erratic breathing stopped, I slumped down with the knife sticking from my hand. I looked and my home was truly broken, I could hear the shower still running while the cotton and feathers all settled around me. The numbness soon took over while I laid and stared at the picture frame on the floor.
It was taken when we were still truly happy, happiness that had been taken from. What did I have now? If I didn't have Kouyo?
I grabbed the frame flinging it to the wall, shards flying all around and stomped off to my bedroom. I just wanted it all to go away. I need it all to go away. Even if it meant lying to myself.......
***********
I had spent the whole night crying and I couldn't take it....I wanted it all to stop but It wouldn't. None of the tears listen to me, they just ran wild.
Ache claiming my whole body as I opened my bedroom cabinet, it had been a long time since I did this. So long, since I had promised myself and Kouyo that I would stop. But what was the point of keeping that now?
The rattling in the containers was all too familiar.....i had hid these very well, I never thought that I would need to use these again but I guess I was wrong.
I looked at the bottle; they were prescribed especially for me. Diet Pills....
I opened the container popping one out, at my palm....while I stared at it I remembered everything that had happened before. The depression.....attempts of suicide....the vomiting.....the insomnia....the hallucinations....all of it.
Were a few moments of happiness worth all that pain?
Is it?
*******************
I walked through the streets, watching lights flash by. I had a one of my favorite coats on as I made myself to the train station, in my condition I didn't feel that I should drive. While purchasing my ticket something or rather someone caught my eye. Aoi was stumbling down the stairs, drunk as shit. Fearing that he would fall I started to chase after him, but there was a crowd blocking my path. I tried calling out but he couldn't hear me, I got angrier. I wanted to stop him and give him a huge piece of my mind but this damn crowd was preventing me from doing so. I started to push my way through mumbling curses and ‘excuse me’s’ but I was still far away.
As I cleared the final blockade of people, I stumbled on my feet. I looked up, seeing the tears steadily streaming down his cheek, as the wind claimed his ticket and he stepped off the edge. I felt my heart drop down into my stomach, my eyes widened and I sprinted towards his falling form.
A/N: I'm glad that I can upload this fast enought that I post 2 chapters in one day. I hope all like it, and won't kill for what I"m doing to our beloved Aoi and The GazettE. Comments are love!! Bye!