I miss you
I miss our stupid conversations in your car, which would leave us wondering if it will ever end, which no one else would understand -- because in such a familiar city like Jogja for us, we needed something not everyone could know.
I miss those mayonnaise prawns or sauteed water spinach we used to share, well not that 50-50 share because you would always tell me to eat more and I would always see you eat less. Well in the end we'd always split the bill into two so I didn't really have any complaints.
I miss lying on your bedroom floor, watching videos and movie clips, watching you play those games I would never be interested in, sometimes just watching that white clock ticking -- watching nights turned into mornings and into nights again.
I miss those sleepless nights when we'd fangirl and stare in awe at or favorite musicians -- the nonchalant guitarist (me) and the anxious drummer (you), when we'd try to sleep and fail every time, when we'd blame it to a certain noseless bassist, when we'd laugh our hearts out.
I miss waiting for you beside my window after you gave me a rushed call of "I'm coming in 15 minutes. Get ready." and then finding you knock on my door almost an hour later.
I miss those nights when I'd lose myself in the middle of people I didn't know, our favorite band in front of my eyes, but not yours -- you were 8 hours away by airplane, and how I wished you had been there with me to share every single drop of sweats and screams and tears and pure bliss.
I miss riding on the back of your motorcycles, trying to beat Jogja's traffic in the morning after sleepless nights packed with school assignments, dark circles under our eyes -- well, yours were darker than mine most of the time and we'd always joke about it.
I miss acting snobby in front of you, those times when I'd speak English and you'd tell me how satisfied you were of your take-home exams in return, when we'd spend our times studying more afterwards because we just didn't want to lose - in English (you) and in Economics (me).
I miss taking you to that local pancake place, where you'd take off your stress and I'd sit, sipping my lemon tea, and watch, where we'd always struggle to finish both of our orders afterwards because neither of us had that big sweet tooth anyway.
I miss going home with you on the same motorcycles, when the sun's down, where we'd stay silent first because we both were exhausted after a long day at school, when I'd fall asleep on your back eventually, and you'd struggle to keep me amused and awake -- and not fall off the saddle.
I miss jogging past your home in early weekend mornings and sometimes in lonely weekends nights, and finding you behind those green -- sometimes flowery, sometimes not -- curtains, shouting "Come on in!" with a knowing look.
I miss knocking on your door in the middle of the night, when I'd ask for a bit of sugar or an egg or sometimes shampoo, when you'd ask why I hadn't slept, and I'd chuckle and answer with the same reason every time -- "I feel restless."
I miss riding on our bicycles every frantic morning, trying to catch our breaths -- invisible in summer but white and pretty in winter and sometimes in early spring. Every second is high-priced in Tokyo and we didn't want to waste every single drop of anything -- even if it means we had to force our ways in the crammed morning trains, our lunchboxes in one hand, language books in the other.
I miss cooking for our small potluck dinners, when you'd cook rice and I'd try new recipes and you'd always say it tasted good -- sometimes it's the other way around, when we'd sit afterwards and open each of our souls for each other to see, to touch.
I miss finding ourselves in the middle of scary-looking streets in Shibuya, where everything and everyone were just flashing, hurrying up, running. And I'd try to find and grab your hands because I didn't want to get lost. And we'd laugh while trying to beat the red lights at the busiest crosswalk we'd ever seen in our lives.
I miss lying on the grass in front of the campus library -- trying to catch some sleep (me) or finish some readings for the next class (you), where we'd find comfort despite of noisy chats in Japanese we couldn't even understand and ravens flying above our heads.
I just miss those nights when we didn't know what to do other than just hold on to each other, when our pockets were empty, our minds scattered, the scene we used to see outside the window everyday suddenly turned so foreign. Then we'd whisper -- mainly for ourselves, "We'll be okay."
I miss you.
I miss us.