Stupid? Desperate? Possibly
Laughs. Feels like Ive lost my mind 3 times in the last week. Too much drama in rapid succestion... that i made the choice to be involved in. Too strong of emotions dredged up, but i let them out. Snicker, my heart mind body soul and physche feel raw. Strange, i usually would feel numb. And kinda feelin like im bipolar. Up and down, just fine happy or sad, i never know how im going to feel these last few days. And it changes in the blink of an eye. A fear.... or i should say The Fear, what truly terrifies me, and hope seem to get all mixed up too. Sigh.
What i didnt say in the last post, jessica and robert broke up right before me and dani stopped dating. And jessica asked me out...... I said no, and told her not because i dont want to date her, but because she was not ready for a relationship so soon after this one. Fast forward a bit, and yes i Am skipping something, but i doubt i will ever share what im skipping, sorry. She was here for little more than week for a sorta vacation and to get things taken care of here. Shes living in austin with her sister for a month or 2 till she moves back. Anyhow nothing too serious happened between us, lots of flirting and towards the end some making out. But... i find myself to involved for where we are, not even dating and maybe we never will. Lol guess im trying to say im finding myself vunerable, and thou it could be good, it could also be very bad. That, and that its jessica, well yea there could all Kinds of fallout from that..... am i taking chance for the right reasons? or am i just throwing myself in the line of fire? not saying that what i feel isnt real, but more asking am i risking so much because it could be worth it, or do you think im just being severly masochistic in this? Right now i dont know......
Side note- involves what i wont talk about, but as a result of it i cried for the first time in almost 4 yrs, of course i immediatly laughed my ass off becuase i was crying. dont know what to make of that.
anyhow comments are welcome that arent hateful.
What i didnt say in the last post, jessica and robert broke up right before me and dani stopped dating. And jessica asked me out...... I said no, and told her not because i dont want to date her, but because she was not ready for a relationship so soon after this one. Fast forward a bit, and yes i Am skipping something, but i doubt i will ever share what im skipping, sorry. She was here for little more than week for a sorta vacation and to get things taken care of here. Shes living in austin with her sister for a month or 2 till she moves back. Anyhow nothing too serious happened between us, lots of flirting and towards the end some making out. But... i find myself to involved for where we are, not even dating and maybe we never will. Lol guess im trying to say im finding myself vunerable, and thou it could be good, it could also be very bad. That, and that its jessica, well yea there could all Kinds of fallout from that..... am i taking chance for the right reasons? or am i just throwing myself in the line of fire? not saying that what i feel isnt real, but more asking am i risking so much because it could be worth it, or do you think im just being severly masochistic in this? Right now i dont know......
Side note- involves what i wont talk about, but as a result of it i cried for the first time in almost 4 yrs, of course i immediatly laughed my ass off becuase i was crying. dont know what to make of that.
anyhow comments are welcome that arent hateful.